Body Image Issues & ED Support Thread

[smooth_operator33]

currently on holiday and feeling a bit poop about how i look at home i was feeling so confident and happy but as soon as i’ve come away it’s just gone
i’m managing to eat well, not over restrict or absolutely go wild so i guess that’s a win
we’re having a group gym session later which might perk me up a bit

 

[smooth_operator33]

currently on holiday and feeling a bit poop about how i look at home i was feeling so confident and happy but as soon as i’ve come away it’s just gone
i’m managing to eat well, not over restrict or absolutely go wild so i guess that’s a win
we’re having a group gym session later which might perk me up a bit

update - we didn’t go to the gym but a back story - our luggage had to get left at the airport we took off from so i think i was feeling some anxiety around that which was triggering a few other things. feeling much better now we have our cases
still not been to the gym and tbh don’t really fancy it. i’m doing lots of swimming and walking so my mind is somewhat settled

 

[Agent Cooper]

Hi all, how are we doing? 🤍

Summer is almost here and I’m struggling with lighter clothing. Everyone is wearing crop tops and mini skirts but there is no way I could dress like this and feel confident/comfortable. Whenever I wear something like that, I just end up comparing myself to other women and feel bad about myself. I eat so little, exercise so much and see absolutely no result. I know comparison is the thief of joy and all that…but it doesn’t help me much. Any words of advice?

update - we didn’t go to the gym but a back story - our luggage had to get left at the airport we took off from so i think i was feeling some anxiety around that which was triggering a few other things. feeling much better now we have our cases
still not been to the gym and tbh don’t really fancy it. i’m doing lots of swimming and walking so my mind is somewhat settled

I’m sorry to hear you had these negative thoughts during your holiday I am glad you were able to get your mind off them though, well done! Swimming is actually lots of fun and very good for your body and your mind. It counts as exercise, too, and you absolutely don’t have to go to the gym unless you really want to x

 

[WhatABore]

Hi all, how are we doing? 🤍

Summer is almost here and I’m struggling with lighter clothing. Everyone is wearing crop tops and mini skirts but there is no way I could dress like this and feel confident/comfortable. Whenever I wear something like that, I just end up comparing myself to other women and feel bad about myself. I eat so little, exercise so much and see absolutely no result. I know comparison is the thief of joy and all that…but it doesn’t help me much. Any words of advice?

I’m sorry to hear you had these negative thoughts during your holiday I am glad you were able to get your mind off them though, well done! Swimming is actually lots of fun and very good for your body and your mind. It counts as exercise, too, and you absolutely don’t have to go to the gym unless you really want to x

I have no words of advice with the clothes but just to say I'm with you.
I wear jumpers and hoodies even in 30 degree heat because I feel so uncomfortable wearing just a Tshirt.

If you don't eat enough and especially if you're burning the calories off too, your body won't do much in response because it starts to store fat instead

 

[Agent Cooper]

I have no words of advice with the clothes but just to say I'm with you.
I wear jumpers and hoodies even in 30 degree heat because I feel so uncomfortable wearing just a Tshirt.

If you don't eat enough and especially if you're burning the calories off too, your body won't do much in response because it starts to store fat instead

Ugh I’m sorry you struggle with this too! Feeling like that honestly stinks.

I have a feeling you are totally right about not eating enough and storing fat. I guess I need to sort out my eating habits, most of the time I’m so busy I don’t have time to cook or buy healthy food so I prefer to skip meals instead of eating what I think is unhealthy. Thank you x

 

[megsmagoo]

Spoiler: Spoiler

I’ve recently just got engaged and the feeling that I just not eat at all is so strong, I’m terrified of being overweight on my wedding day it makes me feel sick. I’ve been coping well with triggering thoughts but recently it’s become so overwhelming. I put on weight during recovery and haven’t lost it and I’m trying to do everything I can to lose it sorry just needed to vent because this is the most triggered I’ve felt in years

 

[EmotionalChobits]

Hi, just want to say I'm so happy that I've found this thread. I've been really struggling with eating for quite a long time. I'm now starting to get deficiencies and my health professional are really getting on to me which is really triggering me. They've put me on Fortisips and I'm meant to be drinking 4 a day but that feels impossible. I can only manage the 1 but even that makes me feel guilty drinking it. Anyone else on Fortisips and how do you manage to drink them? I can't pick up the courage at all and my fridge is full of them. Hugs to everyone struggling. It's a really hard battle to defeat.

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Hey I have never ever spoke to anybody about my weight problems other than my husband and even then it’s very I was overweight as a kid and bullied, but always swept under the carpet. I remember getting hit once by an older boy who bust my nose and I hit the boy back. He reported it and I got into trouble because he said I was calling him names. I wasn’t, but I was so embarrassed to tell the teacher he had called me fat. I had no confidence at all and it really effected me. I got to around 20 and something clicked. I just stopped eating and I shed around 7 stone in about a year. I literally didn’t eat though. I now gym and still barely eat, terrified of how many calories I consume. I’m 9 stone, 5ft4 and I know my weight and BMI are all healthy but I’m so, so paranoid about looking fat or anyone ever calling me fat. Nobody I work with knows I was ever overweight and I’m a small, dainty little thing according to them. It’s a part of me that I absolutely hate. It controls my life. I daren’t eat out and my day is ruined if I eat sometbing “bad”. I’m trying my hardest to change for my child as I don’t want them to ever go through what I went through and we have really good eating habits in our house. It’s just my own demons.

 

[Lilu22]

How are you all dealing with the calories on menus now? I constantly find myself changing what I want because of it. Always find myself going for the lowest option, even if it’s someone I don’t even like

 

[Agent Cooper]

Spoiler: Spoiler

I’ve recently just got engaged and the feeling that I just not eat at all is so strong, I’m terrified of being overweight on my wedding day it makes me feel sick. I’ve been coping well with triggering thoughts but recently it’s become so overwhelming. I put on weight during recovery and haven’t lost it and I’m trying to do everything I can to lose it sorry just needed to vent because this is the most triggered I’ve felt in years

First of all, hi and huge congratulations on your engagement! I’m sorry to hear you are struggling with weight thoughts though. You can’t always control what you think so please do not be hard on yourself, it will only make you feel worse. Have you tried figuring out why you feel like you should be a certain size on your wedding day? Is it social media pressure, something that other people (friends, coworkers etc) tell you or something else? You say you used to cope well with triggering thoughts. Are there any coping techniques/strategies that worked for you in the past?

Hi, just want to say I'm so happy that I've found this thread. I've been really struggling with eating for quite a long time. I'm now starting to get deficiencies and my health professional are really getting on to me which is really triggering me. They've put me on Fortisips and I'm meant to be drinking 4 a day but that feels impossible. I can only manage the 1 but even that makes me feel guilty drinking it. Anyone else on Fortisips and how do you manage to drink them? I can't pick up the courage at all and my fridge is full of them. Hugs to everyone struggling. It's a really hard battle to defeat.

Hi there Unfortunately, I can’t help with Fortisips much as I’ve never been on them, but I just wanted to express my support. Could you perhaps discuss your issues with your health professional? I am not a doctor, but I guess drinking 1 a day is still better than drinking none. Maybe you could go gradually from 1 to 1,5 to 2 drinks until you finally manage to drink all 4 in one day?I struggle with guilt myself, but according to Google, 1 Fortisip is about 300 Kcal so not that much? Especially since it’s essentially a meal replacement. I hope you find something that works for you soon! 🤍

Hey I have never ever spoke to anybody about my weight problems other than my husband and even then it’s very I was overweight as a kid and bullied, but always swept under the carpet. I remember getting hit once by an older boy who bust my nose and I hit the boy back. He reported it and I got into trouble because he said I was calling him names. I wasn’t, but I was so embarrassed to tell the teacher he had called me fat. I had no confidence at all and it really effected me. I got to around 20 and something clicked. I just stopped eating and I shed around 7 stone in about a year. I literally didn’t eat though. I now gym and still barely eat, terrified of how many calories I consume. I’m 9 stone, 5ft4 and I know my weight and BMI are all healthy but I’m so, so paranoid about looking fat or anyone ever calling me fat. Nobody I work with knows I was ever overweight and I’m a small, dainty little thing according to them. It’s a part of me that I absolutely hate. It controls my life. I daren’t eat out and my day is ruined if I eat sometbing “bad”. I’m trying my hardest to change for my child as I don’t want them to ever go through what I went through and we have really good eating habits in our house. It’s just my own demons.

Hi Bobbleowl! I was so heartbroken after reading your post, you have been through a lot and I’m sorry! Bullying is always so horrible, some kids are just extremely cruel. I can unfortunately relate to having no self-confidence. From what you have written, it sounds like you could benefit from counseling and/or joining a support group. Have you ever had therapy before? A good therapist can make you feel heard and understood which is very comforting in itself. It sounds like you struggle with a lot of guilt that prevents you from enjoying your life and feeling confident.

 

[tiktokscandals22]

I’ve had disordered eating since I was a child. When I was a teenager I got into the habit of binging and purging, however now I still have major self esteem issues but still occasionally binge/purge.
I went Vegetarian in October and started to be more aware of what I put in my body and it really helped. I also got a partner who has helped so much and makes me feel so much better about my body however i’m so worried that if anything goes wrong between us i will get bad again and relapse worse than i’ve ever had before.
He is currently the source of my happiness and positive body image, and i know it’s unhealthy but without him, my ED would 100% be back.
Is anyone else in a similiar boat?

 

[megsmagoo]

First of all, hi and huge congratulations on your engagement! I’m sorry to hear you are struggling with weight thoughts though. You can’t always control what you think so please do not be hard on yourself, it will only make you feel worse. Have you tried figuring out why you feel like you should be a certain size on your wedding day? Is it social media pressure, something that other people (friends, coworkers etc) tell you or something else? You say you used to cope well with triggering thoughts. Are there any coping techniques/strategies that worked for you in the past?


Hi there Unfortunately, I can’t help with Fortisips much as I’ve never been on them, but I just wanted to express my support. Could you perhaps discuss your issues with your health professional? I am not a doctor, but I guess drinking 1 a day is still better than drinking none. Maybe you could go gradually from 1 to 1,5 to 2 drinks until you finally manage to drink all 4 in one day?I struggle with guilt myself, but according to Google, 1 Fortisip is about 300 Kcal so not that much? Especially since it’s essentially a meal replacement. I hope you find something that works for you soon! 🤍

Hi Bobbleowl! I was so heartbroken after reading your post, you have been through a lot and I’m sorry! Bullying is always so horrible, some kids are just extremely cruel. I can unfortunately relate to having no self-confidence. From what you have written, it sounds like you could benefit from counseling and/or joining a support group. Have you ever had therapy before? A good therapist can make you feel heard and understood which is very comforting in itself. It sounds like you struggle with a lot of guilt that prevents you from enjoying your life and feeling confident.

Thank you for your response, I think it’s just the pressure of it all to be honest, the permanence of the photos, all the eyes on you and the fact that I used to be very slim and I’m chasing that goal because I feel like I felt happier then - in reality I was probably quite miserable but you forget that part!

 

[WhatABore]

Thank you for your response, I think it’s just the pressure of it all to be honest, the permanence of the photos, all the eyes on you and the fact that I used to be very slim and I’m chasing that goal because I feel like I felt happier then - in reality I was probably quite miserable but you forget that part!

That's a big thing!

I always look back at when I was smaller and wish I was there.
But then like you say, I was miserable.
My brain never stopped thinking about weight. I panicked at the thought of gaining 1lb.
My head was full constantly.

It still is now but no where near as much.
But I still look back and wish I was there now

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

That's a big thing!

I always look back at when I was smaller and wish I was there.
But then like you say, I was miserable.
My brain never stopped thinking about weight. I panicked at the thought of gaining 1lb.
My head was full constantly.

It still is now but no where near as much.
But I still look back and wish I was there now

This. .

I can’t say anymore at the moment because I don’t think I can bring myself to write it down. I feel like I am living two lives.

 

[dinosaursideways]

I've been thinking of joining one of the ED equivalent groups to AA - searching on Google there seem to be a few options, Addictive Eaters Anonymous, ED Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous etc. I joined a trigger warning rape peer support group this year, having done group therapy for the first time last year, and this peer support group is truly the best thing I have ever done for myself. I don't have words for what it has meant to find solidarity, compassion, and kindness among others. I have been eating disordered for over two decades now, what I've been doing hasn't worked, so I think it's time to try something different. Bit trepidatious because my current support group are so incredible, I feel like the eating one may not be as perfect for me but....even just trying is a step.

Has anyone else joined any kind of eating anonymous support groups? I really want to attend in person, my current one is mainly in person and it makes such a difference, the online meetings are just not the same. The group therapy I did was online and I really struggled to engage and connect with it.

Spoiler: Trigger warning - loss of an eating disordered friend

I was part of the online pro-ana community from 1999, and it was a huge part of my life. I made real life friendships, went to (on reflection, somewhat odd) meetups etc. Various dramas happened, forums got closed, I stopped logging in and then forgot my details, but I remained in touch with one girl I had become friends with. At one point we were living in the same city and flat hunting to live together. Our lives and illnesses went in different trajectories and we fell out of touch. Every now and again I would look her up and think should I get back in touch, but was always held back - mainly by the fact that, when we were in real life together I was at the 'peak' of my anorexia. I had since ended up more of a normal weight and I felt too ashamed to see her, and felt like she was probably doing 'better' (see, 'iller') than me.

I looked her up today, for no particular reason, and found her obituary. She passed away a year ago. There was an outpouring of love and sadnesss on the post about her passing, hundreds of people saying lovely things. I'm so sad that she didn't make it, I'm so sad she never got any help that helped her, I'm so sad that she doesn't see the outpouring of love for her and for who she was, I'm so sad for the loneliness and illness she experienced, I'm so sad I never reached out, and I'm so sad that this link to my past is gone.

I have been crying on and off all day. I feel such an ache for both of us, for the young, lonely, ill girls we were, for the world we inhabited of obsession and self-hatred and control and drugs and alcohol and isolation, for the impact it all had on our lives. For how lost we were, that she stayed lost, and that now she is gone. She is just gone.

I've been struggling with my ED a LOT the last 15 months and with suicidal ideation for the last couple of years. When things like this happen, I feel like the world thinks I am supposed to 'wake up' and see things differently, to see what we all wish she saw from her passing, that it will flick the switch in my head. But it doesn't fix things like that, at all. I am very glad I am seeing my therapist on Tuesday, my group on Wednesday, and that I'm working from home so can cry to myself when I need to.

 

[WhatABore]

I've been thinking of joining one of the ED equivalent groups to AA - searching on Google there seem to be a few options, Addictive Eaters Anonymous, ED Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous etc. I joined a trigger warning rape peer support group this year, having done group therapy for the first time last year, and this peer support group is truly the best thing I have ever done for myself. I don't have words for what it has meant to find solidarity, compassion, and kindness among others. I have been eating disordered for over two decades now, what I've been doing hasn't worked, so I think it's time to try something different. Bit trepidatious because my current support group are so incredible, I feel like the eating one may not be as perfect for me but....even just trying is a step.

Has anyone else joined any kind of eating anonymous support groups? I really want to attend in person, my current one is mainly in person and it makes such a difference, the online meetings are just not the same. The group therapy I did was online and I really struggled to engage and connect with it.

Spoiler: Trigger warning - loss of an eating disordered friend

I was part of the online pro-ana community from 1999, and it was a huge part of my life. I made real life friendships, went to (on reflection, somewhat odd) meetups etc. Various dramas happened, forums got closed, I stopped logging in and then forgot my details, but I remained in touch with one girl I had become friends with. At one point we were living in the same city and flat hunting to live together. Our lives and illnesses went in different trajectories and we fell out of touch. Every now and again I would look her up and think should I get back in touch, but was always held back - mainly by the fact that, when we were in real life together I was at the 'peak' of my anorexia. I had since ended up more of a normal weight and I felt too ashamed to see her, and felt like she was probably doing 'better' (see, 'iller') than me.

I looked her up today, for no particular reason, and found her obituary. She passed away a year ago. There was an outpouring of love and sadnesss on the post about her passing, hundreds of people saying lovely things. I'm so sad that she didn't make it, I'm so sad she never got any help that helped her, I'm so sad that she doesn't see the outpouring of love for her and for who she was, I'm so sad for the loneliness and illness she experienced, I'm so sad I never reached out, and I'm so sad that this link to my past is gone.

I have been crying on and off all day. I feel such an ache for both of us, for the young, lonely, ill girls we were, for the world we inhabited of obsession and self-hatred and control and drugs and alcohol and isolation, for the impact it all had on our lives. For how lost we were, that she stayed lost, and that now she is gone. She is just gone.

I've been struggling with my ED a LOT the last 15 months and with suicidal ideation for the last couple of years. When things like this happen, I feel like the world thinks I am supposed to 'wake up' and see things differently, to see what we all wish she saw from her passing, that it will flick the switch in my head. But it doesn't fix things like that, at all. I am very glad I am seeing my therapist on Tuesday, my group on Wednesday, and that I'm working from home so can cry to myself when I need to.

I don't have any advice but didn't want to read and run.
I'm sorry that happened

Easier said than done, but don't spend all your time beating yourself up for not contacting them. Even if you had reached out, you'd still be full of what ifs

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I've been thinking of joining one of the ED equivalent groups to AA - searching on Google there seem to be a few options, Addictive Eaters Anonymous, ED Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous etc. I joined a trigger warning rape peer support group this year, having done group therapy for the first time last year, and this peer support group is truly the best thing I have ever done for myself. I don't have words for what it has meant to find solidarity, compassion, and kindness among others. I have been eating disordered for over two decades now, what I've been doing hasn't worked, so I think it's time to try something different. Bit trepidatious because my current support group are so incredible, I feel like the eating one may not be as perfect for me but....even just trying is a step.

Has anyone else joined any kind of eating anonymous support groups? I really want to attend in person, my current one is mainly in person and it makes such a difference, the online meetings are just not the same. The group therapy I did was online and I really struggled to engage and connect with it.

Spoiler: Trigger warning - loss of an eating disordered friend

I was part of the online pro-ana community from 1999, and it was a huge part of my life. I made real life friendships, went to (on reflection, somewhat odd) meetups etc. Various dramas happened, forums got closed, I stopped logging in and then forgot my details, but I remained in touch with one girl I had become friends with. At one point we were living in the same city and flat hunting to live together. Our lives and illnesses went in different trajectories and we fell out of touch. Every now and again I would look her up and think should I get back in touch, but was always held back - mainly by the fact that, when we were in real life together I was at the 'peak' of my anorexia. I had since ended up more of a normal weight and I felt too ashamed to see her, and felt like she was probably doing 'better' (see, 'iller') than me.

I looked her up today, for no particular reason, and found her obituary. She passed away a year ago. There was an outpouring of love and sadnesss on the post about her passing, hundreds of people saying lovely things. I'm so sad that she didn't make it, I'm so sad she never got any help that helped her, I'm so sad that she doesn't see the outpouring of love for her and for who she was, I'm so sad for the loneliness and illness she experienced, I'm so sad I never reached out, and I'm so sad that this link to my past is gone.

I have been crying on and off all day. I feel such an ache for both of us, for the young, lonely, ill girls we were, for the world we inhabited of obsession and self-hatred and control and drugs and alcohol and isolation, for the impact it all had on our lives. For how lost we were, that she stayed lost, and that now she is gone. She is just gone.

I've been struggling with my ED a LOT the last 15 months and with suicidal ideation for the last couple of years. When things like this happen, I feel like the world thinks I am supposed to 'wake up' and see things differently, to see what we all wish she saw from her passing, that it will flick the switch in my head. But it doesn't fix things like that, at all. I am very glad I am seeing my therapist on Tuesday, my group on Wednesday, and that I'm working from home so can cry to myself when I need to.

So sorry for your friend and for you- for your loss .

I haven’t had any experience of those groups (really I am only early stages of admitting my problems ) and the help up here is woefully lacking. The therapists don’t seem to specialise in ED and there aren’t any eating groups near me.

I think if it would help just to talk, I would advise you going before taking further steps. It might help discuss the issues surrounding loss- there could be other people in your situation there.

Spoiler: So lost- mentions of bingeing and exercise

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I am back where I was 3 years ago. I am almost back to that size (not really small when I was barely eating) where I can notice things that I shouldn’t. Which I am glad about, obviously. My exercise amount is starting to increase to a stupid amount again and although I eat more sensibly, I do much more walking and physical stuff volunteering than I did when I was working. All this adds up to me being really hungry which ends in me inevitably having binges.

 

[Smell_my_cheese]

Hi, I searched out a thread on body image and was so glad to find one.
I’m not sure if I need a trigger warning (I don’t think I do) but I am very sorry if I’m mistaken.

I am so tired of obsessing over every bit of food that goes into my mouth. I’m ruining any enjoyment in my life.

I was bullied at secondary school because I was overweight. This resulted in me dieting and losing a lot of weight in a short space of time. I then gained weight again after an abusive relationship and kept gaining after my children. After my second child I joined Slimming World and managed to lost 4.5 stone over 9 months. I thought the plan was great at the time, but I think now all it’s done is given me disordered eating. I’ll skip meals if I’ve eaten ‘syn heavy food’ and I obsess over everything I put into my mouth.

I’ve been through another awful relationship but now have a really lovely partner. The only issue is that he is heavily into exercise and equally obsesses over food. I am terrified of putting on any weight incase he decides I’m too fat. And I panic if I’ve not exercised as much as him. It’s so unhealthy.

I am frightened to step onto the scales and when I do brave it, I shake and almost make myself sick.

I don’t know whether I’m just being stupid and need to get over myself or if I’ve got an issue that needs dealing with. For what it’s worth, my BMI is in the healthy range and I’m a size 12.

Sorry it’s such a long message but I have no one I can talk to about this as I am aware I sound obsessive and ridiculous.

 

[WhatABore]

Hi, I searched out a thread on body image and was so glad to find one.
I’m not sure if I need a trigger warning (I don’t think I do) but I am very sorry if I’m mistaken.

I am so tired of obsessing over every bit of food that goes into my mouth. I’m ruining any enjoyment in my life.

I was bullied at secondary school because I was overweight. This resulted in me dieting and losing a lot of weight in a short space of time. I then gained weight again after an abusive relationship and kept gaining after my children. After my second child I joined Slimming World and managed to lost 4.5 stone over 9 months. I thought the plan was great at the time, but I think now all it’s done is given me disordered eating. I’ll skip meals if I’ve eaten ‘syn heavy food’ and I obsess over everything I put into my mouth.

I’ve been through another awful relationship but now have a really lovely partner. The only issue is that he is heavily into exercise and equally obsesses over food. I am terrified of putting on any weight incase he decides I’m too fat. And I panic if I’ve not exercised as much as him. It’s so unhealthy.

I am frightened to step onto the scales and when I do brave it, I shake and almost make myself sick.

I don’t know whether I’m just being stupid and need to get over myself or if I’ve got an issue that needs dealing with. For what it’s worth, my BMI is in the healthy range and I’m a size 12.

Sorry it’s such a long message but I have no one I can talk to about this as I am aware I sound obsessive and ridiculous.

You're in the right place!
Your story at the start is quite similar to mine. Losing a lot of weight in a short space of time ect I then gained it all back and more once I got into a crappy relationship. Then also joined slimming world and lost weight after having a child.

You're not being stupid and you don't need to get over yourself.
I'd 100% say you have an issue there

You also don't sound ridiculous! Especially not to us here!

I don't have much advice. I've gone the opposite direction in that I gained a loooot of weight back from constant comfort eating, lost the weight with slimming world and I've gained some back since then.
Whilst my partner isn't into exercise ect. He is slim. And doesn't understand the obsession with weight and food ect.

Is there some counselling you can look into?
Some areas offer counselling for EDs

 

[Smell_my_cheese]

You're in the right place!
Your story at the start is quite similar to mine. Losing a lot of weight in a short space of time ect I then gained it all back and more once I got into a crappy relationship. Then also joined slimming world and lost weight after having a child.

You're not being stupid and you don't need to get over yourself.
I'd 100% say you have an issue there

You also don't sound ridiculous! Especially not to us here!

I don't have much advice. I've gone the opposite direction in that I gained a loooot of weight back from constant comfort eating, lost the weight with slimming world and I've gained some back since then.
Whilst my partner isn't into exercise ect. He is slim. And doesn't understand the obsession with weight and food ect.

Is there some counselling you can look into?
Some areas offer counselling for EDs

Thank you for replying and for being so kind! It’s troubling how many people have issues after Slimming World. I hope you are in a good place atm.
Tbh I’ve not looked into counselling or anything like that because I didn’t think I would be taken seriously. It’s very recently that I’ve even considered my behaviour towards food and weight is not how all women behave.

All my family members would always comment on my weight and whether I was bigger/smaller than other female family members. I don’t think a day has ever passed where I’ve not worried about how I look and what I’ve eaten since I was about 7. I just want to live and enjoy my life and not be constantly pinching the flab on my body and wishing I was smaller.