I know it’s so much easier said than done but is there any way you could just leave for a month or so… even go on holiday for a week and take yourself away! He’s an hole, your kids are being arseholes. You’re so much more than a mum and a wife!
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You’re not weak.
There is other options. Get the hell out of there. Before you get ill.
Surely your kids can see that this is not right?? What have you told them? Please be honest here, what exactly do they know about the situation? 2 out of 3 of them are adults. They can make their own choices in life regarding where they live. Nor you or their dad can keep them anywhere. It’s their decision. If they choose to live with their dad, unfortunately you can’t stop them.
Please seek professional help. Both with housing and mental health. As soon as physically possible for you.
You do have options. You need to get out of that house and go somewhere where someone in real life can sit you down and talk sense into you. Go to your brothers house tomorrow. Take an overnight bag and stay there, talk it all over with him and start making calls to all of the previously mentioned support agencies etc.
stop focusing on the house, the kids etc. Right now, you need to get out of there and get some perspective. I also think you need to see your GP
to perhaps look at medication or other help with your emotions etc.
Yes exactly- I’ve asked this already.
@leviosa - what exactly have YOU said to your kids? you must have full & Frank conversations with each of them on your Own with no interference from him and you have to tell them everything.
I'm not really getting why your kids would hate you so much. Surely they have their own minds. Maybe they do like the Dad a bit more or whatever but why would they be so cold to you?
Your kids are old enough to look after themselves … I know it sounds really mean but they don’t need you right now. You need to make yourself the priority.
Im getting the impression here that she’s not told the kids a single thing about what their father is really like or what he’s been doing and is allowing him to tell them whatever he wants.
I’m thinking the same. I know if my mum came to me with this I would be abs raging at my dad and wouldn’t want anything to do with him. I appreciate it is a very difficult time but I don’t think we are getting the full story here
I agree. I’m struggling now because I feel like its just going round in circles and none of it seems to be getting listened to and we are only getting half the story. I’m not sure what else to say
In the nicest possible way though at 15 and 18 your kids won’t appreciate the nose wiping, the kissing scraped knees better, the cuddles etc BECAUSE you’re such a loving mother so they just take those for granted. I’m not sure if I’m explaining that in the best way but if this man has been abusing and manipulating you for however many years it doesn’t mean the kids haven’t picked up on it either. I’d put money on them choosing to go with him out of fear rather than because they think you’re a bad mum or because they want to hurt you - sort of keeping dad happy, keeping the status quo, perhaps even thinking ‘tit, if I don’t do this dad won’t love/bother with me so if he says jump I need to say how high’. I know I have done/thought this in my own life W/RT my father.
The thing is that by staying quiet nothing will change and I am NOT in any way blaming you for it. But the kids, you, him, need that shock to the status quo for things to change. I guarantee that if you got out, washed your hands of all of them and started to slowly build a new life the kids would come back with their tails between their legs. It sounds like daddy’s feeding them the Disney story… ‘oh yeah we’ll have icecream for breakfast and your own pony and a Nintendo each if you come and live with me’. As soon as that stops they’ll be back. I don’t think you have anything to lose by making that first step even if it is really, really bloody hard to do so.
I have been reading on and off. I hope you find the strength to kick him to the kerb and carry on. It’s hard but I’m sure you can find somewhat of a support network here on tattle as well as more specialist places - look at how long this thread has gone on for. Good luck x
The thing is that by staying quiet nothing will change and I am NOT in any way blaming you for it. But the kids, you, him, need that shock to the status quo for things to change. I guarantee that if you got out, washed your hands of all of them and started to slowly build a new life the kids would come back with their tails between their legs. It sounds like daddy’s feeding them the Disney story… ‘oh yeah we’ll have icecream for breakfast and your own pony and a Nintendo each if you come and live with me’. As soon as that stops they’ll be back. I don’t think you have anything to lose by making that first step even if it is really, really bloody hard to do so.
I have been reading on and off. I hope you find the strength to kick him to the kerb and carry on. It’s hard but I’m sure you can find somewhat of a support network here on tattle as well as more specialist places - look at how long this thread has gone on for. Good luck x
You are sitting next to him... Why are you punishing yourself. Move to the kitchen or your bedroom. No need to be a martyr
This is a horrible vicious nasty circle. I don't know what else to say. I've been honest about my breakdown, depression, being awful to live with. I can't change any of that now. But nobody deserves this. If anybody wants to know anything I've said to ask - I'm not here to skew it one way or put one side across. I'll be completely 100% honest.
I promise I am listening but the thought of the kids going too just sent me into panic so I backed down. And he wins. Now I could just about handle him leaving, although it'd suck. But not my children too.
I’d make a point to him saying “Tell that witch I said Hi” she’s welcome to you. Then leave the room even if it’s to go cry in the pillow, but give him a reaction that he would least expect from you
OK, back up there, you don't want him to leave???
Do you think he has been abusive to you and he has committed some crimes? If he decided to leave the new woman and come back to you and try and make things work, would you like that?
I *think* I do get it.
Old Billy Big Balls has presented himself at the door and plonked himself down on the sofa. Dictating what will happen.
It is so bleeping hard sometimes to dredge up a scrap of courage to stand up to a domineering bully.
Sometimes the quiet accepting life seems the safest, and bizarrely, most comfortable option.
@leviosa I really feel so sorry for you. You are not weak. You are lumbered with a most revolting manipulative partner. If you want the situation to change at some point you need to start digging deep into your courage and do something. Nobody here can help you. It is only within yourself. Think of the woman you most admire on the world and ask yourself 'would she put up with this?'
Don't keep using your children as an excuse to do nothing. It actually is not fair on them.
Old Billy Big Balls has presented himself at the door and plonked himself down on the sofa. Dictating what will happen.
It is so bleeping hard sometimes to dredge up a scrap of courage to stand up to a domineering bully.
Sometimes the quiet accepting life seems the safest, and bizarrely, most comfortable option.
@leviosa I really feel so sorry for you. You are not weak. You are lumbered with a most revolting manipulative partner. If you want the situation to change at some point you need to start digging deep into your courage and do something. Nobody here can help you. It is only within yourself. Think of the woman you most admire on the world and ask yourself 'would she put up with this?'
Don't keep using your children as an excuse to do nothing. It actually is not fair on them.
I don't think it's hard to move to a different room though!
Do you know what I'm doing? I'm telling him to look out for her. To be nice to her. To be happy together. It's just not in me to be mean. I'm sure she's a really nice person.
I don't know if he's been abusive. My head is completely messed up. All of it is just so stupid. Ive caused so much of this myself by being a depressive mess so it's not all him. I think he might be controlling, maybe? I was actually talking to a new guy today but was made to delete him. Honestly I know this sounds ridiculous but I just don't know where I am.
Whoever said I could come back and post in a year, genuinely looking forward to that.
How did he know you were talking to a new guy???
He wants me to tell him everything. He says to protect me.
Ah here.... I think you are taking the piss.
Folks I think you have all wasted your time on this thread.
This is a couple that thrive of drama in their lives, both as bad as each other. The kids are probably fed up listening to them at this stage.
Leave them be!
Och mate. Seriously. You must know this is fucked up.
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