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Theyāre a warrior family I know that much
I try this too but it doesn't work, my heart is aching. Physically it hurts my soul. But i can't stop watching their stories. I feel silly being this emotional wreck over a family that i don't know. Maybe its because i have my own baby just a few months younger than Azaylia. She will always hold a special place in my heart, and I'm sure she will leave a legacy behind which will live on.
Iām just getting my wee man to bed here and heās just done a sore poop as I call them. Sometimes he has issues going now that heās on solid foods like heās not use to doing hard pooās, he sometimes cries but itās a proper pain cry and seeing him like that kills me. How Ashley and Saf, or any parent of a terminally ill child can get through it I honestly commend them to the highest degree because I know I could never do it with such strength and resilience. I hope it brings them some comfort over the coming weeks and months seeing how much their little girl has imprinted on thousands of peopleās hearts 
I understand what you are saying but this little baby has known pure love, been showered with love, care and affection. More love than many will know in a lifetime. It's inspiring amidst the sadness.
I have a baby a month older. I know how u feel. And I feel selfish and rediculous being so upset for ppl I don't know. But I think she just enchanted us all. We have watched them from afar since before she was born . And then for all this happen. If it was a film.u would cry and forget bit this is real life. Playing out before our very eyes and it's so desperately hard to watch the wee baby who only 2 weeks ago was jumping around like tigger , to how she is today. And yet I can't stop looking cause bit of me is hoping still she might pull through, stupidly. Cause the whole thing is just so so hard to take on board. And then I think god so many family's are going through this . Iv been so naive
I woke up with sore eyes from crying about her last night and I've cried about five times today - Ashleys' face today on the stories has absolutely broke my heart, he looks so broken. I imagine as her Dad, he almost feels like he's let her down as it's natural for a Father to feel like the protector (he has done the most that any parent could ever do, along with Saffy). I don't know where they find their strength, it's SO commendable. I can only, like everyone else, send as much love and light as possible and just pray that Azaylias' remaining time is spent in comfort and surrounded by as much love as possible. x
Just to give another POV.
My son was 3 weeks old when I was told he was going to die. I didnāt do what theyāre doing. Instead, I went cold and felt numb. I couldnāt bring myself to hold him or do anything with him for a whole day. I just sat there staring at him and feeling angry that this had happened. The thoughts that some of you have had āhow can this happen to a baby in this day and age?ā and āhow can a baby have something that canāt be cured in 201x?ā just went round and round in my head. I felt incredibly disconnected and like a fake mother. I regret this now.
I think they are incredibly brave for continuing to share. They might feel that itās all thatās keeping them going. They might feel that itās the only way their friends and family can connect. Who knows. As long as they feel that itās helping right now, they can do whatever they like.
Yes, itās hard to see the stories. But remember, everyone here has the choice to stop watching them. This is their lives. This is her life. None of them have the privilege of being able to turn it off. They have to live it and they have to see it through. I think theyāre being absolutely amazing.
(NB just want to clarify that somehow my son has now made it to 6, despite being on palliative care since 3 weeks old. I feel a bit like a fraud giving my experience as heās managed to last this long but the feeling was the same at the time so I hope you can see I can relate a bit.)
My son was 3 weeks old when I was told he was going to die. I didnāt do what theyāre doing. Instead, I went cold and felt numb. I couldnāt bring myself to hold him or do anything with him for a whole day. I just sat there staring at him and feeling angry that this had happened. The thoughts that some of you have had āhow can this happen to a baby in this day and age?ā and āhow can a baby have something that canāt be cured in 201x?ā just went round and round in my head. I felt incredibly disconnected and like a fake mother. I regret this now.
I think they are incredibly brave for continuing to share. They might feel that itās all thatās keeping them going. They might feel that itās the only way their friends and family can connect. Who knows. As long as they feel that itās helping right now, they can do whatever they like.
Yes, itās hard to see the stories. But remember, everyone here has the choice to stop watching them. This is their lives. This is her life. None of them have the privilege of being able to turn it off. They have to live it and they have to see it through. I think theyāre being absolutely amazing.
(NB just want to clarify that somehow my son has now made it to 6, despite being on palliative care since 3 weeks old. I feel a bit like a fraud giving my experience as heās managed to last this long but the feeling was the same at the time so I hope you can see I can relate a bit.)
I had a little cry talking to my partner about it last night but I donāt follow either of them. I just had a little look at their stories and oh my god Iāve started again Ashley looks heartbroken holding onto her and little Azaylia looks so tired, she can hardly keep her eyes open.
Feel pointless posting this as it just reiterates how everyone else is feeling but my goodness this is sad to see x
Ashley looks heartbroken holding onto her and little Azaylia looks so tired, she can hardly keep her eyes open. Feel pointless posting this as it just reiterates how everyone else is feeling but my goodness this is sad to see x
I get this COMPLETELY
My youngest has RSV at 6 weeks old, ended up on a ventilator in the PICU and I didnāt even want to hold him, I was so so scared of him just dying in my arms. Heās absolutely fine and healthy now but I feel so much hurt in my heart that I was too scared to be there for him as much as I couldāve been.
That's what this forum is for though. Just to get it out, talk , chat about it, get it all out. I know it's made me feel better. Thanks guys x she has touched so many people. I hope her family know thatI had a little cry talking to my partner about it last night but I donāt follow either of them. I just had a little look at their stories and oh my god Iāve started again
Feel pointless posting this as it just reiterates how everyone else is feeling but my goodness this is sad to see x
Just to add on to my post further up - I donated, and I really want them to keep the money for themselves (I know they will use some to help other children like they have stated before), but they've been through the worst thing imaginable, if the money gives them financial support at least, in their grieving process, they deserve it 100%. They would obviously rather have their gorgeous girl in their life than any amount of money. It's really disgusting for people to say they should give it back, surely those who donated have already written that money off anyway, so who would even want it back?
There was a million raised for a child last year for lifesaving treatment who like this baby wasnt able to travel for treatment in the end. The money was passed onto another family in the same position.
I've no doubt the funds will be put to good use but plenty of time for all that.
An amazing outpouring of generosity, people are very good. I'm sure it will give the family strength and raise awareness. I saw on the Gofundme that donor cards have been taken out, that will save lives and help others too.
I hope they find peace in these hours.
I've no doubt the funds will be put to good use but plenty of time for all that.
An amazing outpouring of generosity, people are very good. I'm sure it will give the family strength and raise awareness. I saw on the Gofundme that donor cards have been taken out, that will save lives and help others too.
I hope they find peace in these hours.
I just feel so weird. Like I donāt want to believe itās happening, Im too invested and it breaks my heart. I just wish something could be done.
Iāve donated but havenāt felt the need to broadcast it as I donāt feel like itās relevant to this discussion. The debate over the donations that got the last thread shut down should not have happened. Please be mindful what we discuss as the moderators will shut this thread down too. I believe that Ashley and Saffiya will do good with that money, they had already surpassed a million when I donated but it didnāt stop me contributing because I believe in their cause and all whoāll benefit from it
I just feel like we are all waiting to hear the inevitable now and I canāt bare it 
thatās the only way I can describe my feeling, itās like Iām waiting for the phone to ring this is so bizarreI just feel like we are all waiting to hear the inevitable now and I canāt bare it
It's definitely helped me make sense of my own feelings just getting it out on this thread. The past 2 nights I've been crying at night whilst feeding my son, just in total shock at the situation as i really thought this wouldn't happen. My partner doesnt get it. He just tells me to stop thinking about it. But i simply can't. It's hit me like a bus and it's strange but its almost comforting to know that everyone else feels the same.
Oh Iāve just watched Saffs story and it has broken me the difference in her is heartbreaking.
I really hope theyāre posting stories because they want to and not because they feel they have to.
I canāt believe people are questioning where the money is going, I donated like many others and they could burn every penny if thatās what would bring them some comfort, no amount of money will replace Azaylia.
I really hope theyāre posting stories because they want to and not because they feel they have to.
I canāt believe people are questioning where the money is going, I donated like many others and they could burn every penny if thatās what would bring them some comfort, no amount of money will replace Azaylia.
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It is absolutely heartbreaking, my little boy is a month younger than Azaylia and is currently going through chemo for cancer. You would be surprised where you find strength from... inside you are falling apart but on the outside youāre as strong as an ox!
Praying for some kind of miracle for their precious baby girl
Praying for some kind of miracle for their precious baby girl
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