Dating after lockdown #15 new year, new dates

[Belle123]

@it’s not been changed?! Yep. I’ve had 21 year olds do this … I’m 38. No. Thanks. They just assume we will show ‘em a good time. Nice try, boys.

@radoxdetox Good for you! Definitely fishy and you’re well out of it

Totally agree with your comments about the ‘no vanilla’ sorts. It just screams potential loving partner, doesn’t it?

@NoseyNiamh I’m so pleased for you! Yay Fingers crossed for the next date

Fair enough. Quite agree with you not changing things if you’re content.

 

[LaBlonde]

The date was perfect. He was gorgeous. We have arranged to see each other again and if that does happen, I'm definitely taking him home
But I'm not stressing about it. I had a lovely evening and if that's all that comes from it, I'm happy.

@Belle123 thanks for your reply. I honestly don't think I want a relationship, I have a nice little life and I really am content now

i’m so glad to hear this niamh - enjoy yourself and don’t stress! it sounds like you have a great mindset (and i will secretly be that you get to take him home because, get it )

Hahaha! That’s so funny. Well, why not be confident in who he is and just put his own pics up?! He’s just asking to be offended/upset What a wally!

the weirdest thing was that it was JUST photos of him and this guy - like you were looking through a couple’s scrapbook or something, i was fully expecting to be asked to join another throuple like you said, just put your own photos up!! unless he’s secretly in love with his friend and trying to work through some stuff

 

[NoseyNiamh]

i’m so glad to hear this niamh - enjoy yourself and don’t stress! it sounds like you have a great mindset (and i will secretly be that you get to take him home because, get it )



the weirdest thing was that it was JUST photos of him and this guy - like you were looking through a couple’s scrapbook or something, i was fully expecting to be asked to join another throuple like you said, just put your own photos up!! unless he’s secretly in love with his friend and trying to work through some stuff

Only my house was in a mess, I was very temped to invite him in for 'coffee'

 

[Sandor]

I know this is not the ick thread, but those ‘No Vanillla’ profiles make me screams swinger/sex addict

I honestly always think the no vanilla ones think girl on top is adventurous. They never look like men who know their way around, at least in my area

 

[Belle123]

@LaBlonde unless he’s secretly in love with his friend and trying to work through some stuff

Nothing would surprise us at this stage, would it?

 

[suzuka]

the weirdest thing was that it was JUST photos of him and this guy - like you were looking through a couple’s scrapbook or something, i was fully expecting to be asked to join another throuple like you said, just put your own photos up!! unless he’s secretly in love with his friend and trying to work through some stuff

Finally we are addressing this. I absolutely cannot understand when guys post a photo with their friends and they're always ALWAYS the least attractive person in the photo. Every single time I think "please introduce me to your friend".

 

[Belle123]

I honestly always think the no vanilla ones think girl on top is adventurous. They never look like men who know their way around, at least in my area

That’s an excellent point! They’re not much better in my area… keeping the light on is as adventurous as they get

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Finally we are addressing this. I absolutely cannot understand when guys post a photo with their friends and they're always ALWAYS the least attractive person in the photo. Every single time I think "please introduce me to your friend".

This happened me before and when I figured out he wasn't the guy I wanted him to be in the pic, I jokingly asked if his friend was single. He was great about it and give me the guys number we went on a couple of dates

 

[Belle123]

Finally we are addressing this. I absolutely cannot understand when guys post a photo with their friends and they're always ALWAYS the least attractive person in the photo. Every single time I think "please introduce me to your friend".

Baffles me that it’s always the least attractive one! I’d never put photos of my friends and family on my dating profile, let alone do it in such a way they can’t tell which one I am!

 

[Thank(space)you]

My best friend and her fella are into cuck/swinging/dogging so I do have a pic of myself and her on my profile just so that if I match someone and they know her, I can make sure it's not someone they've slept with

 

[Belle123]

My best friend and her fella are into cuck/swinging/dogging so I do have a pic of myself and her on my profile just so that if I match someone and they know her, I can make sure it's not someone they've slept with

That’s a good idea in the circumstances… otherwise it could lead to an awkward dinner party

 

[radoxdetox]

My best friend and her fella are into cuck/swinging/dogging so I do have a pic of myself and her on my profile just so that if I match someone and they know her, I can make sure it's not someone they've slept with

Do they not worry about where these men have been? I just wouldn’t trust some random man into that

I think there’s going to be a lot of lonely sex addicted men in 20/30/40 years because of certain sites and apps

I sometimes search one site just to check they aren’t registered on there (obvs don’t use it myself)

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Do they not worry about where these men have been? I just wouldn’t trust some random man into that

I think there’s going to be a lot of lonely sex addicted men in 20/30/40 years because of certain sites and apps

I guess it's just a lifestyle choice and it's my understanding that protection is a must. We all meet random people from Tinder or Bumble

Those apps and the women that used them will also still be around in 20/30/40 years time too

 

[radoxdetox]

I guess it's just a lifestyle choice and it's my understanding that protection is a must. We all meet random people from Tinder or Bumble

Those apps and the women that used them will also still be around in 20/30/40 years time too

Yeh I am talking about the men specifically here and the scenario mentionned before. Women biologically tend to want to settle down. Whereas there are a lot more men who never feel that need.

I don’t use Tinder, but I also don’t sleep with men straight away, just personal preference not judging. I like to know someone a little better.

 

[Belle123]

Do they not worry about where these men have been? I just wouldn’t trust some random man into that

I think there’s going to be a lot of lonely sex addicted men in 20/30/40 years because of certain sites and apps

I sometimes search one site just to check they aren’t registered on there (obvs don’t use it myself)

I guess it's just a lifestyle choice and it's my understanding that protection is a must. We all meet random people from Tinder or Bumble

Those apps and the women that used them will also still be around in 20/30/40 years time too

You can’t really rely on people always using protection and being sensible. If you have casual sex with multiple partners, get tested - whether you’re a man or a woman. It’s not my style, but I don’t judge anyone.

I think women do participate willingly, and it’s not fair to lay it all at men’s doors. The problem as I see it is that both men and women are becoming more averse to commitment. Men are a lot more prone to this, however, in my opinion, and @radoxdetox makes a good point why this is. Why would men commit when they can have all the good bits of a relationship with a woman, just by hopping on a dating app and finding a suitable candidate? They also think they can leave it later than women to settle down and start a family, if that’s what they want. The half in, half out approach suits many of them - regular sex with an exclusive partner, a plus one, someone to hang out with etc, but they get to be single and keep options open etc. Most women I know get repeatedly hurt by these arrangements because, if they’re honest, they want love and a committed relationship, that’s got a long-term future if you’re a good match. I know someone who repeatedly hops into bed quickly with men, then questions why they don’t commit to her the way she wants them to She doesn’t give herself a chance to suss them and their intentions out. If it’s just a fling you want, fine, but you can’t expect to eventually land upon a committed relationship when you’re speeding through to sex without knowing much about them. Of course, in rare situations, this can work out, but we know it’s not the norm.

It seems to me that a committed relationship is actually getting harder to find. Online dating, in particular, has opened my eyes to some serious issues. Apps are like meat markets. Some men have always had a lack of respect/decorum towards women. Unsolicited dick pics are a good example of this violation of boundaries - they wouldn’t have the same opportunities to do that out in the ‘real world’. Casual sex is the norm and accepted by many. It’s not for everyone, but I appreciate it is what some people want, including women of course. To each their own. There are lots of grey areas in dating, and I can’t say any particular issue is caused by men only. That’s not fair.

Many people are addicted to the apps. It becomes a way for them to get validation. To feel like there are more ‘options’ than they have in reality. One more roll of the dice before I commit. There might be a better one out there if I look one more time. Some don’t look up and truly appreciate a good prospect right in front of them. I basically think it’s all a big mess and is part of why figuring our way through it all is so difficult. There are our counterparts out there, though. Whatever you are looking for, there’s someone out there who matches you. It may just take a while to find them.

 

[Sandor]

You can’t really rely on people always using protection and being sensible. If you have casual sex with multiple partners, get tested - whether you’re a man or a woman. It’s not my style, but I don’t judge anyone.

I think women do participate willingly, and it’s not fair to lay it all at men’s doors. The problem as I see it is that both men and women are becoming more averse to commitment. Men are a lot more prone to this, however, in my opinion, and @radoxdetox makes a good point why this is. Why would men commit when they can have all the good bits of a relationship with a woman, just by hopping on a dating app and finding a suitable candidate? They also think they can leave it later than women to settle down and start a family, if that’s what they want. The half in, half out approach suits many of them - regular sex with an exclusive partner, a plus one, someone to hang out with etc, but they get to be single and keep options open etc. Most women I know get repeatedly hurt by these arrangements because, if they’re honest, they want love and a committed relationship, that’s got a long-term future if you’re a good match. I know someone who repeatedly hops into bed quickly with men, then questions why they don’t commit to her the way she wants them to She doesn’t give herself a chance to suss them and their intentions out. If it’s just a fling you want, fine, but you can’t expect to eventually land upon a committed relationship when you’re speeding through to sex without knowing much about them. Of course, in rare situations, this can work out, but we know it’s not the norm.

It seems to me that a committed relationship is actually getting harder to find. Online dating, in particular, has opened my eyes to some serious issues. Apps are like meat markets. Some men have always had a lack of respect/decorum towards women. Unsolicited dick pics are a good example of this violation of boundaries - they wouldn’t have the same opportunities to do that out in the ‘real world’. Casual sex is the norm and accepted by many. It’s not for everyone, but I appreciate it is what some people want, including women of course. To each their own. There are lots of grey areas in dating, and I can’t say any particular issue is caused by men only. That’s not fair.

Many people are addicted to the apps. It becomes a way for them to get validation. To feel like there are more ‘options’ than they have in reality. One more roll of the dice before I commit. There might be a better one out there if I look one more time. Some don’t look up and truly appreciate a good prospect right in front of them. I basically think it’s all a big mess and is part of why figuring our way through it all is so difficult. There are our counterparts out there, though. Whatever you are looking for, there’s someone out there who matches you. It may just take a while to find them.

You saying ‘roll of the dice’ really sticks out to me. I think a huge problem is that the apps are designed to be like a game - a match is a win. So whose to say the next match won’t be better even though I’m actually building something pretty cool with this person. I think it’s also why people keep using them. It doesn’t feel real. It’s virtual. I also think that’s why I encountered so many men who would project who they thought I was as if I was an avatar they’d built. And then they’d get nasty if I put up a boundary and said nope not for me, because then they’ve ‘lost’ the game (and I’m sure this works both ways).

And I’m someone quite happy to do casual. With some people that’s all you want. But when you match with someone where there’s a level of emotional intimacy, it is such a witch to fight against the highs that winning a game gives. It’s akin to the high you get if you get lots of likes on social media. Almost like we’re forgetting that emotions really exist and falling in love isn’t something quantifiable.

 

[boomska]

God I moaned that none of my ex’s got in contact with me over Christmas. Two of them have decided to wait until the new year to message and one of them had told me he now lives in my city when before he lived 40 mins away. I only used him for sex and what a tit show that was so he’s now another one I’ve got to avoid when I go out

in Other news, I messaged an old flame over Xmas (lol I know, theirony) who I’ve moaned about on here being boring, hardly making the effort and never securing plans. Well he’s not boring anymore and we’ve been Sending each other voice notes and he’s been really sweet things that makes me think there may be a potential future for us BUT I am not getting my hopes up because we have to meet up first, and go on dates and well, you’ve got take these things with a pinch of salt. But I do have butterflies and the giddy feelings when i see him “recording audio” on WhatsApp! Eeeeek!! Xx

 

[Belle123]

You saying ‘roll of the dice’ really sticks out to me. I think a huge problem is that the apps are designed to be like a game - a match is a win. So whose to say the next match won’t be better even though I’m actually building something pretty cool with this person. I think it’s also why people keep using them. It doesn’t feel real. It’s virtual. I also think that’s why I encountered so many men who would project who they thought I was as if I was an avatar they’d built. And then they’d get nasty if I put up a boundary and said nope not for me, because then they’ve ‘lost’ the game (and I’m sure this works both ways).

And I’m someone quite happy to do casual. With some people that’s all you want. But when you match with someone where there’s a level of emotional intimacy, it is such a witch to fight against the highs that winning a game gives. It’s akin to the high you get if you get lots of likes on social media. Almost like we’re forgetting that emotions really exist and falling in love isn’t something quantifiable.

Such a well worded post. Your comments about it being akin to likes on social media is spot on.

I’m not judging casual. I completely see the appeal for men and women. This time around I am looking for a serious relationship and I don’t want to get caught up in situations that take me away from that, so it’s a personal choice. What I am fighting against, though, is men’s expectations for it to be casual, like it’s a default position. There’s nothing wrong with setting out your stall and saying what you truly want, whatever it is. Not all men and not all women want casual or a fling, but someone truly wanting commitment is not an easy thing to find on the apps.

You’re right. The problems come when you find emotional intimacy. You get into the difficult territory of “is this guy a typical ‘wants his cake and to eat it’ and I’m not going to get anything but hurt here, or does he truly want more too?” The stakes are higher. You’ve found a gem amongst the tit. Will you ‘win’ this time?!

Following on from your comments, I wanted to add that a man I dated for a while, who lived just under an hour away, said “I should have looked for someone closer to home” as he broke it off - like I was something he ordered online, and now wanted to exchange. I said he could meet someone 5 minutes away but it doesn’t mean she would be right for him. We clicked on multiple levels and the dick head had the cheek to say this glib thing to me! Good luck, you idiot!

 

[leapricot]

Hello!
im reading here religiously and have posted a few times too. Now, I’m looking for recommendations more than anything.
Has anyone ever tried the dating app “Thursday”?
The concept seems very odd to me. You have a profile but matching with people is only opened on Thursdays. It sounds quite restrictive and knowing me I’m most likely to forget

my friend has met the guy she’s currently seeing on there so that’s what motivating me but I’m just wondering if someone on this thread has tested it?

 

[LaBlonde]

Hello!
im reading here religiously and have posted a few times too. Now, I’m looking for recommendations more than anything.
Has anyone ever tried the dating app “Thursday”?
The concept seems very odd to me. You have a profile but matching with people is only opened on Thursdays. It sounds quite restrictive and knowing me I’m most likely to forget

my friend has met the guy she’s currently seeing on there so that’s what motivating me but I’m just wondering if someone on this thread has tested it?

i’ve never heard of it but that idea intrigues me! i work best on apps where there’s a time constraint (like bumble) or some kind of stakes involved otherwise i get incredibly lazy, so this appeals to me. also having to only spend one day searching for matches?

i’ll test it out for the thread and feedback *salute*