Alcoholism

[Mulholland Drive]

Just keep going hun. My sibling is an alcoholic. Spent 7 months in rehab, relapsed several times in the last 5 months since coming out. I can't relate at all, I Dislike her more than you could imagine, as she has done some truly awful things and caused an unimaginable amount of pain.
You sound like you aren't at that stage and I really hope you can get through with the correct help and support. Keep using your work as a distraction.
Xxx


I read a quote once which said something like, alcoholics are the most selfish people and don't think of the hurt and pain they cause but they expect everyone to sacrifice things when they decide they want to change. Its stuck with me ever since I read it.
It certainly isn't your fault he drank and you cannot be to blame.
We are all here for you to talk to x

Thank for your kind words, and i am so sorry/shocked regarding the troubled times for your sibling. I really hope I do not go down a similar path, although I must confess that this morning I drove to my local store (15 miles away) and bought 2 cases of wine!

As soon as I returned home I'd almost finished one bottle, such was my need for pure undiluted alcohol. And despite keeping busy with my workload, it is inevitable that I will be starting on my 2nd bottle at some point this afternoon, leaving me with 10 bottle to get me through the weekend and beyond.

The only upshot is that I hope to fly out to South Africa in early December once this lockdown is lifted. I'll be there for 2 or 3 months, so perhaps that will take my mind off things, especially the better weather, the change of scene and being with my family and friends

 

[Annie101]

Thank for your kind words, and i am so sorry/shocked regarding the troubled times for your sibling. I really hope I do not go down a similar path, although I must confess that this morning I drove to my local store (15 miles away) and bought 2 cases of wine!

As soon as I returned home I'd almost finished one bottle, such was my need for pure undiluted alcohol. And despite keeping busy with my workload, it is inevitable that I will be starting on my 2nd bottle at some point this afternoon, leaving me with 10 bottle to get me through the weekend and beyond.

The only upshot is that I hope to fly out to South Africa in early December once this lockdown is lifted. I'll be there for 2 or 3 months, so perhaps that will take my mind off things, especially the better weather, the change of scene and being with my family and friends

courage to change - Life is in a constant state of change. Awareness allows me/you to keep pace with that change. Today let me/you listen to my word and watch my actions, only by knowing, the person i am can i create the person i want to become. "each man must look to himself to teach him the meaning of life. It is not something discovered, it something molded.

Jy kan dit doen

 

[Mulholland Drive]

courage to change - Life is in a constant state of change. Awareness allows me/you to keep pace with that change. Today let me/you listen to my word and watch my actions, only by knowing, the person i am can i create the person i want to become. "each man must look to himself to teach him the meaning of life. It is not something discovered, it something molded.

Jy kan dit doen

Similarly there is an old South African proverb "After a foolish deed comes remorse!"

Not there yet, but I'm on my way

 

[Definitelyme]

My ex text me a bunch of quite rude and boarder line emotionally abusive texts last night and into this morning after I asked for help around selling the house (I'm doing all the admin for it).

Told me I had chosen to leave him and I am making his drinking much worse and I am the problem. Although I know this isn't the case, I feel empty inside today and have finally asked to speak to a doctor about stress and anxiety that grew from this relationship. The worst thing about this lockdown is not being able to pop over to my parents or friends for some support. WhatsApp isn't quite the same.

im glad that you’re reaching out for help. One of my "insights" into alcoholics from attending open AA meetings is that when they are in the grips of it, they do blame everyone and everything else. It’s not their fault, ever. It’s always someone else’s. Which is a LOT like what domestic abusers tell their victims. I strongly believe that when alcoholics are drinking, they become abusive and abusers to those who are close to them. Not all, I’m sure, but many.

 

[LittleBird]

Thanks everyone, it's so helpful to have somewhere to sound off with people in similar positions.

We spoke today as I needed some things from the house so needed to be civil. He said he thought he'd blown it (he had), that he thought I wouldn't want to speak to him (I don't particularly) and invited me round for a roast tomorrow as he has no bubble (I politely declined). He finished the call with how much better he felt after speaking to me and I wasn't moody. I couldn't make it up if I tried .

 

[37BBL]

Thanks everyone, it's so helpful to have somewhere to sound off with people in similar positions.

We spoke today as I needed some things from the house so needed to be civil. He said he thought he'd blown it (he had), that he thought I wouldn't want to speak to him (I don't particularly) and invited me round for a roast tomorrow as he has no bubble (I politely declined). He finished the call with how much better he felt after speaking to me and I wasn't moody. I couldn't make it up if I tried .

It sounds like you handled the call really well and well done for being civil. I've been in many situations with my person where I have had to bite my tongue because its just not worth the argument, there is a lot which I would love to say to her but ultimately it wouldn't help either of us. She is responsible for her own choices at the moment and knows the mechanisms to change that, me shouting and venting wouldn't do anything aside from revert her further back.
I stay silent for my own sake too as I don't cope well with confrontation.
Its almost like these people forget how they have made us feel before and think a couple of nice gestures will remove all those feelings xxx

 

[Makaraka]

Similarly there is an old South African proverb "After a foolish deed comes remorse!"

Not there yet, but I'm on my way

I think you commented on my thread also? I think....
I’m in a great WhatsApp and Zoom group. I’m not sure where you are but if you message me maybe you could join them x

 

[BigBrenda]

Hi. So glad I found this thread. My mum died age 50 in January from alcoholism, I’m 22. She basically bled to death in her bedroom from ruptured ulcers. The first two times it happened she got to hospital but this time it was too late. She lived in her bed and didn’t move, eat, sleep and layed in her own urine and faeces. I feel so guilty I hadn’t seen her since November and often would say it would be easier if she was gone. It’s not. Having to go to A&E to find out your mum is gone. Then planning her funeral, seeing her in the chapel of rest. The constant flashbacks of it all. It makes me worry about dieing every day and it’s torture. I miss her so much but at the same time she’s not suffering anymore and she’s at peace. I’m so sorry to all of you going through this. Xxx

My heart goes out to you, you sound incredibly brave and strong. It’s still very recent and raw are you getting any support or help yourself to grieve? It’s okay to miss how she was before it got that bad it’s normal. You will heal in time please make sure you keep talking about how you feel and don’t hold it in. I feel for you x

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Hi. So glad I found this thread. My mum died age 50 in January from alcoholism, I’m 22. She basically bled to death in her bedroom from ruptured ulcers. The first two times it happened she got to hospital but this time it was too late. She lived in her bed and didn’t move, eat, sleep and layed in her own urine and faeces. I feel so guilty I hadn’t seen her since November and often would say it would be easier if she was gone. It’s not. Having to go to A&E to find out your mum is gone. Then planning her funeral, seeing her in the chapel of rest. The constant flashbacks of it all. It makes me worry about dieing every day and it’s torture. I miss her so much but at the same time she’s not suffering anymore and she’s at peace. I’m so sorry to all of you going through this. Xxx

I’m so, so sorry. my heart goes out to you. It’s such a horrid way to live and a horrid way to die. I hope you can find some peace soon.

 

[Annie101]

Hi. So glad I found this thread. My mum died age 50 in January from alcoholism, I’m 22. She basically bled to death in her bedroom from ruptured ulcers. The first two times it happened she got to hospital but this time it was too late. She lived in her bed and didn’t move, eat, sleep and layed in her own urine and faeces. I feel so guilty I hadn’t seen her since November and often would say it would be easier if she was gone. It’s not. Having to go to A&E to find out your mum is gone. Then planning her funeral, seeing her in the chapel of rest. The constant flashbacks of it all. It makes me worry about dieing every day and it’s torture. I miss her so much but at the same time she’s not suffering anymore and she’s at peace. I’m so sorry to all of you going through this. Xxx

I am so sorry that you lost your mom so young. You had to endure a lot, but you will end being wiser, stronger than most people.

 

[Gembo]

Hi. So glad I found this thread. My mum died age 50 in January from alcoholism, I’m 22. She basically bled to death in her bedroom from ruptured ulcers. The first two times it happened she got to hospital but this time it was too late. She lived in her bed and didn’t move, eat, sleep and layed in her own urine and faeces. I feel so guilty I hadn’t seen her since November and often would say it would be easier if she was gone. It’s not. Having to go to A&E to find out your mum is gone. Then planning her funeral, seeing her in the chapel of rest. The constant flashbacks of it all. It makes me worry about dieing every day and it’s torture. I miss her so much but at the same time she’s not suffering anymore and she’s at peace. I’m so sorry to all of you going through this. Xxx

I am so sorry for your loss and that it happened that way. You are still so young. Are you receiving any help or support? Do you have other family members or was it just you and your mum? Xx

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with someone they know having serious liver disease? What is the average time span between that and end stage?
I can't face reading all of google at the moment (although I'm sure I will tomorrow), thought some of you here may have some helpful input. Thank you.

 

[lozzapalozza]

Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with someone they know having serious liver disease? What is the average time span between that and end stage?
I can't face reading all of google at the moment (although I'm sure I will tomorrow), thought some of you here may have some helpful input. Thank you.

Hey lovely. I’m so sorry you are going through this. From my experience, but please take into account everyone is different i.e drinking different amounts, for how long, if they eat ect ect (there are so many different factors, I recall my mum was told around 2016 her liver was damaged and that she would die if she continued and she passed this year.

 

[Definitelyme]

@lozzapalozza i am so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds as though things were very tough for her, and for someone still quite young you sound amazingly strong and mature. I’m glad you have your brother and boyfriend, but if you ever need a chat or a vent or anything, that’s what this thread is for.

@TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo i don’t have any knowledge in that area, just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear that someone you love has received that diagnosis x

 

[Gembo]

Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with someone they know having serious liver disease? What is the average time span between that and end stage?
I can't face reading all of google at the moment (although I'm sure I will tomorrow), thought some of you here may have some helpful input. Thank you.

I think it can be hard to say. My mum was given 6-8 weeks but went on for another just over 2 years. I think it depends how severe it is and if the person has stopped drinking. I hope you are ok xx

 

[lozzapalozza]

@lozzapalozza i am so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds as though things were very tough for her, and for someone still quite young you sound amazingly strong and mature. I’m glad you have your brother and boyfriend, but if you ever need a chat or a vent or anything, that’s what this thread is for.

@TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo i don’t have any knowledge in that area, just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear that someone you love has received that diagnosis x

Thank you so much. Always here for you too I honestly think that this world is just too tough for some people, and now her soul is free to find a new world where she can be free and happy. Being so down is no life at all. She is in a better place. I remember me and my boyfriend had a little bicker the other week so I was talking to her asking her what to do ect just as you do in the kitchen talking to myself lol. I went to sleep that night and in the dream my phone rang and it said “Mum” calling. She answered the phone and told me everything I should do. My boyfriend woke me in the night so I shushed him and said “please come back Mum we weren’t finished” and I fell back to sleep, later on she came back, right up to me. She was right there. And we continued our conversation. It was incredible!

What I’m trying to say is, to any of you, your loved one may not be here, in this world, but they are always there with you.

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you so much. Always here for you too I honestly think that this world is just too tough for some people, and now her soul is free to find a new world where she can be free and happy. Being so down is no life at all. She is in a better place. I remember me and my boyfriend had a little bicker the other week so I was talking to her asking her what to do ect just as you do in the kitchen talking to myself lol. I went to sleep that night and in the dream my phone rang and it said “Mum” calling. She answered the phone and told me everything I should do. My boyfriend woke me in the night so I shushed him and said “please come back Mum we weren’t finished” and I fell back to sleep, later on she came back, right up to me. She was right there. And we continued our conversation. It was incredible!

What I’m trying to say is, to any of you, your loved one may not be here, in this world, but they are always there with you.

Whoa, that’s incredible!!

Luckily my own mum is sober(I believe) at the minute, and her depression is under control, but when she has been at her worst I have definitely thought what life is this for her? And she’d be happier no longer here. Always on tenterhooks that tomorrow may be the day it all comes crashing down again, but after reading your story I’m also feeling very lucky for the “good times” she has among the bad.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I think it can be hard to say. My mum was given 6-8 weeks but went on for another just over 2 years. I think it depends how severe it is and if the person has stopped drinking. I hope you are ok xx

Thank you (and everyone who has replied).
It's my eldest child's dad. We haven't been in a relationship for many, many years but he has had a relationship with our child over the years.
He's been through rehab twice but unfortunately relapsed. He's currently in hospital with severe liver failure and Covid and his wife has been told that CPR is unlikely to be successful if he deteriorates. If he responds well to Covid treatment, his liver damage is severe and won't improve from this point.
My son asked me if I could give him a time frame. He's autistic which complicates things because I need to be accurate with anything I say. I have told him I don't have the answers but this adds an extra element of fear to things for him. He's been struggling lately as it is and hasn't taken the news well.

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you (and everyone who has replied).
It's my eldest child's dad. We haven't been in a relationship for many, many years but he has had a relationship with our child over the years.
He's been through rehab twice but unfortunately relapsed. He's currently in hospital with severe liver failure and Covid and his wife has been told that CPR is unlikely to be successful if he deteriorates. If he responds well to Covid treatment, his liver damage is severe and won't improve from this point.
My son asked me if I could give him a time frame. He's autistic which complicates things because I need to be accurate with anything I say. I have told him I don't have the answers but this adds an extra element of fear to things for him. He's been struggling lately as it is and hasn't taken the news well.

Sending you so much love. This must be so hard for you, trying to manage your own feelings and worries about what will happen, while balancing your sons need for very clear answers. A truly devastating situation for you both. X

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Sending you so much love. This must be so hard for you, trying to manage your own feelings and worries about what will happen, while balancing your sons need for very clear answers. A truly devastating situation for you both. X

He has other, much younger children too (my son is 20 but emotionally is much younger). It's just very sad. He's not that old, early 40's.