Could you marry someone poor/minimum wage?

[Sunlifeover50]

I think the really weird thing about this is I’m not really sure why the question is being asked? In the OP I was assuming that it was a new relationship and perhaps OP was a high earner and was unsure whether a relationship with someone earning less than her would work. Now it’s turned out that she’s in a relationship with a high earner so what’s the point of asking really??? Is it just so someone can come along and say “we’re broke and life’s miserable” to make her feel better?? I just don’t get it

 

[Polythene Pam]

Honest opinions please and no judgement given … Could you marry someone or be with someone who was poor / earned minimum wage or say just above it and they have no intentions/ambitions of bettering themselves? Eg. will probably be earning 25k a year by the time they’re I their 40s working full time. I’d love to hear honest opinions rather these PC answers… does wealth and more importantly lack of ambition bother you when looking for a partner?

I don't think I could. I'm not the most ambitious person but I am in a decent job and am progressing. I wouldn't want a life where I am constantly a few poor decisions away from losing everything.
Minimum wage jobs tend to be less secure also.

 

[littlewonder]

the world isn’t divided neatly into poor = no work ethic and rich = successful and ambitious… that’s about as useful as saying ‘get a better paying job’

I’d like to have enough money to live comfortably, have my own house and not worry about working. I’d probably volunteer on a casual basis and explore my hobbies and interests or just fuck off abroad now and then. I hate money talk and find it really unattractive though because of my previous abusive relationship - I’m much more interested in who me and my partner are and how we grow as people! I was earning a perfectly fine amount before I had a breakdown then I worked my way back to a decent wage… and then I got ill and now our household income is tiny. We manage and I wouldn’t trade my partner for anyone. I can’t imagine the pressure of a partner who only cared about the number on my payslip and not my health and well-being!

My last ex was obsessed with money and status and it made me obsessed too - it was miserable!! He couldn’t stick to a job because he thought he was too good for minimum wage - he got himself into debt and then started stealing my money because he was never happy with what he had, it was always about what he could get next.

Having a breakdown/illness makes you realise a lot of things and whilst I’d love to earn more and take the pressure off my health, I’m not about to work myself into being permanently bed bound for the sake of a nicer car because I won’t get to enjoy it

 

[JodieGreen123]

I didn’t even think it was ‘ showy ‘saying I used to drive a Range and now a Porsche as they are quite common anyway, like someone else said and I just happen to like 4x4 cars now and find it hard to go back to something like my first car my Toyota !

You know Toyota and other ‘peasant brands’ do 4x4s right? The rangey/Porsche logo does not make the car a 4x4!

 

[WhatABore]

OP please look at this picture. It could humble you a little

View attachment 1974448

And they've responded with a laugh react

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

[
wearing prinark

yea I do like luxury items so what and don’t want to wear primark all the time so what !? Oh bore off with your self righteous crap and and while I only earn 50k it suits me well as it’s just part time and have a child and it’s a little start up recruitment business which I plan to grow ! Husband


Yes everything I said is made up we actually live in Slough and live in a 400k house and have a household income of 80k a year … hope that makes you feel better and I drive a 10k car maybe that will make you feel even more better… god forbid anyone who talks to you about wealth , luxury and wanting to grow / better themselves with a start up business and so what if I do t want to wear primark clothes all the time , why does it bother you so much !? I just like quality clothing never said it has to be designer clothes ! …

I actually wonder if you’re a bit stupid? Your lack of grammar and correct spelling certain makes it seems that way?

in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not the only one making these comments about you. I think the only person that sees things the way you do, is you.

I don’t have an issue with you not wanting to wear primark, myself and others have an issue with you looking down your nose at those that do.

How do you know I don’t have wealth myself? This is the problem with people like you, you think you’re high and mighty and that everyone else is beneath you.

I don’t have an issue with you talking about “wealth” or “luxury”, I don’t have an issue with anyone talking about those kind of things, (you’re just presuming I don’t have those too because you like to look down your nose at everyone) I have an issue with you making snobbish remarks about people that you believe are beneath yourself.

This is the problem, you lack intelligence so you can’t come up with a constructive argument and you go back on yourself and you misunderstand points being made.

 

[littlewonder]

OP please look at this picture. It could humble you a little

View attachment 1974448

I just have to pipe up and say as someone in a wheelchair, you can get motorised bike attachments

but it is also very true - people whose entire identity and self worth is focused on money / stuff that isn’t guaranteed and not focusing on who they are as a person outside of that are usually the people who say they’d rather die than be like me and can’t imagine how I’d ever feel happiness more fool them if their life is so meaningless that they wouldn’t be able to imagine living differently!

 

[Merpedy]

I love popping into this thread and feeling like I’m on mumsnet

 

[Snippysnips]

@Snippysnips thats really, really harsh.

She can wipe her tears with her £100 notes

 

[ReginaPhalange4]

My husband was in the top earners and due to circumstances out of his control, he lost his job during covid. He completely changed his career and started from the bottom. It took 3 months until he was promoted because he works hard, but he is still earning significantly less then he was. Do I love him any less? Absolutely not. I love him more. He sees our kids more, he is happier and he doesn't work all the hours god sends anymore. The fact he is happy and with us more makes me happier than his salary ever did.

 

[Hope96]

Same! How cringey!

They are the kind of person I’d roll my eyes at in the office while they’re bragging away… meanwhile I’d rather stay humble.

I’ve been in poverty growing up and it doesn’t make you any less of a person because you rely on primark and cheap cars. If a car gets you from A to B does anyone really give a stuff except snobby twats.

100%. It makes me feel a bit annoyed knowing OP is looking down on those who are happy with not earning crazy amounts of money or not seeking partners who are going to fund their lifestyles. They seem to think what they are saying is ok because they started of with a Toyota car. It is all a bit sad really... money can't buy humility eh!

 

[Yorkshirepud85]

Instead of taking 3 hoildays a year I just moved to Yorkshire - feels like I'm hoilday all the time!

 

[Baby Giraffe]

I can only think that the OP is either a troll or very deluded and shallow. Obviously nobody in their right mind would want to be with (let alone marry) somebody who was a lazy waste of space but it would never matter to me how much they actually earned so long as we could manage ok. A few years ago (pre covid) we were both working long hours for quite good money (well above National wage) but had no time to enjoy it and we’re tired and stressed all the time. We have both cut back a lot (I now only work part time) and the health benefits have been incredible meaning I am sleeping better and generally able to enjoy my life. I’ll be able to continue working at this level for much longer rather than pushing myself into an early grave. Money does not buy happiness and you can get a lot of pleasure out of non materialistic things. I see my husband and myself as part of a team, working together, not as somebody who would buy me pretty things and put me on a pedestal which sounds ridiculous.

 

[miss_americana]

This was my immediate thought too! Don't know jf anyone else watches/watched peep show but "the first thing to say is they this is NOT pyramid selling"

The first rule of MLM club. This is not an MLM club

 

[Cheapseats]

When I married my husband I was out of work on sickness benefit. He was 25k in debt and not opening his mail. I opened his mail and typed out letters to all his debtors making arrangements te pay and he signed them. Took some years but we paid them all off repaired our credit. And as each one gradually paid off there was cause to celebrate.
The only thing you can be sure of in life is it never stays the same. You have good times and bad times. You have money and sometimes not. But starting off with no money and serious debts is not an indicator of where you will always be.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Also love the fact that OP commented on the “does the money buy you happiness” thread stating that they didn’t have much when they were younger, but now they’re older they do…

so basically they’ve married someone who earns a higher wage and now they’ve turned into a braggy twat that looks down their nose at the people that are in the position they used to be.

It was okay for OP to drive a Skoda when they were younger, but god help anyone who decides to drive a “modest” car now

 

[princessmaire80]

Lifestyle business
I’m not saying anymore. I really am not. That says it all!

And much as you think you’re not looking down on people- you very much are. My outfit today would probably horrify you (Primark sweatshirt and top, New Look jeggings) but you know what I’m comfortable and happy with what I’m wearing. I have a hoodie in the wardrobe that cost me £350 from Harrods, and another hoodie that cost me £250 (not from Harrods though) they’re all that’s left from when I was doing better. If it weren’t for the fact that the £350 hoodie has a hole in it and the £250 hoodie is so heavy and warm it saves a fortune on heating I would have sold them too. There are things that are more important than money.

Also you keep banging on that you have a child (we get it hun. More or less every single response you mention that) is it really the best lesson to be giving your child that all you should aspire to is marrying a rich partner?!

 

[Lalla]

Based on past experiences, as a woman now in her 50s I wouldn't ever again date someone who earned less than me.

This is not because I'm motivated by money. I drive a 14 year old car I bought for £1500, I shop in Primark. I cut and dye my own hair and always have. Most things in my house were bought 2nd hand. So I don't live some luxurious life, I do ok, but I'm not dining out at the Ivy every week ..

So it doesn't matter to me if someone earns 60k (my salary) or 20k. But what I have learned is that it matters a LOT to men. Every relationship I've had, money has been an issue, because I was the higher earner and they didn't like it. Not because I was flashing the cash, or making them uncomfortable. Just because I earned more, they were so insecure they couldn't deal with it.

In my last relationship my Ex actually earned more than me, but because I own my house and he doesn't (and has zero savings) again he resented me, didn't like the inequality he perceived; so much so that he refused to live with me because he couldn't match my contribution to a house.

So no, in future I'm not wasting my time with men who will end up hating me, and will only date men who own a house outright and are on 60k plus a year. Which I'm sure narrows the pool to basically no one!

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Nope had the Toyota from my teens to t
No and quite frankly I would be happy to just drive a 10-15k car, it’s just more as my husband wanted it too, also I know my threads getting lots of hate but I’m just being honest … plus alot of it I think is to do with what you are used to being around, this area of Buckinghamshire where I now live has quite alot of wealthy people with nice things who work hard and generally quite ambitious with their careers or businesses … compared to where I grew up in London and the circles I used to hang around , in fact I don’t think hardly anyone I went to school with earns more than 30k some I think may even be on benefits / council housing.

Wow.

So keeping up with the Jones for you? Bucks isn't any fancier than pockets of elsewhere fwiw. Where I live one side of the street is Housing Association properties and the other is £1m+ houses. Same in London. I grew up in a 'ghetto' as many called it, but down the back roads, you had sought after £m+ houses owned by the rich. Location means fuck all.

A lot of people, working people, are receiving benefit top ups to survive the cost of living. Its really not an alien concept that they 'may even be on benefits'.

 

[JodieGreen123]

Think we posted around the same time and with the same sentiment. I just don’t get it either. As for having anxiety over having to wear primark ffs

It’s not even about having to wear primark for a lot of us, I just choose to wear primark! I can afford to, I just actually don’t want to waste money on fancy clothes!