Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[Sheabutter]

Yeah I think at this point he’s putting off seeing her as he knows he may potentially want to get back with her but I’ve told him they both need closure either way!

That’s sweet of you. I think you need to make your happiness a priority here. You don’t need to be the one who pushes him to find closure. He sounds like he’s already moved on from his previous relationship.

 

[Sandor]

Yeah I think at this point he’s putting off seeing her as he knows he may potentially want to get back with her but I’ve told him they both need closure either way!

Is that from what he’s said or are you projecting/gone into self-preservation mode.
This reads a little like you’re making problems where there aren’t any? They ended things - that is closure. Not everyone wants needs or gets a big conversation. I think he’s already made a choice but if you’re unsettled, you need to tell him.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Have reach new levels of petty that I didn’t even know existed. Guy I’ve been chatting to quite consistently for a week or so started to get really short in his replies. To top this off he ended a message with “xx” which we have never done to each other. He’s going in the bin I’m literally going to die a sad old woman but I don’t care anymore.

 

[Delihla]

Oh no sorry I wasn’t clear! We’re still seeing each other regularly! It’s the whole being up in the air thing I don’t know whether to put my foot down and say I need to know where I stand or just see where it goes, just hate the thought of investing time and feelings with someone that may end up going back to an ex!
I can’t even talk to my friends about this as it’s so out of character for me being the ice queen I am when it comes to men!

I genuinely think your concern is really in the wrong place here. Do you know what YOU want? Are you exclusive or in a relationship with him or do you want to be? If so I’d make your feelings known! Feck hanging about to see what they decide for you

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Yeah I think at this point he’s putting off seeing her as he knows he may potentially want to get back with her but I’ve told him they both need closure either way!

Well this is very unfair for you!
I hate giving them but an ultimatum is needed.
He should not have got involved with someone if he still has feelings for her.
I am still madly in love with my ex I know its causing me issues actually meeting someone but I have acknowledged that !

 

[Shinyhappy]

Is that from what he’s said or are you projecting/gone into self-preservation mode.
This reads a little like you’re making problems where there aren’t any? They ended things - that is closure. Not everyone wants needs or gets a big conversation. I think he’s already made a choice but if you’re unsettled, you need to tell him.

That’s what he’s said, he’s admitted that once he’s seen her he may potentially end up back with her as this was the plan when they originally split - that she’d come home from abroad and they’d be together again. He has arranged to meet up with her a few times but it’s just not happened. We’re still just dating each other I have no any interest in dating outside whatever I have going on with him.
I think I may have to give the ultimatum now as much as I’d hate to do it, he’s just as unsettled about it all as I am. I think it’s knowing I’m literally risking pushing him back to another relationship but I suppose it’s better now than another 3 months down the line!

I genuinely think your concern is really in the wrong place here. Do you know what YOU want? Are you exclusive or in a relationship with him or do you want to be? If so I’d make your feelings known! Feck hanging about to see what they decide for you

I know I want a relationship with him, I’m in a place in my life where I wasn’t particularly looking for a relationship but I’m very settled and happy in myself which is I think the best place to be to start a new relationship x

 

[Boadicea1]

That’s what he’s said, he’s admitted that once he’s seen her he may potentially end up back with her as this was the plan when they originally split - that she’d come home from abroad and they’d be together again. He has arranged to meet up with her a few times but it’s just not happened. We’re still just dating each other I have no any interest in dating outside whatever I have going on with him.
I think I may have to give the ultimatum now as much as I’d hate to do it, he’s just as unsettled about it all as I am. I think it’s knowing I’m literally risking pushing him back to another relationship but I suppose it’s better now than another 3 months down the line!

I am in full support of what you are doing and don't see you as causing issues. The fact of the matter is there is a history between him and her and it sounds like it wasn't an official break up and feelings may still be involved.

If I was developing feelings for this man I would want this put to bed so I know where I am, with myself and with my own feelings.

 

[Sheabutter]

I would make the effort to start seeing someone else as it’s clearly not exclusive. Leave some doors open for yourself. I hate high octane emotional situations, so I would avoid giving ultimatums and pushing for anything.

 

[misscl4]

Has anyone ever had multiple dates on the same day? I am not sure I could cope lol

 

[Pixipoppy]

Has anyone ever had multiple dates on the same day? I am not sure I could cope lol

I’ve not personally but some of my friends have! I’ve done consecutive nights but not sure I have the confidence for same day! I guess it depends what the activity is

 

[Delihla]

That’s what he’s said, he’s admitted that once he’s seen her he may potentially end up back with her as this was the plan when they originally split - that she’d come home from abroad and they’d be together again. He has arranged to meet up with her a few times but it’s just not happened. We’re still just dating each other I have no any interest in dating outside whatever I have going on with him.
I think I may have to give the ultimatum now as much as I’d hate to do it, he’s just as unsettled about it all as I am. I think it’s knowing I’m literally risking pushing him back to another relationship but I suppose it’s better now than another 3 months down the line!


I know I want a relationship with him, I’m in a place in my life where I wasn’t particularly looking for a relationship but I’m very settled and happy in myself which is I think the best place to be to start a new relationship x

This reminds me of that old saying, “if you’re struggling who to chose, chose her”. I’d be very mindful that you only know his side of this, he very well may be stringing you along until she decides what she wants

 

[lurkingaround123]

Has anyone ever had multiple dates on the same day? I am not sure I could cope lol

Not multiple dates because I feel like sometimes if you're having a laugh out for drinks or something it doesn't have a set finish time so it'd be awkward to cut it short and meet someone else

However earlier this year (before counselling changed my life) I went on a date with this guy, then got in my car, drove home and met the guy I had been sleeping with and also definitely had feelings for but made out I didn't

 

[candyland_]

Ok, hello - first time posting on this thread but want some outsiders opinions/advice please!
Met a guy online a couple of months back, instantly hit it off texting/calling constantly etc. Met him after a week of chatting and really got on, very attracted to each other, conversation flows and completely comfortable with him & he expressed the same feelings to me. A couple of weeks after meeting he tells me that his ex has turned up after living abroad for the last year (this was the reason for their split & it was their plan to get back together on her return but they ended up deciding to cut communication instead & he changed his number). So he’s been avoiding her since knowing she’s home (she lives local to him).
I’ve told him he needs to meet up with her and work out what he wants long term (getting back with her or not) so that I know where I stand as we get on so well and have developed feelings for each other. At first I thought he was stringing me along but the more time we spend together and the more effort he puts in the more I’m holding out hope with him. He lives an hour away from me and will drive down at least 3 times a week to see me even for an hour or 2 (I have young children so my free time is very limited)
I don’t want to nag him on the issue but also am keen to know where I stand now as I can’t pre plan or look forward to anything with him due to this hanging over us. We’ve tried not speaking to each other a couple of times as I am finding it difficult not knowing what’s going to happen but we ultimately can’t keep away from each other.
I’d like to add I was completely happy being single and didn’t want to date, I didn’t meet him on a dating site but somehow ended up on a date with him anyway! - oops!!

I think you need to cut ties with him and tell him to go and think about what he wants. As the saying goes - if they wanted you they wouldn’t even consider anyone else. You run the risk of him leaving you in limbo.. He already has put you there.
Chances are he will go back to her, realise it’s over, run back to you and by that point I would hope you would turn him away. You’re not a second choice.

 

[Shinyhappy]

I think you need to cut ties with him and tell him to go and think about what he wants. As the saying goes - if they wanted you they wouldn’t even consider anyone else. You run the risk of him leaving you in limbo.. He already has put you there.
Chances are he will go back to her, realise it’s over, run back to you and by that point I would hope you would turn him away. You’re not a second choice.

Yes I think I’ll tell him when I see him later that I can’t keep making further plans with him until I know what’s going on. He’s been pretty open and honest with me about any conversations they’ve had as I told him I’d rather know than be left in the dark.
Like I said, no interest in dating anyone else but will happily go back to being on my own and living my single life I know and love so well!
thanks all for your input!

 

[Sandor]

That’s what he’s said, he’s admitted that once he’s seen her he may potentially end up back with her as this was the plan when they originally split - that she’d come home from abroad and they’d be together again. He has arranged to meet up with her a few times but it’s just not happened. We’re still just dating each other I have no any interest in dating outside whatever I have going on with him.
I think I may have to give the ultimatum now as much as I’d hate to do it, he’s just as unsettled about it all as I am. I think it’s knowing I’m literally risking pushing him back to another relationship but I suppose it’s better now than another 3 months down the line!


I know I want a relationship with him, I’m in a place in my life where I wasn’t particularly looking for a relationship but I’m very settled and happy in myself which is I think the best place to be to start a new relationship x

Oh! that’s a crappy thing he’s done then. The only thing I’d say is ultimatum fine but don’t do a pick me dance. He’s really not approached any of this the right way and certainly shouldn’t have made it your problem. Would you be happy being with someone with ongoing unresolved feelings, or be able to move past it if he does choose you?

 

[Thank(space)you]

I think I've been asked on a date but I'm not sure? So I've had to do the awkward thing and message asking if it's a date or not. It's quite out of the blue, someone from work who I've not really spoken to much and never in a social setting.

 

[Bagpuss7]

Oh! that’s a crappy thing he’s done then. The only thing I’d say is ultimatum fine but don’t do a pick me dance. He’s really not approached any of this the right way and certainly shouldn’t have made it your problem. Would you be happy being with someone with ongoing unresolved feelings, or be able to move past it if he does choose you?

And since when were you and your feelings an option?

I'm struggling to get my head round the ' he's not sure if he will want her or not when he sees her again ' ..
has she indicated to him that she might still want to be with him or is he just assuming this ?

I think I'm inclined to agree with another tattler, he's waiting to see what she says, most definitely another case of a man wanting his cake and eating it you are not a 2nd choice or an option please don't let him treat you like one.

 

[NoseyNiamh]

I think I've been asked on a date but I'm not sure? So I've had to do the awkward thing and message asking if it's a date or not. It's quite out of the blue, someone from work who I've not really spoken to much and never in a social setting.

Any update ?

And since when were you and your feelings an option?

I'm struggling to get my head round the ' he's not sure if he will want her or not when he sees her again ' ..
has she indicated to him that she might still want to be with him or is he just assuming this ?

I think I'm inclined to agree with another tattler, he's waiting to see what she says, most definitely another case of a man wanting his cake and eating it you are not a 2nd choice or an option please don't let him treat you like one.

I'm struggling to get my head around this too.

 

[Ohheyyyyy]

Finally found the one guys!

 

[SwimmingPigs]

I'd stay away from guys that still have exes lurking around. It always ends in tears and is quite selfish of the guy in my opinion.