Childfree by Choice #2

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

I think that a lot of people actually think about babies but not kids, teenagers or young adults when we talk about children. Babies are cute for 2 seconds but I'd rather walk on glass than dealing with a teenager or supporting a young adult. This isn't the 80s anymore when you pop a child and give it to a nanny.

You have to give your children a down payment for a house, if they are transgender or non binary it cost a pretty penny to pay the transition, don't get me started on university fees and extracurricular activities.

My brothers and I used to do a lot of activities when we were younger. It was probably a few hundreds per month easily. Mind you it didn't include the equipments and all that. Just thinking about it makes me sweat

I think that a lot of people actually think about babies but not kids, teenagers or young adults when we talk about children. Babies are cute for 2 seconds but I'd rather walk on glass than dealing with a teenager or supporting a young adult. This isn't the 80s anymore when you pop a child and give it to a nanny.

You have to give your children a down payment for a house, if they are transgender or non binary it cost a pretty penny to pay the transition, don't get me started on university fees and extracurricular activities.

My brothers and I used to do a lot of activities when we were younger. It was probably a few hundreds per month easily. Mind you it didn't include the equipments and all that. Just thinking about it makes me sweat

I think that a lot of people actually think about babies but not kids, teenagers or young adults when we talk about children. Babies are cute for 2 seconds but I'd rather walk on glass than dealing with a teenager or supporting a young adult. This isn't the 80s anymore when you pop a child and give it to a nanny.

You have to give your children a down payment for a house, if they are transgender or non binary it cost a pretty penny to pay the transition, don't get me started on university fees and extracurricular activities.

My brothers and I used to do a lot of activities when we were younger. It was probably a few hundreds per month easily. Mind you it didn't include the equipments and all that. Just thinking about it makes me sweat

I think my parents missed that memo.

 

[Anne1448]

I think my parents missed that memo.

If you live in a fairly inexpensive place you're fine. In my case it is so expensive here that without parents' help most of us would live in tents

 

[Traveler001]

If you live in a fairly inexpensive place you're fine. In my case it is so expensive here that without parents' help most of us would live in tents

That's why so many people live with their parents for longer these days (average age to move out is around 23 for women and 26 for men) and lots of 'children' move back home when marriages/relationships end. Housing is so expensive and the rest of life is hardly cheap!.

 

[CatCafe234]

I think my parents missed that memo.

Yeah, mine too …

 

[judgejohndeed]

I think that a lot of people actually think about babies but not kids, teenagers or young adults when we talk about children. Babies are cute for 2 seconds but I'd rather walk on glass than dealing with a teenager or supporting a young adult. This isn't the 80s anymore when you pop a child and give it to a nanny.

You have to give your children a down payment for a house, if they are transgender or non binary it cost a pretty penny to pay the transition, don't get me started on university fees and extracurricular activities.

My brothers and I used to do a lot of activities when we were younger. It was probably a few hundreds per month easily. Mind you it didn't include the equipments and all that. Just thinking about it makes me sweat

See I don't really like babies, I wouldn't mind a toddler I suppose, I think kids are quite sweet when they start talking and walking. But I don't see the appeal in the baby phase at all.

Are you in the UK? I think I read before that you're not. It's not common here that you'd give you kids a house deposit, we have student loans for uni fees, I'm not sure being transgender is common enough that it's something parents should consider budgeting for either. Where I grew up ECs were for the rich kids.

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

Kids are definitely staying home longer. I was 22 when I moved out. We are looking at upsizing soon and its at the back of my mind that we need a house big enough for 4 adults to live in, not just 2 adults 2 kids.

I love babies so much, but theyre easy to deal with as babies. Kids / tweens are a whole different ball game. If I could only have babies Id have loads of them they grow up though and you need to go back to work and then its a treadmill you cant get off.

Id never change having my kids but I can see the appeal of being childfree by choice. Im early 30s and most of my friends dont have children yet. Some have indicated they will be staying that way and Im happy for them Not at all jealous of their lovely kid free holidays and lazy weekends.

 

[slugella]

I honestly think some people take the decision of others not to have kids personally i.e. if you've chosen not to have them, it must mean their decision to have them is a bad one - so they get very defensive. Honestly I've seen similar reactions to people saying they are vegetarian/vegan or to people who say they don't drink alcohol.

10000% this. I don't talk much about being childfree to most people unless they ask, but whenever I do respond and say i don't want kids and give reasons when asked, my BIL acts like I'm insulting him personally because he has kids. It's so silly because I am happy for them, they wanted kids so they had them, that's great that it worked out, doesn't mean that me not wanting the same is an insult to them.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I think that a lot of people actually think about babies but not kids, teenagers or young adults when we talk about children. Babies are cute for 2 seconds but I'd rather walk on glass than dealing with a teenager or supporting a young adult. This isn't the 80s anymore when you pop a child and give it to a nanny.

You have to give your children a down payment for a house, if they are transgender or non binary it cost a pretty penny to pay the transition, don't get me started on university fees and extracurricular activities.

My brothers and I used to do a lot of activities when we were younger. It was probably a few hundreds per month easily. Mind you it didn't include the equipments and all that. Just thinking about it makes me sweat

I wouldn’t mind a baby, I’d actually like to be pregnant and have a baby, but I wouldn’t want a child older than two. I know you’d love them by that point and you wouldn’t be able to imagine life without them by that point, but I just wouldn’t want to have to deal with a child and a teen.

as for payments on houses and uni, I don’t know if you’re American, but that’s not common place here. My mum raised me by herself and she didn’t have a penny to her name. I saved up for my own deposit and I bought my own house at 21. As for uni I used a student loan. Personally I don’t believe parents should be responsible for those things.

 

[Satisfying Click]

Our neighbour has tortured us with their musical instrument for years. They've just had a baby and totally abandoned their practice. I swear, the faint sound of the baby crying compared to the music is absolute bliss.

 

[JOHN1967]

Our neighbour has tortured us with their musical instrument for years. They've just had a baby and totally abandoned their practice. I swear, the faint sound of the baby crying compared to the music is absolute bliss.

Now is the perfect time to teach them a lesson. Take up a new instrument or at least play loud music.

 

[Anne1448]

I live in Ireland so buying a house without my parents' help is unthinkable. Houses are 300k on average in my city. The entry level houses are 180k. Below that you have homes which require at least 100k in repair, with no roof, no electricity and in the middle of nowhere. So, let's say that without our parents most of us would be homeless or sharing a house with 3 other people until our 40s (unfortunately common here).

 

[HoGi]

I wouldn’t mind a baby, I’d actually like to be pregnant and have a baby, but I wouldn’t want a child older than two. I know you’d love them by that point and you wouldn’t be able to imagine life without them by that point, but I just wouldn’t want to have to deal with a child and a teen.

I'm exactly the same

I love the idea of being pregnant, I have always wanted to experience it and I like babies and toddlers.

But the thought of an eight year old makes me feel sick.

 

[discokebab]

I honestly think some people take the decision of others not to have kids personally i.e. if you've chosen not to have them, it must mean their decision to have them is a bad one - so they get very defensive. Honestly I've seen similar reactions to people saying they are vegetarian/vegan or to people who say they don't drink alcohol.

As a childfree vegan I recognise this a lot. Whenever it comes up that I am vegan in a situation with non-vegans/vegetarians and I get the barrage of comments I really feel that my very presence has held a mirror to the person I'm interacting with and it is tiring. I am starting to get this with the childfree side of things too.
I am the recipient of a conversation they should maybe have with themselves.

I hosted my friend and her two small children for a couple of hours recently. Neither child was ever happy with anything either their parents or we did for them.
Toys were wrong
Location was wrong (multiple locations)
Food was wrong
I truly adore my friend and I am happy she's happy with her choices but honestly I was so exhausted.

 

[ElectricDreams]

As a childfree vegan I recognise this a lot. Whenever it comes up that I am vegan in a situation with non-vegans/vegetarians and I get the barrage of comments I really feel that my very presence has held a mirror to the person I'm interacting with and it is tiring. I am starting to get this with the childfree side of things too.
I am the recipient of a conversation they should maybe have with themselves.

I hosted my friend and her two small children for a couple of hours recently. Neither child was ever happy with anything either their parents or we did for them.
Toys were wrong
Location was wrong (multiple locations)
Food was wrong
I truly adore my friend and I am happy she's happy with her choices but honestly I was so exhausted.

I've got my nephew who's 3, for the weekend. Friday he was lovely, went to the park, ate ice cream, played games, behaved beautifully. Saturday was a different story! It was like treading on eggshells, I could no nothing right for him, I cut his cucumber too short so he refused to eat it, he glared at me and cried every time I asked him to stop doing something borderline dangerous, didn't want to go to the park then did, then didn't. I'm an experienced childminder but none of my tactics worked on him. I'm exhausted after a couple of days with him! I had to take him to his swimming lesson this morning, and while I was so proud watching him I couldn't help l round at the other parents and think how lucky I was that I didn't have to do this every week! He's currently asleep on the settee after a trip out in which he had 3 meltdowns, the biggest of which because I wouldn't let him run on the road...

All weekend I've yoyo'd between loving spending time with him and feeling like a completely inadequate person for not being able to cope with his constant mood changes and whims, and I couldn't imagine feeling this way every day for the rest of my life!

 

[BelleAmie]

I'm exactly the same

I love the idea of being pregnant, I have always wanted to experience it and I like babies and toddlers.

But the thought of an eight year old makes me feel sick.

This!! I’m 99% sure I don’t want to have children and the 1% holding me back is because I would really love to be pregnant and have a newborn. Once they start walking/talking, it just seems too overwhelming and not for me at all.

 

[Pariszai]

I feel so awkward around any child under the age of 12. Even cousins I find a bit difficult, always have. The idea of pregnancy and birth terrifies and repulses me, even someone making a joke to me about being pregnant is enough to get my heart rate up and make me snappy. So yeh, kids don't really seem like an option, just a chore.
I work with teenagers though and love it and do like the idea of always having someone there, as I am prone to loneliness.
Very close to 30 now and wondering if I'll ever be 100% certain. I'd love the relationship with them once they've grown up but the first 10 or so years does not appeal in the slightest.

Glad to have found my people as everyone around me is popping them out at warp speed.

 

[judgejohndeed]

The idea of pregnancy and birth terrifies and repulses me, even someone making a joke to me about being pregnant is enough to get my heart rate up and make me snappy.

Same! I’m finding it so interesting how many people here would like to be pregnant, that’s actually the bit I would dread the most. I know it’s ‘the most natural thing in the world’ but when you see women right at the very end of pregnancies looking like human submarines I find it so weird! Looks awful. There’s something about the idea of having another human inside your stomach that just makes me feel really creeped out to be honest. I find pregnancy scares absolutely terrifying.

 

[ot55]

Yeah same, the thought of pregnancy is literally horrific to me. The idea of something crawling inside me makes me feel ill. And as someone who has body dysmorphia issues, the idea of gaining weight and it being out of my control is awful.

I’m also not keen on pregnant stomachs, no offence to anyone but they freak me out. I remember there was a tv advert not too long ago which just focused on a pregnant woman’s stomach and she’s rubbing shower gel all over it. I always had to look away

 

[Anne1448]

I know it’s ‘the most natural thing in the world’ but when you see women right at the very end of pregnancies looking like human submarines I find it so weird! Looks awful. There’s something about the idea of having another human inside your stomach that just makes me feel really creeped out to be honest. I find pregnancy scares absolutely terrifying.

Thank you for the good laugh I love this thread so much. You guys have the best expressions I swear.

The way women's bellies are completely deformed personally make me uncomfortable. Let's not talk about how your anus and vagina become one at the end

 

[under the ivy]

The thought of childbirth scares me. It’s bad enough a man going in me to then have an actual human come OUT of me.