Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

zoominmoom · Jan 17, 2023

It's totally inconsequential compared to some of the stuff people have spoken about on this thread, but does anyone else get filled with unexplained rage when normal, everyday things somehow get twisted into something mum-specific? "Mum bun" is the worst one for some reason, as though 90% of women with at least medium length hair don't throw their hair up when they're lazing around the house (or maybe I'm just a slob!). I also hate "this mama heart (possibly quite niche as it tends to only be the American Christian anti-vax type women who say this and they're like a car crash I can't look away from, so it's completely self-inflicted.)

Some other honourable mentions are needing coffee because they're a mum, wearing comfy clothes because they're a mum, having a"mum bod" which very often doesn't actually seem to look all that different to many women without kids, having some me-time because they're a mum, etc. Nothing worse than the 'mum bun' for irrationally boiling my piss though!

shadowcat5 · Jan 17, 2023

I came across the word Boddler today

judgejohndeed · Jan 17, 2023

@zoominmoom yes absolutely, I saw a video on Instagram yesterday with a caption something like ‘you don’t know fun until you’ve been out with a mum who doesn’t have her kids for the night’ and it was a woman in a sparkly dress ‘dancing’ like an absolute idiot on the tube platform. Not my idea of fun but also are none of us ‘fun’ now either because we haven’t known the restriction a kid puts on your life and the subsequent ‘freedom’ on a rare night out? I prefer having my freedom all the time and not showing myself up every time I can go out, personally

zoominmoom · Jan 17, 2023

shadowcat5 said:
I came across the word Boddler today

Weirdly I just saw a thread for 'boddlers' come up on here! I assumed it was someone who's not quite baby, not quite toddler, but I clicked on it out of curiosity and there's a poll about how old your boddler is and the youngest category is 0-3 months. Surely that's absolutely not a 'boddler' by any stretch of the imagination! Whatever it means it makes me think of Bodger & Badger whenever I type it out

LaBlonde · Jan 17, 2023

shadowcat5 said:
I came across the word Boddler today

what in the world is a boddler?!

is it a baby/toddler hybrid for people who don’t want their babies to grow up?

zoominmoom · Jan 17, 2023

@judgejohndeed I saw the exact same video and had the same thoughts. It's like everything that isn't baby/child related has to somehow be made baby or child related. Wouldn't you just want to enjoy your night out without making it about being a mum on a night out? Sometimes I wonder if making every aspect of your life and personality reliant on being a mum is a recent phenomenon, because I feel like when I was a kid my mum just got on with her life and we were an aspect of it, but we weren't her whole life (in the nicest way possible!).

HoGi · Jan 17, 2023

zoominmoom said:
It's totally inconsequential compared to some of the stuff people have spoken about on this thread, but does anyone else get filled with unexplained rage when normal, everyday things somehow get twisted into something mum-specific? "Mum bun" is the worst one for some reason, as though 90% of women with at least medium length hair don't throw their hair up when they're lazing around the house (or maybe I'm just a slob!). I also hate "this mama heart (possibly quite niche as it tends to only be the American Christian anti-vax type women who say this and they're like a car crash I can't look away from, so it's completely self-inflicted.)

Some other honourable mentions are needing coffee because they're a mum, wearing comfy clothes because they're a mum, having a"mum bod" which very often doesn't actually seem to look all that different to many women without kids, having some me-time because they're a mum, etc. Nothing worse than the 'mum bun' for irrationally boiling my piss though!

Same as the mum bob, as if any woman over 30 who doesn't have kids must have really long hair

judgejohndeed · Jan 17, 2023

zoominmoom said:
@judgejohndeed I saw the exact same video and had the same thoughts. It's like everything that isn't baby/child related has to somehow be made baby or child related. Wouldn't you just want to enjoy your night out without making it about being a mum on a night out? Sometimes I wonder if making every aspect of your life and personality reliant on being a mum is a recent phenomenon, because I feel like when I was a kid my mum just got on with her life and we were an aspect of it, but we weren't her whole life (in the nicest way possible!).

I think I've said this before but honestly one of, if not maybe THE biggest factor in my choice to not have kids, is the way it's meant to become your whole identity. I simply do not want to frame every other aspect of my life/personality in relation to a child/being a mother. People treat it like if being a parent doesn't completely consume you then you're doing it wrong.

peachesandcreamz · Jan 17, 2023

judgejohndeed said:
I think I've said this before but honestly one of, if not maybe THE biggest factor in my choice to not have kids, is the way it's meant to become your whole identity. I simply do not want to frame every other aspect of my life/personality in relation to a child/being a mother. People treat it like if being a parent doesn't completely consume you then you're doing it wrong.

YES, this is horrifying to me!!! Being "Mum" only and not "MyName". It's akin to a death

judgejohndeed · Jan 17, 2023

peachesandcreamz said:
YES, this is horrifying to me!!! Being "Mum" only and not "MyName". It's akin to a death

Exactly, it's very much like the death of you as a person. Everything about you becomes about your motherhood - if you work you're now a 'working Mum', if you don't work you're a stay at home Mum, if you're in shape you're a 'yummy Mummy', if you're not then you're carrying 'baby weight' forever. My friend who had a baby recently has started exercising again and she was saying how annoying it was when people are saying she's an 'active Mum', as if she wasn't already in shape before her baby because she just likes exercising...you can't do anything without it being somehow mum-ified, I would hate it.

Chocolategoggler · Jan 17, 2023

zoominmoom said:
It's totally inconsequential compared to some of the stuff people have spoken about on this thread, but does anyone else get filled with unexplained rage when normal, everyday things somehow get twisted into something mum-specific? "Mum bun" is the worst one for some reason, as though 90% of women with at least medium length hair don't throw their hair up when they're lazing around the house (or maybe I'm just a slob!). I also hate "this mama heart (possibly quite niche as it tends to only be the American Christian anti-vax type women who say this and they're like a car crash I can't look away from, so it's completely self-inflicted.)

Some other honourable mentions are needing coffee because they're a mum, wearing comfy clothes because they're a mum, having a"mum bod" which very often doesn't actually seem to look all that different to many women without kids, having some me-time because they're a mum, etc. Nothing worse than the 'mum bun' for irrationally boiling my piss though!

Mum jeans

Netmums/Mumsnet
Mum gifts - what about us?

shadowcat5 · Jan 17, 2023

LaBlonde said:
what in the world is a boddler?!

is it a baby/toddler hybrid for people who don’t want their babies to grow up?

No idea. I thought 0-1 year is a baby, 1-3 is a toddler, 3+ is a child. Once you're old enough for proper school nursery are you still a toddler? I would say old enough for a school uniform = child. Then again, clearly I am not a child expert so that could be crap

zoominmoom said:
Weirdly I just saw a thread for 'boddlers' come up on here! I assumed it was someone who's not quite baby, not quite toddler, but I clicked on it out of curiosity and there's a poll about how old your boddler is and the youngest category is 0-3 months. Surely that's absolutely not a 'boddler' by any stretch of the imagination! Whatever it means it makes me think of Bodger & Badger whenever I type it out

Agreed but (see above) to me I don't know what not quite a baby not quite a toddler is? A toddler is past the baby stage and is toddling no? 0-3 months is not toddling? neither is 6 months. Those are babies. 10 months+ is surely boddler territory? Idk folks, I'm not here to judge. I just can't figure it out

xxAprilxx · Jan 17, 2023

Gem_woody said:
Get a kindle! They're the best . Everyone is different, but I find that I read a lot more because of my kindle!

mousey said:
I second getting a kindle! I love mine, and same I found I read a lot more than I do with regular books. Mine has a backlight so I read it in bed with the lights off and just fall asleep,

Could you recommend which Kindle to get please? I've been looking for a few months, but can't decide!

HoGi · Jan 17, 2023

xxAprilxx said:
Could you recommend which Kindle to get please? I've been looking for a few months, but can't decide!

I have the paperwhite and I love it!

Don't get a fire.

Gem_woody · Jan 17, 2023

HoGi said:
I have the paperwhite and I love it!

Don't get a fire.

I second this! Just recently upgraded from an older kindle to a paperwhite. I love being able to read in bed in the dark now so that I don't disturb my partner when he's sleeping

Codiaeum · Jan 17, 2023

xxAprilxx said:
Could you recommend which Kindle to get please? I've been looking for a few months, but can't decide!

Absolutely get a Paperwhite, I convinced about seven people to get one after they saw mine and they all love them. Don’t get a Fire and don’t get the cheapest Kindle without the light, the Paperwhite really is the best thing out there!

xxAprilxx · Jan 17, 2023

HoGi said:
I have the paperwhite and I love it!

Don't get a fire.

Gem_woody said:
I second this! Just recently upgraded from an older kindle to a paperwhite. I love being able to read in bed in the dark now so that I don't disturb my partner when he's sleeping

Codiaeum said:
Absolutely get a Paperwhite, I convinced about seven people to get one after they saw mine and they all love them. Don’t get a Fire and don’t get the cheapest Kindle without the light, the Paperwhite really is the best thing out there!

Thank you all I've got some John Lewis vouchers to use so shall be ordering one tomorrow. x

mousey · Jan 17, 2023

xxAprilxx said:
Thank you all I've got some John Lewis vouchers to use so shall be ordering one tomorrow. x

Yesssss, sorry I was late to the convo but just wanted to agree with everyone that paperwhite is the way to go!

soph30 · Jan 17, 2023

Why not kindle fire? Normally I’d apologise for being off topic but it illustrates the beauty of our situation, getting to chat and not having to look after some snotty child/ be tired after having put it to bed/ the last thing before you close your eyes thinking about its school bag

pinkmug · Jan 18, 2023

I'm expecting a small bonus from work next month, fingers crossed, so you and the reading chat ladies convinced me to get a paperwhite as well, thanks for the recs!

judgejohndeed said:
Exactly, it's very much like the death of you as a person. Everything about you becomes about your motherhood - if you work you're now a 'working Mum', if you don't work you're a stay at home Mum, if you're in shape you're a 'yummy Mummy', if you're not then you're carrying 'baby weight' forever. My friend who had a baby recently has started exercising again and she was saying how annoying it was when people are saying she's an 'active Mum', as if she wasn't already in shape before her baby because she just likes exercising...you can't do anything without it being somehow mum-ified, I would hate it.

This is such a good point, I didn't even realise it until you said it. Having a child should change your life but it doesn't have to change the fact that you are a person separate from them. Sucks that this doesn't happen with men but mothers are instantly turned into an extension of their kid.

Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

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