Childfree

[Keikochan]

I am retired from working due to medical reasons. While I was still working, I needed some reasonable adjustments due to my progressive disability. To be completely honest I was met with discrimination & ignorance. For instance I had set hours Mon-Fri (sounds crazy I know ). People would say, "why do you have set hours! You don't have kids, so&so has kids so they need set hours...". Like no hun I don't have kids, I do have a disability though. So&so choose to have their kids & they should be happy with that, they also should of figured out their schedule before implementing their plan to have the kid/s. I did not choose to be disabled!!!!!! I don't have a choice in this & I am just trying my very best to survive.
The ignorance & stupidity in this world scares me.

 

[slugella]

I can't imagine anything worse than coming home from a long day at work and having to make sure kids are fed, bathed, done homework etc. Sounds like an abso bloody nightmare.

I like to come in, cook a nice dinner, a nice relaxing bath and pamper now and again, watch a bit of netflix. Or go swimming, take classes, mid-week dinners out with my family partner or friends etc.

I know there are a lot of moments during parenthood that are so special and must make them so proud, and some fun things, but the stress and mostly monotony is not worth it for me.

 

[AlanBanan]

The jealousy from parents who clearly resent having kids is sometimes absolutely breathtaking. I am sorry. Do you want me to be miserable like you and constantly be awake with a screaming child and changing shitty nappies 24/7?

I love being able to buy what I want, having no major responsibilities, going out whenever I want, drinking whenever I want and living my life for me and not having to think twice about someone else.

I wasn’t born into this world to possibly destroy my body, mental health and bank balance for you to approve of me.

Edit: I also love having nice clothes and furniture without the massive chance of it being ruined and destroyed on me.

 

[Lanavalentine]

Parents who take their kids to inappropriate places are the shittest of the shit. There are a million child-friendly venues. GO TO THEM! I swear it is always the most lax parents who are arrogant enough to take their kids to non-kid places.

Special shout out for parents who insist on taking their slightly-too-young-to-sit-still-for-two-hours children to musicals, plays, live shows, the cinema. My mum & I went to a dance show (pre-Covid) that was totally ruined by two kids behind us, no more than six years old. They couldn’t stop loudly moaning and groaning, kicking chairs, throwing sweets. It was horrible.

Even if a show is “family friendly” (although this one wasn’t really) you still need to make sure your child has the attention span to sit quietly and watch. I felt so sorry for the performers, they could hear these two little kids shouting “I’m SO BORED” when the music went quiet.

 

[NapQueenReturns]

I’d rather shit in my hands and clap than squirt out any crotch goblins.

 

[Notworthy]

When I had my coffee shop, I refused to put a baby changing unit in the bathroom. The amount of people that would tell me I should put one in so I would get all the yummy mummies in, fuck off, I know my business and ymmy mummies are not a good business model, used to let dogs in, never saw a customer leave cos they saw a dog in there, can't tell you how many times I saw (mostly older women) come in, clock a group of buggies and walk straight back out. I very rarely got buggies in as it was pretty obvious I didn't want them there with their suitcase full of shit and pram the size of a small car.
ETA when my son was little, all his stuff fitted in my normal handbag, I had a mclaren buggy and I didn't frequent coffee shops, I went to friends houses. I've seen way too many toddlers having to sit in a coffee shop for 2 hours while their mothers ignores them and talks to her friends, it's not fair on the child or the other customers. 20-30 minutes in a coffee shop teaching your child how to behave in public and then go to the fucking park.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

i don’t even have children and I still feel like they ruin so many things

went to a museum and I was doing an interactive thing (for adults) and some small child came along and started pressing the buttons, the mum did nothing!

at the zoo and having a picnic under a tree and this little kid starts throwing a bottle top around, he’s throwing it closer and closer to us and his mum is just sat there not saying anything… control your kids for God’s sake! I had to start staring before she said anything!

I swear some people are so blind to their kids behaviour, it’s like they believe that everyone must like kids and that everyone must tolerate them like they do

 

[TaylorMomsen]

Was at a wedding the other week, well say at a wedding, I was bridesmaid to my best friend along with the rest of our friendship group - two of which have kids
It was in a different city so we all had to troop up the day before and stay over, with our partners and those with the kids brought them too.

So the night before when us bridesmaids were getting our hair curly blown to be pin curled, the two maids with kids brought their kids with them to the bridal suite? Even though their partners were also there and could have taken the kids, so that the people involved in the actual wedding could have had a relaxing evening? Is this standard behaviour that the women are just meant to have the kids? Even when the men were just sitting in the bar drinking?

My fiance actually pulled one of the dads up and was like "errr, why haven't you got the kid so that the girls can all relax and enjoy themselves?" and he was like "i can't be arsed with her tonight, and it's her mum's job"

The bride was raging that things in her suite were getting jumped on, knocked over, broken, but she was far too nice to say anything to get rid of the kids.

The next day at the actual wedding as well, the man who said he couldn't be arsed with his own daughter, left his GF to do EVERYTHING for the child, even though she was bridesmaid. She had to sit things like photos, socialising etc out because the dad is a dickhead

 

[PreciousVenus]

I know my husband wants kids and his big smug perfect family all revolves around them, I thought as time went on I'd come around to the idea but I really just can't stand children and the thought of having them fills me with actual horror. His family put constant pressure on me to interact with his nieces and nephews (literally handing them to me and wandering off with the expectation that I will look after them) and I feel so bad because it's not the child's fault that I just don't want anything to do with them. I hate the thought of being pregnant, the world is such a mess, I have tons of health issues I don't want to pass on, including severe OCD and anxiety which I know gets a thousand times worse when you have kids. It's so upsetting to be honest.

 

[Satisfying Click]

I may have mentioned this ex previously (the one who believed raising children was like something out of Disney) - he was also talking about how he would love and excel at being a stay at home dad (sure, Jan). When I said it also included running of the household, like doctor's appointments, meal planning, the school run, etc, his face slowly started to drop. He's now a father of two. Reader, he is not a stay at home dad.

 

[newtoyou]

I didn't know this thread existed, I've just read all 18 pages

I'm childfree, relationship free and pet free. I've never had any interest in "settling down", I can't think of anything worse than living with a partner who's there all the time. I don't want to have to consider any other thing or person, I can go to gigs/sports/holidays/out out without having to arrange for someone to look after the dog/child. It's often easy to get better tickets for things if you just want one than if you need two! I love doing stuff alone.

I'm not a high powered career person either - I have a good job that allows me to have my holidays and enjoy the things I want, because all my money is for me. I don't have to think about buying pet food or accounting for potential vets bills, my disposable income is my own and I feel so in control.

I got out of bed at 11.45am today, a few weeks ago it was quarter to two in the afternoon on weekdays I get up at 8.40 to start work at 9 and even before WFH I was lucky enough to work a short walk away so when some of my colleagues were already at work for an 8.30 start I'd just be rolling out of bed to start at 9. I can't bring myself to get up early enough for breakfast let alone sort out a child or animal. I'm in my pyjamas now since I finished work for the weekend at 5 last night and I intend to stay in them until Monday

If anyone asks me if I want children my reaction is genuinely "oh god no - I can't think of anything worse." I say it jovially but it generally stops the questions!

I'm 36 and I've never had a boyfriend or even been on any dates because I'm just not interested.

I know this is selfish but it's perfect for me. My great aunt recently died aged 91 and she had never married or had children, up until the last few years when she developed Alzheimer's she was still travelling and enjoying herself, she was completely fulfilled. That's the life I want!

I relate to this so much, we have the same exact situation

Sometimes people will say “oh you have an easy/chilled life” in a certain tone and I just think well you decided to get married and have children. It’s not my fault you have to deal with spending time with in laws, an annoying husband and constantly worried about your children I honestly have no interest in making an effort with other people!

 

[Vanillaco]

I have children , always wanted them and am happy with my choice, but my god its extraordinarily hard work, expensive and physically and emotionally draining. I honestly dont know how someone with children can possibly not understand someones choice not to have children! Why on earth would you want to inflict that on someone who didnt want it? Its hard enough when you do want it!
Also, the world doesnt need more children. If people who wanted children had however many they wanted and those who didnt want them didnt have them, the world would be much more healthy and equal. The answer to global population growth is the education of girls for a reason. Girls who are allowed to go to school have more prospects and control over their own bodies. When they do have that choice, they choose to have fewer or no children. We should be celebrating that choice in the West and striving to bring that choice to all women and girls.

 

[mcfeez]

I don’t think there is any reason that is “bad” for not having kids.

I was actually having this chat the other day. I don’t think you need to have a “big” reason, like over population. If you just can’t deal with the noise or the mess or the school gate politics, that’s perfectly ok.

I happily tell people I don’t want kids because I don’t want them to mess up my tidy house and ruin my nice things! Really it is deeper than that and I have many reasons, but I like breaking the taboo and seeing people’s reactions, because most people seem to think you need to have a worthy reason to opt out of parenthood.

Definitely. I think this is a good example too of the 'No is a whole sentence' idea. Ultimately, if someone asks if you want children/are you planning on having children, unless they are your intimate partner then you shouldn't have to give a big reason. "No" is suffice. No one expects a big reason if you reply Yes.

One thing I'm getting sick of recently is, aside from my MIL badgering me about children (she is determined is wholly my decision) she has now started asking other family members of mine about why I don't want kids as well? Maybe I should start asking around about her alcoholism to show how annoying it is discussing other people and their personal affairs.

 

[Anne1448]

I like babies and children but only when I can hand them back.

Sometimes I get it into my lonely mind to have a baby but then realise I’m a selfish person and like my life too much to even accommodate to a child.

I will look after your child if you’re unwell or if you just want a night away. But a life commitment is just too much for me.

I am in the exact same position. In all honesty I only like kids because I know that their parents will eventually pick to them up.

As someone who struggled with depression and an eating disorder the simple thought of going through hormonal and physical changes would destroy me. Every time I try to explain to people that I shouldn't destroy my mental and physical health for another human being they call me selfish. As if I was not a person with a conscious and capable to decide what's best for me.

I sincerely believe that people do not like childfree women because it would force them to realize that women are not so different than men. If childfree women break the stereotype that women are "naturally caring" and "are born with a mother instinct" then less and less women would want to have kids.

Let's be real there are more cons than pros with kids. And most pros are emotional while the cons are rational. I can't even think about a single family member who had a child because of a rational reason. They all had them because they were in their 30s and thought that it was "the right thing to do".

 

[judgejohndeed]

God the Christmas thing REALLY winds me up…it’s like families without kids don’t count? Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean I don’t also have a family that I want to spend time at Christmas, and you know, there are other people’s children in that family that I would like to see while they’re off school too. Not sure why that doesn’t matter just because they aren’t my own?!

 

[Platformcrocs]

Didn't know this thread existed! I'm also childfree. It's not that I actively went out of my way to NOT want kids, I just never felt myself wanting them and I'm happy with that. As I've got older (well, out of my 20s), I value my own space and time a lot more. I do have a partner but I also live alone and own my own home which I've worked hard to achieve and I don't want to wind up setting my career back and uprooting myself to go live in a sensible family home and deal with school gates politics instead

Something I can't stand is grown men who talk about "wanting kids someday" yet doing absolutely nothing to prepare themselves for it. I have a friend in his early 30s who lives in a dingy shared flat, smokes weed every day, doesn't take care of himself, doesn't save any money, usual stuff. He thinks he will have kids "one day". By that, he's assuming a woman will come along, sort his life out, and pop out a kid for him. Honestly, no thanks.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

My nail lady said she thinks I would be a good mum. You see me once every 3 weeks for an hour and half

 

[Satisfying Click]

Hey I'm 28 and my partner doesn't want children yet although people although I get asked all the time! Does anyone else get scared that they will be too late and it will be really hard to get pregnant

I think for most people on this thread, not getting pregnant/someone pregnant is the end-game so fertility isn't really a priority. It's certainly a worry for single friends of mine in the 35-40 bracket.

 

[mcfeez]

A co-worker at my old job had a child a bit later (her early 40s) and the way she talked about it, it was clear she had the child out of fear of being alone when she got older. Her daughter was only 3 but she was talking one day about her "fear" was her daughter would want to move abroad to Australia or something and would "leave her alone." The whole conversation was so weird. She was even thinking of ways she could convince her not to go etc. This was her talking about her 3 year old's future! I feel sorry for that kid when she gets to adulthood and has to deal with her interfering mum.

 

[GirlOnTheTrain]

Pub in the New Forest bans children under 12 many parents triggered

I wish more places would do this, to be honest. I enjoy the company of my loved ones children in moderation, but there are many spaces that I don't want to see children in. The most annoying parents are the ones who insist that, "Having a baby doesn't mean anything has to change! We're still super cool and hip!" and bring their babies/toddlers *everywhere*

Nailing my colours to the mast of children should be neither seen nor heard /tongueincheek

Call me old-fashioned but I don’t think that pubs are or should be a place for children. At least not little ones….