@Bagpuss7 I'm waiting at the dentist & my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry you've been let down by these losers. We're all in this together. Thinking of you. Take care
Oh wow, well done you! What a confidence boosterWhen the gym is your whole personalityyou just know he’s one of those who checks himself into the gym everytime he goes on Facebook lol
That’s exactly it it’s so confusing! I have always said I’ll never approach first, mainly out of fear of rejection more than anything else. However yesterday I actually passed someone I’ve had my eye on a note with my Snapchat on it (only social media I have) and thought what the hell, and he’s actually added me and sent a nice messageobviously I’d wait for him to suggest anything but I feel quite liberated I was able to do that. Instead of listening to society ‘men do the hunting’ like you say! I struggle tho because I’m either super keen n giddy or not interested at all, no in between which I need to work on lol
same!! i have so many friends who are like “keep a few on the back burner, have a few in reserve” - girl i can’t find ONE let alone a bench full of substitutesI always get this ‘you need to date multiple people and keep your options open’ like hun I don’t even have one option never mind multiple ones
Yes please don't worry. I've had it since my late teens and it's taken many years to understand it. When I'm desperately unhappy I eat, I self medicate with food. I live with it daily but my relapses are not as frequent. Last bad one was during lockdown and being alone. But my coping mechanisms kick in and I'm very good at talking myself down from them now. And whilst I name the men so it's easier to talk about them here I mean no harm to them. Thank you all for your lovely messages it means a lot@Bagpuss7 i too have been thinking of you. I’m so sorry that you’re going through a very difficult time. Are you able to access support for your ED? Recognising that this have escalated is a huge testament to your strength. That is the first time to recovery. Please realise your worth. These men are the worthless ones and what I will say is if you look at what you name them none of them are flattering are they so it proves they’re not the right ones. Big loves xx
Oh definitely! It amazes me how little conscience so many of them have.@Bagpuss7 Of course we mean them no real harm but the odd fantasy of a lorryload of karma heading their way is ok to release a little hurt from us. In my opinion anyway. Especially in the early days.
Hi ladies, been reading along but not been in a good head space to offer any positives.
So both Mr 5'7 and 5'5 have gone. No messages/ apologies from either so reasons for their behaviour will remain a mystery until they reappear at some point in the future which ghosters have a tendency to do!
I made the stupid mistake of allowing an ex back into my life late last year. He has repeatedly hurt me over the years but I just don't seem to be able to ever say no to him. Soo long story short he's done what he always does and that's blocked and vanished from my life. No reason for it, conversation was as it always was , I went to text him goodnight and his profile pic was gone and I knew. On top of the 2 ghosters and still working through my bereavement it was all
honestly I’m going to stop going by the rules I think it’s partly because my ex used to say it, it’s an off put so I automatically assumed he was rightJust this morning I was scrolling through reddit and found a thread about how women who made the first move are all in happy relationships and how men viewed them. Every single man on that thread said he loved it when women made the first move. So, I definitely disagree with your statement. You cannot sit around and wait for a man to pick you. If you want to make something of your life, you need to take matters into your own hand. Sure men like a challenge, but being the one to make the first move has very little to do with that. I think the challenge generally lies in the period after that first contact, the "courting" period as my grandmother would say.Besides, if men really wanted to be the one to do the picking, would they use apps like Bumble as @Sandor mentioned?
I only use Bumble as well and not once has a man said to me that I was too forward by messaging them or asking them to grab a coffee. To be fair though, I'm in my mid twenties so it could also be a generational thing? Perhaps older generations prefer traditional roles, but from what I've experienced most millennials do not care much about traditional gender roles when dating.
Being sensitive is such a blessing and a curse! Yes it’s all about balance and I’m going to do it more often as oppose to the dating appsOh wow, well done you! What a confidence boosterI definitely have to tell myself off and get out of being in my own head so much. I like a man to initiate/pursue a bit in the initial dating, once we’ve got it going, but he needs it back too. It’s when it’s out of balance that there’s a problem.
@Bagpuss7 I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been through this. But I’m so pleased to hear how you’ve taken steps to put it right in your own mind. You’re a terrifically strong woman. You’ll be ok, and I’m sending you a a big hug. I know you’ll be ok.
Those two arseholes are exactly that, arseholes. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. We let it hit our esteem though, I know. It’s the worst part of the dating rollercoaster at times. You are a kind, thoughtful and sensitive person. When someone treats us sensitive folk in a way that we’d never dream of doing, we take it a little to heart. It’s hard for us not to. Deleting the apps for now is a good move. Never let them bring you down. It’s not worth it. You will be fine
As the saying goes ‘better the devil you know’ lol I totally get this and it’s so different getting advice of coupled up people!The sad truth is that women doing the chasing just does not work. Men will happily cosplay as a nice person for months on end until they get what they want to then drop you like a sack of shit, and you've no choice but to go along with it, keep your wits about you and pray. You haven't got a hope in hell if you pursue them.
I remember when I was dating I was in the talking stage with someone - super fit, funny and we had great chemistry. Thought I had really found a gem. Asks me on a date, I say yes and he says "btw, just so you know I have a girlfriend. But I don't think we'll be together much longer tbh"Sorry what? Obviously, into the bin he went. But you can imagine how disappointed and enraged I was with the dating game though.
A few months - and a few more ghostings and dating disasters for me - later he pops back up, saying he's single (but who knows tbh) asking me on another date. To be honest I was seriously considering it... Purely because by that point I had realised dating is the ninth circle of hell and I was absolutely done with it, and this was an opportunity to actually have some fun - get dressed up, have a few free drinks, flirt, and not worry about coming across too keen, becoming too invested or being lovebombed and manipulated. I could actually just relax and enjoy dating as it should be, there would be no games to suffer through because this guy was already written off in my eyes.
I remember asking all my friends what they thought I should do (wish I had Tattle/this thread at this point!) all the single/seasoned daters told me to go for it, as they understood what I meant by finally being able to enjoy myself as I didn't have to worry if this guy was a fuckboy, as I already knew he was. OF COURSE all my relationship friends told me he's a prick, I deserve better etc... Like yes I know, the point is they all pretend they're nice in the beginning and having to act like a robot trying not to get attached and protecting your feelings is so tiring and unnatural, and I just wanted to have fun for once.
In the end I didn't go ahead with it as I didn't want to reward his shitty behaviour, but it speaks for how horrific the whole dating process is that was easier to date someone I knew was a prick/didn't want a future with because at least he couldn't hurt me!
It wasn’t that much better then! Men still seemed to hold the upper hand- if you met someone on a night out and he asked for your number, you’d be sitting waiting all week!Honestly so true, I can get early 20s not wanting to settle down, (I settled down when I was 18 n had a child lol) we were too young and it didn’t work out. But I’d say late 20’s you’d start thinking about settling, children and building with someone. The men like you say don’t realise our chances of having a child decrease by the time their ready to settle.
I’m not put off by a man with a past as long as he is past that stage in his life But I think it becomes addictive for them the thrill n ego boost of diff girls. Towie etc does have a lot to answer for, that kind of attitude, reality tv take Stephen bear for example (his thread is hilarious) is this what their aspiring to now lol. Totally wrong era, imagine it back in the day no internet and actually having to pick the phone up and arrange an actual meaningful date lol. These men would be shakingno dick pics just straight courting lol
in what context do you mean?Hi, missed you gals!
Things have been quite good for me generally, however despite that I still find it difficult to deal with anxiety. It makes it a bit more frustrating because it shouldn't be there, things are alright. Can anyone share how you cope with it? I do my best but sometimes it's overwhelming!
Thanks for replyingin what context do you mean?
it’s lovely to see you back and i wish that i could offer some advice but given the frequency of my random crying bouts this week i don’t think i can help anyone with anxiety! i’m sorry that you’re struggling thoughx
Yeah I guess it’s easy to say oh back in the day it was better.. although atleast they didn’t have a back burner of options one on fb one on snap one on insta and dating apps on topIt wasn’t that much better then! Men still seemed to hold the upper hand- if you met someone on a night out and he asked for your number, you’d be sitting waiting all week!
How do you feel about him? If I recall correctly neither of you acknowledged valentines and you posted a few weeks ago that you were on dating apps. Putting your doubts over his commitment aside, are you truly into him and feel that he is right for you?So I’m still dating the same guy that I’ve been seeing since the end of last year and we’re official now I guess but I still have a weird feeling. Like he isn’t as into me as I am him, and at any second he could just change his mind. I’ve never had this feeling in relationships before, but this is really bugging me. I also generally have a good gut instinct but nothing concrete to base it on.
Feel free to ignore but A few tips I learnt from counselling which helped me soo much to process my anxiety:Thanks for replyingIt's like a general feeling of anxiety that's become so everyday that I'm used to it and am able to enjoy many things nonetheless. Today I just felt a bit more down, like a hamster on a wheel trying to find things that I enjoy and stop worrying.
Everyone has those moments so I just wondered how you go about it for some inspiration.
Embarrassingly I haven't managed to catch up on the thread, what's been on your mind? Hope things are well
i have to second this pixi - have your feelings about this guy improved at all? what is it about him that’s still giving you a weird feeling - even though it’s been a few months now and you’re confirmed as “official”. i seem to recall you worrying about him being more intelligent etc, is this still the case? i would have to ask if you feel he’s right for you if these feelings are still persisting, it’s not going to be good in the long run if you continue to think that he isn’t that into you without solid evidence.How do you feel about him? If I recall correctly neither of you acknowledged valentines and you posted a few weeks ago that you were on dating apps. Putting your doubts over his commitment aside, are you truly into him and feel that he is right for you?
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