Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

[judgejohndeed]

@judgejohndeed I saw the exact same video and had the same thoughts. It's like everything that isn't baby/child related has to somehow be made baby or child related. Wouldn't you just want to enjoy your night out without making it about being a mum on a night out? Sometimes I wonder if making every aspect of your life and personality reliant on being a mum is a recent phenomenon, because I feel like when I was a kid my mum just got on with her life and we were an aspect of it, but we weren't her whole life (in the nicest way possible!).

I think I've said this before but honestly one of, if not maybe THE biggest factor in my choice to not have kids, is the way it's meant to become your whole identity. I simply do not want to frame every other aspect of my life/personality in relation to a child/being a mother. People treat it like if being a parent doesn't completely consume you then you're doing it wrong.

 

[paulpercy666]

Parenting seems hard and I CBA.

THIS. JUST THIS

 

[Lola Ruby]

One of my annoyances is that around this time of year you log on to Teams and Every. Single. Day it's "poor little X has got a cold today, bless her" or "Y has a sniffly nose and an earache, so best if I stay home with him today" Like I get that they need to tell us that they'll be WFH but it's just so boring because it's every day and then you have to be like "Ah sorry to hear that, hope little X / Y gets better soon" and then you lose track of which kids are sick and which aren't Some of my colleagues' kids are sick CONSTANTLY.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Maybe don’t bring food out and about that needs warming up? Where did you think you were going to warm it? I don’t want disgusting mashed banana or dripping purée or whatever warmed in the same cafe microwave as my toastie thanks

Why is it different when it’s a baby as well - shall I just try rocking up to Pret with a ready meal and ask them to warm it up for me because it only takes a minute? Mental

 

[mdizzl3]

I think the only thing I might regret in old age is that I didn’t do a frivolous degree like Music Production or Fashion Design and end up in some glamorous lifestyle in London, taking loads of drugs with celebs and flying from Miami to Ibiza every weekend. Instead I live in the suburbs, work in a bank and spend my evenings watching The Traitors and playing sport

I think doing anything because “you might regret not doing it” is really stupid. I actually really disagree with the saying “you can only regret what you didn’t do”. Firstly if you didn’t do something it’s hard to imagine what could have happened, so it’s hard to regret it. Like with my dream fashion/music lifestyle, in reality I’d live in a grotty flat making no money and slogging my guts out only to be “irrelevant” and unemployed by 30. And if you DID do something and it went wrong (like breaking my teeth rollerblading), it’s very easy to imagine not having done it, as that would be the status quo and your normal life.

 

[Lola Ruby]

I'm tired ALL week at work cus I stay up till whatever time I like, watching Netflix, hanging out with friends, playing games, self pleasuring And then weekends I get a nice long lie in to catch up....and still have all day to do what I like

I'm sure M*msnet would argue "well that's your fault you're tired" and guess what? It's your fault you're tired too! You chose to have kids haha!!

Yeah why does it always have to be some kind of weird competition? Like I couldn’t POSSIBLY be more tired than you, a parent. One of my friends who is a new mum is really bad for this - if I mention I’m tired in passing she always has to one up me and say how early she was up or how many times she was up in the night. Ok? So I’m never allowed to be tired, because of stress, having too much on my plate, not sleeping well, etc etc. I feel like I could argue that parents get MORE sleep as they’re usually in bed by like 9!

 

[shadowcat5]

I don’t know where else to post this but I’m in Zumba. Regular class. And a mother and daughter (both adults) have turned up in matching slogan t shirts. Not like concert ones. Like ones they’ve had made for Zumba. Not sure how to feel

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Sorry, I have just been reading this thread with interest and had to comment.

I actually do have children (so I don’t know if I’m welcome here!) but this is so true for me. I have always loved Christmas, but since having my kids (aged 4 and 1) I now hate it!

Just feels like too much pressure from other people for them to be on top form. Most years one of them has been ill/having a meltdown over something. And I never get to fully enjoy my Christmas dinner in peace just too much chaos.

I rest my case.

Christmas is far more enjoyable when there’s no kids, no pressure & you can just get fat on pigs in blankets & drunk on wine

 

[thinkofacoolname]

Have been reading through the thread and on the topic of kids in restaurants/cafes… I love going out early some mornings on my day off for coffee and to read my book. Mostly, it’s quiet as I go before the after school rush, but a few times a parent has brought a kid in and the kid screams, makes a mess, runs around, or is just generally noisy. I know if I wanted to read in silence I should just stay at home, but letting a child go feral like some of them do… eugh.

Last week there was a guy in with what must’ve been a 3 year old strapped in a buggy with one of those chunky kids tablets blaring the jingle tune that a lot of kids YouTube videos have. The kid was absolutely glued to it, wasn’t smiling or laughing or anything, just a vacant expression, and the dad sat scrolling on his phone the whole time they were in. I felt so sorry for the kid. Ok fair enough using the tablet to keep kids entertained while you’re out doing menial tasks, but when sitting like that in the company of each other, I don’t know, maybe put them down?

When we were young our parents would talk to us or, like someone else has already said, we were given an activity sheet and crayons. Either that, or our parents packed our own story or colouring in books.

I’ve had mums make passive aggressive comments to me before about the free time I have being childfree and I’m just like… you give you’re kid an iPad to keep them quiet so surely you understand why I love my free time??? Or maybe that’s why they’re passive aggressive.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Totally agree, this is also one of the other reasons I'm relieved not to have children. I'd be anxious about having a son and ensuring he'd not fall foul of these awful influential men. I'd be terrified if I had a daughter.

I was lucky that I married a man who doesn't see me as a housekeeper, but I know so many 'modern men' who reveal their 1950s father archetype - and it's not until after the children arrive that this manifests.

Yes having a son and being scared of how they’d turn out is the other side of it. I can’t imagine how horrified I’d be if I had a son and he turned out to be the sort to commit crimes against women.

i don’t think it’s always parenting either. My ex had a relatively normal upbringing, but he’s a stalker.

He makes fake accounts online and sends girls between 16-18 years old messages like “I know you’re waiting for the bus and I know you’re wearing a green coat”. He even used to message women he worked with off fake accounts telling them he was sat in their workplace (McDonald’s) watching them…

He once messaged my elder half sister from a fake account saying he knew where she lived and if she didn’t send naked pictures then he would break into her flat.

One of his ex’s said she woke up and he was having sex with her while she was asleep.

he never did much to me, apart from cheat, thankfully. I had a lucky escape… he now has two sons with two different 18 year olds (he’s 28).

 

[HeyBabes]

Mr HeyBabes and I stayed in a childfree hotel back in December, the next door sister hotel was for families, we could go there for the use of their pools, restaurants, etc, but kids couldn’t come to ours. 2 boys wandered over to our pool one afternoon, and the staff jumped on them straight away and told them to leave, I mean why the kids were wandering about without their parents in the first place I’ve no idea, but I loved how reactive the staff were to get rid of them.

 

[LaBlonde]

i’ve only just caught up and i can’t believe we had more parent visitors wtf. can only say that i love all of you amazingly witty women

the best thing about being childfree is the lack of a child tbh. i can’t be anymore simple than that. i get up every morning without a tiny being wailing for my attention and needing to be entertained. that alone is enough. the very idea of having to look after a child, play with a child, keep the child alive, keep it entertained, spend my money on it, have it there literally all the time needing my full attention? nah mate.

edit: will admit to just going to look at the “boddler” thread and the final post there at the moment kinda upset me a bit in how needlessly cruel it is (and it also probably struck a nerve with me).

why did they feel the need to come here and then go back and basically laugh at us? absolutely no need for it, we don’t do that in their thread

 

[rosemarina]

What a thing to wish on a person, good grief.

 

[mdizzl3]

What do you sew?

Clothes for myself, I need to get more into it and spend less time on social media lol! I did alterations as a lockdown job and it absolutely killed off my love of sewing for about 2 years (note to self: never turn your hobby into a job again!). This is my fave thing I’ve made, can’t breathe in it though

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

eta as I don’t want to derail: what’s everyone’s favourite thing about being child free? mine is the lack of responsibility and accountability, I would buckle under the pressure so instead I get to do things at my pace

Oo so many things!

-Freedom. The freedom to do what I want when I want. If I want to go out for a meal after work,
I will. If I want to book a holiday for next week, I will. I come go whenever I please. I get up whenever I want at the weekend & I go to bed when I like.

-The spare money. I can just enjoy myself, takeaways, meals out, days out, holidays etc I don’t need to consider the impact of my fiancial decisions on another being.

-The peace. I love being able to come home & just chill out. I can cook a nice meal & I can chill on the couch and watch whatever I like. I don’t have to answer a million questions or entertain a small child.

Those are the main things.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I haven’t got enough time, I wish humans didn’t need sleep so I could fit everything in

Same, to be honest I am bloody exhausted. I work 4 days a week, no kids and I barely have enough time to do anything. I have yet to make it to the gym this year as by the time I get home its gone 6/7pm. Then tidy/cook etc. Days off are housework, admin, appointments, socialising. How do people have the time to have kids?

For me I am not prepared to give up my sleep, my time, my luxuries (health club, nails, designer items, my tidy and clean house and frankly I just don't have any desire to have them. What exactly do they add to your life? I love my cats dearly by oh my do they get on my nerves when they are naughty/dirty or up at 4am playing zoomies.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

There's a thread on Mumsnet at the moment about how mental health problems are exploding in the 30-35 year age group because people are being encouraged to delay adulthood. It mentions in particular, women being encouraged not to have children in their 20s which 'robs them of their focus, because having a family is a nice focus'.

I saw that. Women, before they have children, are ‘waiting for real life to start’ and it causes mental health issues

 

[Anne1448]

Men take Childfree posts made by women personally because it reminds them that in the modern world they are not needed.

If men are not needed then the beliefs that they are superior to women falls apart. Some men have nothing but their sense of ego. As more women get educated and experience more freedom, this category of men feels endangered. Which leads to men being aggressive online.

We could have a whole talk about the rise of the "nice guy" or the "wife guy". A bunch of men pretending to adapt to the modern era but eventually show their misogyny. ie : not pulling their weight at home, refusing to date women who earn more, etc

 

[DCICassieStuart]

What next to the list? Sex? Well what's the point if its not for making kids?

I would fucking love someone legitimately to tell a childfree person they wouldn't bother with sex if they didn't have kids. I would fucking love it

From what I can see it's people with kids who aren't having sex instead of us childfree people, as all I hear from my friends with kids is that they're constantly exhausted or they have x amount of kids sharing their bed every night. One of my friends is still breastfeeding her almost four year old. She has two others as well, the eldest is eight and she and her husband have been in separate beds since the eldest one was born as she had them all in bed with her due to breastfeeding and her husband ended up in the spare room.

My ex SIL had bored everyone solid telling us that she HAD to get pregnant as soon as she got married. She got married in September and was pregnant by October. She told me they didn't have sex on their wedding night or honeymoon as there was "No point as my ovulation period in September had already passed so I didn't bother"!

 

[Anne1448]

Ugh, I got into a debate with my manager’s manager about how one of the (many) reasons I don’t want kids is that it’s sexist from start to finish - the woman has to go through massive physical trauma, always seems to develop a stronger bond with the kid because of 1 year v.s. 2 weeks maternity leave and breastfeeding, and usually seems to end up the primary caregiver and sacrificing their career more. For example I know dozens of women part time, who gave up work or never worked, with rubbish pensions and no promotion in 10 years. Every big company has a senior board of mainly old men. I don’t know any men who work part time or don’t work at all. I know dozens of women who run themselves ragged while their husbands are deadbeat dads who spend more time at work, with the lads and pick up new weekend hobbies. He basically said it’s a figment of my imagination, I’m projecting my own emotional damage from my bad parents (fucking rude) and it’s “their choice” to go part time and for his wife it “made sense”. Yes but if that choice is driven partly by hormones, societal messaging and expected gender roles then it’s not much of a choice is it? Like when people say it’s their choice to get lip filler - it is, but if you lived in a society that didn’t place a woman’s value on looks and didn’t constantly bombard you with messages saying thin lips are ugly/mean/a problem to fix, you likely would not have made that choice. Choices aren’t made in a vacuum.

Nice to be mansplained by an old white man that sexism doesn’t exist and I’ve made it up!

Oh and on breastfeeding and women being tied to the baby, he said it’s fine because you can pump if you want to go out. Using a machine to suck out bodily fluid from yourself so you can go to a party for a few hours, while your partner can live exactly how they were before? I’m sorry but I’m going to give all that a swerve. Maybe I should have been born as a man lol, these things you’re expected to do as a woman and “get on with” (like ripping your vagina in half without pain relief in order to become a carer) just sound horrendous to me.

I don't even understand how people like him have a partner?

Some women really pick the worst men out there. Can you imagine living with this guy and deciding to procreate with him?

The shackles that some women are willing to put on themselves