Thank you. It's okay, I'm just sad it was a friend who I spent money on in good faith that they would repay it. If she was hard up I don't mind waiting until she gets paid, but I wish she'd let me know rather than ignoring my messages. It shouldn't even be that her not giving me the money back puts me in financial difficulty, she should repay it because she borrowed it from me and said she would, you know?
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Oh no I am totally with you on all that - just thinking of how you might actually get it back. It’s so grim to do this to a friend especially one who is getting you a discount! You shouldn’t have to ask several times to get it back, I don’t know how she’s not majorly embarrassed by it. Plus if she was hard up she could’ve just ordered a drink like you did!
Look at it this way - it seems that £50 was worth losing a 4 year friendship over to her. With someone who was kind enough to lend them money and has been a good friend. If anything, that’s pitiful
Agreed. I said to her I was saving so I am not sure how someone with a conscience does not feel guilty about saddling someone else with unnecessary expenditure because they wanted some expensive drinks and a meal out!
I think this is one way of looking at it. £50 and a lesson learnt. I am definitely more cautious about ever accepting to spend time with her now, and she wont be able to get a discount at the place we went out to anymore!
This is appalling behaviour. It’s theft by deception. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Remember that she needs to apologise to you. Don’t feel awkward about asking; the fact you even have to ask is her shame.
At this point I would escalate. I would hound her until she pays. Message her hourly.
I would initially say something like “You have had 10 days to pay and I’m still waiting for my money back. Please pay what you owe”. Cordial but matter of fact. Keep nudging her when she doesn’t reply.
If this doesn’t work after a time period of your choice, after warning her, escalate further. Either go the victim route and try to guilt the hell out of her (how could you do this to me? I thought you were a trustworthy person! I have no money for food! I need my money back so I can eat!).
Or you could start warning and threatening to put her on blast on social media or contacting the police (what she did is technically illegal but the police won’t care, but she won’t risk that). I know this is a severe response, but I can 99% guarantee if she starts sensing further trouble she will cough up quickly.
She has done this to you because she knows you are a kind and modest person, and she thinks she can get away with it. Don’t be the softy that she wants you to be.
Don’t let her try to reverse the victim and offender.
Usually in these situations they try to act like you’re so ridiculous and extreme for being worried about a silly material thing like money - as if money wasn’t so important to them that they just scammed you.
Don’t worry too much about how you come across (just don’t say anything that will look bad in a screenshot) She’s already thrown away your friendship by scamming you and it doesn’t matter what she thinks of you. Her reputation is on the line, not yours.
This really speaks to me because I used to have to force myself to ask for my money back. I just had to keep reminding myself that I am fully in my rights to do so - legally, morally and social etiquette - and it is not shameful. Also, I refuse to be mugged off. Whenever someone informally borrows money from you, they so often try this tit.
Last month me and two friends went somewhere that had to be prebooked for £5 a person. Only one person could book, which was me. They also had to contribute to my petrol.
I worked the fuel out and sent them a PayPal link for everything the next day. The day after that, they still hadn’t paid, and one hadn’t even replied. I simply said “cough up you two”. They did act affronted, but I got my money back very quickly. We’re still friends!
They will know in future if they have to owe me money again, they will pay back straight away because I won’t accept excuses or delays. I set time limits and make it very clear from the beginning how they will be paying me back and when. That is the only possible way to informally lend money (even tiny amounts) otherwise you *will* be taken advantage of, even if your friends don’t consciously set out to do so.
Remember that she needs to apologise to you. Don’t feel awkward about asking; the fact you even have to ask is her shame.
At this point I would escalate. I would hound her until she pays. Message her hourly.
I would initially say something like “You have had 10 days to pay and I’m still waiting for my money back. Please pay what you owe”. Cordial but matter of fact. Keep nudging her when she doesn’t reply.
If this doesn’t work after a time period of your choice, after warning her, escalate further. Either go the victim route and try to guilt the hell out of her (how could you do this to me? I thought you were a trustworthy person! I have no money for food! I need my money back so I can eat!).
Or you could start warning and threatening to put her on blast on social media or contacting the police (what she did is technically illegal but the police won’t care, but she won’t risk that). I know this is a severe response, but I can 99% guarantee if she starts sensing further trouble she will cough up quickly.
She has done this to you because she knows you are a kind and modest person, and she thinks she can get away with it. Don’t be the softy that she wants you to be.
Don’t let her try to reverse the victim and offender.
Usually in these situations they try to act like you’re so ridiculous and extreme for being worried about a silly material thing like money - as if money wasn’t so important to them that they just scammed you.
Don’t worry too much about how you come across (just don’t say anything that will look bad in a screenshot) She’s already thrown away your friendship by scamming you and it doesn’t matter what she thinks of you. Her reputation is on the line, not yours.
This really speaks to me because I used to have to force myself to ask for my money back. I just had to keep reminding myself that I am fully in my rights to do so - legally, morally and social etiquette - and it is not shameful. Also, I refuse to be mugged off. Whenever someone informally borrows money from you, they so often try this tit.
Last month me and two friends went somewhere that had to be prebooked for £5 a person. Only one person could book, which was me. They also had to contribute to my petrol.
I worked the fuel out and sent them a PayPal link for everything the next day. The day after that, they still hadn’t paid, and one hadn’t even replied. I simply said “cough up you two”. They did act affronted, but I got my money back very quickly. We’re still friends!
They will know in future if they have to owe me money again, they will pay back straight away because I won’t accept excuses or delays. I set time limits and make it very clear from the beginning how they will be paying me back and when. That is the only possible way to informally lend money (even tiny amounts) otherwise you *will* be taken advantage of, even if your friends don’t consciously set out to do so.
Sorry I’ve just read your above post, which says you still want to cautiously retain contact.
In that case still message her hourly but go the happy-clappy route so she can’t act offended.
“Hi Name! Still waiting on my £50
” etc.
Escalate with increasing jolliness if she doesn’t pay!
In that case still message her hourly but go the happy-clappy route so she can’t act offended.
“Hi Name! Still waiting on my £50
” etc.Escalate with increasing jolliness if she doesn’t pay!
I have one friend who never pays you back, I now refuse to offer to pay for things and I’m fed up of her forgetting and me asking. She even one owed me money but grabbed the change when we are out and really got my back up.
I would say how good of a friend is she? If you are not that bothered about the friendship just keep pestering. If you are, maybe approachable it differently. Perhaps, hey I still haven’t got that money, is everything ok? Maybe she can’t afford it and doesn’t have the heart to tell you.
I would say how good of a friend is she? If you are not that bothered about the friendship just keep pestering. If you are, maybe approachable it differently. Perhaps, hey I still haven’t got that money, is everything ok? Maybe she can’t afford it and doesn’t have the heart to tell you.
Argh this is so frustrating! She's being a fool, I hope you know that!
I would do what others have suggested, give her a call. If you don't want to, I'd pop her another message something like "hey hun is everything ok? Just seen you've read my message but haven't heard from you. hope you're good. don't forget to pop in £50 you owe me, doing some budgeting and would love to have money by Friday so it doesn't mess with my plans' But considering it's been now another 24 hours and you've heard nothing, sending a message or phoning today is totally fine.
At this point she should be the one feeling awkward. At the end of the day, I don't think it matters about the amount, she owes you money and she said she would pay so she needs to do that. I find things like this so disrespectful. I also think it's incredibly stupid on their part because if she doesn't have it she could have let you know at the earliest point and saved all of this trouble!
I'd probably say something like 'Hey, I've got my phone bill coming out tomorrow and it's going to take me into my overdraft! 
Any chance you can send me that money over please?' you shouldn't have to make anything up or even have to ask, its terrible behaviour from a friend. I hope you get it back.
Any chance you can send me that money over please?' you shouldn't have to make anything up or even have to ask, its terrible behaviour from a friend. I hope you get it back.I don’t understand how people can act so brazen as to ignore a reasonable request to have their own money back! I always immediately pay whether for a joint birthday gift or a team pizza order. Fingers crossed for you OP.
Agreed, she should be the one feeling uncomfortable., not me because she said she would pay me back and hasn't. I don't want it to ruin the friendship, but I'd have doubts about meeting up with her again, and I'd not offer to pay for anything now. I am not sure if that sounds dramatic but I think it is an abuse of trust almost.
Is she a friend ? My answer no.
If she has time to read the message TWICE then she has time to apologise come up with an excuse. We can all be forgetful at times.
No true friend does that. You lent her money in good faith. To ask for your money back you do not need excuses or a story what so ever. It’s yours.
I was reading this yesterday and was looking forward to hear it was a misunderstanding. I am shocked that you have reached out twice and she has ignored you.
I would either await for a response and don’t message back. Or a week from yesterday I would show up at her front door unannounced. A bit aggressive but the truth is now it’s come down to principles.
I am so sorry she’s treated you like this. She clearly has no shame.
It seems you have learnt a lesson.
I really can’t stand entitled beings.
If she has time to read the message TWICE then she has time to apologise come up with an excuse. We can all be forgetful at times.
No true friend does that. You lent her money in good faith. To ask for your money back you do not need excuses or a story what so ever. It’s yours.
I was reading this yesterday and was looking forward to hear it was a misunderstanding. I am shocked that you have reached out twice and she has ignored you.
I would either await for a response and don’t message back. Or a week from yesterday I would show up at her front door unannounced. A bit aggressive but the truth is now it’s come down to principles.
I am so sorry she’s treated you like this. She clearly has no shame.
It seems you have learnt a lesson.
I really can’t stand entitled beings.
Hey OP, have you had money sent to you yet?
Sorry you're in this situation. It's never easy asking a close friend for money THEY owe you, not sure why but I've always felt super awkward when I've been in that position before.
As previous replies have said, you've done the right thing and if your friend hasn't transferred you the money when you've asked twice then it's on them and frankly they don't deserve your friendship knowing that you're currently trying to be careful with money. I hope your saving goes well x
Sorry you're in this situation. It's never easy asking a close friend for money THEY owe you, not sure why but I've always felt super awkward when I've been in that position before.
As previous replies have said, you've done the right thing and if your friend hasn't transferred you the money when you've asked twice then it's on them and frankly they don't deserve your friendship knowing that you're currently trying to be careful with money. I hope your saving goes well x
Thank you
. I checked my account this afternoon and It's not been transferred yet, and she hasn't responded to my text. I will call / chase up in the next couple of days so we shall see what happens!
1. Sorry to be brutal but you will never see that money
2. She is not your friend.
If she intended to pay you back you would have received some kind of acknowledgment, apology or excuse.
p.s. I REALLY hope that I am wrong
pps. Never a lender or a borrower be - I have been burnt so many times by so called friends that I go with the Bard now. The money was never the thing that mattered to me but the fact that my friendship seemed to actually have a monetary value, a low one at that.
2. She is not your friend.
If she intended to pay you back you would have received some kind of acknowledgment, apology or excuse.
p.s. I REALLY hope that I am wrong
pps. Never a lender or a borrower be - I have been burnt so many times by so called friends that I go with the Bard now. The money was never the thing that mattered to me but the fact that my friendship seemed to actually have a monetary value, a low one at that.
I think it's terrible that you've had all this angst off the back of doing someone a favour.
I had a friend who used to forget her purse when we went to restaurants - she always had a convoluted excuse - or didn't have any cash and there was no ATM nearby. She did this on a number of occasions. It used to bug me when she'd act all embarrassed and then say: "You're going to have to pay my share of the bill". I felt like saying: "Actually I don't - how are your washing up skills these days?"
You start to feel a mug.
I hope that there is a reasonable explanation from your friend.
I suppose you could always point her towards this thread
I had a friend who used to forget her purse when we went to restaurants - she always had a convoluted excuse - or didn't have any cash and there was no ATM nearby. She did this on a number of occasions. It used to bug me when she'd act all embarrassed and then say: "You're going to have to pay my share of the bill". I felt like saying: "Actually I don't - how are your washing up skills these days?"
You start to feel a mug.
I hope that there is a reasonable explanation from your friend.
I suppose you could always point her towards this thread
I'm beginning to think this. At first I thought she didn't acknowledge it because she felt embarrassed about being reminded and wanted to pay first, but I don't think that's the case. It's just sad she'd risk friendship over some unpaid drinks and dinner.
Like you said, I'm not hurt because I don't have the money. I am saving but I can just live off what I have in my cupboards for a week even though it won't be pleasant. It's just the fact that I feel a bit taken advantage of by someone I trusted.
Honestly, I am thinking about it more than I need to and it's put a downer on the start of my week!I think it's terrible that you've had all this angst off the back of doing someone a favour.
I had a friend who used to forget her purse when we went to restaurants - she always had a convoluted excuse - or didn't have any cash and there was no ATM nearby. She did this on a number of occasions. It used to bug me when she'd act all embarrassed and then say: "You're going to have to pay my share of the bill". I felt like saying: "Actually I don't - how are your washing up skills these days?"
You start to feel a mug.
I hope that there is a reasonable explanation from your friend.
I suppose you could always point her towards this thread
Did you get the money back from your friend?
I hope there is an explanation, but if not I could point her in this direction, maybe she could offer her side of the story!
My friend often gets her husband to pay me when I go back to house (I park there). It's a bit embarrassing but at least I get it.
Can't believe you still don't have it back! Tbh I agree with the poster who said this person isn't your friend. They're relying wholly on you being too awkward or embarrassed to ask for your money back. It's not like it's a fiver either (although any amount is crappy when you've openly said you'll repay it on the day). I would keep hassling her tbh and then cut her off. Let's be honest, this person has no respect for you and fundamentally she is the kind of person who will happily take advantage of someone's kindness and generosity. She's also happy to flush a long friendship down the loo for the sake of giving you back 50 quid. Sounds a total cow.
I'd ring her this time but from number withheld and if she doesnt reply I'd go round to her house or workplace and demand it back.I hoped she would have paid you by now, she a total user.