Childfree

[MaineCoonMama]

My dad used to drive First Nations kids around (his town was attached to an Aboriginal community in the outback) anyway this kid was being a little arsehole one day so my dad asked the kid "How old are you son?"
The kid said he was 9 years old and my dad yelled at him "Do you wanna see TEN! Do ya?". My mum said she cringed inside out but the little dude shut up for the rest of the ride

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

There was a funny tiktok I saw the other day and it was a girl clapping with the caption "Having your kids young so you can enjoy your 40s" and then transitions to her dancing where it says "Being childfree, so you can enjoy your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s ...."

The amount of bitter comments ("Have fun dying alone"), unrealistic comments ("Having kids doesn't even change your lifestyle") and just plain ridiculous ones ("Oh sure, don't have kids just so I can sit around and drink all day #childree") was insane. With threads like this, which even include very honest and non judgemental parents, you do sort of forget that there are still so many people who validate the existence of threads like this one.

Funny thing is, you can have children and still die alone. There’s no guarantees. I always think that the people who make those sort of comments are just bitter because they’re miserable since having children!

 

[blackmasque]

Saw this article posted on reddit.

One in 12 Britons regret becoming parents, survey reveals

Young parents between 25 and 34 more likely to feel regret about having children

www.independent.co.uk

"One in seven regretted having children at some point in their lives, compared to one in 12 who said they still regret it."

I would imagine that number could be higher as people would never admit they regret having children. There may also be parents who can't even admit to themselves they regret it. All I know for sure is that I would rather regret not having kids than having them. And I don't see myself regretting being childfree.

 

[Sweatingbullets]

A woman at work was off yesterday because her child was sick. Today she has a midwife appointment for the second and she only works 3 days anyway, so why she can’t make appointments on the two days she doesn’t work! Anyway, they asked me to pick up the slack. I said no. Firstly that’s not what I do and secondly if her workload is 5 days worth per week, they need to find someone who can do 5 days! I’m not very popular but I’m not a dogs body. I’m highly educated and have 13 years experience and expertise and as they pay me a substantial daily rate, you’d think they actually want me to do what I’m qualified to do!

 

[Sweatingbullets]

Do people in this thread have child-free relationship role models?

I met middle aged men and women in my profession who never married or had children and I realized I didn’t want their life. Just wondering if people have met couples who decided against adopting or having children of their own, and did not regret their choice… please share what you learned from them. Thks xx

My sister and her husband have been married for over 30 years without kids. They have a lovely life with their dogs and I have never heard or felt one ounce of regret on her part. It was predominantly his choice, but she didn’t hesitate in accepting it. Me on the hand has never ever met a man that didn’t badger me to have kids and as a result I have accepted that I’ll probably be alone because of my decision to not have kids or date a man who does, but it’s a non-negotiable for me. In the immortal words of Meatloaf - I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that!

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I think I've posted here before but I'll say it again, I'm happily childfree. I'm 41, in a longterm relationship and financially stable. I've known since I was in my early 20s that I didn't want children and thankfully my partner feels the same way. I love children and babies but never felt any desire to have my own, I may, occasionally, feel slightly broody when I see a newborn but then I remember that I don't want that level of responsibility or hard work. Some may say that's selfish but I know plenty of people whose parents weren't willing to do the work involved but had children anyway and I think that's far worse and shows they put no thought into it, they just had children because that's what society expects.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t remember EVER behaving like this, nor did my siblings. I feel like it’s only been a thing since the late 90s/early 2000s.

I think part of that is going out to eat has become more normalised and not a special treat as chain restaurants & cafes have boomed - so, essentially, you see far more young kids in those places than you used to. Fair enough I guess.

But also? It’s like some parents (emphasis on some) just do not give a shit if their child disturbs others. I totally appreciate that some children are difficult, and every kid has loud moments, but I just think back in the day, the parents would have immediately taken the child home rather than allowed their behaviour to ruin every other guest’s time. My parents would have shamed me into silence

It’s that totally lax attitude of some parents that annoys me. Just a little bit of awareness goes such a long way! A little nod, an apology, just a recognition that I (and others) exist and we don’t enjoy your screaming kid helps so much. Just because a parent is used to it and can ignore it doesn’t mean everyone else in the venue isn’t thoroughly fed up by their noise!

I agree. I can’t understand why so many children these days are so pampered and worshipped? I was born in 95 and I certainly wasn’t, if I stepped out of line I got a slap… my mum only had to look at me usually to get me to behave…
These days it just feels like so many children get so much, whenever they want and what they want and parents are so attentive to making sure they are happy all the time. It’s like parents are scared to let their child feel sadness or disappointment? And so many parents seem to be scared of their children having tantrums.

I said it in another post, but I find it shocking when I’m out and about and there’s so many kids hitting their parents and calling them stupid and screaming. It’s not acceptable, I never hit my parents, I wouldn’t dare and I wouldn’t dream of calling them stupid either.

there’s a generation of spoilt, selfish, entitled and self centred little brats being raised and it is sad. Obviously not all children are like this, but so many do seem to be and I do feel like attitudes towards children have changed massively.

when I was a kid, if we were naughty in school, we got punished, nowadays they get special classes and lots of understanding…

 

[Satisfying Click]

Yeah, it seems to be a trend among people I know that the men are outwardly modern in their thinking and roles (at least, they enjoy the benefits of two incomes) until it comes to children, then there's a weird regression to the guy that sits in his armchair, glaring at the children over the top of his broadsheet. Certainly none of the fathers I know made any noises about being the main caregiver, no matter how 'hands on' (eugh, hate that phrase) they seem.

 

[bubbletea123]

This is like me going into a parenting thread telling you how a child would ruin you life.

And these are the kind of comments that annoy me, lol (the one you quoted). It is so condescending. I hate the whole "nothing compares to the love you have for a child" bullshit. I've had people say that to me and it's so irritating. Of course nothing compares because once you have a baby, your brain releases a lot of oxytocin so you love and bond with your baby. Many people who have ppd have low amounts of oxytocin released.
In fact, studies show that pet owners release oxytocin when interacting and looking after their pets...so yes, I do know what it feels like.

Chemistry Between People and Dogs Is Real, Thanks to Oxytocin

Oxytocin’s not just for baby-parent bonding, it’s also for dog-parent bonding.

thebark.com

 

[HoGi]

Parents who take their kids to inappropriate places are the shittest of the shit. There are a million child-friendly venues. GO TO THEM! I swear it is always the most lax parents who are arrogant enough to take their kids to non-kid places.

Special shout out for parents who insist on taking their slightly-too-young-to-sit-still-for-two-hours children to musicals, plays, live shows, the cinema. My mum & I went to a dance show (pre-Covid) that was totally ruined by two kids behind us, no more than six years old. They couldn’t stop loudly moaning and groaning, kicking chairs, throwing sweets. It was horrible.

Even if a show is “family friendly” (although this one wasn’t really) you still need to make sure your child has the attention span to sit quietly and watch. I felt so sorry for the performers, they could hear these two little kids shouting “I’m SO BORED” when the music went quiet.

I went to the cinema to see the film final avengers film, there was a group of about 8 kids next to me who were there for one of their birthdays. They couldn't have been older than about 8 or 10 and the mum who was supervising was on the end furthest away from me. One of the kids, who was sat right next to me, kept talking "who is this?" "What is he doing?" "What is this?" Etc. He clearly had never seen any of the films before nor did he have basic cinema etiquette. I kept shh-ing him and he would be a quiet for a minute and then start again. I eventually turned to him and said if you don't shut up I'm going to go and get someone who works here to kick you and all your friends out. I'm preeeeeetty sure he shit himself but he didn't utter another word for the entire film.

 

[Saddlesoap]

Oh don't get me started on pregnancies during lockdown. Ridiculously foolish in my opinion.

I have a colleague who is too 'scared' to be at work while pregnant because of her face to face role with the public....well why did you get pregnant then? And yes it was intentional, they were trying for 5months.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I'm 39 and a third school friend has just announced on Facebook that they are about to become a grandparent! I cannot comprehend this

I was 30 when a former school mate (also 30) became a granny. She'd had her daughter at 16 and then her 14 year old daughter had a baby.

 

[isabellalovescats]

I'm actually cat-ernal

This makes me so happy. My cat is the best and I feel like a mother to him. Most children disgust me.

 

[Penelope Strawberry]

Before my husband and I even started dating 10 years ago, I knew that he didn't want children. He comes from a wonderfully close family himself, but has always said that he loves his life the way it is and isn't prepared to make the sacrifices required to be a parent. I went on to date him, get engaged to him, and marry him knowing that he firmly doesn't want children. I wasn't sure whether I wanted children, but I was sure that I wanted a life with my husband by my side - it just seemed like a no-brainer.

I'm 35 now and so relieved that we haven't had kids. I started therapy a few years ago because I'm struggling to get over how abusive my own childhood was. I can't imagine being a parent while being so cut up over my own parents.

I would like to think that if my husband and I had decided to have a baby, he would have been very hands-on and we would have split childcare equally. However, this has not been the case for any of our friends or family. Couples we we thought got on swimmingly have really seemed to struggle after having a baby - primarily because a large part of the childcare seems to fall to the women. I've been surprised by how many of our male friends seem to have travelled back to the 1950s since their children were born. I don't think my marriage could survive my husband retreating to the shed every time a baby cries or needs changing.

The coronavirus pandemic has made me further appreciate the life that we have - we have few responsibilities, lots of hobbies, and the luxury of total silence.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

Had a childfree friend over for dinner last night and halfway through eating, we talked about some of the nonsense parents have said in order to convince us to join their club. Apparently my husband was told by a colleague (who has had their third child) that having children keeps him young, so my husband should consider it. You know what keeps me young? Sleep

Someone who quite aggressively told me that having children was the best thing ever, ended up sleeping with prostitutes and the marriage broke down due to the demands of their kids.
Think I’ll keep my relationship sex work and children free.

 

[Anne1448]

This is why it drives me nuts when people talk about "Who will look after you?". Imagine being so selfish and self-centered that you feel entitled to get free healthcare from your child who didn't asked to be born.

So many people are struggling to keep a roof over their heads even with two incomes yet some family members expect them to pop a child. Unless the family members will personally carry the child, provide full time childcare, savings for university and a downpayment for a house I wouldn't listen to them.

 

[ot55]

Yes Olivia
I hate that mentality. I also hate the mentality that as soon as you’re married, it’s baby time.
Or that when buy a house with your partner, you better save one of the rooms for the future baby.

I don’t know why people think they have the right to be so nosey, rude and invasive.

 

[Taetae95]

Great thread, I also don't want kids! Me and the bf both have nieces/nephews who we love to pieces but no urge to have any of our own ever. Agree with the poster before who said we shouldn't need to justify or have a good enough reason to not want any. I like my lifestyle as it is and just don't want the stress and hassle of kids of my own lmao

 

[Lanavalentine]

I am retired from working due to medical reasons. While I was still working, I needed some reasonable adjustments due to my progressive disability. To be completely honest I was met with discrimination & ignorance. For instance I had set hours Mon-Fri (sounds crazy I know ). People would say, "why do you have set hours! You don't have kids, so&so has kids so they need set hours...". Like no hun I don't have kids, I do have a disability though. So&so choose to have their kids & they should be happy with that, they also should of figured out their schedule before implementing their plan to have the kid/s. I did not choose to be disabled!!!!!! I don't have a choice in this & I am just trying my very best to survive.
The ignorance & stupidity in this world scares me.

I’m so sorry. That’s so shit of them. You should have been top of the list!

Honestly, people talk about the childfree being selfish, but the vast majority of parents are the selfish ones in my experience. Don’t even get me started

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I've noticed the friend thing too... They have kids and you eventually get phased out. Two of my best friends from school had kids and while we stayed in touch, we never met up without the kids. One of them would always insist we meet up in soft play centres or pubs with kids menus and play areas while the other would only meet at her house, so the kids would be able to play and not get bored. Both were married and had parents who helped out with childcare so it's not like they weren't able to go out for a child free evening occasionally. I like their kids, but catching up with friends just isn't the same when little ears are listening and they are demanding attention! Sometimes I felt like I spent more time playing with their kids than catching up with them. I think if I had kids it would be different because the kids would play together, we'd have more in common as mum friends. Sadly my friendship with both of these people has fizzled out over the years.

Same situation with me! I phased my closest friend of 20 years because our lives were too different. It would always be arranged around her and she would always have one of them with her. Tbh the friendship was fizzling out and we saw each other and spoke few and far between (but I noticed she would always be doing stuff with other friends with kids). When a relative died and she saw via my sister on social media, she apologised for going Mia, but if she had been a proper friend I would have told her the circumstances with said relative and she wouldn’t have found out that way.
I probably sound like a bitch, but just because you’ve been friends for x amount of years, doesn’t mean you have to stay friends.