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I know, I know, I should know better than to be surprised at the way he lives his life but seriously wtf is in his fridge? Ready meals, pizzas and chocolate. No fresh meat, microwave rice. Melv is nearly 40 and is currently home all day and by his own admission bored so why not cook some food? Apart from anything else, it’s an expensive way to eat.
I nearly just had a full on meltdown when I saw that bleeping fleece hoody on its 30 degrees outside...... then I remembered we live at opposite ends of the country so I calmed my wee self down.
Sorry but it’s not that bleeping cold in Scotland!!! The wee turd
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That bleeping hoosecoat 
I live about 5 miles from him and to be fair it has been raining all day today, but it is not cold cold. It is still summer, it’s about 15 degrees.
He's definitely not going to feel the benefit of that come winter. Unless he wears it under his bespoke rat slanket that is. 
Yes I'm not surprised. After all this is the face of the man who tell Poor wee lovely Derek to duck off, has taken over, fills the flat with tatt, selfish, greedy, sprays crap everywhere and doesn't contribute to the rent, oops I meant he pays full rent didn't ya know
. I mean the least you think he would do is cook a meal.
Gawd I had totally forgotten his face before his teef jurneee. That photo is quite jarringYes I'm not surprised. After all this is the face of the man who tell Poor wee lovely Derek to duck off, has taken over, fills the flat with tatt, selfish, greedy, sprays crap everywhere and doesn't contribute to the rent, oops I meant he pays full rent didn't ya know
Young Garthy right there!Gawd I had totally forgotten his face before his teef jurneee. That photo is quite jarring
And that bleeping head tilt!That bleeping hoosecoat
Sorry. I'm not trying to turn this into a "thing" but it's an affectation too far. It's now up there with duck face pouting for me.
I'm not overly fond of the leg bend in every full length pose he does either. Bawbag.
What grinds ma gears is him pumping that bleeping mop bucket with his WWanker slippers on and hoosecoat...so aye
Hello ma lovelies! 
Slightly off topic, but nae debates on a post - I met my dad for the first time since lockdown began this afternoon as I needed my uniform for work, and we sat on a bench, obviously social distancing, so it was lovely. 
Also had my first Greggs in over 3 months (cappuccino and a corned beef pasty) and they were pure boujee. 
So aye....
Slightly off topic, but nae debates on a post - I met my dad for the first time since lockdown began this afternoon as I needed my uniform for work, and we sat on a bench, obviously social distancing, so it was lovely. Also had my first Greggs in over 3 months (cappuccino and a corned beef pasty) and they were pure boujee. So aye.... 
Pretty new to our M but SO many questions, hoping you can help me oot ma lovelies
1. He's serious yeah? About being a cleaning account? Seems to be but I swear some of it's like an episode of Gary Tank Commander so want to check
2. Do we ever see Derek? (I've only seen him in bed ill)
3. Do we ever see his lordship oot the hoose?
4. Does the cat get new bowls every other day? (only been following him a wee while and spotted about 6 changes already)
So aye, if somewan could fill me in, that would be great. If I don't reply straight away, dinnae worry, I'm awrite just mebbe taking a wee break, but I'm fine honestly - no dms or messages I AM FINE, so aye.....
1. He's serious yeah? About being a cleaning account? Seems to be but I swear some of it's like an episode of Gary Tank Commander so want to check
2. Do we ever see Derek? (I've only seen him in bed ill)
3. Do we ever see his lordship oot the hoose?
4. Does the cat get new bowls every other day? (only been following him a wee while and spotted about 6 changes already)
So aye, if somewan could fill me in, that would be great. If I don't reply straight away, dinnae worry, I'm awrite just mebbe taking a wee break, but I'm fine honestly - no dms or messages I AM FINE, so aye.....
Aww ffs....so noo it’s Driving With Mario....
Someone pre warn him the mirrors ARE NOT for admiring himself & checking the trajectory of his haircut.
Second thoughts...probs for Derek with Miss Daisy in the back aka back seat driver shouting her orders.
Someone pre warn him the mirrors ARE NOT for admiring himself & checking the trajectory of his haircut.
Second thoughts...probs for Derek with Miss Daisy in the back aka back seat driver shouting her orders.
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Hello ma lovlieeeee
So I’ve no been followin Marion for very long maself and have concluded that Derek is a character similar to Stan Walker from Will & Grace or Maris from Frasier... Someone that is referred to or spoken to off camera, but who we never actually see.
So aye, that’s all av got ta tell yis
Mwah mwah mwah
Hallo ma luvlees ...who else reads these posts in Marjories voice...nae debates on ma page ...so aye
I was so excited when I read that story I had to tell my daughter who immediately said it can’t be Derek who is learning to drive, he’s always too stoned. Almost immediately she yelled, “How the duck do I know this tit?”. I’m spreading the Tattle love, witches
Well you've certainly got the "just" of the lingo
1. He's deadly serious, but when he realised the cleaning account market was saturated and there was the possibility of better freebies than a couple of bags of supplies from Semichem, he opened up all areas of his life. But he's quite a private person
2. Dezza appeared more regularly in the past, but has definitely withdrawn himself over the last while. We believe he is being held against his will but is too baked to realise.
3. Just you wait til he gets ker-azee on a works night out with the lassies (average age 55)
4. Melv equates spending with caring and is a compulsive shopper. He has too many multiples of everything except little grey cells.
You might well get hunners n hunners or thoosands n thoosands of responses to your post in your tattle outbox.
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