Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

[AshMay]

Even my sponsored ads know

 

[HmmmReally]

How many OAPs has she taken into her home to look after? If it’s not at least one she must be ageist…

funnily enough she starts going on about how if people were talking about disliking elderly there would be out rage…

 

[Mycatoliver]

What did they want you to say to that? ‘Well, I’ve been to Ann summers and stocked up on lingerie and lube Barbara and we’re going to do six different positions to consummate the marriage so I might end up pregnant by the morning.’ 🫣 Such a weird question even in a world where everyone was fertile and wanting to have kids!

My boss asked me outright when are we thinking of trying …grim
And my friend (we work in the same organisation) had her director ask her the same thing just in case she wanted to sort out mat leave

 

[Chandler Bing]

i’m going to vegas so god knows there had better not be babies, boddlers, toddlers of any variety in my vicinity while i consume margaritas you’re right though, how can i experience joy without hearing the laughter of children

You'll be surprised as to just how many people think Vegas is an acceptable place to take your kids to! I cannot understand why anyone would do that but there are strollers everywhere!

Also have fun, Vegas is amazing!

 

[hannah123]

Did anyone else have friends or people they knew at school who you were convinced would never have kids and then they did?

two girls I was friends with in high school were both so similar, both not maternal, both bullies to things smaller and weaker, both quite aggressive and neither had any interest in kids and actually hated them.

one got pregnant unplanned and now has two kids and the other planned the pregnancy. I was really shocked and I still am

Yes my sister. She spent the first 30 years of her life saying she hated kids, never wanted them and just wanted dogs. Then she mistakenly got pregnant because of a mess up with her pill, she sadly had a miscarriage but that made her almost obsessed with the idea of having a baby. She obviously loves her daughter and works hard to provide for her but I still see no maternal instinct and she has zero patience, my niece will for certain be an only child.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Yes, she was the first one among my extended group of friends to have a child. (Immediately after uni.) I was shocked because I never thought she was hoping to be a mother and I always thought her and her husband to be the more 'wait until we're settled' type but that's just me, we weren't too close so it's only natural that I wouldn't know intimate stuff like family plans. It was madness to me but she seems very happy

In my early 30s and I'm hardly ever surprised anymore. I neither care nor mind who wants to raise a child, as long as they don't ask me to do it haha. I'll offer my congratulations along with a baby gift and swiftly return to my childfree life to do sweet f all with my time.

it’s just crazy.

I usually have no interest in anyone have a kid, but these two ex friends of mine from school just shocked and worried me. They were both quite cruel people, here’s hoping being a mum changed them and they don’t rub off on their kids!

 

[shadowcat5]

Yeah and I totally understand that, but this is a culmination of things. Dragging her baby out until all hours and then going away with a guy she’s been with for less than a few months and not taking her baby with her. She’s just the most uninterested mother and is really quite selfish, it’s always been me me me with her.
Obviously leaving a baby home alone is worse, but something doesn’t sit right with me about never wanting to spend time with your baby, but you’re happy to spend all your time away with your new fella.

Yeah the kid is still facing parental neglect. Her basic needs are cared for but she will always know she comes second natured to whatever bf her mum has on the scene (my mum was this mum except I was with baby sitters. or my dad who was also an ass in his own way)

 

[Pebbleybeach]

How was everyone's childfree Christmas??

Mine was lovely, I got some amazing presents. There was delicious food I saw people I like and live here and there, nice festive activities, games, films and music etc. It was so relaxing and I’m glad it’s not over yet, I’m stretching it out until the 2nd of January!

I hope you enjoyed yours!

 

[Pebbleybeach]

The argument that childfree folk have "too much time on our hands" I can never understand? What counts as "too much time"? As Molly May said, we've all got the same 24 hours in a day I don't know about you lot, but I've never got to 3pm on a Saturday and thought "Ugh NINE more hours?!"

It seems like a saying used only by people who don't have any free time (such as parents). Do they expect we should be curing cancer in our free time?

I haven’t got enough time, I wish humans didn’t need sleep so I could fit everything in

 

[mcfeez]

Spotted on Reddit this morning and 0 comments so far... how do we think this is going to go?

View attachment 1798663

I find the expectation to interact with kids annoying however I do think this is a bit rude. It really doesn't take that much to greet them, smile, talk a little. Would be a different story if she was expecting the friend to help parent or babysit a lot or something.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

Has anyone seen that TikTok about the woman saying that it’s great people don’t want kids but asking us to politely stop talking about it as it’s “Childism” (like ageism)

It causes other people to hate children and they should be protected. I just think it’s the parent’s responsibility to filter what their children do and don’t hear especially on the internet … online is now becoming another place you can talk about how amazing kids are but not how you don’t want them in case little Thomas gets upset scrolling through TikTok.
I’d like to assume their algorithm would be very different

How many OAPs has she taken into her home to look after? If it’s not at least one she must be ageist…

 

[whocarez]

the worst bit is, I am the only person who EVER goes in my car, so the mess is entirely my fault.

I am the same. I love when it's cleaned but for some reason it just gets dirty

Another note just booked into a hotel 2 hours away for Friday and Saturday night .. No worry about bringing kids or getting them minded.

 

[Tangent Tiger]

Hardest thing I've ever had to do but just broken up with the love of my life as he wants kids and I just don't. I love him so much but I feel relief.

I thought that true desire for kids and readiness for that stage of life would eventually come, and I'm only in my late 20's but even though my peers are noticeably settling down/moving away/getting more boring it just made me feel like the walls were closing in. The no sleep, responsibility, overstimulation, no money, no nice holidays I just don't want any of it.

That's really good you were so honest and firm with him.

I get the occasional pang of regret however today I was reading something about packed lunches for soft play, then had a kid belching away very pleased with himself next to me in the supermarket and thought: "thank fuck!!"

 

[pinkmug]

I'm expecting a small bonus from work next month, fingers crossed, so you and the reading chat ladies convinced me to get a paperwhite as well, thanks for the recs!

Exactly, it's very much like the death of you as a person. Everything about you becomes about your motherhood - if you work you're now a 'working Mum', if you don't work you're a stay at home Mum, if you're in shape you're a 'yummy Mummy', if you're not then you're carrying 'baby weight' forever. My friend who had a baby recently has started exercising again and she was saying how annoying it was when people are saying she's an 'active Mum', as if she wasn't already in shape before her baby because she just likes exercising...you can't do anything without it being somehow mum-ified, I would hate it.

This is such a good point, I didn't even realise it until you said it. Having a child should change your life but it doesn't have to change the fact that you are a person separate from them. Sucks that this doesn't happen with men but mothers are instantly turned into an extension of their kid.

 

[Chocolategoggler]

Completely agree they are entitled to their opinion, and you’re right that I shouldn’t take it to heart, I usually brush things like that off, but I guess my issue with what they were writing is that I know they don’t value my (childfree) opinion in the same way now they have kids, and it often makes you feel redundant in these types of group messages as I have nothing to contribute to that kind of statement.

If I wrote something like “love being out tonight having fun”, it would have been seen as having a dig, but it’s perfectly alright for them to write what they did and I’m not supposed to see it as slightly rude, even if they didn’t mean it to be like that. I just find that there is something a little smug in statements such as the ones they made on a group WhatsApp when not everyone is in the same life stage.

It is like what has been written here before, their life is seen as the default way to live a life, and anyone not following the same pattern is seen as secondary, whether they mean it to or not. It can make you feel very lonely and not as valued, especially on emotionally charged days like Christmas and NYE.

Jilly Cooper got there before you in the 1970s - except she called them the "smug marrieds".

 

[penny1992]

What is with dumb parents not controlling their kids? I was out walking my dog and I could hear two kids screaming and running, I turn around and they are coming in our direction. They were probably about aged three and five, totally oblivious to me being on the sidewalk, like a bunch of tornadoes. I had to move off to the side as otherwise they'd have bashed into my dog and I. The mom was just doddling up the street not paying attention or not giving a shit, not sure which. One of the kids fell face first into the snow (I kept walking, they weren't hurt) and I know that dogs have pissed on it lmao. Good thing my dog isn't reactive with the way they were behaving, I could easily see a dog getting startled.

I’ve been reading stories from regretful parents and I have never wanted to be sterilised more. I have gynae pain anyway so the idea of just getting my entire uterus out of my hellhole body is tempting enough. But it just feels like it’d be so empowering and freeing to know that it was no longer even an option - although maybe that’s not a reason to go through major surgery and early menopause

I have endometriosis and when I was getting my surgery I was hoping they'd have to remove my reproductive organs but sadly not - is that a twisted way if thinking??
I'm on the depo shot and have been for years and love it. I did come off it for a while and got my period back instantly....absolute hell! I went back on it straight away lol.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I’m not sure I’m going to phrase this correctly, so bear with me, but I think if you have a big wedding, you kind of star in a movie of your own life in the year running up to it and on the day itself. After that, things can fall flat again, and the couple starts casting around for another way to get that attention fix. Why not “try for a baby” [TM]?

(I’m not saying ALL couples who have big weddings do this, but I think enough do for it to be recognised as a phenomenon.)

I said this once my wedding was over. I had a tiny at home Wedding but it takes over your life before hand and I can imagine if you have a big one you have been planning for years you get married and then what do you do with your time, fill it with an baby.

 

[peachesandcreamz]

Sorry if this is slightly off-topic, please send me away if so but hopefully you'll see the link here!

I am childfree and single, I live alone and am very happy with my lifestyle. If I meet someone some day, so be it, but I don't feel like I am missing anything in my life (a pay rise wouldn't hurt ). I have a great group of (childfree) friends, we holiday together regularly, I am close with my family.


Recently, my Dad was talking how he hopes to retire soon - which of course I fully encourage, he's worked for 44+ years. However he made a comment that he wants me to be "settled down" first (i.e. with a partner that can 'look after' me??). I said to him, what if I never get into a relationship? I'm content with the people I have in my life. He said "I will always be here for you", which is lovely of course, but it made me a bit uncomfortable as now I feel a pressure that he won't be happy retiring until I am "settled down"?

I'm sure others here have also experienced comments from their parents about their lifestyle choices. I'm just hoping I can convince him I am just fine!!

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Confronted by two very opposing pictures on my social media this morning: One was a thread about "even female doctors don't know pregnancy is impossible after 40, modern/liberal women leave it too late and then are infertile and have no children to care for them in old age, they will die alone surrounded by cats, don't they know a woman's only purpose in life is to have children and if you really want a career you can start it in your forties when the kids leave home". The other was a 50-something woman who had two children in her 40s and was eagerly posting about how it didn't have to end her dreams, she was now happily travelling the world with the kids, etc. Yes both these posts were "recommended" to me, is the algorithm taking the piss? So glad to not have to deal with either of these scenarios

 

[Chandler Bing]

my car is an absolute shit pit without kids. I reckon it's a bio-hazard

I'm the opposite haha, no food allowed in my car! It's immaculate and I'd like to keep it that way