Richie:Eddie... Eddie... Help! I've got my swimming trunks on.
Eddie:I have no particular interest in seeing them.
Richie:No, the only thing is, they're so tight, I can't get 'em off... Feels like I'm being garroted. God, I hope I don't sneeze, I'll be sliced in three!
.....
Richie:Ok, thanks Eddie. Oh, why did you make me buy a thong, Eddie? [He turns around and bends over the arm of the sofa.]
Eddie:Here goes. [He rams a claw hammer, head first, right up Richie's rear end. Richie tries not to scream]
[He slowly pulls the hammer back out. The back of the thong is hooked over the claw. Eddie pulls it harder, eventually stretching it out to about fifteen feet before it slips from the claw and flies back, smashing Richie right where it hurts. He collapses in agony.]
Eddie:Hmm... Dunno... I think we're going to have to burn them off. [Strokes his chin thoughtfully]
Richie:Anything, Eddie, Anything. Just make it quick, I think I'm losing consciousness; I think my legs are going to sleep!
Eddie: [Lighting a handy oxyacetylene torch and puts on a pair of welding goggles] Yeah, well I think this should wake them up.
Richie:What? [Eddie lays on his back, sticks his head under Richie's dressing gown and thrusts the oxy torch up at his crotch. Richie screams and we hear the thong break]
Eddie:Yep, here we go! [holds up a tiny thing that looks like two elastic bands tied together] There we are! There's the little fellah that was causing all the trouble!
Richie:Oh! Oh! Oh, thank god they're off. You know, in future I think I'm just going to have to own up to not being quite a 26 waist any more.
Eddie:26? What's that in feet? Yards? Miles?