I'm going to be reconnecting with my mum and other family for the first time in years this weekend. They know what's going on and don't much like him so hoping that they will be a support to help me see things clearly and ask him to move out
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Can we also spare a thought for the poor unsuspecting other woman who probably has no idea that any of this is going on at the moment. At a stretch he may be claiming he’s sleeping on the sofa, but I bet she doesn’t know even a quarter of what is going on.
Leviosa, I am glad you’re going to connect with your family. Tell them everything and get help calling a lawyer while you are with them.
Leviosa, I am glad you’re going to connect with your family. Tell them everything and get help calling a lawyer while you are with them.
That's a positive step forward, good luck
it's so hard to tell people at first but once you've got the story out a few times, it gets easier and speaking out loud about it will probably help you process what has happened. Your family will want to help you so if you need anything, don't be scared to ask them. You don't have to deal with it alone xxThats great. Its all well and good us giving your own opinion but we arent living it. If a man was doing this tho to a friend or family member of yours you wouldnt stand for it. You truly deserve better. He wants it all , you, her, kids, family, freedom, security, sadly theres many like him. If you let him this will go on and hurt much longer than it needs to.
I know it's painful but the best chance of getting him back if that's what you want is to chuck him out ironically.
Right now he has no respect for you, he doesn't have to miss you because you're still in bed next to him, he hasn't seen what life is like without you and the children so he isn't missing that. If you let this go on, he absolutely will leave... Probably only when he has his foot securely in a new relationship because he sounds like that's what the coward is gearing up to
If you truly want him back, chuck him out, act indifferent, get yourself a glow up, start posting on social media about all the exciting things you're doing as a family without him, hashtag #firstdates in a months time with two glasses of wine
He will start to see what he's thrown away, he will see the grass isn't greener and he will come back with his tail between his legs begging you and by now you will be running the show and can lay down the law that he will need to respect if he wants another chance...
Right now he has no respect for you, he doesn't have to miss you because you're still in bed next to him, he hasn't seen what life is like without you and the children so he isn't missing that. If you let this go on, he absolutely will leave... Probably only when he has his foot securely in a new relationship because he sounds like that's what the coward is gearing up to
If you truly want him back, chuck him out, act indifferent, get yourself a glow up, start posting on social media about all the exciting things you're doing as a family without him, hashtag #firstdates in a months time with two glasses of wine
He will start to see what he's thrown away, he will see the grass isn't greener and he will come back with his tail between his legs begging you and by now you will be running the show and can lay down the law that he will need to respect if he wants another chance...
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Why on god green Earth would she want this disgusting pig of a man back?!
I know right, I just thought OP doesn't sound like she wants to let him go just yet...not chucking him out in the hope he will change his mind when he won't, he might do if he is forced to look at what he's losing, it might make him realise what he's playing at.
we argued tonight. he thinks he's blameless. have told him i don't want to sleep with him anymore. having a massive big cry like a kardashian.
Ohhh. he is mad. I've asked him to move out for just a few days to give me space and he's kicking off. We had a holiday booked in October that he's now taken as his own, but the fact I've asked him to move out now has really burned him. He's now utterly refusing.
He now says I'm not stable enough for him to move out. Admittedly tonight I'm a bit drunk but not an axe wielding murderer.
Ohhh. he is mad. I've asked him to move out for just a few days to give me space and he's kicking off. We had a holiday booked in October that he's now taken as his own, but the fact I've asked him to move out now has really burned him. He's now utterly refusing.
He now says I'm not stable enough for him to move out. Admittedly tonight I'm a bit drunk but not an axe wielding murderer.
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He's gas lighting you... The old 'you're crazy' routine, it's standard emotional abuse.
Get the locks changed while he's out with this lady today and ring the police if he kicks off on his return
Maybe give woman's aid / refuge a call also
He has told you he doesnt love you anymore so i dont think he has any right to expect to stay in the marital bed. You started this thread in may last year its been a long time coming. Its mental abuse , you maybe cant see it yet but thats what it is. Stay strong.
Leviosa if he is refusing to leave and kicking off at you I think you should get the police involved, I know there hasn’t been any physical abuse but as other posters have said he is mentally abusing you. They will take this seriously, he will be told to not go anywhere near the house or contact you or he could be arrested if he does. Do not spend another day living with this man.
Right you need proper real life support here now. Please be clear on this - this guy IS abusive. This is classic gaslighting. You need to contact the police today and tell them everything and when he’s out today you must get the locks changed as previously discussed. Please contact either:
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
you may not want to believe this yet but unfortunately you are being abused. Please don’t let this go on any longer.
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
I need help - information and support on domestic abuse
Not sure if you're experiencing abuse? Worried about someone else? If you or a friend need help, we are here. Learn more about our information and support.
www.womensaid.org.uk
you may not want to believe this yet but unfortunately you are being abused. Please don’t let this go on any longer.
How he can say he’s blameless is beyond me. He’s acting like he’s on Love Island - he’s in bed with you but wants to ‘get to know’ someone else! It beggars belief.
As for calling you unstable, as the others have already pointed out, he’s gaslighting you. That’s an evil thing to do to try and bolster his position of power and control.
Please seek help and support from your family and friends who are close by. Stay strong. You’ve taken the first step. Try not to let him bully you, because that’s what he’s doing. Let him go on his holiday - he’ll have a crap time without you anyway. We’re all with you 100%
This. You need to get him out.
@leviosa I wish I could come and give you some real life support, as I’m sure others on this thread do
Rang landlord this morning. They won't take him off tenancy unless he signs and obviously he won't. Went to police but halfway through saw he'd blocked me on facebook, making out i'd run out on the kids (my kids are 15, 18 and 21, oldest one doesn't live at home). now he won't answer his phone, and i think he's taken day off to go see new woman despite telling me he was going to see a new customer. just wish i wasn't being so weak and needy, i hate him for making me cry yet again.
How has he made out you’ve run out on your kids? Wasn’t he the one who said he wanted to separate? This man is disgusting. You’re not weak or needy at all. He’s making you feel like this on purpose and like someone else said, he’s gaslighting you. What did the police say?
2 out of your 3 kids are grown adults. You haven’t ran out on any of them. HE is the one who is having an affair. HE is the one who is abusing you. HE IS ONE IN THE WRONG.
what did the police say???
I hope spent today getting some professional help. Either finding a lawyer, or help with a women’s charity. Gaslighting within a intimate relationship is a criminal offense. You are a victim of crime. He needs to hear this before he does this to the next woman.
I feel so weak and needy. He won't respond to me at ALL now. The police lady was very lovely but I ran out of there when I realised he'd blocked me. I know how pathetic that sounds. Had to literally beg him to unblock me. The mother of his children. Where the duck has my backbone gone. I know where he is and what he's doing and that he lied, and I just can't stop being pathetic.
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