Childfree

[mcfeez]

There was a funny tiktok I saw the other day and it was a girl clapping with the caption "Having your kids young so you can enjoy your 40s" and then transitions to her dancing where it says "Being childfree, so you can enjoy your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s ...."

The amount of bitter comments ("Have fun dying alone"), unrealistic comments ("Having kids doesn't even change your lifestyle") and just plain ridiculous ones ("Oh sure, don't have kids just so I can sit around and drink all day #childree") was insane. With threads like this, which even include very honest and non judgemental parents, you do sort of forget that there are still so many people who validate the existence of threads like this one.

 

[JoeBloggs]

My husband has openly said he would be a stay at home dad, but to him this means laying in and playing fifa. While he is very domesticated and modern in may ways, he has no concept of what is involved in running a house and he can't just switch off like he does from work.

 

[queenamber]

So true

 

[Satisfying Click]

Omg, I feel this so much. Someone in my family has a 2 year old - so not even a baby anymore - and the other day I got a text saying ‘wow what a big boy X is, he did a wee in his potty!’ With an image…I was thinking no, surely they didn’t send me a picture of this child’s urine in a potty? Yep, they did. Honestly, completely bizarre behaviour

Reply with a poop photo, they'll never do it again

 

[slugella]

Me and my partner are away for the weekend and went for breakfast this morning. There was a couple with a boy near us he was probably about 3, screaming through the meal and throwing his toys everywhere. All I wanted was a nice relaxing coffee and brekky. When we left my bf was like god I couldn't think of anything worse

 

[Sweatingbullets]

It makes sense that single and childless women live longer.
If you think about it men and women both go to work but when they come back home the women are on their second shift. They are usually doing the laundry, cleaning the house, helping with the kids homework, etc Managing a family is a full time job with very little rewards.

Men get to advance in their career because women feel the pressure to pick the kids after school, or work part-time or stay home when the child is sick. All those little decisions that women with kids take willingly are holding them a bit more from their own personal time and goals.

I wholeheartedly applaud women who still choose to be mothers in this day and age. But it is one hell of a gamble that I won't join.

To be fair, women who don’t have kids still have a house to run, with laundry, food shopping and cleaning to do. I spend most of my weekend on bloody domestic chores.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

Our neighbours kids are the same. Awful screaming brats. Feel sorry for them in a way because their parents are awful and just shout at them too. I said to my partner earlier, I don’t know how anyone who has ever heard children wants to have children. Those piercing screams make my ovaries shrivel up I swear to God.

I can’t stand the piercing screams either, they go straight through me. I’m all for the Victorian attitude that children should be seen and not heard

 

[hydeist]

What do people think of the possibility that they would actually regret not having kids?

I feel a bit like if I regret not having had a child, there are other things I can do to mitigate that in later life - I can adopt, I can volunteer, I can enrich my life in other ways to cheer myself up about that regret and do my best to move past it.

If I have a child and I regret it, it's 100% going to destroy my life and also probably my child's.

 

[Lanavalentine]

Seth Rogan is my fave child free person! He’s spoken openly about him and his wife choosing not to have kids quite a lot!

Love Seth and his wife. Their childfree life sounds amazing :

"We have so much fun. I don't know anyone who gets as much happiness out of their kids as we get out of our non-kids. Like, we're fucking psyched all the time. We're laying in bed on Saturday mornings smoking weed, watching movies naked. If we had kids, we could not be fucking doing this."

There are actually a LOT of celebs who have talked openly about choosing not to have kids. Off the top of my head:

Stevie Nicks
Oprah Winfrey
Kim Cattrall
Tracee Ellis Ross
Helen Mirren
Diane Morgan (Motherland)
Nick Offerman & Megan Mullally
Alison Brie & Dave Franco
Jon Hamm
Christina Hendricks
Miley Cyrus

 

[working9-5]

I agree I had one particular delight at work when a colleague practically cornered me and interrogated me about my decision. Her main concern was who was going to look after us when we’re old! Apparently my hope for a nice nursing home was not what she wanted as an answer
We had a childfree wedding which was bliss. Because it was held in a 1000 year old castle I told guests the venue banned them due to the uneven flooring haha.

Also, just because you have children, that doesn’t guarantee they’ll be looking after you in your old age

 

[isabellalovescats]

Our neighbours kids are the same. Awful screaming brats. Feel sorry for them in a way because their parents are awful and just shout at them too. I said to my partner earlier, I don’t know how anyone who has ever heard children wants to have children. Those piercing screams make my ovaries shrivel up I swear to God.

I live next to a daycare and everyday, my ovaries shrivel up at the rate spinach does when it’s cooked.

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

I didn't know this thread existed, I've just read all 18 pages

I'm childfree, relationship free and pet free. I've never had any interest in "settling down", I can't think of anything worse than living with a partner who's there all the time. I don't want to have to consider any other thing or person, I can go to gigs/sports/holidays/out out without having to arrange for someone to look after the dog/child. It's often easy to get better tickets for things if you just want one than if you need two! I love doing stuff alone.

I'm not a high powered career person either - I have a good job that allows me to have my holidays and enjoy the things I want, because all my money is for me. I don't have to think about buying pet food or accounting for potential vets bills, my disposable income is my own and I feel so in control.

I got out of bed at 11.45am today, a few weeks ago it was quarter to two in the afternoon on weekdays I get up at 8.40 to start work at 9 and even before WFH I was lucky enough to work a short walk away so when some of my colleagues were already at work for an 8.30 start I'd just be rolling out of bed to start at 9. I can't bring myself to get up early enough for breakfast let alone sort out a child or animal. I'm in my pyjamas now since I finished work for the weekend at 5 last night and I intend to stay in them until Monday

If anyone asks me if I want children my reaction is genuinely "oh god no - I can't think of anything worse." I say it jovially but it generally stops the questions!

I'm 36 and I've never had a boyfriend or even been on any dates because I'm just not interested.

I know this is selfish but it's perfect for me. My great aunt recently died aged 91 and she had never married or had children, up until the last few years when she developed Alzheimer's she was still travelling and enjoying herself, she was completely fulfilled. That's the life I want!

It certainly is not. You're living life how you want and there's nothing LESS selfish. You're not hurting anyone else and nobody else is depending upon you.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I’ve been reading this thread and I feel I want to put my two pence in. On others
posts I have loosely said I have kids, I don’t I was to ensure no one knew who I was.

I have been with my other half (not legally my husband, but for ease he is to everyone) for nearly 12 years, we are 31. I always envisaged having kids but as yet that desire to be a mother has yet to arrive inside.

We have always talked about kids in the future, we agreed early on that if one of us said no that was the end of it and that we would never opt for any medical intervention if it didn’t happen.

Perhaps if we had had friend with kids and lived around them it would be different. None of our close friends have kids, none are married. Most are single. We live in a very quiet village and there are two children on our road so we have a very peaceful life. We are both only children, and while we both have big extended families we aren’t close to them. If I am honest, I’m not a big fan of kids.

We have been very fortunate that I don’t ever recall being asked about kids except from my grandma who was desperate to be a great grandma before she passed but she was always told it would not be from me.

We have a family wedding next year (along with hopefully our own) so I expect a few comments. For us, we enjoy our life. I love my expensive gym membership, being able to go wherever we like, when we like. Pre covid we had a lot of disposable income and we like our house to be tidy and clean

 

[CatCafe234]

My dad had dementia and was in a care home for the last year of his life as my mum (who is 5ft nothing) couldn't provide the complex care he needed at home.

The amount of families who rarely visited (you had to sign in) was disgusting. We could visit 3 days after our last visit and there be no family visitors signed in between our two entries.

Fathers day, I spent most of the day with him and only saw one other daughter visit her dad and she was there less than 5 minutes and bought a box of chocolates which he couldn't open and she didn't even help.

The day my dad moved in, he was transferred from hospital. So me my mum and sister were all there to welcome him and help him settle in. Another man moved in same day on the same hospital transport and he arrived with no socks and no family to welcome him. I know he has family as she is the daughter with the chocolates...

It was heart breaking.

It is heartbreaking but I also think you have to be really careful about this situation. As my gran said, you don’t know someone until you go home with them and there could be a myriad of reasons why someone’s not getting visitors. Old age doesn’t automatically make someone kind and gentle. It’s sad when an old person in a home doesn’t get visitors but I try not to judge - you have no idea what someone’s been like all their life and what their relationship with their kids is.

It’s also the case that dementias can completely change a person. Just from my own experience, my partner’s mum had a form of dementia and was in a home before she died. Her personality changed completely, she would say and do things that she wouldn’t have dreamed of doing before and actually ended up being asked to leave one home because she was too violent. I had never known her well so it didn’t bother me, but my parner struggled to deal with the situation as he felt like every visit was another bereavement.

 

[Satisfying Click]

We also book our holidays to avoid term time (and the price hikes). September/October in many places is definitely the sweet spot.

We stayed at an adult's only hotel a few years ago and it was absolute bliss. The only thing that would make things even better are childfree flights (I don't have a problem with babies crying btw - they're babies and changes in altitude hurts their ears.) It's the adults who think that it's fine to ignore their kids whilst they run amok.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I know for sure I don’t want kids. For lots of reasons, but mainly I know I wouldn’t be a good mum, and I don’t want it enough, I don’t think it’s fair to have a child that isn’t wanted.
But I love being an auntie, I get on really well with kids, and when I hold a baby I get this longing maternal feeling, if that makes sense. It’s so weird, its like the force of evolution or something, because my rational brain knows I couldn’t cope with it all.

I’m very glad about my choice, but to be honest sometimes it breaks my heart. Does anyone else get that? Either way its really nice to read this thread, I appreciate everyone’s honesty.

 

[Silly Sausage]

When making my decision to not have children the one thing I knew for sure was I could not and would not care for a child 24/7. So while my friends with kids are moaning on Facebook, I’m sitting here with no regrets It really surprised me that they weren't ok with having their children with them especially since most of them don't work.

 

[bump1212]

I was at the park today with my friend and we walked past this little boy who caught a fish . My friend (she has 3 kids, almost grown) and I were both like “yay good job buddy”. So I do like to be nice to kids, but it also reinforces how thankful I am that I was not their mother sitting there looking bored. We kept walking and got waffle fries with cheese and funnel cake fries and didn’t have to share with our kids or clean up after them. It’s lovely only being responsible for ME

 

[Saddlesoap]

I don't want children. However, I have one worry. Who will look after/care for me when I'm old. I watched 24 hours in A&E and two stroke patients were found by their children and I just had a moment where I thought "Shit! Who would find me?!"

On the flip side, what if you had a child that needed to be cared for by you for their entire life. So many disabilities require this. What happens to them if you have a stroke....that scares me more

 

[Sweatingbullets]

I think child-free women feel invisible a lot of the time, I know I certainly do. I've noticed it a lot more lately after getting into my 30s. A friend recently started a new job which was a big step for her (on furlough since March 2020) and she's working from home. Her sister assumed my friend will look after her baby and dog whenever she feels like dropping them off. The reason being "you're just working from home and don't have anything else to do" - totally ignoring my friend's own hobbies and social life, looking after her home, and of course, actually working. And I should add her sister has a partner and his own family who could help out but choose not to.

Child-free women are just as busy as anyone else but I feel like we have to constantly justify how we spend our time, just because we're not running around after kids. It really gets me down sometimes.

I used to get so fucked off with the flexi time and working from home that only mum’s were allowed before the pandemic. I don’t begrudge them, I begrudge the fact that employers think it the only valid reason to not be glued to your desk until 7 every night. I made it very clear that as I start early, I would be leaving at 5 unless there was a definitive reason why I couldn’t. I don’t give a damn about perception. If you can’t fit your work into normal hours you’re either very slow or have too much work and need to delegate! Now since the pandemic, I refuse to go to the office and will continue to do so for as long as possible, and even then I’ve said no more than 2 days per week. Never work passed 6 either!