A night down the social club maybe 
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Melvin has no guy pals. That doesn't happen by accident. And if that mumosa is the best he has to offer, he'll have no gal pals either. Charmless bawbag.
xx
YOU’VE GOT NO PALS! DEREK DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE HE IS SUFFERING FROM STOCKHOLM SYNDROME!!! (You’ll have to google that Mario, you thick duck)
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I'm only surprised he didn't lay the sweets and crissss out on his cheeseboard. Another passing fad that's gone the way of the cereal dispenser.....
He can’t wait for the day he gets a “night oot” but he’s the bleep not wearing a mask!! People like him is why lockdown restrictions will just last longer, hole.
I actually just spat out my drink laughing at this ma lovelie. Thanks for the laugh.
He went to the bingo.
Be careful you don't stain the salmon beach towel ma lovelie.
duck's sakeeeee!!Hes feeling boujee tonight whilst drinking his pop by the look of it lovelies
He's so bloody pathetic! By the girls, he means some of the oldies at Debenhams - probably Barbara and Enid because no self respecting woman his age (I know I'd not ) would be seen dead oot and aboot with that hook nosed, 3 haired melt. 
Not going to lie ma lovelies, kinda want to try that Mumosa now . Will get back in ma ain lane aye and so forth.
Mario has influenced me...I feel nauseous
Mario has influenced me...I feel nauseous
Promise you'd spike your own drink with a vodka shot and let yourself off the hook
He didn’t mention giving the gurels a wee shot on the dyson to set their blue rinses before they jump in the cab to Gala Bingo!
Him n Derek r obvs pissed on the mns f’all percent mimosas probably flinging they two bottles aboot like majorette sticks 
Ah we call it corned beef hash.
We would call Marions version dog sick
He will be waiting for his bowls in the colour bamboo with matching tray, to arrive from China. Ready to launch his new journey with panelling, entertainments unit and maybe a built in fish tank
Jesus wept, they looks as though they are going to play spin the bottle.
It will all end in tears
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I'm claiming us a Tattle victory this morning. Melv's been up for hours and done all his housework..........but he's holding off til a bit later before hoovering!
That’s it after watching those stories I’ve come to the conclusion Mazdas calling in life is to be a motivational speaker, never mind all the people at Debenhams that have been made redundant, just keep your head and at least 6 job offers will come flooding in, trust him to make it all about him yet again! 
I wouldn’t be too happy if the flat above me put their washing machine on at 6.30am. Thoughtless wee fucker. I live in an apartment and we’re asked to wait until after 8 before we wash, hoover, etc.
Mazda using the most ridiculous filter this morning. And claiming he had 2 interviews and 6 job offers last year, which like nearly everything he says, doesn’t add up 
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