Chasing friends for money

[Scorpihoe]

You made me remember- I have an acquaintance who is exactly like your frugal friend. She always proclaims how careful she is with money and how good at budgeting she is, but honestly she is the absolute worst for borrowing £1 here or £3 there and not paying it back. If we go out and do rounds (drinks), it’s so embarrassing as we all sit with empty glasses for bleeping ages while she hopes that someone else will step in. It actually took me ages to notice it (I’m that silly fucker that just wants to have a good time and is far too quick to offer to pay and have pple pay me back ).

Over time it has irritated me more and more. I’m generous to a fault, but no one likes feeling taken advantage of, and once I noticed it, I realised that she is very deliberate in trying to weasel out of anything financial. I saw her pick up a £10 from a tip in a restaurant once when we went out as a group. She made some excuse to be 2 mins behind everyone so she could do it- but she didn’t realise that I’d turned back and popped to the loo so saw her do it. It obviously galled her too much to give the tip. I now avoid situations where any kind of borrowing can occur like the plague, and have learnt to endure the awkward silences while she grapples with the fact that she might need to get her purse out (prevention is better than cure and all that).

A couple of years ago we booked an Air BNB with another friend for a week away (3 Mums, 9 kids), and long-story short she completely forgot that when we got home I was refunded the £150 deposit as I’d made the booking. Tbf I’d forgotten as well until it was credited. You guessed it- me and the other friend pocketed it- in fact my other friend encouraged me () and said “Jesus...,she’s probably shafted us both out of hundreds over the years”. We didn’t feel bad at all. I honestly just thought, do you know what, that makes up for all the times I’ve been too nice to chase you for a small debt or you’ve shafted us for a few quid I know it probably puts me in the wrong, but not gonna lie, it felt so good

[p.s sorry that was bleeping long and I gatecrashed your post....it obvs triggered something in me ....that felt like therapy ]

If I saw her pick up the £10, it would infuriate me. Was it a tip you all left, or that she left? It’s different if she went back and picked up her own tip but if you all contributed to it, she essentially stole from you all!

I think people get weird about finances and money, but it’s downright scummy to delay paying someone back if you can (if you can’t, then that’s a different story of course)

 

[HelloStereo]

I agree £50 is a lot and I'd want it back as well, if it was something like a £9.99 meal deal I'd just let it go. Its pretty nasty if she doesn't pay you back.
What I've learned over the years is that its often better just to pay for yourself only with meals and drinks. Obviously if someone is a good friend who isn't tight or a chancer then its different.

Yes, I agree. I just thought she was different as she is usually quite reliable. Maybe there is a reasonable explanation for it though!

If I saw her pick up the £10, it would infuriate me. Was it a tip you all left, or that she left? It’s different if she went back and picked up her own tip but if you all contributed to it, she essentially stole from you all!

I think people get weird about finances and money, but it’s downright scummy to delay paying someone back if you can (if you can’t, then that’s a different story of course)

Agreed. Although if I knew I was low on funds and couldn't pay someone back, I'd never go out and order lots of things that come to a lot of money. Sometimes friends invite me out when it is close to payday, and I decline until I get paid. If they say "my treat", I will go out and remember to buy them a drink or something next time.

If they ask if I can order and say they will pay me back by bank transfer later, it's bad etiquette if they don't and ignore follow up messages.

 

[caitlinbullen]

If I saw her pick up the £10, it would infuriate me. Was it a tip you all left, or that she left? It’s different if she went back and picked up her own tip but if you all contributed to it, she essentially stole from you all!

I think people get weird about finances and money, but it’s downright scummy to delay paying someone back if you can (if you can’t, then that’s a different story of course)

There were about 6 of us I think - approx £30 each for food and drinks (we added up our individual totals....which actually I’m all in favour of), so we tipped £20 in total for a bill of £180, worked out at about £3 each. There was a tenner and the rest was coins. We had a lovely meal, and great service, so that felt right. She commented that she never tips as people are paid a salary, but I don’t think she was keen making a proper fuss about it in front of everyone (and especially as everyone was like....seriously.... no tip at all?!) so I think she just went along with it but thought bugger it they ain’t getting my money.

I was desperate to confront her but do you know what...life is too short imo, and I mostly feel sorry for her that she’s such a tight cow.

 

[Curly Top]

I feel for you. Asking for money back is awkward and frankly, you shouldn't have to angst about it. They should pay you back without reminders.
As others have pointed out here, some people are quite relaxed and carefree about cash. It comes and goes and sometimes they pay and sometimes you do and overall it usually works out.
However, if you don't have a lot of cash or are trying to save for something, then this is not fair.
I would remind her again - it sounds like it's quite a lot of money - be polite but firm and be careful about lending to her on another occasion. I always say that when these people want something from you, they have no qualms about asking for money. Therefore, you should be firm about asking for it back.
Good luck.

 

[Scorpihoe]

There were about 6 of us I think - approx £30 each for food and drinks (we added up our individual totals....which actually I’m all in favour of), so we tipped £20 in total for a bill of £180, worked out at about £3 each. There was a tenner and the rest was coins. We had a lovely meal, and great service, so that felt right. She commented that she never tips as people are paid a salary, but I don’t think she was keen making a proper fuss about it in front of everyone (and especially as everyone was like....seriously.... no tip at all?!) so I think she just went along with it but thought bugger it they ain’t getting my money.

I was desperate to confront her but do you know what...life is too short imo, and I mostly feel sorry for her that she’s such a tight cow.

i don’t blame you at all for taking that Airbnb deposit

 

[HelloStereo]

I feel for you. Asking for money back is awkward and frankly, you shouldn't have to angst about it. They should pay you back without reminders.
As others have pointed out here, some people are quite relaxed and carefree about cash. It comes and goes and sometimes they pay and sometimes you do and overall it usually works out.
However, if you don't have a lot of cash or are trying to save for something, then this is not fair.
I would remind her again - it sounds like it's quite a lot of money - be polite but firm and be careful about lending to her on another occasion. I always say that when these people want something from you, they have no qualms about asking for money. Therefore, you should be firm about asking for it back.
Good luck.

Oh yes, sometimes it is a bit of give and take, especially if it is someone you see often and it's just the odd drink / coffee etc here and there. This was a meal and large spirit measures, and my bill in comparison was tiny and that's why I am chasing it up. If she had told me she expected me to pay and she would pick up the bill at another point in time, I would have asked if we could pay our own way as I am really watching the pennies at the moment, but I thought she was going to pay me back straight away so i wasn't too concerned over what she was spending.

 

[Loulou_23]

Had a friend who was super tight with money I mean we’d go out for a meal and she’d argue to the penny. Would even try and twist it so you paid more than you should, 241 meals or kids meals ect. She was quite an over powering person so would always push and push till you gave in. Plus we were younger early 20s these no way I’d have it now!

I remember one day me her and another friend were going to the cinema she was running late and it was a new release so we didn’t want to wait and risk it selling out. Muggings here brought her ticket the other girl didn’t even offer. Anyway she said to remind her after and she’d go cash machine. It was late and I forgot after we left the cinema but remembered when I got home so texted her, no reply but fine it was late. Waited a day or 2 texted again still nothing! Texted a final time a couple of days after that she never ever replied! Safe to say friendship over!

Bit dramatic but she was tighter than a ducks a and I was sick of losing out whenever I went or did anything with her!

That was longer than intended but rough day. Lol.

I think if she’s not usually bad at paying back wait a bit but ignoring the messages is rude regardless. And a pet hate of mine. Still nothing in a day or 2 ask again but if it goes on and keeps ignoring you she might not be a friend you want around anyway.

 

[Tui]

It’s a tricky situation. So far I think you’ve been very polite and more than reasonable. I’d give her another chance as she may have been occupied when she read the text and it could have slipped her mind. But as another poster had said, next time I’d call her and put her on the spot. If you’re comfortable saying so, nicely explain that you can’t spare the money and you need it back. I have a memory like a sieve and if my friend called me up to say that to me I would be absolutely mortified and would sort it immediately.
If you haven’t got the money back by the next time you go out, make sure you get her to pay for your half of the bill. Not a total solution though as you say you are saving.

 

[Devondoll]

My husband and his friends are bloody dreadful with owing money. But they always pay up. They all keep a tally on their phones so they know what they owe (they'll meet up and play poker then pay on payday). I hate asking for money, its so awkward but £50 is loads to owe! I'd be mortified. I can be too generous, I get it from my mum. I've reigned her in over the years as she'll pick bits up here and there for friends etc but its never ever reciprocated so I tell her not to bother now.

 

[Curly Top]

Oh yes, sometimes it is a bit of give and take, especially if it is someone you see often and it's just the odd drink / coffee etc here and there. This was a meal and large spirit measures, and my bill in comparison was tiny and that's why I am chasing it up. If she had told me she expected me to pay and she would pick up the bill at another point in time, I would have asked if we could pay our own way as I am really watching the pennies at the moment, but I thought she was going to pay me back straight away so i wasn't too concerned over what she was spending.

I agree with you 100% This needs to be paid back. She ordered and let you pay for a lot, especially in comparison with your share.

 

[Raininvain]

There were about 6 of us I think - approx £30 each for food and drinks (we added up our individual totals....which actually I’m all in favour of), so we tipped £20 in total for a bill of £180, worked out at about £3 each. There was a tenner and the rest was coins. We had a lovely meal, and great service, so that felt right. She commented that she never tips as people are paid a salary, but I don’t think she was keen making a proper fuss about it in front of everyone (and especially as everyone was like....seriously.... no tip at all?!) so I think she just went along with it but thought bugger it they ain’t getting my money.

I was desperate to confront her but do you know what...life is too short imo, and I mostly feel sorry for her that she’s such a tight cow.

Thats awful, its basically stealing from very low waged people who often just work PT in a NMW job. I'd never have anything to do with her again, she has no soul to do that. She better not go the the USA then she'd have a heart attack with the tipping over there.

 

[Cloak]

It’s such an awful trait to have, being stingy, as everyone then remembers the person as being the tight git that never pays for anything. And it really reflects badly on their character! If only they realised that it’s not worth it — just pay a tenner for a tip and avoid being a rooster! People remember stuff like that, and it really sticks.

Depends how well you know her I think? If it was my mate I’d go for “Morning you sexy motherfucker....transfer me that £££ from the pub visit last week when you get a sec will ya? I’m skint and feel like it might ruin our friendship if I need to pay you a home visit....”

But I appreciate that might not work for all friendships....

This is perfect haha

 

[PenelopePitstop]

I never lend money and say so..... I learned the hard way after lending money and only got half back.....if they have not responded to your text.. call direct and ask them to PayPal it over ... Don’t let them make you feel guilty for asking for your money

 

[HelloStereo]

I never lend money and say so..... I learned the hard way after lending money and only got half back.....if they have not responded to your text.. call direct and ask them to PayPal it over ... Don’t let them make you feel guilty for asking for your money

I agree, I wonder how they do not feel guilty for not paying it back. If I forgot I owed someone money and they text to remind me, I'd pay it straight away or at least respond to tell them when I can pay it. I just never know when it turns into harassing them. I've budgeted a lot this month as I'm putting some aside for the Christmas holidays etc and I had some money owing on a card I want to pay off. That money was literally going to go either to pay off the card, saving for Christmas or on a few weeks' worth of food. I can't afford to eat out and have the expensive drinks so I budgeted for what I could afford. In hindsight perhaps I should not have agreed to purchase all together from the app on my phone :/.

 

[blossombloss]

Has she responded to your message yet @HelloStereo ? You're definitely not out of order for asking, she should feel bad for not paying. I get people forget but once you've reminded her she should make it a priority.

 

[HelloStereo]

Has she responded to your message yet @HelloStereo ? You're definitely not out of order for asking, she should feel bad for not paying. I get people forget but once you've reminded her she should make it a priority.

No., but thank you for asking I asked at about 11am this morning and she read it but did not respond. I can understand people are forgetful but I reminded her so it seems like she is purposefully ignoring me / never intended on paying. Maybe that is why she ordered so extravagantly. Maybe I am reading too much into it.

 

[Trixabellee9393]

Yeah this is a awkward one! I’m saving atm and £50 to me would be a hell of a lot! I wouldn’t mind if it was my family obviously I’d probably just forget it but a friend u see now and again I’d be annoyed unless they were really down on hard times :/

No., but thank you for asking I asked at about 11am this morning and she read it but did not respond. I can understand people are forgetful but I reminded her so it seems like she is purposefully ignoring me / never intended on paying. Maybe that is why she ordered so extravagantly. Maybe I am reading too much into it.

So you have asked her twice now?

 

[judgejohndeed]

No., but thank you for asking I asked at about 11am this morning and she read it but did not respond. I can understand people are forgetful but I reminded her so it seems like she is purposefully ignoring me / never intended on paying. Maybe that is why she ordered so extravagantly. Maybe I am reading too much into it.

Omg I would be fuming! I would text her again and say I need that money otherwise a direct debit won’t come out or something. Or even call. Definitely do not loan her again. I don’t ever pay for other people or lend money unless they’re very very close friends I trust a lot, I literally just say to people sorry guys I hate to be the awkward one chasing for money so let’s all pay for ourselves! I don’t mind not taking part in rounds etc (again unless they are very close friends)

This is such a piss take tbh I’m furious on your behalf!

 

[HelloStereo]

Yeah this is a awkward one! I’m saving atm and £50 to me would be a hell of a lot! I wouldn’t mind if it was my family obviously I’d probably just forget it but a friend u see now and again I’d be annoyed unless they were really down on hard times :/


So you have asked her twice now?

Yeah. We went out a week ago and the day after I gave her my bank details and she said she'd pay that day. Then today I followed up as I had not received the money transfer, which she read and ignored. If someone asked me for money and said it was to buy food or whatever as they were hard up, I would lend them it and only ask for it back when I knew they got paid etc. But this was for drinks and meals out and you'd think they wouldn't do that unless they could afford it :/.

Omg I would be fuming! I would text her again and say I need that money otherwise a direct debit won’t come out or something. Or even call. Definitely do not loan her again. I don’t ever pay for other people or lend money unless they’re very very close friends I trust a lot, I literally just say to people sorry guys I hate to be the awkward one chasing for money so let’s all pay for ourselves! I don’t mind not taking part in rounds etc (again unless they are very close friends)

This is such a piss take tbh I’m furious on your behalf!

The more I think about it the more annoyed I get. Honestly I just want to keep asking but I don't think a text and call every hour will help my cause hehe. I am not sure when to chase up again now.

I only really offered as I can get a discount so I thought it made sense (and I suppose it would have done, if she paid her share). Now I'm less likely to offer that in future, so I suppose she loses out in a way if she ever wants to eat there again.

 

[judgejohndeed]

The more I think about it the more annoyed I get. Honestly I just want to keep asking but I don't think a text and call every hour will help my cause hehe. I am not sure when to chase up again now.

I only really offered as I can get a discount so I thought it made sense (and I suppose it would have done, if she paid her share). Now I'm less likely to offer that in future, so I suppose she loses out in a way if she ever wants to eat there again.

If I were you I’d leave it a few days then ring her on withheld. If she mentions it just say oh sorry I had it on for a work call must’ve left it on haha. I would pretend to be really hard up and that if she doesn’t send it ASAP you’re going to have an unplanned overdraft and she did say she would transfer it that day...like just be really apologetic kinda thing. Really crap though I’m sorry someone has taken advantage of you like this