Chasing friends for money

[2xblended]

‘Hey I’ve noticed you haven’t replied is everything okay? I really need the money as it’s taken me into my overdraft and I’m being charged daily for it. Do you want me to call round for it?’

I'd say this at this point as well.
I've had a friend do the same and iirc the amount was £70 and I really didn't have it to spare; I only lent it because she promised to return it in 4 days (payday).
She didn't pay for over a month and as I texted once a week to ask, it turned out that she was telling our mutual friends how disappointed she was in me because I was making such a fuss about a small amount of money, and that a 'true' friend wouldn't blow something like that out of proportion the way I was. In her head, I was being a drama queen and I had ruined the vibe of our friendship by asking her to return it because it meant that I didn't trust her to do it on her own. Oh and that she wasn't answering my messages out of principle because she felt I was treating her as though she isn't trustworthy.
When in reality, I was really short on cash at the time and I really needed *my* money back, and she wasn't replying so I was stuck not knowing what to do.
It not only ended our friendship, but I ended up removing several of our mutual friends from my circle because they said I shouldn't have overreacted! It still upsets me to think about it.
Anyway, perhaps add on to the line quoted above: I wouldn't normally keep asking but I'm now overdrawn and being charged.... and your silence is confusing me. Is everything okay at your end? Something along those lines to let her know you're not trying to nag but are confused...that approach may get her to reply.

Edit: I think it's better to ring her up rather than text, since she keeps ignoring the texts. And if she doesn't answer, then you can send a follow up text saying you're concerned/is something wrong?

 

[Curly Top]

I'd say this at this point as well.
I've had a friend do the same and iirc the amount was £70 and I really didn't have it to spare; I only lent it because she promised to return it in 4 days (payday).
She didn't pay for over a month and as I texted once a week to ask, it turned out that she was telling our mutual friends how disappointed she was in me because I was making such a fuss about a small amount of money, and that a 'true' friend wouldn't blow something like that out of proportion the way I was. In her head, I was being a drama queen and I had ruined the vibe of our friendship by asking her to return it because it meant that I didn't trust her to do it on her own. Oh and that she wasn't answering my messages out of principle because she felt I was treating her as though she isn't trustworthy.
When in reality, I was really short on cash at the time and I really needed *my* money back, and she wasn't replying so I was stuck not knowing what to do.
It not only ended our friendship, but I ended up removing several of our mutual friends from my circle because they said I shouldn't have overreacted! It still upsets me to think about it.
Anyway, perhaps add on to the line quoted above: I wouldn't normally keep asking but I'm now overdrawn and being charged.... and your silence is confusing me. Is everything okay at your end? Something along those lines to let her know you're not trying to nag but are confused may get her to reply.

Edit: I think it's better to ring her up rather than text, since she keeps ignoring the texts. And if she doesn't answer, then you can send a follow up text saying you're concerned/is something wrong?

What an awful person! You are right to ditch her and any of the friends who took her side.

Her attitude is what stops nicer people asking for cash back. You have it in your mind that you should overlook it "for friendship". In this way, I have often just let smaller bits of cash go so as not to appear petty. (However in the OP's instance £50 is not petty). This is totally wrong and why some people get away with using people like this. It really makes me sick.

 

[eye_rolling_always]

Ok this is my thought... you ordered and paid via an app, so your bill in on the app? Screenshot and send her the proof. She probably thought the discount you were getting would be 50% off why she went crazy with the ordering and now it's a bit of a shock (you know when you pop out for bread and milk and all of a sudden it comes to £30!).

So just send the proof saying, I know it seems alot but here is the bill. Add a bit about next time you'll eat somewhere with a better offer (even though you shall never meet again!)

 

[2xblended]

What an awful person! You are right to ditch her and any of the friends who took her side.

Yep, a very good decision on my part. It's not about the money but about the behaviour. Had she responded to any of my polite messages, simply saying she needed a couple of months to get it back to me, I would have figured something out. But her silence left me stuck, not sure what to do next.
And to hear after that she was ignoring me out of principle, when she was the one who owed me money and was ghosting me, was ludicrous. Then added to that so many of our mutual friends just blindly believing her that I was overreacting (when, if they had asked to see my messages they would have seen all I ever said was 'Do you think you can get the money back to me this week as I have to cover utlities' etc.)...it just left a terrible taste in my mouth.
I'd started out thinking the OP's friend just made an honest mistake but, the fact that she's gone silent makes me wonder if she's doing what my friend did.
It's really upsetting when people are so nasty when you started out trying to do them a favour!

Ok this is my thought... you ordered and paid via an app, so your bill in on the app? Screenshot and send her the proof. She probably thought the discount you were getting would be 50% off why she went crazy with the ordering and now it's a bit of a shock (you know when you pop out for bread and milk and all of a sudden it comes to £30!).

So just send the proof saying, I know it seems alot but here is the bill. Add a bit about next time you'll eat somewhere with a better offer (even though you shall never meet again!)

I hadn't considered that possibility! That's a great idea! Perhaps she's questioning the amount due, and if that's the case, then a screenshot will sort it out. And you can suggest she pays half now, half later if that's all she can manage...

 

[Readread]

I’d just go to her door and demand she pays it back immediately. Then unfriend her afterwards. It’s so tacky of her IMO.

 

[SassyShetland]

Don’t have any advice to offer more than what’s already been said. But I can’t even tell you how invested I am in this! Every time I come on tattle it’s with the hope this has been sorted for you OP!!

 

[Happyvalley]

I’ve had this before years ago, someone borrowed money from me for various things and the amount racked up. I knew at the time it was to be paid back at a later date so that was fine but it was about £800. I could afford it at the time so lending it wasn’t an issue. However when they came to pay me back they gave me £200 and were outraged that I dare suggest the amount was £800. I had to write off the money and have never lent anyone a penny since.

Just the fact this person who is meant to be your friend is ignoring your messages is bad enough, anyone leaving me on read for days can just get in the bin, 2020 is crap enough without the extra stress of waiting for a reply! Hope you get your cash back

 

[HelloStereo]

Hello, so I have a little update! I was in the office yesterday as a colleague was leaving, so I didn't check on here as much. I called yesterday and it was ignored. So I text this morning asking for the money today and she replied saying she'll transfer it. I'll check my account later on to see if she has / give her a chance to make the transfer.

 

[Curly Top]

Hello, so I have a little update! I was in the office yesterday as a colleague was leaving, so I didn't check on here as much. I called yesterday and it was ignored. So I text this morning asking for the money today and she replied saying she'll transfer it. I'll check my account later on to see if she has / give her a chance to make the transfer.

Fingers crossed for you. Relief throughout this whole thread

 

[BettyCrocker]

Hello, so I have a little update! I was in the office yesterday as a colleague was leaving, so I didn't check on here as much. I called yesterday and it was ignored. So I text this morning asking for the money today and she replied saying she'll transfer it. I'll check my account later on to see if she has / give her a chance to make the transfer.

has she offered any apology or explanation as to what’s been going on/why she’s been deliberately ignoring you?!

 

[HelloStereo]

Fingers crossed for you. Relief throughout this whole thread

Thank you . Hopefully the money will be transferred today.

has she offered any apology or explanation as to what’s been going on/why she’s been deliberately ignoring you?!

No . I sent a quick text this morning to say the money wasn't in my account and can she transfer it today, and she just replied with "will do!" It'd be nice to have some sort of explanation, but I'll wait until the money is in my account and then ask what has been going on with her.

 

[laughing]

When you get the money, just acknowledge it to her. Don't worry about the in's and it's of it.

 

[Practically Perfect]

well I hope she has been reading this thread and realised she has been crappy and does pay you back. I have been thinking about this a lot and hope my first judgment is incorrect.

It did make me think abut my daughter. It could be that your friend is like her; she 'read receipts' me when she owes me money and rather than just say "can you wait a few days?" she pretends like its not happening with bluebirds flying around her head whilst she whistles a happy tune and does not respond to me (on the phone that is surgically attached to her hand)

She is usually waiting for a refund for some crap she bought on ASOS but cannot just tell me that and I know she is always secretly hoping that the bank of mum will write it off. No way kiddo.

 

[HelloStereo]

well I hope she has been reading this thread and realised she has been crappy and does pay you back. I have been thinking about this a lot and hope my first judgment is incorrect.

It did make me think abut my daughter. It could be that your friend is like her; she 'read receipts' me when she owes me money and rather than just say "can you wait a few days?" she pretends like its not happening with bluebirds flying around her head whilst she whistles a happy tune and does not respond to me (on the phone that is surgically attached to her hand)

She is usually waiting for a refund for some crap she bought on ASOS but cannot just tell me that and I know she is always secretly hoping that the bank of mum will write it off. No way kiddo.

Haha yes I think my friend was hoping I would forget about it or she was waiting for a refund somewhere else. My friend doesn't have the blue tick read receipts but she has the "last seen" on so I knew she had been online.

My parents don't really lend me money anymore but I remember when I was younger I would always offer to pay them back. I remember asking my dad for a rent deposit (and I would then pay him back when I received the deposit back from the place I was moving out of). When I received the money from my previous house I offered to pay him straight away and he said "don't worry about it". But it's still good to offer, you don't know the financial situation of your friends or family members.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Thank you . Hopefully the money will be transferred today.



No . I sent a quick text this morning to say the money wasn't in my account and can she transfer it today, and she just replied with "will do!" It'd be nice to have some sort of explanation, but I'll wait until the money is in my account and then ask what has been going on with her.

I'm so invested in this, fingers crossed you get your money back today!

 

[HelloStereo]

I'm so invested in this, fingers crossed you get your money back today!

Thank you . I will give her a chance to transfer it as she is working at the moment, but I will check my account later on. and update here

 

[Definitelyme]

Been following the whole time. Fingers crossed your money is back by the end of the day!

 

[bobthedragqueen]

WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED.

 

[Scorpihoe]

Hello, so I have a little update! I was in the office yesterday as a colleague was leaving, so I didn't check on here as much. I called yesterday and it was ignored. So I text this morning asking for the money today and she replied saying she'll transfer it. I'll check my account later on to see if she has / give her a chance to make the transfer.

So happy to hear this!!! I have my fingers crossed for you If she doesn’t transfer it today, I will be requiring names, so I can go to her house personally, to ask why she hasn’t transferred it

 

[HelloStereo]

So happy to hear this!!! I have my fingers crossed for you If she doesn’t transfer it today, I will be requiring names, so I can go to her house personally, to ask why she hasn’t transferred it

We can write demanding letters too, hehe! Thank you