Childfree

[ElectricDreams]

I would have loved to be an only child to be honest! It was my dream

I was an only child till the age of 5½...I've never quite got over the arrival of my sister I didn't cope well with having to share with her and we didn't get along until she left home!

 

[PreciousVenus]

I know my husband wants kids and his big smug perfect family all revolves around them, I thought as time went on I'd come around to the idea but I really just can't stand children and the thought of having them fills me with actual horror. His family put constant pressure on me to interact with his nieces and nephews (literally handing them to me and wandering off with the expectation that I will look after them) and I feel so bad because it's not the child's fault that I just don't want anything to do with them. I hate the thought of being pregnant, the world is such a mess, I have tons of health issues I don't want to pass on, including severe OCD and anxiety which I know gets a thousand times worse when you have kids. It's so upsetting to be honest.

 

[Satisfying Click]

One of the many reasons I opted out of motherhood was to keep my mental health stable, and not wanting to pass anything on

 

[Shineyshine]

One of the many reasons I opted out of motherhood was to keep my mental health stable, and not wanting to pass anything on

Same here. Plus it’s hard enough some days just trying to look after myself (get out of bed and function like a normal person), I don’t think I could cope with a little one to be wholly responsible for.

My nephew comes to stay and that’s fine, we have a great time while he’s here and do all sorts, but that’s because I know he’s going home to my brother again.

 

[liochamb]

Anyone else childfree?

Childless = can't have children for whatever reason, could be medical, etc.

Childfree = someone that chooses not to have children.

I am an only child and have known since I was quite young that I didn't want children. It can be quite annoying as I am at that age where people are having kids, and people feel like it is their business to ask when I will have kids. There almost still seems to be a taboo against women who choose not to have children which is frustrating.

Let's keep this civil

I'm childfree too. For all the time of my conscious choice, I understood things:
1. Refers philosophically to similar questions from other people
2. Do not impose or try to prove your position - the nerves will be more whole

 

[Satisfying Click]

My nephew comes to stay and that’s fine, we have a great time while he’s here and do all sorts, but that’s because I know he’s going home to my brother again.

Totally agree - my nieces and nephews get the best of me because I don't have children

 

[Anne1448]

Totally agree - my nieces and nephews get the best of me because I don't have children

Someone said that childfree people look like good parents because they actually have the time to grow emotionally and financially (I don't remember if it was said in this thread of another one). Which makes sense. Being a parent is a full time job with 0 breaks. To be able to grow as a person you need free time. Which is a currency that parents do not have unfortunately.

 

[Base2019]

I’m enjoying reading all these posts. I have recently been told I won’t ever be able to have my own children. It’s good for me to learn and read about child free life and see that it can be enjoyable too. Thanks for helping me

 

[Glassofmalibu]

I’m child free by choice too. Have never wanted children. Used to be told I’ll change my mind and oh you’ll be a great Mum.

I’m now in my 40’s and I don’t regret my decision at all.

 

[Cats_eyes]

32 and Child free for lots of reasons, I doubt I'll change my mind. My life is pretty happy as it is, I'm not particularly maternal, kids usually make me feel awkward, I'm terrified financially even though am ok money wise, never want to be a single parent (scary af for me), I'd be worried about the world I'd be bringing them into. I don't think it's a necessity for everyone tbh but each to their own. I have a lot of respect for parents

 

[ot55]

I love this thread. I’ve always known I don’t want children. Even as a child myself I hated dolls and playing families (my poor discarded baby Annabelle doll got ‘adopted’ by my younger brother lol).

I have no interest in children or being around them. Even the things the parents describe as the good bits such as ‘snuggles’ and bedtime stories makes my toes curl. I’m not childfree because I want to focus on my career or drive a Ferrari (those stereotypes always make me laugh!). I’m childfree because I simply don’t want to have children.

I hate the patronising comments you get like ‘you’ll change your mind’. Also the ‘you just need to meet the right person’ ones … my partner is the right person because he also doesn’t want children. I think the smuggest comment of all is ‘accidents happen’. It’s so rude.

 

[1001 others]

My MiL had a dig at me today because her daughter - who takes on too much and is possibly the most disorganised person I know, meaning everything falls apart - is "doing it tough" at the moment. My MiL was going on about how hard it is for her, and when I suggested that she could ask her husband and kids (early teens) to help, she snapped that I don't know what I'm talking about as I have it easy! Um, no lady - I just don't spill my guts to everyone or behave like a martyr. Sadly, that's how a lot of people see childfree people ... as living a very easy life.

 

[Satisfying Click]

I hate the patronising comments you get like ‘you’ll change your mind’. Also the ‘you just need to meet the right person’ ones … my partner is the right person because he also doesn’t want children. I think the smuggest comment of all is ‘accidents happen’. It’s so rude.

Christ, if someone came at me with that last comment, I'd straight back at them with, "So do abortions."

I've also had the, "You'll change your mind," - my husband doesn't get told this

 

[ElectricDreams]

Christ, if someone came at me with that last comment, I'd straight back at them with, "So do abortions."

I've also had the, "You'll change your mind," - my husband doesn't get told this

It seems to be more acceptable for men to not want to be fathers than it does for women to not want to be mothers. My partner doesn't want kids either... His friends just accepted it (or said they didn't blame him ) where as I get the third degree or they try to convince me I'm wrong!

 

[Anne1448]

Christ, if someone came at me with that last comment, I'd straight back at them with, "So do abortions."

I've also had the, "You'll change your mind," - my husband doesn't get told this

I'll use the "So do abortions" from now on

Usually I say :
"If I want to have one will you carry it?"
"I'm sure that you won't mind sending us money if we are struggling financially, right?"
"I'll make sure to call you to babysit."

Usually these shut people down.

One time a colleague (she regretted having a baby yet wanted to convince me to have one too) said "We all know people like you (childfree women) can't think about anyone else but themselves." with a smurk. Since I am petty I replied "Well, your husband clearly thinks the same since he left you for his childfree secretary." I have never seen someone turn pink so quickly.

 

[mcfeez]

Christ, if someone came at me with that last comment, I'd straight back at them with, "So do abortions."

I've also had the, "You'll change your mind," - my husband doesn't get told this

My husband's boss, who is miserable in his marriage btw, constantly brings up children to my husband and keeps saying were still in the "honeymoon phase" of our marriage (4 and a half years in) because we still enjoy doing things just the two of us (?!). Even when my husband tells him we are very undecided about children but lean heavily towards not having any - he just says thats all well and good but one day I, the wife, will change my mind. That it will just "happen" one day. The sexism of the whole issue is ridiculous.

 

[Lanavalentine]

Yeah, I’ve overhead my partner’s colleague telling him he needed to “give his missus a baby now”. Horrible sexist attitude.

 

[AlanBanan]

The jealousy from parents who clearly resent having kids is sometimes absolutely breathtaking. I am sorry. Do you want me to be miserable like you and constantly be awake with a screaming child and changing crappy nappies 24/7?

I love being able to buy what I want, having no major responsibilities, going out whenever I want, drinking whenever I want and living my life for me and not having to think twice about someone else.

I wasn’t born into this world to possibly destroy my body, mental health and bank balance for you to approve of me.

Edit: I also love having nice clothes and furniture without the massive chance of it being ruined and destroyed on me.

 

[Smca53]

This thread!

I’ve reached that stage of life where all my friends seem to talk about is wanting to be engaged/married and have kids. I often feel left out as I can’t relate. Lately I’ve started to ask questions when they speak about this stuff and as far as I can tell, it seems to purely be all about wanting kids because it’s the done thing and wanting to do it at the “right time”. They don’t want to be left out or left behind when their friends are having kids. Maybe it’s just me but that seems like a poor motivation for having kids (or getting married, for that matter).

I’d personally rather be the odd one out than stuck with children than I only had because everyone else was doing it. Life is far more than a tick box exercise, why have women been made to think that they have to tick off certain things by a certain age/stage and it’s almost a race or a competition to see who can get there first?

 

[HoGi]

The jealousy from parents who clearly resent having kids is sometimes absolutely breathtaking. I am sorry. Do you want me to be miserable like you and constantly be awake with a screaming child and changing crappy nappies 24/7?

I love being able to buy what I want, having no major responsibilities, going out whenever I want, drinking whenever I want and living my life for me and not having to think twice about someone else.

I wasn’t born into this world to possibly destroy my body, mental health and bank balance for you to approve of me.

Edit: I also love having nice clothes and furniture without the massive chance of it being ruined and destroyed on me.

So many in my husbands family are bitter about the fact me and my husband both work decent jobs and are child free so can therefore do what we like with regards to holidays, house, furniture, days out etc.

They are religious and see it as their duty to have kids. So they all married young and have at least 2 kids each and the wife gave up work as soon as she fell pregnant.

The comments we get just make me laugh. Noone forced them to have kids or live the life they do. And there is nothing to stop to stop looking for work now the kids are at school.

But instead they make snide remarks when you can tell it is a jealousy thing.