I try this too but it doesn't work, my heart is aching. Physically it hurts my soul. But i can't stop watching their stories. I feel silly being this emotional wreck over a family that i don't know. Maybe its because i have my own baby just a few months younger than Azaylia. She will always hold a special place in my heart, and I'm sure she will leave a legacy behind which will live on.Iv been crying for days, actually been so upset since they went offline that time and we didn't know what was happening. But obviously the past few days and the sudden turn has broke my heart. Iv been trying to think of anything to make myself feel better, to make sense of this. I suppose all I think is she's now happy at home with her family. Loved . No pain and she will never have to go into that hospital again. No more suffering. For her parents......such heartbreak. The beginning of another tiresome battle with grief and pain. But they too I am sure are relieved that her pain is over. No more procedures , no more fear. We all wish so hard this was not the ending. But these are the little things I try convince myself to stop myself crying.
I understand what you are saying but this little baby has known pure love, been showered with love, care and affection. More love than many will know in a lifetime. It's inspiring amidst the sadness.Did anyone notice the lyrics of that song on saffiyas story, Ashley looked up and looked like he was in a million pieces when it said āand youāll say Daddyās homeā
How the hell can an 8 month old baby ONLY know pain, illness and suffering
I have a baby a month older. I know how u feel. And I feel selfish and rediculous being so upset for ppl I don't know. But I think she just enchanted us all. We have watched them from afar since before she was born . And then for all this happen. If it was a film.u would cry and forget bit this is real life. Playing out before our very eyes and it's so desperately hard to watch the wee baby who only 2 weeks ago was jumping around like tigger , to how she is today. And yet I can't stop looking cause bit of me is hoping still she might pull through, stupidly. Cause the whole thing is just so so hard to take on board. And then I think god so many family's are going through this . Iv been so naiveI try this too but it doesn't work, my heart is aching. Physically it hurts my soul. But i can't stop watching their stories. I feel silly being this emotional wreck over a family that i don't know. Maybe its because i have my own baby just a few months younger than Azaylia. She will always hold a special place in my heart, and I'm sure she will leave a legacy behind which will live on.
I get this COMPLETELYJust to give another POV.
My son was 3 weeks old when I was told he was going to die. I didnāt do what theyāre doing. Instead, I went cold and felt numb. I couldnāt bring myself to hold him or do anything with him for a whole day. I just sat there staring at him and feeling angry that this had happened. The thoughts that some of you have had āhow can this happen to a baby in this day and age?ā and āhow can a baby have something that canāt be cured in 201x?ā just went round and round in my head. I felt incredibly disconnected and like a fake mother. I regret this now.
I think they are incredibly brave for continuing to share. They might feel that itās all thatās keeping them going. They might feel that itās the only way their friends and family can connect. Who knows. As long as they feel that itās helping right now, they can do whatever they like.
Yes, itās hard to see the stories. But remember, everyone here has the choice to stop watching them. This is their lives. This is her life. None of them have the privilege of being able to turn it off. They have to live it and they have to see it through. I think theyāre being absolutely amazing.
(NB just want to clarify that somehow my son has now made it to 6, despite being on palliative care since 3 weeks old. I feel a bit like a fraud giving my experience as heās managed to last this long but the feeling was the same at the time so I hope you can see I can relate a bit.)
That's what this forum is for though. Just to get it out, talk , chat about it, get it all out. I know it's made me feel better. Thanks guys x she has touched so many people. I hope her family know thatI had a little cry talking to my partner about it last night but I donāt follow either of them. I just had a little look at their stories and oh my god Iāve started again Ashley looks heartbroken holding onto her and little Azaylia looks so tired, she can hardly keep her eyes open.
Feel pointless posting this as it just reiterates how everyone else is feeling but my goodness this is sad to see x
thatās the only way I can describe my feeling, itās like Iām waiting for the phone to ring this is so bizarreI just feel like we are all waiting to hear the inevitable now and I canāt bare it
It's definitely helped me make sense of my own feelings just getting it out on this thread. The past 2 nights I've been crying at night whilst feeding my son, just in total shock at the situation as i really thought this wouldn't happen. My partner doesnt get it. He just tells me to stop thinking about it. But i simply can't. It's hit me like a bus and it's strange but its almost comforting to know that everyone else feels the same.That's what this forum is for though. Just to get it out, talk , chat about it, get it all out. I know it's made me feel better. Thanks guys x she has touched so many people. I hope her family know that