It’s so tricky when there’s a lull with the apps. Our mind wanders and it can make previous ones seem appealing again. I’ve been there. Only you know how you feel and what you want. Do you want him to leave you alone? Why would you want to chat? Because of the lull? Do you think any good could come from it, or will you get hurt? I’d say to stay away completely if you can’t handle it/expect something to magically change with him. He hasn’t changed. He knows what he’s doing. If you can handle it and can keep your expectations low, then chat to him - but keep looking on the apps. He’s not the one, but I do know how it can help to get through the patch before you meet someone and get a date lined up.I go first and admit: I unblock the guy that moved to another country and he asked if I still want him to leave me alone
In my defence: Santa didn't bring my present and all the other guys on Bumble are meh!
Thank you for your kind words.
I am exhausted! How many more frogs do I need to swipe? 
You’re welcome! I read your posts about him. He put you through a lot of heartache. You can’t be together. You already know this. Right now you may think you can handle chatting to him. For a while, this could even be the case. But be careful - it can be like picking at a healing wound. It weeps. It bleeds. It hurts. It seems he’s already saying things to tug at your heartstrings. I wonder why that is? Because it makes him feel good to have your attention. It’s your choice at the end of the day. Do what feels right for you.Thank you for your kind words.
I think it is because he is familiar and we have a connection. And he likes me, he said that he was relieved and happy that I had unblocked him.
But regardless: he lives in another country now and wasn't the most empathetic person in the past.
Yes, I will keep looking at the apps but frankly: it's been two years
he sunglass-fished me! 
he sunglass-fished me! Oh dearMildly funny story to tell. I got a super like on bumble and I swiped him back to match. His ONLY 2 photos looked familiar… we’d matched before.
We messaged for a bit and then I didn’t bother replying. This was on Xmas eve. Then I get a WhatsApp from him! His WhatsApp pic was one of his bumble pics which was him in shorts looking out to the sea (his other bumble pic was him wearing sunglasses, so you can’t really tell what he looked like). He still had the previous WhatsApp chat and it was from 2018/2019! I’d obviously deleted the chat and I don’t recall chatting to him on WhatsApp. He lives in the Cayman Islands, but was home for Xmas, so not sure why he was only bumble if it’s a flying visit back to the uk. Anyway, again, I didn’t reply to his WhatsApp because I was busy with family on Christmas Day etc and tbh, I knew nothing would come of it since he lives overseas. I’ve just gone back to look at his bumble profile and he’s added more photos and he looks like lurch from the Addams family
That’s so funny, though! sunglass-fishing is real!!! this made meMildly funny story to tell. I got a super like on bumble and I swiped him back to match. His ONLY 2 photos looked familiar… we’d matched before.
We messaged for a bit and then I didn’t bother replying. This was on Xmas eve. Then I get a WhatsApp from him! His WhatsApp pic was one of his bumble pics which was him in shorts looking out to the sea (his other bumble pic was him wearing sunglasses, so you can’t really tell what he looked like). He still had the previous WhatsApp chat and it was from 2018/2019! I’d obviously deleted the chat and I don’t recall chatting to him on WhatsApp. He lives in the Cayman Islands, but was home for Xmas, so not sure why he was only bumble if it’s a flying visit back to the uk. Anyway, again, I didn’t reply to his WhatsApp because I was busy with family on Christmas Day etc and tbh, I knew nothing would come of it since he lives overseas. I’ve just gone back to look at his bumble profile and he’s added more photos and he looks like lurch from the Addams family
Thank you again for your thoughtful response. You are right: he is a frog
and didn't really get anywhere. I want this to change now, I need to make some progress. Challenging? Definitely! I feel like I’ve had to go through a lot of self-reflection and adjustment as I’ve plodded on with my dating journey. I’ve had to really look in the mirror at times. I felt lost by last spring, after a couple of bruising experiences, but by the summer I got back to myself a bit more. I didn’t want to read any books or engage with anything that usually brought me pleasure. I was so distracted by things! I felt cross with myself, but then stopped being hard on myself. I felt my feelings, accepted it all and picked myself up.Thank you again for your thoughtful response. You are right: he is a frog
He is also a bit lonely in his new house as he doesn't have any friends where he lives and doesn't even speak the language, only knows a few words.
I was actually just about to sit down and think about my intentions.
Last year I didn't really have any and I kind of bumbled through the year (and through the app
My first intention is to read more, I downloaded a book about habits and I also started a Yoga challenge and am back into running.
It is just so hard to find goals and to decide what to do with your life when you are on your own.
Do you find it challenging? How do you deal with it?
Oh wow, what a fantastically kind thing to say!@Belle123 - you need to write a book or start a podcast or something, your advice is always so encouraging and beautifully worded
i don’t have any new dating things to add, other than the guy i mentioned last thread who has a profile full of photos of him with one other guy and a bio that says “don’t message if you’re just going to ask which one i am” has popped up on bumble too. we matched, and i messaged him. i’ll give you one guess as to what my message said
Thank you. I’ve really appreciated people’s advice on here, including before I braved it and started chatting, so if I can help anybody too, well, that’s amazing! You’re so lovely, and generous with your feedback and advice to everyone 
come up and he hadn't found him. He calmed down I did the usual wtf chat (he got himself into a bad pickle on Nye and I was talking to him for HOURS). He has now just messaged me and said it occurred to him that you can block your phone contacts from showing up on your tinder 
I've tried to tell him to trust him but he won't listen. He's asked to use my number and I said no and I'm sure he's probably trying to use a fake number some how. What advice can I give him? Anyone have any experience? I don't know what to say to reassure him.This might sound harsh but if your friend distrusts the guy that much after only 2 months he might need to take a step back from being in a relationship for awhile otherwise he will have himself tied in knots questioning everythingI need advice on behalf of a friend or atleast we both wondered if anyone else thinks like this..
He's been dating a guy for two months and they see eachother regularly. Previously he'd spoken to him about the fact he'd paused his tinder and the other guy said he doesn't go on it and is a "one man kinda guy". Tonight my bestie messaged me and said that he wants to know if he's still on Tinder and that he'd made a fake profile..I was like Sam ffs. He said that he couldn't find him on there and he's narrowed his search so he would
is there a reason why he’s so convinced that this guy is still on tinder? has he had bad experiences previously? saying he’s a “one man guy” would be a definite answer to me but it sounds like your friend has so convinced himself otherwise that i’m not sure what you could say to change his mind - i would try and pinpoint why he feels this way.I need advice on behalf of a friend or atleast we both wondered if anyone else thinks like this..
He's been dating a guy for two months and they see eachother regularly. Previously he'd spoken to him about the fact he'd paused his tinder and the other guy said he doesn't go on it and is a "one man kinda guy". Tonight my bestie messaged me and said that he wants to know if he's still on Tinder and that he'd made a fake profile..I was like Sam ffs. He said that he couldn't find him on there and he's narrowed his search so he would
Girl, I wouldn't be surprised if you were a super successful psychologist, your advice is always so thoughtful.Challenging? Definitely! I feel like I’ve had to go through a lot of self-reflection and adjustment as I’ve plodded on with my dating journey. I’ve had to really look in the mirror at times. I felt lost by last spring, after a couple of bruising experiences, but by the summer I got back to myself a bit more. I didn’t want to read any books or engage with anything that usually brought me pleasure. I was so distracted by things! I felt cross with myself, but then stopped being hard on myself. I felt my feelings, accepted it all and picked myself up.
I always felt my career was keeping me from a personal life. As my career went from strength to strength last year, that added to my frustration. I’ve stopped fighting it. It’s part of who I am and gives me such purpose. I’ve taken myself out of my comfort zone lots in a year. A happy consequence is that I think I’d feel more confident holidaying alone etc going forward, so that’s a big change in mindset for me.
I’ve got my journal out to start doing my daily gratitude, and set myself a new reading challenge. I’m going to do more yoga too. Maybe visualise a new list of things I’d like to achieve. I still want a relationship. I want to travel more. I don’t need a partner in order to do that, and that’s a huge change in my head! I’m going to set little challenges, like read a chapter a night, and start small to ease me into the new year. I don’t set resolutions, as such, but it’s good to set something small and realistic when you need to refocus things, no matter what time of year it is
Aww, that’s an unexpected comment to hear! Thank you so much. I’m definitely not a psychologist! I do like reading up on stuff though. My previous relationships ended because we were incompatible/drifted apart. I never purposefully dated before, and it’s led me into a whole host of new terms - love bombing, for one! Working out my ex, in all likelihood, had a fearful avoidant attachment style made a massive difference to me. It helped me find peace, because it told me for sure it was nothing to do with me - we were always going to end because of his fears. He did, to be fair, say it was him, and nothing at all to do with me. One of the few honest things to come out of his trap. It gave me the answer to my confusion, not because it suited me to think this about him, but because it’s the only thing that actually fitted with what happened and the blindsiding way it came crashing down out of nowhere. There were a lot of factors that led me to this conclusion.
I’m so sorry. No wonder you feel upset. People do strange things at Christmas/New Year. They reflect on their life, their past loves, where they’re at with their lives and so on. They may get in touch with an ex. Even rekindle things. They may decide they want to find someone else. Then they decide they don’t. They want to block out the loneliness. Then they think they’re better off single.
I'm sorry this happened, but please do not take it personal. These men were obviously a bunch of douchebags. Dating can be so cruel and infuriating sometimes.
We barely talk as he hates texting (his words, not mine) and I stopped putting in the effort a few months ago so I can't really be arsed at this point. It's rather funny that he is getting upset because I am treating him the way he treats me.@realhousewivewannabe I second everything that @belle123said above. The Christmas and New Year period makes people do strange things , it's the reason it's called cuffing season.Aww, that’s an unexpected comment to hear! Thank you so much. I’m definitely not a psychologist! I do like reading up on stuff though. My previous relationships ended because we were incompatible/drifted apart. I never purposefully dated before, and it’s led me into a whole host of new terms - love bombing, for one! Working out my ex, in all likelihood, had a fearful avoidant attachment style made a massive difference to me. It helped me find peace, because it told me for sure it was nothing to do with me - we were always going to end because of his fears. He did, to be fair, say it was him, and nothing at all to do with me. One of the few honest things to come out of his trap. It gave me the answer to my confusion, not because it suited me to think this about him, but because it’s the only thing that actually fitted with what happened and the blindsiding way it came crashing down out of nowhere. There were a lot of factors that led me to this conclusion.
People say to move on and forget. Easier said than done when you wanted to be with someone, your head is spinning and you just want to understand why it came crashing down so quickly. Sometimes we need to find an answer (more so when they can’t give it to you) in order to move on, close the door, and to try not to repeat the same situation.
Thank you for your comments about holidaying alone - I will brave it! Adrienne’s channel is brilliant, so thanks for reminding me about her!
I’m so sorry. No wonder you feel upset. People do strange things at Christmas/New Year. They reflect on their life, their past loves, where they’re at with their lives and so on. They may get in touch with an ex. Even rekindle things. They may decide they want to find someone else. Then they decide they don’t. They want to block out the loneliness. Then they think they’re better off single.
They are incredibly rude and selfish to do this to you, but it really is them and not you. Better you see this guy for who he is now. Can’t even politely cancel the date with you. Gutless and selfish. We’ve probably all got similar stories. It happened to me in the summer. He’d arranged a date with me. Then went quiet on the day. He blocked me as I was typing a message to him. I had to laugh at this 39 year old guy having the maturity of a 15 year old! He clearly wasn’t over the ex he’d mentioned in our chats.
I think being strung along is a clue to the person being unsure/confused about what they want. You’re more in control than you think. Walk away or at least mentally detach when men show these signs in the future. Please don’t be hard on yourself, it’s just a couple of wrong ‘uns! You deserve, and will find, better.
