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I really don't think I am happy with life just now. All I've ever wanted was to be married and have kids. I have kids and engaged due to be married soon but if I'm honest I don't even know if I want this anymore? The idea of it is freaking me out completely. My mental health is at an all time low right now and I feel like I just need to be myself in order to get better but how do you say that without sounding horrid? I'm just so confused and this isn't how I thought I would ever feel
I feel you with this!
I am married to an amazing man with 2 lovely children but at the same time feel like i just want a day of being me - laying on the grass in a pub garden with a guy, a few wines and listening to music.
I love my husband and kids but crave the old me so much just for a day!
Exactly this. I've been with my fiance for almost 10 years, got together quite young and he was my first official boyfriend. That's what everyone wants, no heartbreak and to fall in love. I just miss the old me. I've truly lost myself as a person since becoming a mum and don't get me wrong I absolutely love my kids and being a mum but I just miss me and all the free time I had with no responsibilities. The thought of marriage really scares me and I don't know why as I used to be so passionate about being married/changed my fiancé's mind on marriage and now I'm like duck.
My mental health took a massive dive pretty much as soon as my first son was born 4 years ago, and now 2 more unexpected kids later im pretty much at rock bottom. I love my kids to death but the responsibility and loss of my independence is so overwhelming. I’d love a day/couple of days to my absolute self where I can just do what I want when I want without having to answer to anyone but due to our family circumstances I don’t even get an afternoon to myself let alone a couple of days.
I can completely sympathise with you as I relate so so much. I don't think people seem to realise how much you lose yourself after having kids. It seems totally fine for dads/partners just to get on with life but my life right now is stuck in the same "routine" with no change. I get no support, no "me" time, people don't jump through hoops to watch the kids so I can have an hour to myself or a lie in or a bath. I always envisioned this fabulous movie life where my fiance goes to work and comes home to a clean house, fresh food cooked, everyone all so loving and happy and that's so far from the truth. Sending you love, you're totally not alone.
Same boat here. Engaged with 2 children but not happy. I feel like I am wasting my life. We were so happy when we met, I never envisioned feeling like this. I want to be a family and not let everyone down by ending it but also I know I am not happy. Think my DM's are open if you wanted a chat.
I completely agree. I was so happy at the beginning until just recently where I'm not happy with myself or life just now, so why would I want to go ahead with something to major when I'm not exactly happy full stop? I'm stuck in a rut of knowing I need time to myself to recover mentally but if that option was out across to my fiance, he would disagree and it would create a divide. I'd never be able to afford a house on my own if we were to seperate and don't fancy moving back to my mums with the children/he wouldn't afford the house himself as we split everything 50/50. I know I need to make myself happier but ultimately I'm putting everyone's feelings before mine as I hate conflict/the drama it would create (which I accept and know it's wrong). I'm unable to DM you, not too sure why, thank you so much for replying. In a sense, it's good to hear others feel similar and I'm not completely isolated feeling this way
You are definitely not alone. I am 150 miles from my family and he would never move back to his parents to give us some space so we are stuck basically. I have plenty of friends but no one I would feel comfortable imposing on in this way, and I couldn't uproot the children. My fiance knows I am not happy and I don't think he is happy either but he doesn't want to lose the 'perfect family' image and I don't know how to sort things out either way. I keep saying to myself that we only get one life and I am only 30, why am I letting myself be so miserable but I just worry about how my actions affect others. I hate being responsible for someone else's pain. It's nice to be able to freely say this one here anyway.
That must be so so tough, I'm so sorry. Its just so tit feeling this way isn't it. Totally agree with the "perfect family" image, it's draining when you're just not feeling it. I could never openly talk about this with family or friends, so it's good to get this off my chest. I hope we find a solution soon, it's not good feeling this way
I would say I’m not happy.
Everything in my life on paper is great. I have an amazing boyfriend, we live together in our lovely home. I have a good job that pays really well. Great friends and social life.
However last September my mum died. She was 53 and I was 26 when it happened. We were as close as can be. Ever since then I haven’t been happy and I really cannot see myself every being truly happy again. Even when good things happen in my life, it’s like I just don’t care anymore without her here. I hope one day that will change but for now I just feel sad all the time.
Everything in my life on paper is great. I have an amazing boyfriend, we live together in our lovely home. I have a good job that pays really well. Great friends and social life.
However last September my mum died. She was 53 and I was 26 when it happened. We were as close as can be. Ever since then I haven’t been happy and I really cannot see myself every being truly happy again. Even when good things happen in my life, it’s like I just don’t care anymore without her here. I hope one day that will change but for now I just feel sad all the time.
I'm sorry for your loss. That sounds so difficult to deal with at such a young age.
I know there are no words that can help but just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how you are feeling being so young too.
Maybe I am superficial (or a nihilist?
), but don't think there is any point to life. There are almost 8 billion people in the world - what I do or don't do with my life seems pretty inconsequential, so I'm just making the most of the time I have. I had a horrible childhood and had a lot of responsibilities (that should have been my parents') at a young age. I'm in my late 30s now, and even when I have a bad day, overall I am happy and so grateful for the life that I have now. I don't have any children; the only person I have to take care of is myself. It makes me happy every day that I have agency and get to choose how I live my life. I have control over where I live, what I eat, what I do, who I spend time with, how I spend my money - I feel so fortunate to have so much independence and freedom.
No. I am absolutely sick of life.
No, I'm very much the opposite. I mostly mam this year on mother's day and my heart is broken. I feel like I've no ability to be happy. All I feel is sadness and anxiety because I terrified of losing someone else.
Lost*
No, I'm not.
No. Not at all.
I'm turning 30 next year and due to the housing crisis, I doubt I'll ever get a mortgage at this rate. I still live at home with my parents and my boyfriend is the same. We are both underpaid for the work that we do. My boyfriend wants to rent, but I don't want to throw away €2k a month to a landlord as that will further cripple our chances at saving for a mortgage. I really want to get married, have kids and all that but I grow more and more doubtful that will ever happen either. I already live with generalised anxiety disorder, but this whole situation is making me feel so depressed and sick that I honestly can't sit and think about it for too long without crying.
And look, this isn't all for lack of trying. I need to stay in my current job position to get at least 3 years experience before I can think about moving on to a better paid role in a different firm. Most firms demand at least 3 years minimum experience so I'm really doing my best (I currently have 2 years experience). My partner is starting college part time in September to work towards a better role with better pay. We're both putting away a minimum of €800 each in savings each month.
We're doing our best, but honestly.. it's all just getting to the stage where I'm wondering what IS the point anymore.
I'm turning 30 next year and due to the housing crisis, I doubt I'll ever get a mortgage at this rate. I still live at home with my parents and my boyfriend is the same. We are both underpaid for the work that we do. My boyfriend wants to rent, but I don't want to throw away €2k a month to a landlord as that will further cripple our chances at saving for a mortgage. I really want to get married, have kids and all that but I grow more and more doubtful that will ever happen either. I already live with generalised anxiety disorder, but this whole situation is making me feel so depressed and sick that I honestly can't sit and think about it for too long without crying.
And look, this isn't all for lack of trying. I need to stay in my current job position to get at least 3 years experience before I can think about moving on to a better paid role in a different firm. Most firms demand at least 3 years minimum experience so I'm really doing my best (I currently have 2 years experience). My partner is starting college part time in September to work towards a better role with better pay. We're both putting away a minimum of €800 each in savings each month.
We're doing our best, but honestly.. it's all just getting to the stage where I'm wondering what IS the point anymore.
Getting a mortgage and buying a house isn’t the be all and end all of life. It’s perfectly acceptable to rent your home. You cannot put your entire life on hold for the sake of getting a mortgage. If you and your boyfriend want to live together, build a life together, get married and start a family there is nothing stopping you from doing that. Nothing. You do not have to have a mortgage to do any of those things and you do not have to have a mortgage to be happy or have a good life.
lots of people have wonderful, happy lives living in a rented home. Don’t let your live pass you buy for the sake of a mortgage! Please!