I completely agree. I have been on holidays without the kids, where we’ve paid for seats, and I wouldn’t be happy if I was expected to move, but then I also understand kids needing to be with the parents. I don’t understand why the airlines get away with it and people are then pitted against each other?The airlines are pretty much taking the money and taking nothing else to do with it and hoping people will have good will which isnt right.
What would happen if noone would move to accommodate? Even those who havent prebooked I mean not the prebookers. The plane doesnt go?
They know what passengers are on board, they know who has prebooked. How does it even get to that point?!? It bamboozles me.
fully agree with all of this and i also have always thought (in amongst the two extreme viewpoints) the people who are childfree not by choice (be it by circumstance, timing, fertility issues etc) are always forgotten. i have a friend who always gets lumped into the childfree conversation with me, but she is very much not childfree by choice. she just never met a man to settle down with and could not afford to go it alone. i always feel awful when people try and engage with her on the same level that they do with me because our circumstances are very much not the same even if they look like they are.That's what I mean though! It is hard to avoid the extreme views because that's mostly what people tend to share online. Not many people will go online and talk about them having a good balanced day with their child. They will go on to either moan about or talk about how much they love their child
Also all this is such a controversial topic for people that it brings a lot of clicks and comments. I've noticed so many articles recently about related things, e.g.:
- about people refusing to give up their plane seat for a child
- about rebel Wilson going to a party a week after her child was born
- women going back to work quickly or never going back to work after having a child
Etc. Etc. It all works even more to divide everyone and sounds like everyone has an opinion about what people do regarding children. So much pressure from everywhere
This kind of confirms why I don't use twitterYes but as I said before, I’m not talking about the thread on here as I’ve never been on it!
I’m talking about stuff I’ve seen on twitter by child free advocators
I just wanted to say CF that you always state what I'm thinking in a much more eloquent way. Your words of wisdom are very much appreciated.Im not childfree, I have 2 children and it is by far the hardest part of my life. I dont regret having them, I'd not change the fact I had them. The older they get the more I enjoy being a parent. I love that they are little people/young adults now and we can enjoy things together. I really struggled with babyhood.
I am crushed by the weight of others expectations though, that my children should just 'behave' and that their behaviour is a direct correlation to my input as a parent.
If you have time on your side and youre undecided them definitely take the time to try and decide.
I can completely see why people would choose to stay childfree. Looks fab to me, despite the fact I wouldnt change my decision.
I do keep my kids separate from my childfree friends. I wouldnt dream of them tagging along for a lunch out or whatever.absolutely not.
Edit - just saw the disability discussion. I have one neuro diverse child and it is challenging every single day. Very stressful.
If I’ve paid for an exit seat or extra leg room then no I’m not swapping seats with you cause you didn’t book your child a seat. If you’re just sat in basic Row 14 seat A with no view then yes please it would be nice if I could sit by my child.I completely agree. I have been on holidays without the kids, where we’ve paid for seats, and I wouldn’t be happy if I was expected to move, but then I also understand kids needing to be with the parents. I don’t understand why the airlines get away with it and people are then pitted against each other?
There’s a phrase ‘a bad mum doesn’t worry about being a bad mum’. While that obviously doesn’t mean you should definitely have children, I think there’s something to be said for the fact that at least people who are on the fence about it are actually considering and weighing up the realities of having a child which probably does make you much more prepared than a lot of parents!this is a beautiful postand i fully agree with it.
i’ve done a lot of soul searching as to whether my personality and my lifestyle will suit a child as (like you say) they are actually little beings (who don’t come with a returns receipt) who aren’t going to act the way you want them to a lot of time. asides from my ocd, as mentioned above, i don’t cope well with people being in my space all the time, being fully responsible for someone else…. i think i know in my heart i wouldn’t be a good parent and a child wouldn’t have a good time with me (in the most basic of terms!)
This is so lovelyI just wanted to say CF that you always state what I'm thinking in a much more eloquent way. Your words of wisdom are very much appreciated.
this is a very kind and empathetic post - thank youThere’s a phrase ‘a bad mum doesn’t worry about being a bad mum’. While that obviously doesn’t mean you should definitely have children, I think there’s something to be said for the fact that at least people who are on the fence about it are actually considering and weighing up the realities of having a child which probably does make you much more prepared than a lot of parents!
It is a massive life change, it tests your relationships and it’s full on (we don’t have family around us and I’ve quit my job to be a SAHM which I do feel very fortunate to have been able to do).
However I love my little boy a ridiculous amount and could not ever envisage a world without him now, I’ve always been an impatient person but it’s amazing the patience and love you suddenly develop. It’s a real privilege seeing him grow up and how quickly he’s learning new things. He’s so happy and developing such a sense of humour he’s such fun to be around and I genuinely love hanging out with him and taking him to new places. It’s cheesy but he really is my best friend.
This isn’t to convince anyone by any means, I absolutely support the reasons for being childfree. I just wanted to share some positivity as it’s not always mums moaning, I think a lot of times our thread is actually quite funny and you can tell how much everyone loves their little ones
i wish i could say this was true but, in my real life, i have had (and continue to have) a huge amount of comments about it. thankfully getting less as i get older!Honestly I think most people care whether others or not have kids about as much as they care what colour your bedsheets are.
this is very kind of you! i’m so sorry to hear that you suffer too - it is truly the thief of joy sometimes! but amazing work on therapy, you should be extremely proud of yourself for thatI’ve just been downstairs to make a brew after a big teams meeting. I was met with my husband and daughter painting me a Mother’s Day card and I’ve come back upstairs with paint on my face that won’t come off and it is about to continue in 10 minutes.
Feel free to add this to the list of cons
@LaBlonde sorry to see you’re also a sufferer of OCD, it’s a huge invisible struggle and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. However, don’t do a disservice to yourself, you’ll be surprised what you can do when faced with things (and I mean that even without children).
I was in therapy for 13 months, still struggling but hell I’ve come a long way
People comment regardless though honestly, you can never get it right. No kids, too many kids, keep trying for a boy, keep trying for a girl, nursery, no nursery, BF or bottle etc. If not this then everything else in your life. It’s your life and your choice, you who would have to be pregnant, give birth and care for the child, so no one else’s opinion matters (other than your partner obvs lol). Don’t worry yourself with what anyone else has to say because even if they agreed, you’d just do something else they scorned at, it’s human nature.this is a very kind and empathetic post - thank you
i think i’ve made my peace with it a little: there are aspects of having children that seem wonderful (like you say!) and there is, i guess, sadness that i will never have that but i think i also know it maybe wouldn’t be like that for me. if that makes sense! i would hate to have one in the hope i would surprise myself and then to realise it was going exactly as i thought it would.
i’ve genuinely enjoyed reading you ladies’ posts here! like i said upthread, i think we can offer value to each other (if from polar opposite sides) and i appreciate the gentleness of your response to me. i know it hasn’t always been earnt!
---
i wish i could say this was true but, in my real life, i have had (and continue to have) a huge amount of comments about it. thankfully getting less as i get older!
This was literally me. I was not broody at all and it made me doubt if I wanted them or not. I was waiting for that longing to kick in and it didn’t happen. My husband and I had discussed children before getting married and he’d made it clear he wanted them but he wanted me more and was happy to get married knowing I may not change my mind. Years past and a pregnant colleague made me ask him if he was waiting for me to get broody because it wasn’t going to happen. Again, it prompted us to sit down and discuss our feelings honestly. We agreed to not try to prevent it and see what happens.I’m going to put my two pence in, but I was child free by choice until into my 30’s. I was adamant I didn’t want children (I had nieces and nephews to fill that void) and when I met my husband, the feeling to have a family and seeing others started to make me question my choices- which I think was a big red flag. I’m not maternal in the slightest and this was something that massively worried me too.
I’m very fortunate to say that I’m well travelled, got to where I want in my career, yet my husband and I still felt something was missing- We became bored of lying in, going for walks, drinking/nights out and doing the regular stuff and came to realise that we wanted a family.
I’m not going to stand on my soapbox and say “you don’t know what you’re missing”, as there are days where I’m tested and I think “good grief, give me those lie ins back” but it’s the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done and I found out I am actually very maternal. It’s crazy how a little person just comes into your world when you think your heart is already full (maybe it was the part of me that I never knew was missing), but I wouldn't want to be in a life without her. Life really does change and for me, luckily it was for the better!
the saying is true- it’s different when it’s your own. I think you really have to think about these things and give it time (I appreciate time isn’t on everyone’s side). but the biggest things for me were, questioning my choices, did I want to remain at the point I was at and did I want to get to a point where it was all too late and always think “what if?” (Early menopause runs in my family, so time was a bit of a worry for me!).
Follow your heart whether it be with or without children, only you and your partner know what will make you truly happy…
Couldn’t agree moreHonestly I was never sure if I wanted kids until one day something just clicked and then suddenly it was like that was all I wanted.
Yes it’s bloody tough. The journey to get there wasn’t easy, we had a rough start and then when you are suddenly allowed to take a tiny baby home it’s the most terrifying thing in the world. Yes, some days are shit and I sit and cry but other days I’m on top of the world. But then… this isn’t really new for me? I always had good and bad days, it’s just in a different way.
That being said, being a mum is honestly the best thing I’ve ever done, seeing her smile when I walk into the room beats it all. My life hasn’t stopped, it’s just changed for the better.
Oh and I still have a cheeky wine on an evening
exactly: and the first part of your post is so right. i think you can never “win” any which way, someone will always comment on something. i just need to get that into my head most of the timePeople comment regardless though honestly, you can never get it right. No kids, too many kids, keep trying for a boy, keep trying for a girl, nursery, no nursery, BF or bottle etc. If not this then everything else in your life. It’s your life and your choice, you who would have to be pregnant, give birth and care for the child, so no one else’s opinion matters (other than your partner obvs lol). Don’t worry yourself with what anyone else has to say because even if they agreed, you’d just do something else they scorned at, it’s human nature.
In my experience though people with kids tend to act like you just don’t understand life at all if you’ve not got your own and it’s very condescending.People comment regardless though honestly, you can never get it right. No kids, too many kids, keep trying for a boy, keep trying for a girl, nursery, no nursery, BF or bottle etc. If not this then everything else in your life. It’s your life and your choice, you who would have to be pregnant, give birth and care for the child, so no one else’s opinion matters (other than your partner obvs lol). Don’t worry yourself with what anyone else has to say because even if they agreed, you’d just do something else they scorned at, it’s human nature.
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?