Chateau Diaries #109 Capability Brown meets Incapability Jarvis.

[KiKiGee]

 

[Patriciarella]

Anyone in doubt that she lies check Criterion Auctioneers Essex Road, London N1 for Day bed lot 433
sold for £ 3,400 Hammer price
+ internet surcharge = 3% + VAT = 3.6%
+ buyers premium excluding internet surcharge = 22% + VAT = 26.4 %
Total extra = 30 %
£3,400 + 30% = £4,420 = €5,309.64
no wonder she will just add cushions !
Bet it ends up in her boudoir.

Add delivery fee to London flat, add delivery to France, add paying Dan and Annmarie plus paying Snorty to film it. Add stain remover for white couch:1. Peacock poo while being stored in stable 2. bubble girl’s dog who jumps on all the furniture 3. Ruth spilling wine while dancing, if you call that dancing 4. Stain from water leak during heating repairs 5. Gold leafing incident

 

[T Rex]

On a funny note, I finally watched the latest vid (where BJJ and Fanny arrive in London, play "dress-up" in Fanny's flat, drop off her tattered crap (which should have been dumped in a bin instead), buy more tat on eBay that she actually has to pick up (SMH), go to a COVID sharing event and meets Scot-Man at the airport (dafuq? Has he been in ton this entire time? Yet, you are just meeting him NOW?) The one thing I did notice was that Scot-Man and Mummy were in constant text as to their status/whereabouts, and Fanny was not. This was so odd.

Also, Fanny, your hair was looking a hot mess. Whilst we all know Annaliese just re-did your highlights before Christmas and added some low lights to make this a more low-maintenance blonde (she gets you), it's obvious you are too lazy to wash your hair properly, let alone with a purple shampoo. Oh vey. You are looking a hot brassy mess. Don't blame THIS on Annaliese- if you're going to be blonde (which you are obviously not), some actual regular MAINTENANCE (kind of like owning a Chateau, which you also fail at) is required.

 

[OhIDontKnow...]

Watched 2 mins of the infants video and it pissed me off. Read comments here and laughed and thought I'll watch a bit more now I've cheered up. No, I was right first time, what an absolute trainwreck, background music competing with the sound of the sea and him speaking so fast I'm surprised he's not bitten his tounge off. Heard the lady in the thrift shop telling him to come back next week as she'll have some more interesting bits.

He even used Dan’s exact music. Like there’s no other songs to pick from. What a loser.

 

[Clara Burnett]

Okay, brace yourselves .... this is going to be a long one.

I've been listening to old interviews and lives and searching Tattle for references to dates and such like to try to create a time line of Jarvis moves and such like .... I took words from their mouths ... and as you'll see, some of their memories aren't super accurate, but they are close enough that they don't bother me a ton ... but something that I had totally forgotten and somethings that don't jive, such as Mummy & Daddy retiring quite young, and then SJ saying she worked as their administrator in their last nursing home while at uni, and those dates DO NOT jive at all. They sold Cransford Hall and retired around 1988/89, Stephanie says she was 13 .... and they mention they retired in 1989/90, so She was about 14 when they retired. So how did they have a nursing home she could administrator in when she was in uni? We hear them talk a lot about the years up until Cransford Hall, but then there is this huge period of 15 years or so where mummy and daddy are retired, before age 50, and then la Lande doesn't come along until mummy is 64. SJ did uni in there, but event then, she has her own 1998-2005 gap of nothing, well, I guess that's when she was reno her and Nick's flats in London, but for 7 years? So I bring you my "data" which I've "footnoted" with links to the videos with their words saying this.

---------

When Gerry was about 11/12 his mom started working for Derek in Glasgow.


Gerry was 12 when Derek told him IJ was pregnant. Mummy was 34 when SJ was born.


Then they moved to Southport


They lived in Southport when Stephanie was ages 3-6


when Gerry was about 17 Jarvis' moved to Southport
https://youtu.be/obBNzZ8N5AI?t=1253

Then June 9, 1983 they moved to Cransford Hall, SJ says she was 6 (? Wouldn't she have been 7, nearly 8??)
https://youtu.be/xKbYL9F8UYo?t=516

Mummy & Daddy retired in 1989/90 due to health reasons. Mummy had cancer in her mid40s and daddy had a fractured skull from a strange accident. (so SJ was 15ish when they retired)
https://youtu.be/xKbYL9F8UYo?t=560

Mummy's cancer was to do with the digestion
https://youtu.be/obBNzZ8N5AI?t=2774

Mummy had cancer in 1987 (she was 46)
https://youtu.be/obBNzZ8N5AI?t=1429

They sold Cransford Hall when SJ was 13 (so 1988/89) (mummy would have been about 48)
https://youtu.be/KnqktRJMnV8?t=664

What was your job before, Stephanie?
"It was sporadic. I worked as the administrator of my parents' last nursing home in Suffolk, and at the same time I was studying opera in London. And then I renovated the flat I had in London, and I was doing that instead of doing opera. So effectively the only jobs I had before coming here were administrator of my parents' nursing home and renovating my and also Nick's London flats. I never actually did any auditions for opera, I finished my courses and then moved here. I performed in some operas here locally."
https://youtu.be/KnqktRJMnV8?t=1120

SJ's musical training and career answer
https://youtu.be/obBNzZ8N5AI?t=1902
After her English degree she did a post graduate certificate and a post graduate diploma, and after those 2 years she had a choice to stay in London and push an opera career or move to France and buy a chateau.

Went to Oxford from 1993-1996. Plus 2 years after for the post graduate certificates. So 1998 she would have been done, at age 23.
Jarvis STEPHANIE, 46 years old (CROZON SUR VAUVRE, WOODBRIDGE, OXFORD) - Friends from before (linternaute.com)

She purchased la Lande October 2005 (age 29). At the same time her parents sold their 7 bedroom house in England and they bought a 1 bedroom house. Mummy would have been about 64 when they bought la Lande
https://youtu.be/8YoXLuesR3k?t=140

-----------------------

SO, I am wondering ... did Cransford Hall make them all their wealth? How did they afford it in the first place? Did Mummy get some sort of disability payments after having cancer? Does the UK system have something like this? Did Derek's head injury line their pockets with some sort of long term disability insurance? When did Mummy's father pass and did he leave her money? How about Derek's parents? And why do we never hear about the Jarvis uncles and aunt and the grandparents on that side?

Fabulous work, thank you! Still so many questions and gaps in her story as she like to ornate things with smoked mirrors. I keep thinking about IJ remarks (irl, not in the vlogs) about when her beloved husband died and how they lost several businesses because of his demise. Not quite sure what she might have meant, but always guessed Mummy wasn't very savvy when it came to their business and left the paperwork for Daddy to handle.

 

[T Rex]

Speaking of new material, there was a new cadeau today that I couldn't bring myself to finish!

I watched it with a LOT of fast forwarding- like watching paint dry. I have noticed that this one and the previous Cadeaux recently are only featuring cookbooks, crafted items, more fabric, thrift store finds and tat from grannies cleaning out their attics or crafting... Where are the magnums of Bollinger? Spode? Limoges? Fortnum & Mason hampers? Dolce & Gabbana? Aqua di Parma? Either the grannies have gotten thriftier this year (doubt it), or Fanny has finally realized she was supposed to be paying tax on the high-dollar luxury gifts she receives, and isn't featuring them now that she knows the "Tax Man Cometh".

 

[ComtesseRose]

Thanks for the new thread @MojoDublin, congrats on the thread title @john eccles

I was at Phyllis' premiere countdown, then I took a huge sigh and said NOPE! ( I will watch it on 2x when it's done...)

I wonder what Michael has gotten himself into now... I do agree with others here. I am curiously waiting for him to make another cry-me-a-river vlog blaming Tattlers (again!).

 

[Lady Avonlea]

I watched at 2x speed. It is so much more entertaining that way. That laugh of hers is the best at double speed.

The totals for Christmas Cadeaux are in:
- 9 vlogs
- 7 hours of viewing displeasure
- 79 boxes
- 500 gifts
- enough brooches for Snorty to wear a different one each week during 2022
- too many Christmas kitchen food ornaments to count
- so many fu_king peacock ornaments they'll need a 20 foot peacock tree next Christmas
- a fortune spent on gift wrap, cards and postage

Because it was Christmas, there were lots of expensive gifts & many lovely homemade items, and just a bit of tat tossed in for good measure. Who doesn't need a visitors map of California Disneyland? I dare Fanny to put this damn, ugly yellow fish magnet up in her kitchen!

 

[Trengilly]

A bit pricey, what?
Deep-fried haddock and chips, mushy peas and tartare sauce - 18.75
Whereas the mac n cheese, with TRUFFLES! was a mere 6 pound.

I’m not so fussed about the price - that’s pretty average in central London - but it’s the socialising before a flight to see her elderly family. Percy looks on death’s door and she’s frolicking around London soaking it all up. Most people would have the good sense be a lot more cautious prior to flying during a global pandemic particularly when France has recorded over 500,000 cases in one day. Can anything stop Don Jarvis and her stilettos wedged in the lake bed?

 

[LaFrancaise123]

These people really believe in everything they see on CD channel ! No make-up starting the video... Really !??

And of course, the Chatelaine liked the comment.

Dev
19 hours ago
From watching your channel, I always thought you were stunningly beautiful. Starting your video without make-up proves that you are beautiful on the inside and out. So much respect for you. Brava.

But she "forgot" to like this comment :

Richard
1 day ago
I know this is a bit off subject but has Selmar flown the coop forever? I was a big fan of this quietly spoken kind man. It seems he was swept off his feet by a nutter and hasn't uttered a word of sense since. Is no-one else concerned for his wellbeing? It's as if he never existed. Sad.


Long well deserved holidays... (irony)


me you
1 day ago
Why are we not getting our regular dose of CD? I'm in heavy duty withdrawals right now!



The Chateau Diaries
1 day ago
It’s because I’m visiting my mother in South Africa! I’ll be back to two videos per week from mid February



Ouch ! She didn't like this comment either...


Dragonbry
2 days ago
Red flags flying in this video. Stephanie try to be kinder with Philip and Michael. You bossy behavior towards the guys was quite off-putting to us. You could of been more thoughtful towards them and allowed them to keep some of the items they wanted. Honestly you keep a lot of items that cannot and shouldn't be restored. Just because something is old doesn't make it remarkable. Some unsolicited advice from someone who has been married a long time. You have to be willing to compromise. Sometimes making your partner happy is more important than what you want. We think you are a beautiful person. Sorry if our critique was harsh. We only wish you the best take care.
Show less

 

[NotAChatelaine]

I've always thought of Lalande as not so much Le Cirque du Soleil as Le Cirque Catastrophe

(With thanks to Twitter for the bon mot below)

FRK has a new, dear/lovely, friend, that is paying her way. Why Scotland???

View attachment 1017175
View attachment 1017179
View attachment 1017185

Oh, FFS...

Presumably Iwa is financing this little jaunt - part of her personalised "workshop". The Floral Roadkiller Road Show.

I give up.

 

[Clara Burnett]

@Clara Burnett Can you shed any light on this? Anyone know how much a piece of land with planning permission with an uninterrupted view of a national park and the sea would cost? And how likely is it that SJ really did not know that he owned it. What next? Stephanie: Oh I had completely forgotten - I have a house in Framlington/South Africa/South of France too - I had forgotten about it.... We will never know the half of it. And I had to laugh - the Association Accounts will be published next week for 2020 - but there might be a delay, in which case there is a stand by vlog...I think I can guess which will be uploaded. Every week she can get away with it, is more funds secured before the patrons realise they have been had.

I would say (without any proof as in pieces of paper) SJ not knowing about Potty's purchase is the biggest crap she told in weeks, and we all know she's usually full of it anyway. She knew and it would surprise me if she hasn't (partly) paid for the purchase herself, knowing very well she has to spread her assets (well, actually her patron's assets, but what's theirs is hers, in her mind). I don't believe for one second Potty bought that piece of land by and for himself. It won't belong until a new beg-me-a-river branch is added to her already overgrown tree: help my Michael preserve the precious nature around my beach house...It will also be the perfect "charity" for several more months of gift-grab-galore, no doubt

Aside from PJ, that actually looks to be an enjoyable holiday!

Nothing is truly enjoyable when SJ and her pink phone is around. That woman would turn a relaxing spa day into a nerve wracking experience for all around her, just by being there.

 

[Clara Burnett]

Exactly…he’s blamed all of his mistakes (and failures) as far back as childhood on ADHD. At least he acknowledged he made several videos last year he described as “car crashes”…and he acknowledged that the whole Madrid trip last year was a “car crash.” I appreciate his acknowledgment. But it wasn’t his fault…it’s his medical condition. I’m sorry, but ADHD isn’t an excuse for grifting…taking money for one intended purpose (the gardeners cottage) and using it for another purpose (partying and rent boys). And it doesn’t explain how he could have a hugely successful channel the first year, only to throw it down the drain the next year.

I think it would have been better if he had just started posting regular videos again without making this one. Or just saying what he needed to say in half the time…the rambling makes me think the Ritalin hasn’t really kicked in yet.

The "acknowledgement" of past mistakes had become inevitable anyway as they were spread out over the internet and could not be contained to just his own channel or social media. The sad thing is that whatever his medical condition is, his family is not going to be there for him. They might love him, but have no clue about what is needed for him to be safe. Someone with his kind of past, big time involving substance abuse, should not be handed responsibility over his own medication, especially when we are talking about Ritalin.

 

[Clara Burnett]

Because she knows how “extra” she is, and how he will always be much less…he can never truly be the star!

There's that. And there's also the fact that it's in her interest that a lot of her fans don't really like the Snorting Squirrel Cameltoe. When time comes she wants him out (and it can't be that far away) she can simply address his annoying traits and her fans will totally understand, love her even more finally seeing the light and will thoroughly support her.

 

[Sparrowsfart]

 

[MojoDublin]

by the way, her Dutch love child is a talentless prick.

Two in a row ….

Title thread
Author @john eccles

by the way, her Dutch love child is a talentless prick.

 

[LaFrancaise123]

I suspect IJ egged him to buy them when they were in the shop together, knowing full well he is an idiot and that it will take some effort and expense to get them back to France. Exactly the type of underhandedness I expect from IJ.

But but but..... You don't get it !

The Waterford crystal won't go to France. It'll stay at PhiPhi's new place : the Jarvis beach house in South Africa !

 

[Lady Avonlea]

Sadly I have been in hospital a lot and I forbid anyone taking a photo of me there--
let alone one where I have centred my cannula right up front of the photo !!
I was hospitalized three times last year for over a week each time and because of covid no patients could have Any visitors!
It was hard going with no family support to help you talk to the doctors and make big decisions...he is just "sending it up " !

....

Poor Teabag - we all have our medical issues. I had a sebaceous cyst removed from my nether regions yesterday - you don't see me posting it on facebook.

 

[Green Fairy]

Ohh ffffffsake
METHERICK on Tour

2019 - buy me a laptop
2020 - renovate my pad
2020 - Desolation my lost art
2021 - yo bitches what’s up
The Madrid tour
2021 - yo patron I’m broke
2021 - grinder on Tour - reprised
2022 - the trolly dolly tour


Remember
been a patron is not just for Christmas

It’s life ….. Micheal Petherick 2022
View attachment 1013384

I see he had time to blow-dry his new coiffure before taking the selfie.

 

[Clara Burnett]

Here's another example of the fruitful teachings of our charlataine, who instructed her boyfriend The Snorting Squirrel Cameltoe to never be honest online if he can avoid to...