Dating after lockdown #15 new year, new dates

[realhousewivewannabe]

I’m just baffled. With this new one I was supposed to meet today I had covid over Christmas / when we matched initially so we didn’t. I don’t get why he would continue to call me send selfies / pictures through the day of things we were doing / out and about only to block me on everything whilst I was asleep the night before our first date. Even ww did
yesterday.

It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense my New Years resolution is to not cry (mainly over men).

 

[Puffin]

I’m just baffled. With this new one I was supposed to meet today I had covid over Christmas / when we matched initially so we didn’t. I don’t get why he would continue to call me send selfies / pictures through the day of things we were doing / out and about only to block me on everything whilst I was asleep the night before our first date. Even ww did
yesterday.

It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense my New Years resolution is to not cry (mainly over men).

And it never will make sense . Only he knows why he did that but give it a week or two and when you look back ask yourself would you really like to build something with someone who doesn't can't even communicate to say he has changed his mind or whatever happened

It's going to sting now , of course it will, and if you want to cry , cry but just remember by this time next week you will feel slightly better and then the next week and so on and so on

 

[Belle123]

@realhousewivewannabe , @Puffin is right and you’ll forget about them in a week or two.

 

[radoxdetox]

The ones that act like that are a lucky escape, they either have issues that would’ve come out anyway or they have a partner. Some people (I say people to include women) have a no clue how to behave or just don’t care.

 

[candyland_]

I’m just baffled. With this new one I was supposed to meet today I had covid over Christmas / when we matched initially so we didn’t. I don’t get why he would continue to call me send selfies / pictures through the day of things we were doing / out and about only to block me on everything whilst I was asleep the night before our first date. Even ww did
yesterday.

It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense my New Years resolution is to not cry (mainly over men).

It sounds like he never intended to meet you.. Some people use others as a time filler. Christmas is over today - maybe he enjoyed talking to you in his free time but now he’s going back to his everyday life, (work/gf) who knows but these men are the problem. Not you.

 

[suzuka]

I’m just baffled. With this new one I was supposed to meet today I had covid over Christmas / when we matched initially so we didn’t. I don’t get why he would continue to call me send selfies / pictures through the day of things we were doing / out and about only to block me on everything whilst I was asleep the night before our first date. Even ww did
yesterday.

It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense my New Years resolution is to not cry (mainly over men).

Ego stroking makes absolute sense. Also it's easier to treat people unfairly when you haven't met in person, so they can do all sorts of bullshit without consequences. Compare to e.g. when someone is a work colleague or you have friends in common, he'd be more worried what people would think of him.

Not taking things personally, not looking for an explanation, putting a healthy distance, getting on with other things and making plans for yourself helps, but they're all hard work.

 

[NoseyNiamh]

I’m going to have a breakdown. Ive just woken
I’ve spent two weeks talking to a guy including him calling me and sending selfies, speaking on the phone only to wake up to him blocking me on Instagram, WhatsApp and unmatching me on hinge. We were supposed to meet today.

this coupled with the guy who wanting an open relationship who then came back and wanted to date just me, stringing me along for a week saying he wanted to meet me giving me days, I text on the 17th December trying to make plans and getting ghosted.No Christmas. Message no happy new year but saw him posting on Instagram. Forgot to add I’ve seen him on hinge and constantly active - we matched on tinder my friends also sent me his profile. Why couldn’t he be upfront instead of saying he wanted to see me.

is there no end?! I know we always say it’s not us but guys. Two ghostings well and a blocking in the space of two weeks is insane.

I went through a similar period last year of constant bad luck.
I know it is such a cliché but it really isn't you.
These dicks were time wasters.
Take a small break from dating/apps, just a week or two and wipe these pair from your mind

Happy New Year everyone.
I had a good think about things and I have realised I am not actually looking for a relationship.
I think I enjoy the dating part and then when things start getting serious, I'm gone! It's not fair on the other people involved.

I am going on a date today but we have both said we are not looking for anything serious. He is super hot with an amazing body. We have chatted lots with some flirty banter (something I would never have done in the past before a first date)

I'm excited, maybe a January fling will be good for me and it will stop me from getting caught up with the narc again

 

[Thank(space)you]

I try to think of it as redirection not rejection. You're being redirected towards something better.

 

[Belle123]

@NoseyNiamh That's great. I always think, if you’re on the same page with what you’re looking for - whatever that is - it’s a good start. Communicating what we want is so essential, isn’t it? Nothing wrong with a fling. Forget the narc and get back to you and meeting your needs. Enjoy your date

Is it a case that you want a relationship, but are scared, or definitely don’t want one? Maybe exploring a more casual dating arrangement might help ease you into something a bit more than a fling, without the pressure of committing to a relationship?

 

[katyazamo]

I'm quite relieved the festive period is over (aside from going back to work, duck that) as it puts the brakes on men acting up. No more "reflecting" on old relationships and reaching out, being bored and going through contact lists, false promises for meeting up over the festive period, or even just getting pissed and texting former flings! Now we can go back to the normal scheduled nonsense

 

[Bagpuss7]

Just another pov with the men who ghost on date day...I'm learning the hard way not to become too invested emotionally or with my time because incase they are a no show... Actually go on the first date and then make decisions about moving forward as to whether this is a person you want to invest more time in and vice versa.

Actually getting to the 1st date seems to becoming increasingly more an issue with a lot of these men on the apps.

Had a weird one yesterday..guy off Tinder just been casually chatting over the holiday period. Randomly asks me if I would like to 'flirt'..I asked him to explain and he said it again! I said do you mean sexually, as in facetime chat thing..and he replied yes ! I immediately got the ick, told him not my style sorry! Not heard from him since. Never heard it called ' do you want to flirt ' before

 

[Belle123]

@katyazamo Hear hear! I’m glad it’s over too. I’ve already got the back to work dread, though

There were some I thought were possibly at risk of contacting me. I never felt the need to block them (my block list is still pretty long, though ) but when checking on them a couple of weeks ago and dithering over whether to block ahead of time, I noticed one seemed to have deleted my number recently anyway. I can still see their photo on WhatsApp, so I’m not blocked, but I can no longer see them ‘online’. Pretty sure that means I’m deleted from their phone? He did tell me he deleted people from his phone when it ends, to stop himself drunk texting, but he also said a couple of times he didn’t want to lose touch with me, so it makes no sense to delete me. If he has deleted me, it proves my instinct was right about him, and even that was a lie. I’m just glad they’ve left me alone .


@Bagpuss7 Yep! it’s such hard work at times. I found Tinder to be the worst for the flakey ones. Men on there seemed to like asking me “are you naughty?” To be fair, there’s been plenty of those sorts on Plenty of Fish too.

I found Tinder to be rubbish for anything serious. Barely got a decent date out of it, despite plenty of likes and matches. Very weird. Men either chatted nicely, without progressing it, just wanted a shag - a date was an effort for some of them - or just wanted to sext. It was disheartening to feel like a piece of meat to so many of them. I deleted it after less than 2 months.

 

[LaBlonde]

Just another pov with the men who ghost on date day...I'm learning the hard way not to become too invested emotionally or with my time because incase they are a no show... Actually go on the first date and then make decisions about moving forward as to whether this is a person you want to invest more time in and vice versa.

Actually getting to the 1st date seems to becoming increasingly more an issue with a lot of these men on the apps.

Had a weird one yesterday..guy off Tinder just been casually chatting over the holiday period. Randomly asks me if I would like to 'flirt'..I asked him to explain and he said it again! I said do you mean sexually, as in facetime chat thing..and he replied yes ! I immediately got the ick, told him not my style sorry! Not heard from him since. Never heard it called ' do you want to flirt ' before

i’ve never heard “do you want to flirt” before either but, instant ick i hate the things men come up with for what they think is flirty banter, urgh.

i have an intense paranoia over ghosting in general but it’s been made worse by my most recent -ex because he did it after six and a half months, when i thought we were well out of ghosting territory! i now basically live in anticipation of being ghosted until i’m living with the guy tbh, and even then will probably still be worried.

i agree re tinder though, i get more matches there than anywhere else (i guess because of pure volume of people) but the fewest amount of messages. the messages i do get are either instantly sexual right off the bat or multiple times a guy saying it was actually him and his girlfriend and am i interested in a throuple. it happened so often that i double-checked my settings

i haven’t even checked the apps today because i’ve been buying some cushions, a throw and prints for my book-nook. i think i might actually do a full january detox from them tbh!

(also @realhousewivewannabe - i’m just catching up and sending you it’s awful and frustrating when you get so much bad luck in a short time period. know that it’s a reflection on them, not you x)

 

[Belle123]

@LaBlonde I just can’t get over that he did it to you, let alone after that long. Some people are so bad at handling things. They can’t empathise with the person they’re about to hurt. It’s not easy, but part of being an adult is dealing with tricky things, like breaking up, and showing common decency to others. Makes me mad that they think saying nothing and walking off is the best option. Well, it is for them. I’d feel too guilty to behave like that.

Now I stop and think about it, someone did phrase it as “flirting” a while back. Ick indeed and it was a fast bye bye! I’ve been swiped on by the kinky ones (why do these sorts seem to think we’re all looking to be slapped about by a Christian Grey wannabe ), the ones looking for an affair (their poor wives ) and the ones looking for threesomes! What a sh*#show!

The book-nook purchases sound fab. What a fabulous idea! I hope you enjoy it and get lots of pleasure from it

 

[radoxdetox]

I know this is not the ick thread, but those ‘No Vanillla’ profiles make me screams swinger/sex addict

 

[LaBlonde]

@LaBlonde I just can’t get over that he did it to you, let alone after that long. Some people are so bad at handling things. They can’t empathise with the person they’re about to hurt. It’s not easy, but part of being an adult is dealing with tricky things, like breaking up, and showing common decency to others. Makes me mad that they think saying nothing and walking off is the best option. Well, it is for them. I’d feel too guilty to behave like that.

Now I stop and think about it, someone did phrase it as “flirting” a while back. Ick indeed and it was a fast bye bye! I’ve been swiped on by the kinky ones (why do these sorts seem to think we’re all looking to be slapped about by a Christian Grey wannabe ), the ones looking for an affair (their poor wives ) and the ones looking for threesomes! What a sh*#show!

The book-nook purchases sound fab. What a fabulous idea! I hope you enjoy it and get lots of pleasure from it

i know and literally right when i’d told my parents and sister about him too! i’ll be way more cautious next time around - i get the ghosting is the easier option but after six months is just cowardice imo.

i genuinely went through all my app settings to see if i had something on to say i was interested in threesomes or throuples because i would get so many! sometimes a throuple does appeal though, whenever i need my alone time he can go to his other girlfriend i hate the christian grey types and this new trend for being like “lol i’m actually 50, the app won’t let me change my age, i don’t know why it shows 35” come on man.

thank you! i can’t wait for it to be finished

i don’t have any new dating things to add, other than the guy i mentioned last thread who has a profile full of photos of him with one other guy and a bio that says “don’t message if you’re just going to ask which one i am” has popped up on bumble too. we matched, and i messaged him. i’ll give you one guess as to what my message said

he replied to say “which one do you want me to be”, i said “i suppose the one on the left” (they were the same combo all photos, like ant and dec) because, you know, honesty and all that. he’s unmatched so guessing he was the one on the right, mystery solved!

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

i hate the christian grey types and this new trend for being like “lol i’m actually 50, the app won’t let me change my age, i don’t know why it shows 35” come on man.

it’s the same for when 20 year old men put their age as 40 and in the bio they put “I’m 20 but I like an older woman”
That’s the same age as my brother

 

[radoxdetox]

I’ve just binned off the lad who didn’t want to meet over Christmas or NY as he was with family, wanted me to wait another two weeks to sort his car out … nah! Something smells fishy!

 

[Belle123]

i know and literally right when i’d told my parents and sister about him too! i’ll be way more cautious next time around - i get the ghosting is the easier option but after six months is just cowardice imo.

i genuinely went through all my app settings to see if i had something on to say i was interested in threesomes or throuples because i would get so many! sometimes a throuple does appeal though, whenever i need my alone time he can go to his other girlfriend i hate the christian grey types and this new trend for being like “lol i’m actually 50, the app won’t let me change my age, i don’t know why it shows 35” come on man.

thank you! i can’t wait for it to be finished



he replied to say “which one do you want me to be”, i said “i suppose the one on the left” (they were the same combo all photos, like ant and dec) because, you know, honesty and all that. he’s unmatched so guessing he was the one on the right, mystery solved!

Completely cowardly! There are guys out there who won’t do this, so don’t lose hope.

That’s an excellent point. He could go and distract himself when I need my space…

Oh god, yes, the ones with the ages being wildly different. There’s one guy I matched with, but he showed up on a few apps over time. He started two convos with me, and got my number. That was it. No further chat! Then I realised he had different ages on these various profiles. He wasn’t 34, or 39, but 41. Prat. There’s a guy I dated who’s age is wrong on his profile. Anyone thinking he’s nearer to 43 will be pissed off to find he’s turning 45 in a couple of weeks. Not a massive difference, but he hasn’t even clarified it in his profile! They know exactly why it’s wrong lol. Why not delete the profile and start again… and be honest!

Hahaha! That’s so funny. Well, why not be confident in who he is and just put his own pics up?! He’s just asking to be offended/upset What a wally!

 

[NoseyNiamh]

The date was perfect. He was gorgeous. We have arranged to see each other again and if that does happen, I'm definitely taking him home
But I'm not stressing about it. I had a lovely evening and if that's all that comes from it, I'm happy.

@Belle123 thanks for your reply. I honestly don't think I want a relationship, I have a nice little life and I really am content now