Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[prinnygrace]

I’m soooo nervous for this date. Home from just looking forward to it to being super nervous. I usually go on a date with someone after aboht a week of talking but we’ve spoke non-stop for about 2 months so feels like there’s more pressure on it! Also Mother Nature come calling and I have the worlds worst cramps

 

[Thank(space)you]

I think you handled it well. Good response!

My date last night was nice even though he didn't pay for my drink.
Why do guys not do that anymore?

He messaged me after the date saying I was "really nice" (?) and he wanted to meet me again.

But the fun guys on Bumble still haven't responded. How can I stir the convo up again without always double-texting?

If the fun guys wanted to message you, they would. I'm the worst for remembering to reply on apps (when I was on them) but it's someone caught my attention, I'd make a conscious effort to keep the communication flowing.


Re the date tonight, call me old fashioned but I think the first drink should be paid for by the guy.

 

[Gym&Tonic]

An update. So clingy and needy Bumble match has now told me that he would ’ really love to kiss me’. Despite having never ever met me. I mean how can you know if you really, truly fancy someone unless you’ve met them?

 

[Bagpuss7]

An update. So clingy and needy Bumble match has now told me that he would ’ really love to kiss me’. Despite having never ever met me. I mean how can you know if you really, truly fancy someone unless you’ve met them?

You might have raging halitosis( I'm sure you don't!) for all he knows ! These kind of proclamations are usually the start of the ick for me especially as in my experience its the start of major love bombing.

You either nip it in the bud and suggest you wait til you've met before you have those types of conversations or you turn into banter and see if he keeps up that way.

 

[Sheabutter]

An update. So clingy and needy Bumble match has now told me that he would ’ really love to kiss me’. Despite having never ever met me. I mean how can you know if you really, truly fancy someone unless you’ve met them?

Maybe you charmed him

I feel the same way as you by the way. Voice is the most important thing for me when it comes to attraction. It is tied with hygiene. Where I live the men my age either have gross personal hygiene or they’re too into grooming which in itself is a turnoff. I don’t know that men have to overcome the same hurdles. Maybe go for it and report back !

 

[Clickbait]

An update. So clingy and needy Bumble match has now told me that he would ’ really love to kiss me’. Despite having never ever met me. I mean how can you know if you really, truly fancy someone unless you’ve met them?

Just cracking out Nicole again:


I think his time has come. You’ve been patient but he’s just a bit of a wet lettuce who is either way too keen to be talking to a woman and could be weird/awkward AF or possibly painfully shy in person (no eye contact, no chat) or he’s a love bomber who uses these lines all the time thinking it’s what women want to hear.

I spoke about my narc love bomber experience a few threads ago either here or in ‘The Ick’ thread so won’t go over it again (he was writing almost Mills and Boon meets erotica sentences before we met - why I met him ) but I would say he’s one to be avoided. At this point you have more reservations than a restaurant.

 

[Bagpuss7]

So I've been having a pretty shyte time of it all ...little update..

Mr Scotland- twindled out sadly.
Mr no signal/ powercut- declared his love for me via can I have a 2nd chance - he's gone in the bin.
Mr I've chosen Miss 1st choice - can I have a 2nd chance,it never worked out with her and you are soo amazing ( he dumped me via a you are amazing text but she's better) - he's also in the bin !

So I've been trying the apps and I did make a really good connection with a sailor, lots of voice notes and chat and we've arranged a date for 29th but he went quiet yesterday randomly..I'm on unread at the moment but my gut is screaming it's gone tits up !

But my biggest dilemma and one I'm really struggling with. My ex from 2016 is back. We have had this relationship on and off for 5 years, it ended badly last year after I think attempt number 3 to make a go of it. He found me on Tinder and I know I should have swiped the other way but I couldn't. So far he's being him but every day I'm waiting for him to vanish. I've been through some really tit stuff this year and he's familiar and safe but I know he's not right for me and it will end as it always does by me being sad.

I know lots of you can relate to these toxic attachments that are soo hard to detach from. Any words of wisdom would help

 

[Gym&Tonic]

He’s claimed he briefly dated a woman last year but it didn’t work because she had a difficult ex. But then that could be just his side of the story and she thought he was a weirdo and ended it. Who knows really. He really doesn’t seem to have very much at all going on in his life, he’s also started asking questions about mucky pictures. Not sending me any, but asking if I’ve ever received them (I have, like most women) and he said he’d never send me any but had exchanged some in the past but only when it was ‘consensual’. That felt to me like he was fishing for me to send him photos or him send me some. He also said his wife dumped him because she didn’t fancy him anymore and has said he had an emotional affair with a work colleague during the marriage, after she’d told him she’d gone off him. He ended that affair when the woman started talking to him about sex. But you know. How do I know if that’s the truth?

 

[Sheabutter]

He’s claimed he briefly dated a woman last year but it didn’t work because she had a difficult ex. But then that could be just his side of the story and she thought he was a weirdo and ended it. Who knows really. He really doesn’t seem to have very much at all going on in his life, he’s also started asking questions about mucky pictures. Not sending me any, but asking if I’ve ever received them (I have, like most women) and he said he’d never send me any but had exchanged some in the past but only when it was ‘consensual’. That felt to me like he was fishing for me to send him photos or him send me some. He also said his wife dumped him because she didn’t fancy him anymore and has said he had an emotional affair with a work colleague during the marriage, after she’d told him she’d gone off him. He ended that affair when the woman started talking to him about sex. But you know. How do I know if that’s the truth?

I think emotional affairs are just as hurtful as physical ones. If he shared that info with me, I’d pass on him

 

[ksr96]

I went on a date with that possessive guy again and guess what, he turned possessive!!! No one saw that coming did they… He clearly tried to put on a fake nonchalant persona on our initial date so I absolutely won’t be seeing him again.

in other news I went to a dinner party on Friday and met somebody really lovely, so I’m hoping we form a nice friendship / potentially something more. He and his driver took me home too which was sweet. It was nice to be reminded that there are good people out there and I shouldn’t have to settle for something toxic. And also to remember that when someone shows their true colours, they’re unlikely to change.

 

[candyland_]

I went on a date with that possessive guy again and guess what, he turned possessive!!! No one saw that coming did they… He clearly tried to put on a fake nonchalant persona on our initial date so I absolutely won’t be seeing him again.

in other news I went to a dinner party on Friday and met somebody really lovely, so I’m hoping we form a nice friendship / potentially something more. He and his driver took me home too which was sweet. It was nice to be reminded that there are good people out there and I shouldn’t have to settle for something toxic. And also to remember that when someone shows their true colours, they’re unlikely to change.

So he showed you he was possessive but you still went on a second date?! Listen to what people show you the first time.

 

[ksr96]

So he showed you he was possessive but you still went on a second date?! Listen to what people show you the first time.

I think dating is a learning experience, and yes that was the case (many on here told me not to give him another chance) but I am pleased that I learned the hard way in this situation as the pain will prevent me from making the mistake a second time around. Let’s not be too harsh on each other

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Go easy, I said she should give him a second chance….but what do I know

Ok so D is now actually cooking me a roast at his house!

Honestly, I don’t know what it is about me and men witch roasts….I’ll take a photo this time and see how I can work out how to upload it

 

[HelloStereo]

So I've been having a pretty shyte time of it all ...little update..

Mr Scotland- twindled out sadly.
Mr no signal/ powercut- declared his love for me via can I have a 2nd chance - he's gone in the bin.
Mr I've chosen Miss 1st choice - can I have a 2nd chance,it never worked out with her and you are soo amazing ( he dumped me via a you are amazing text but she's better) - he's also in the bin !

So I've been trying the apps and I did make a really good connection with a sailor, lots of voice notes and chat and we've arranged a date for 29th but he went quiet yesterday randomly..I'm on unread at the moment but my gut is screaming it's gone tits up !

But my biggest dilemma and one I'm really struggling with. My ex from 2016 is back. We have had this relationship on and off for 5 years, it ended badly last year after I think attempt number 3 to make a go of it. He found me on Tinder and I know I should have swiped the other way but I couldn't. So far he's being him but every day I'm waiting for him to vanish. I've been through some really tit stuff this year and he's familiar and safe but I know he's not right for me and it will end as it always does by me being sad.

I know lots of you can relate to these toxic attachments that are soo hard to detach from. Any words of wisdom would help

I really think you should cut the ex from 2016 loose. I feel like you're gravitating towards him because he feels familiar and things have fizzled out with other prospects, but if you've tried three times to make a go of things and it hasn't worked so far, I doubt it will ever work.

 

[Phoenix Lazarus]

An update. So clingy and needy Bumble match has now told me that he would ’ really love to kiss me’. Despite having never ever met me. I mean how can you know if you really, truly fancy someone unless you’ve met them?

As a man myself, I'd wholly expect any self-respecting woman I sent that to to run a mile. He's not very self-aware.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

He’s claimed he briefly dated a woman last year but it didn’t work because she had a difficult ex. But then that could be just his side of the story and she thought he was a weirdo and ended it. Who knows really. He really doesn’t seem to have very much at all going on in his life, he’s also started asking questions about mucky pictures. Not sending me any, but asking if I’ve ever received them (I have, like most women) and he said he’d never send me any but had exchanged some in the past but only when it was ‘consensual’. That felt to me like he was fishing for me to send him photos or him send me some. He also said his wife dumped him because she didn’t fancy him anymore and has said he had an emotional affair with a work colleague during the marriage, after she’d told him she’d gone off him. He ended that affair when the woman started talking to him about sex. But you know. How do I know if that’s the truth?

He is telling you all of this and you never met?

I would unmatch and move on and look for someone who isn't that irritating. He sounds like he has an issue.

 

[Gym&Tonic]

You are both right of course, I know that.

Makes me wonder if I’d be better off staying single?

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

So I've been having a pretty shyte time of it all ...little update..

Mr Scotland- twindled out sadly.
Mr no signal/ powercut- declared his love for me via can I have a 2nd chance - he's gone in the bin.
Mr I've chosen Miss 1st choice - can I have a 2nd chance,it never worked out with her and you are soo amazing ( he dumped me via a you are amazing text but she's better) - he's also in the bin !

So I've been trying the apps and I did make a really good connection with a sailor, lots of voice notes and chat and we've arranged a date for 29th but he went quiet yesterday randomly..I'm on unread at the moment but my gut is screaming it's gone tits up !

But my biggest dilemma and one I'm really struggling with. My ex from 2016 is back. We have had this relationship on and off for 5 years, it ended badly last year after I think attempt number 3 to make a go of it. He found me on Tinder and I know I should have swiped the other way but I couldn't. So far he's being him but every day I'm waiting for him to vanish. I've been through some really tit stuff this year and he's familiar and safe but I know he's not right for me and it will end as it always does by me being sad.

I know lots of you can relate to these toxic attachments that are soo hard to detach from. Any words of wisdom would help

that's a shame about Mr Scotland, he sounded promising.

Your ex sounds like drama. Can you find something else to provide comfort to you during these times?

I can recommend the Personal Development School and Psychology in Seattle (both Youtube Channels and podcasts) to learn about toxic relationshops and how to get out of them.
The Personal Dev School also has some videos on how to identify and fulfil your own needs.

If I am tempted to respond to my ex I recall the ways in which he let me down and the temptation fades...

You are both right of course, I know that.

Makes me wonder if I’d be better off staying single?

You are better off staying single until you find the right guy.

In the meantime: boundaries, common sense, lighthearted fun and tons of self-love

 

[HelloStereo]

Good lord.

 

[Very traditional]

View attachment 879631

Good lord.

I don't know what's more off putting, his grammar or his request to buy your used underwear