Probably needed to snort some Spring Awakening to give himself the courage to get home
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So are we supposed to believe that Melvin who can’t usually see the end of his beak because his eye sight is so bad managed to see a driver fin their phone, from a distance, who was speeding.... I call bullshit
I'm going to wear one red one, and one grey one ma lovelie.I'm glad you said that love as i've got you a pair of each for christmas
He had a procedure done in his eye, so his eyesight is ok. More exaggerated drama.
It shook him up so much he thought the best thing to do would be to walk to the train with his earbuds in doing a story 
Right, who put a hit out on oor sheer precious Mario? Driver pure didnae stoap at the zebra crossing cos he was looking at his phone. Maybe derek has insured mario, because he’s so famous now and who knows what could happen
So traumatised he had to go and buy more diamante tat from B&M. Perhaps it was Derek driving?
I want to know how he gets anywhere if he avoids crossing the road? I wonder if that is why Dezzer has to go collect him from the train station? I hope he has to hold Derek's hand and look both ways before he crosses.
Oh and something I randomly remembered this morning while walking the dog, he said last night while showing off his mum's hooker shoes, "ohh I know you lassies like your shooz" No Melvin, not all of us "lassies" like our shooz, I have 2 pairs of shooz, one flat black pair and one low black heel, plus 2 pairs of trainers, so stick that up your arse sideways!
Oh and something I randomly remembered this morning while walking the dog, he said last night while showing off his mum's hooker shoes, "ohh I know you lassies like your shooz" No Melvin, not all of us "lassies" like our shooz, I have 2 pairs of shooz, one flat black pair and one low black heel, plus 2 pairs of trainers, so stick that up your arse sideways!
Think he thinks all women are like the characters off SATC. I've never worn heels in my life and I'm pretty sure anyone who does wouldn't wear those monstrosities out unless they were an 80s hooker
I hope he does a ‘live’ the moment his mum opens up them horrific shoes. I love seeing people, feeling awkward and having to pretend to like cheap tat!! And Good on her if she can manage to walk in them 
Hallo my lovelies, nice to see that Marios new teeths haven't fallen out yet, I've been keeping an eye out for his dentist on botched but sadly they haven't got a shout out yet. Is he still undergoing his eyebrow journey?
The eyebrow jurrnnneeehhh never ends, fortunately he's back to Bally, who according to him "Bally will always be in ma life for ma eyebrows"
I think we can all agree that St Melvin is like a Scottish Jesus, except he doesn't have a beard.
Teeth are just grey, his lips are receding, eyebrow journey is ongoing. Has them microbladed now, was last seen trying to scrub them off with cillit bang but failed
Poor Bally, she must regret the day she took him on in exchange for some gushing stories about how her eyebrows are so good that they last all of 6 hours before they wash off again! At least he's found a use for his cupboard of #gifted Cillit bang
Just watched his traumatic stories from last night. God help the poor man. I think a trip to spend some time with the Speakmans from This Morning will help with his fear of roads. He was so afraid this morning he was wearing his headphones so that he wouldn’t be able to hear a car coming for him.
Id say Mario had his homework eaten by the dogs a few times at school and by the time he got the story out to the teacher she’d tell him it was grandrather than listen to the bill
coming out of his mouth. Christ on a bike, my ears are sore from listening to him. Can you imagine the dribble in the messages he got from the 
this morning.
Id say Mario had his homework eaten by the dogs a few times at school and by the time he got the story out to the teacher she’d tell him it was grandrather than listen to the bill
coming out of his mouth. Christ on a bike, my ears are sore from listening to him. Can you imagine the dribble in the messages he got from the this morning. Iv seen the way his mum dresses ...so in all fairness ...she’s going to bloody love themI hope he does a ‘live’ the moment his mum opens up them horrific shoes. I love seeing people, feeling awkward and having to pretend to like cheap tat!! And Good on her if she can manage to walk in them
Haha well he had to get his love of ‘subtle’ sparkly shite, from somewhere.Iv seen the way his mum dresses ...so in all fairness ...she’s going to bloody love them
Guys.... Thanks for your kinds words 
Still a sad household but I am off for the weekend so going to try and cheer the children up
I see Mario is feart of crossing roads now. Whys everything so dramatic for him. Honestly, anything for the gram from this dingbat
Still a sad household but I am off for the weekend so going to try and cheer the children up
I see Mario is feart of crossing roads now. Whys everything so dramatic for him. Honestly, anything for the gram from this dingbat
A friend of mine was telling a real riveting story about how she had the right of way on a road but an oncoming car ignored that and drove down and really reeeeallllly close to their car and I replied "alright calm down Mario"
That's the best comeback I've ever had
That's the best comeback I've ever had
He's so fishing for someone to offer to make mario merchandise!
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