Could you marry someone poor/minimum wage?

[JodieGreen123]

Interesting, the only couples j nknow with big salary gaps are always the men earning more and usually couples with children so the woman does more childcare. Does anyone know any couples that do the opposite?

I earn considerably more than my partner of 10 years and we don’t have children.

ETA However, he does want to increase his income and is on a career path to do this.

 

[Lazarus]

Not really and to be quite frank im loving life and

no problem yes asian and half English but born here , my husband is also Asian heritage and you are right there is alot of emphasis often from that culture on doing well , being successful in well paid career etc if that is what you mean.
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Thanks for answering.

 

[Jellybean093]

Oh and I’m presuming you’re asking this because of what you saw on the child free thread, seeing as you threw shade at people who were happy to earn 30k and drive a focus…

A few of us over there might not want a career, that doesn’t mean we lack ambition. It’s always more complex than that.

I’m not on the child free thread, as I have children, but can you elaborate on this a bit more for me? I’m not being arsey, I genuinely want to know whats Happened over there?

 

[Jellybean093]

We got chatting about how people presume we are career women as we don’t want kids and a few of us said we didn’t want either.

This person basically decided to tell us that having kids is easier than working (as if we care) and then presumed we were all broke and tried to get smug… when in reality if you don’t have kids you tend to afford nice things whether you earn high or not… they just presumed we all earn 30k and drive a focus… I think I’d rather earn 30k and drive a focus than be that shallow and up my own my arse, but hey ho

Yer, I would have loads of money if I didn’t have kids, but here we are I probably still wouldn’t have ambition and would probably be on a job I hated it much worse!

 

[Snippysnips]

A person's job does not define them.

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That would worry me as in they were saving for a rainy day, retirement, or whatever, but what if that day never came? We never know what's around the corner for us, and you can't take it with you.

Honestly I think it was his upbringing that done it because his family were like this, I will say he's relaxed a bit more now, we did talk about why keep saving like this an not enjoy ANYTHING, sometimes you need balance, it's good to have savings but also you need to live a little bit, because like you say it can't go with you, an we have enjoyed many Walt Disney/Universal holidays now (our choice as we love it there) an my 2yo neice (the first grandkid for him) gets some nice family days out

 

[JodieGreen123]

No but I have to admit I miss it as had it for along time it was my first car! I just could not bring myself to drive such a car again as I like nice 4X4s now !

Just going to leave this here for you… https://www.toyota.co.uk/4x4-cars

 

[Jellybean093]

It comes from this thread which made the classics : Though it does come from the same people who always sit and ask if they should go to A&E whilst the child is turning blue.

View attachment 1973924

Oh, I have actually seen this before penis beaker

 

[Snippysnips]

I have an uncle who’s rich. He has a huge indoor swimming pool. Anyway, we used to get knickers and socks from m&s for Christmas

Goes with my grandparents who always gifted me socks an bird feed, although one year I did get a birdhouse

Looking back on it now, I'd be absolutely over the moon with it all an respect that they did try their best, they knew I was a animal lover so I can see where they were coming from as an adult now but being a young child you sorta expected toys at Xmas so I'd be like urmmm thanks

 

[Sunflower91]

The issue is that ambition doesn't necessarily mean striving for more money it is also just striving to do your best in your job. I am jn a job that is pretty badly paid and has little scope for more but I like it and try and do my best every day. The idea that pay is indicative of how hard your work is/how important it is is ridiculous, as we all know the jobs that keep society working often tend to be vastly underpaid (ine isn't one of these it is just underpaid )

I agree. I know a fair amount of people paid less for something they love doing, and that requires more skill and brain power than I do. I don’t think pay is indicative of how hard people work- I say this as someone who’s paid a lot to move shapes in PowerPoint (and a bit miserable with it until I work out my options). I don’t think I was maybe articulating it very well but I see ambition and finance as two separate things. I want ambition to mirror my outlook on life, but a partner who earns a similar amount so then there’s not a concern of a financial power imbalance. Its maybe one of those things where my experiences in life make me anxious to either put myself in a vulnerable position of being out-earned or a potentially stressful situation of being needed for the heavy lifting on finances.

 

[Sunflower91]

I’ve been called a snob a few times for this but I find ambition an attractive quality. I want to find someone on my wavelength where learning or progression is important. I also find it helps with the power dynamic. I’ve been on both sides of the coin- relationships where my partner had 0 ambition and it just fostered some kind of jealousy or a lack of understanding/ support of my goals. But then also where the earnings themselves were quite equal but there were other finance elements held over my head towards the end (he owned the house and it became pretty clear it was something he was willing to hold over me). To that end my own financial future is important to me, I don’t want to be reliant on someone and maintain my independence but at the same time I don’t want someone who is potentially going to be reliant on me or expecting me to compromise on what’s important to me. I think sometimes it comes across as harsh saying out loud that career/goals matter to me but I kind of see it as a lifestyle thing a bit like a hobby only you spend more time doing it. Some people aren’t attracted to people without hobbies, I’m not attracted to people where there’s ambition misalignment.

 

[Sloppys]

You have to think about the whole picture. Would your partner earning that money cause other issue such as arguments about money/ambition? Would that money be enough to afford you the life you want/have now? Myself and my husband were probably earning similar to that when we first got together but now earn a bit more which lets us do the things we like doing without too much worry about bills etc.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I've never experiences a maga holiday. I genuinely went to malta for my girls holiday... Am I high brow enough yet?
(I don't drink though so maga would have been pointless)

I went with my ex when I was 16. Was an interesting trip

 

[pinkmug]

I grew up kinda poor, I don't think anybody would imagine it just looking at us but money was a constant cause of stress and many many fights. So many debts, power cut, phone line cut due to unpaid bills etc. That taught me one thing, I don't want to struggle the same way again and I don't want to spend my life with someone who doesn't feel the same way about money.

That doesn't mean I'd pick someone rich that I didn't love over someone broke that I do love. But I found that the approach to money is more important than how much of it you have. What is "necessary", what is non-negotiable, what is a luxury and what is senseless spending? What will be our priorities once we get the bare necessities outnof the way? Does my partner value spending over saving? Is dining out at a nice place once in a while unnecessary for him? Does he prefer spending money on items or experiences? Is it comfort over cheaper prices, or do we decide to slum it in order to spend the money on something better? As long as we're on the same page, I don't think I'd care if he didn't want to become a high executive or didn't earn six figures.

Financial security is very important to me but everyone has a different idea of what it means to be comfortable. I'd want to know that we have our bills, home, health and emergencies covered. I'd want to know we wouldn't be a few bad months away from having our gas or power cut, or being on the streets. I'd want to know that I can trust my partner with priorities and budgeting. Other than that, I don't mind. I have my own income, it's not a High Income™ but I'm content with it, especially since I usually get to leave work on time and my workload doesn't make me want to depend on Adderall or cocaine to cope with 160 hour work weeks. I'm not an engineer or a doctor or a lawyer, I'm not in finance etc so I'll probably never earn big salaries either.

I wouldn't call myself ambitious regarding career or money, I have other needs and wants in life so I don't expect that from a partner either. Actually someone whose entire mental energy is on the next promotion or the next raise would bring me down big time. It'd be amazing never to think about the cost of something I want to buy ever again, but not at the cost of my mental or physical health and I wouldn't want it for my spouse either.

 

[shadowcat5]

I went with my ex when I was 16. Was an interesting trip

It is my worst nightmare. I'm sure the island is gorgeous and I'd go to the other areas but that part... no thank you

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I am of two minds with this. I’m a single parent who owns their own house (mortgaged) and if I can manage to get through uni and save enough for a house deposit as a single parent I expect the same. I’ve always said someone ambitious too. However, there’s a balance with that. I have no desire to be with someone whose work is their entire life. Family must come first to me. As another poster said, you could be on minimum wage but do a rewarding job. That would show more about that person’s character than their salary. One thing I would admire is how they manage money. I don’t want to be with someone who has debt other than the usual house/car. That would be a major red flag and a no go to me. I’ve always saved 10% of my monthly take home (changes each month) as a minimum.

This is 100% accurate!

I mean, with rent, I cant afford to save lol but I agree with the sentiment!

 

[princessmaire80]

totally off topic here but are new look leggings any good? Mine are from primark and they are okay but I want some that are better quality as mine are starting to wear now and I find they start to look cheap really quickly (I wear them every day so understandable and I've got good use out of them for about £2.50). I thought about matalan but wanted to explore other options a well?

Sorry, I have no idea! I’m wearing NL jeggings today. I buy my everyday leggings from Primark too (I like the £5 high waisted ones) I’m told that Sainsbury’s luxury leggings are excellent but they’re a bit more than £2.50!

 

[latranla]

That's fine, but I find it interesting that you have asked the question 'would you marry someone who was poor/earned minimum wage'
If you want the finer things in life surely it is your responsibility to go out and get those? Not your partners? How you like to live and marrying someone 'poor' isn't really the same thing in my opinion

The point I was trying to make is would you date someone who perhaps is not on the same page as you financially or does not have the same financial goals as you and lifestyle goals ? As others in the post have pointed out they could it as they have certain lifestyles themselves they want to maintain and would struggle to date / marry someone who was not on the same page or atelast aiming to be

 

[JustmeKC]

I married someone who earned badly & claimed to have ambitions to do better. Turned out he was a lying shit, had no intention of bettering himself & was pushing for us to have kids so he could stay home & look after them ( despite me already having a child & him being well aware that I only wanted more kids if I wasn’t rushing back to work when they were 6 months old again).
Anyway, I’d be wary of such a person again, not saying I wouldn’t do it, but there’s a lot more to consider than their current financial situation and claims to ambition.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I'd also like to know where people are that 25k is considered low, cause round here full time at min wage, your lucky to bring in 17k, an that's before taxes, an 80% of jobs are going to pay that

I'm home counties, commuter belt to London. 25k isnt bad, but it would be a stretch month to month

 

[studmuffin12]

Interesting, the only couples j nknow with big salary gaps are always the men earning more and usually couples with children so the woman does more childcare. Does anyone know any couples that do the opposite?

Meant to add, this is in the scenario where 1 partner is earning significantly more than the other who also showed no signs of looking to improve. I think after a while I would wonder if it was a marriage of convenience / gain for them. This goes for both genders, I know of both men and women who have dated someone specifically for their bank account.

If the pay gap was smaller and not much difference, then no I wouldn't care at all.