Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

[paulpercy666]

I don’t really get the childism thing? Like, yeah I don’t want children of my own but equally I don’t want any harm to come to any children that already exist. I feel like that is the general consensus for childfree people? If you do want to see harm done to children it’s got nothing to do with whether you want to have them or not - as we can clearly see from all of the sad cases where children are abused by their parents/family. If anything, I think I have an issue with some parents because at the end of the day it’s not the children’s fault that they are annoying lol, I’d say the vast majority of the time it’s behaviour that their parents allow them to get away with that I find irritating, which again is not the child’s fault. Plus children can’t help having needs that I just wouldn’t be able to meet. I wouldn’t be a good mum, so surely by not having one, I’m doing what’s best for the theoretical child?

 

[rosemarina]

Fuck, no. Sleep on a sofa bed while children get their own rooms? Fuck. That. Shit.

 

[littlewonder]

the iPad thing drives me mad! I was on a flight that took off at about 11pm - and I had to drive once we landed. I was naive enough to think I’d get a bit of sleep

the kid in front of my seat played a game on top volume for the entire four hours!! no headphones!! CONSTANT. I asked the parent if they could turn it down or even offered my bloody headphones and they refused. I was on the verge of tears by midnight

 

[Huxley]

One of the girls in my university Whatsapp group had a baby less than a week ago (congratulations), but ever since then, my usually perfectly rationale friends have been writing (what I find to be) quite offensive messages about how this is what life is all about, it’s the best thing ever and how their life is now beginning. I am sat here reading these messages thinking “are you aware not everyone in this group is a mother, and are never likely to be either”….Bloody rude if you ask me.

I am happily childfree by choice, so I am not sensitive about wanting kids and not having them, but it astounds me that my friends write this stuff without thinking of the implications of what they are saying to the rest of us i.e. our lives are meaningless and not as worthy.

The group has also been full of messages tonight with videos of their kids screaming at the top of their lungs “excited” for new year, with accompanying motif that in a few years, when all our babies are a bit older (again, massive assumption we will all be / are mothers), we will all be able to enjoy similar fun NYEs with our families, and be pleased we are not wasting it drunk in the pub like we did when we were younger and “free” (don’t remember them complaining at the time though!)

(BTW, it is just me and one other girl who are the only ones not married and without kids in the group, and sometimes I feel like we are pitied or seen as strange for not being like them. When we went abroad on a city break earlier this year as a group, one of my best friends from uni [who now lives abroad in New Zealand, so really has no idea about my actual day to day life or emotions anymore], was constantly trying to set me up with men in this horrible pub we were in, as if I needed her “help” or else I’d die old and alone! When I tried to tell her I was happy as I am, & I was just there to have fun with my friends, I was given such a look of confusion mixed with abhorrence, it made me feel like a complete freak!)

 

[rosemarina]

God, if you ever see a lone man pushing a buggy and not glued to his phone, will you let us all know? The lazy, shiftless arseholes never seem to spend any time interacting with their own children, and they all walk along staring at their phone as though it alone can prevent their testicles from falling off. HATE.

 

[Satisfying Click]

I'm one of those people who sees work places as work places, and not a zoo, creche or therapist's office. I don't want to bring my whole self, nor do I want to have to pretend to give a shit about a kid or someone's dog. I'm there for the coin (thank feck I WFH).

 

[JoeBloggs]

I often think about this, and undoubtedly it has already been brought up here, but isn't the concept of maternity/paternity leave a bit wild???

One of my close friends (who I love dearly, and good for her for taking advantage of it) has had 3 children whilst working at our company. You get 6 months full pay, and then it drops to 50% I believe for a further 3 months or so. Wow, if I had the opportunity to take 6 months off work with full pay, that would be life changing! And she's done it 3 times, taking a full year every time.

But because I choose not to have children, I don't see any of the benefit. There should be something available to people who don't wish to take up these benefits. Whether you choose not to have children or you're not able to, why should you miss out on what is essentially paid leave?

Gosh, I know this opinion really wouldn't go down well with most people, and I know parents would argue it's not "time off!" - but it is?? Because YOU chose to take on this huge other responsibility of having a child? Why can't I take on another huge time consuming and expensive side project and get 6 months off paid at a time!

Arghhgrhgrrggrhrghhhhh these are the sorts of things that wind me up But I must look a the bright side, and think about all the freedom I have, the money I save etc. I might envy some of the benefits, but I can sleep easy at night knowing I am certainly not envious of the children!

I know every parent will say it is not time off, but so many go 'last day of maternity leave ' Why should a company pay for you to bring up your kid at full pay while the rest of us take on your job etc.

We also pay into the NI unfairly. We never get to redeem the perks, free prescription, maternity pay, education (for kids) etc.

 

[ATV2021]

I can't believe you didn't get him a bottle of Pawsecco at Christmas!

View attachment 1821303

I did.

He looked at me like I'd put vomit in the bowl.

 

[Satisfying Click]

i’m going to vegas so god knows there had better not be babies, boddlers, toddlers of any variety in my vicinity while i consume margaritas you’re right though, how can i experience joy without hearing the laughter of children

OMG this reminds me of a holiday I took many years ago where we spent a couple of nights in Vegas. We watched an outdoor show featuring some pirates and scantily-clad women dancing etc. One dimwit woman in my group said, "This is really inappropriate, there are kids here!"

Lady. It was 11.45pm. If families chose to take their kids out onto the streets of Las Vegas around midnight, the responsibility of propriety lay at their feet.

 

[Gem_woody]

I mean, what have you got to live for anyway, right?

Someone essentially said this to me once 🥲

 

[penny1992]

Got talking to a neighbour earlier and he said his weekend is busy, his kids have a sports tournament...4 games today and 5 tomorrow. Sounds "hectic" I said. In my head I'm thinking "sounds hellish."

 

[Jane Porcupine]

Sending you some of my vibes, I’m frequently told that my face totally gives away what I think of people before I’ve even opened my mouth, I can’t be bothered with being fake nice if I’m not interested!! just blank her if she’s boring you!

Omg I'm the same. I struggle with being fake interested in my friend's kids, let alone colleagues I haven't even met.

 

[rosemarina]

Yeah, I think I dislike children more than most. I’d never wish them harm, but I don’t want them in the places where I am.

 

[pinkmug]

Um watch your child? Of course a coffee shop isn’t child friendly, not everywhere has to be a playgroup

The entitlement of shitty parents never fail to amaze me.

This reminded me of a review left by a parent for a coffee shop I often visit. It's a tiny place, 4 tables can fit inside just about comfortably and most people who come are there to enjoy a beverage, have a bite and usually either do work on their laptops, study or read. A mother left a shit review because the owner warned them when her little girl was screaming inside and when they spilled something, the waitress wasn't all smiles when she was wiping the mess and sweeping the broken glass. You couldn't make it up.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

Can’t stand people like that and the “you don’t enjoy Christmas until you have children”.

I’m pretty sure I’d stop enjoying Christmas if I did have children

You don’t need to have kids to appreciate a good Christmas dinner

If you don’t enjoy Christmas until you have children, then the children don’t enjoy it because they don’t have children, so the parents must be doing it all because they enjoy it. Which must mean they are… selfish *gasp*

 

[mousey]

If they really wanted to share the article or whatever, could’ve done it without mentioning they’re a parent first. But parents just love saying they’re parents I guess?!?!

 

[littlewonder]

when reading the regretful parents posts online it shocked me how many of these people were ‘on the fence’ or ambivalent about kids and we’re then pushed by their partner or family or societal expectations.

it also seems to be really commonly men that do the pushing (but not the actual pushing!) - I’ve read several where their partner tells them they want to be child free, the man doesn’t really listen because he assumes they’ll change their mind, it gets 6 years into the relationship and then the man tells them actually it’s a deal breaker that he wants kids so their partner ends up feeling forced to carry and bring up a baby! One person said they felt guilty because it was her partners life long dream - well he should’ve taken your choice seriously?!? Why should she ruin her life to fulfil his?

And it is crystal clear that there is nooooo such thing as ‘equal parenting’ once the child is born - even if they don’t realise it because treating women as unpaid labourers is so ingrained into society. It’s horrendous and I’m so sad for these people who are posting things like ‘I haven’t experienced a scrap of joy since they were born’ because they were manipulated and pressured into doing something that I think, deep down, they knew wasn’t right for them. But we’re so often told that we don’t know our own minds and that we were ‘born for this’ and ‘it all comes naturally’… it’s absolutely horrendous!!!

after reading it my partner came home and even though we both want to be child free, he’s not quite as adamant as I am so I went ‘you know I say I don’t want children? I really mean it so please don’t think that I might change my mind! I won’t and if you think having children will be a non negotiable for you then we need to know that and act accordingly aka BREAK UP’ thankfully he agreed and would rather be the fun uncle that babysits occasionally

 

[Jane Porcupine]

I

I think maternity pay is important purely from a women's equality perspective - and ultimately people are always going to have kids, and men don't have to take a year out of work, so while it's a choice there is still an unequal burden on mothers compared with fathers. However for me it should end once someone goes back to work, what annoys me is how having children is seen as some kind of moral good and parents are forever taking the piss at work/prioritised over people who didn't make the choice to have children. I would be really pro having both anti discrimination for parents i.e. you can't be sacked for being pregnant etc, and also have anti discrimination for childfree i.e. you can't be forced to work Christmas 12 years in a row 'because parents'. This could definitely mutually exist in our legal framework.

I agree. My company has now introduced 'carers leave' instead of parental leave for emergencies so it can be used by anyone with caring responsibilities (and it includes spouses/partners). I think it's a step in the right direction as it at least acknowledges that kids aren't the only important committment in people's lives.

I would like to see more companies offering longer protected time off similar to mat leave but offered to everyone, like a sabbatical and actually encouraging people to use it or letting them know it's there.

 

[Chandler Bing]

Yeah my husband is the one who cooks 90% of the time, when my dad found out he had a right go at me. Apparently my life's too easy

 

[LaBlonde]

Parent here . But after reading and replying here some childfree articles have popped up on Facebook, last night one from bored panda in case you can find it, it was asking the best and worst thing about being child free. Everyone’s best was things like freedom ,not having to worry about someone else .and every single persons worst thing, was other people, other people telling them they will regret it, other people telling them they would make a great mum, other people telling them they are missing out, will
be lonely.

genuine question, as a parent, what attracts you to this thread?!

this isn’t an attack or anything, i’m just intrigued as we seem to have had so many parents post over the past few weeks. i’m wondering if it’s some kind of curiosity or if it’s just genuinely sharing stuff you’ve seen.