Alcoholism

[theghosttown]

Quite glad to find this forum after quite an upsetting Christmas.

We have been quite worried about my brothers drinking sometime. He’s incredibly smart, has a really good job but he also is quite difficult to deal with. Nothing is ever his fault, he knows best, always has an excuse etc.
Summer this year his drinking got so bad that he fell over and knocked two teeth out and busted his face - the hospital gave him a blood test and his blood alcohol levels were at stroke inducing levels
We tried to get him to stop drinking but he doesn’t think he’s got an issue and can be super reflective when we bring it ups
This Christmas however we have witnessed just now bad it has got. He drank a whole bottle of gin day before Christmas Eve, wine and beer the following day, Christmas Day he drank half a bottle of whiskey before mid day, could barely eat Christmas dinner and fell asleep. Then he was back up to drinking red wine. Boxing Day he polished off nearly a bottle of gin which he was sharing with people but it turned out he was drinking it completely neat. The thing is if we remove alcohol from the house he will just go out and get his own, he’s staying with my mum at the moment so we don’t know what he is getting up to on his own. He is also only staying with my mum until end of jan so we don’t know what he is getting up to on his own.
Where do we start with this? Particularly trying to help someone who just will not be told. Everyone is worried sick over this.

 

[No style rocky]

Everyone is worried sick over this.

I didn’t want to read and not respond. I can relate to so many comments you’ve made especially nothing ever being your brothers fault. You do literally feel sick with worry at times. I don’t have any solutions to offer but just wanted you to know I understand x

 

[theghosttown]

I didn’t want to read and not respond. I can relate to so many comments you’ve made especially nothing ever being your brothers fault. You do literally feel sick with worry at times. I don’t have any solutions to offer but just wanted you to know I understand x

Thank you. I think this is a great place for me to talk about it. We have a very very small family so the only support my mum has regarding it is from me. My husband is amazing but I think he thinks if my mum gave him a stern talking to it would all just be resolved. Whereas I recognise the fact he is 27 years old and it’s just not that easy. She has tried! On Christmas Day I ended up watering down the whiskey. I have tried to speak to him as well but I love a drink too so he tries to use that as a way to exonerate himself. Our grandfather apparently was an alcoholic and he went missing when my father was a child. I drink heavily once a week too but I seem to have the off switch that he doesn’t xx

 

[No style rocky]

Thank you. I think this is a great place for me to talk about it. We have a very very small family so the only support my mum has regarding it is from me. My husband is amazing but I think he thinks if my mum gave him a stern talking to it would all just be resolved. Whereas I recognise the fact he is 27 years old and it’s just not that easy. She has tried! On Christmas Day I ended up watering down the whiskey. I have tried to speak to him as well but I love a drink too so he tries to use that as a way to exonerate himself. Our grandfather apparently was an alcoholic and he went missing when my father was a child. I drink heavily once a week too but I seem to have the off switch that he doesn’t xx

Unfortunately if I try and give a good talking to my husband I get told I’m not being supportive. It then feeds into his narrative of the drinking not being his fault. It’s bleeping toxic it really is. I like this thread as it makes me realise I’m not alone and neither is my husband. There are so many functioning alcoholics out there, I wish we could remove the stigma so that people found it easier to seek help.

 

[theghosttown]

Unfortunately if I try and give a good talking to my husband I get told I’m not being supportive. It then feeds into his narrative of the drinking not being his fault. It’s bleeping toxic it really is. I like this thread as it makes me realise I’m not alone and neither is my husband. There are so many functioning alcoholics out there, I wish we could remove the stigma so that people found it easier to seek help.

Its really weird because when my brother drinks he actually becomes quite a sweet person but then when he goes past being just ‘drunk’ that’s when he becomes problematic. He says quite spiteful things, comes out with nonsense, he can’t participate in conversations as he’s too out of it. He’s gone from being quite attractive to having no real care for his personal hygiene, always looks pale and bloated. During the summer he was hiding bottles and cans. It’s got to a point my mum doesn’t even want to go out during the day. He busted his face when she was away, she popped out on Christmas Eve and he fell into (and broke) her 3 day old 50 inch tv. In the summer he was even drinking during the day. It’s an absolute bleeping mess x

Unfortunately if I try and give a good talking to my husband I get told I’m not being supportive. It then feeds into his narrative of the drinking not being his fault. It’s bleeping toxic it really is. I like this thread as it makes me realise I’m not alone and neither is my husband. There are so many functioning alcoholics out there, I wish we could remove the stigma so that people found it easier to seek help.

Its really weird because when my brother drinks he actually becomes quite a sweet person but then when he goes past being just ‘drunk’ that’s when he becomes problematic. He says quite spiteful things, comes out with nonsense, he can’t participate in conversations as he’s too out of it. He’s gone from being quite attractive to having no real care for his personal hygiene, always looks pale and bloated. During the summer he was hiding bottles and cans. It’s got to a point my mum doesn’t even want to go out during the day. He busted his face when she was away, she popped out on Christmas Eve and he fell into (and broke) her 3 day old 50 inch tv. In the summer he was even drinking during the day. It’s an absolute bleeping mess x

 

[Definitelyme]

Sending you lots of love, @theghosttown I think your story is one a lot of us can relate to, unfortunately. I feel so much for you, and your mum as well who now feels she can’t even go out of her house because of his drinking.

I think sadly your husband is wrong. A stern talking to won’t deal with alcoholism of this level. You and your mum can both try to speak to him and explain exactly how his drinking is affecting you, but sadly I don’t think that will do much good either. One common thread among alcoholics is they refuse to accept responsibility for what they are doing to themselves, and those around them, and it can destroy our relationships with them. Until he is ready to see what is wrong, there is very little you and your mum can do, sadly.

That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try, though. Maybe pick a time you know he will be sober and receptive, and explain how you feel and that you think he would benefit from help (GP/AA/counselling).

I’m so sorry this has blighted your Christmas. I feel so deeply everything you have said as I have been where you are, and it can be all consuming with worry

 

[CosmicCreepers]

Its really weird because when my brother drinks he actually becomes quite a sweet person but then when he goes past being just ‘drunk’ that’s when he becomes problematic. He says quite spiteful things, comes out with nonsense, he can’t participate in conversations as he’s too out of it. He’s gone from being quite attractive to having no real care for his personal hygiene, always looks pale and bloated. During the summer he was hiding bottles and cans. It’s got to a point my mum doesn’t even want to go out during the day. He busted his face when she was away, she popped out on Christmas Eve and he fell into (and broke) her 3 day old 50 inch tv. In the summer he was even drinking during the day. It’s an absolute bleeping mess x



Its really weird because when my brother drinks he actually becomes quite a sweet person but then when he goes past being just ‘drunk’ that’s when he becomes problematic. He says quite spiteful things, comes out with nonsense, he can’t participate in conversations as he’s too out of it. He’s gone from being quite attractive to having no real care for his personal hygiene, always looks pale and bloated. During the summer he was hiding bottles and cans. It’s got to a point my mum doesn’t even want to go out during the day. He busted his face when she was away, she popped out on Christmas Eve and he fell into (and broke) her 3 day old 50 inch tv. In the summer he was even drinking during the day. It’s an absolute bleeping mess x

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this...this is terrible. It can be so hard to talk to someone who just won't listen, it's tempting just to lash out and ask them what the f are you doing with your life?! But with addiction, the mind is essentially rewired and is constantly desiring the alcohol. Does your brother work out? I found that exercise helped me still get a good dose of dopamine and helped me feel lower stress levels.

 

[Definitelyme]

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this...this is terrible. It can be so hard to talk to someone who just won't listen, it's tempting just to lash out and ask them what the f are you doing with your life?! But with addiction, the mind is essentially rewired and is constantly desiring the alcohol. Does your brother work out? I found that exercise helped me still get a good dose of dopamine and helped me feel lower stress levels.

I can also attest to the power of exercise. My mum has been in a much better place mental health wise, and drinking wise, since she committed to more exercise.

 

[theghosttown]

I can also attest to the power of exercise. My mum has been in a much better place mental health wise, and drinking wise, since she committed to more exercise.

Yes he does! He was actually in amazing physical shape but his body seems to be seeing the affects of the heavy drinking and also binge eating that comes with it. He does a lot of HIIT stuff. Which I think is why he can convince himself that this isn’t problematic.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this...this is terrible. It can be so hard to talk to someone who just won't listen, it's tempting just to lash out and ask them what the f are you doing with your life?! But with addiction, the mind is essentially rewired and is constantly desiring the alcohol. Does your brother work out? I found that exercise helped me still get a good dose of dopamine and helped me feel lower stress levels.

Yes and that’s exactly how I deal with it. Because my brother is so smart and gifted. He makes a lot of money which doesn’t help, it just allows him to have constant access to alcohol, and I believe, far worse. I said to my husband that perhaps a bottle of whiskey on Christmas Day wouldn’t be an issue to many as most periodically drink it. He’s drinking it neat. I am really really concerned about stomach ulcers, his kidneys and his liver. Also the fact he is putting himself in danger. When he knocked his teeth out he seriously injured his face too. He’s ended up quite badly scarred x

 

[theghosttown]

I had a huge fall out today with my mum today. She ‘tackled’ my brother about his drinking and he was just able to deflect as he normally does. I know its wrong but part of me is so fuming with her because she has let him get away with so much in the past and he just always has an answer, excuse or the ability to blame others. Everything feels so messy at the moment.

 

[Definitelyme]

I had a huge fall out today with my mum today. She ‘tackled’ my brother about his drinking and he was just able to deflect as he normally does. I know its wrong but part of me is so fuming with her because she has let him get away with so much in the past and he just always has an answer, excuse or the ability to blame others. Everything feels so messy at the moment.

I’m so sorry this has happened. Well done to your mum for trying, it can’t be easy to have to say those things to your child. I totally get why you are angry, the frustration and anger at the whole situation which is so out of your control, watching a loved one destroy themselves. It’s a lot for anyone to have to deal with try to remember your mum is probably trying her best like you are, and your anger is probably really for your brother who has caused this horrible situation for the 3 of you.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

I flew out to South Africa a couple of weeks ago, primarily because I have SAD, and being in England during winter was literally doing my head in

Am hoping that being back home, and enjoying summer weather, I might be able to get a handle on my dependency on white wine!

I was getting through at least 2 bottles a day back in England. I just hope I can move on from that and resort to orange juice or some other soft substitute during my time here in Johannesburg - I owe it to my kidneys!

The South African government announced that the selling, distribution and consumption of alcohol will be banned as of the 29th December until at least the 15th January. Which means I can't buy it online, or from a local store or supermarket; pubs and restaurants can't sell it either.

I have no wine left in the house, and I am struggling to get replacements short of looking at other "options", shall we say!

Not sure what our president was thinking but it will just invite more problems that it hopes to resolve; and there's no way I can survive 2 more weeks without a drink

 

[Annie101]

Yes you can survive, maybe this was meant to happen to help you. But i will sure be thinking of you whilst i am sitting with my gin & tonic

 

[theghosttown]

The South African government announced that the selling, distribution and consumption of alcohol will be banned as of the 29th December until at least the 15th January. Which means I can't buy it online, or from a local store or supermarket; pubs and restaurants can't sell it either.

I have no wine left in the house, and I am struggling to get replacements short of looking at other "options", shall we say!

Not sure what our president was thinking but it will just invite more problems that it hopes to resolve; and there's no way I can survive 2 more weeks without a drink

You can do it. I think with habitual issues the actual prospect is more daunting than than reality. Make a list of things to occupy your day with. I find when I am exercising I become far more conscious of my drinking habits.
Why has this been implemented out of interest?!

 

[petitspois]

The South African government announced that the selling, distribution and consumption of alcohol will be banned as of the 29th December until at least the 15th January. Which means I can't buy it online, or from a local store or supermarket; pubs and restaurants can't sell it either.

I have no wine left in the house, and I am struggling to get replacements short of looking at other "options", shall we say!

Not sure what our president was thinking but it will just invite more problems that it hopes to resolve; and there's no way I can survive 2 more weeks without a drink

How are you getting on with trying to reduce your intake now you’re in the sun?

 

[LittleBird]

The South African government announced that the selling, distribution and consumption of alcohol will be banned as of the 29th December until at least the 15th January. Which means I can't buy it online, or from a local store or supermarket; pubs and restaurants can't sell it either.

I have no wine left in the house, and I am struggling to get replacements short of looking at other "options", shall we say!

Not sure what our president was thinking but it will just invite more problems that it hopes to resolve; and there's no way I can survive 2 more weeks without a drink

It might not be much but please reach out to us to support how we can. The next two weeks will be tough but you will get through it.

 

[Drea1984]

I’ve just seen my brother. He has allegedly been dry 4 years. I’m almost certain he is drinking again.
We lost our much loved mum summer 2019 & I have limited contact as cannot bear our dad. Narcissist bastard.
I cannot believe my dad hasn’t noticed how bad my brother looks and how obvious it is he is drinking?? I’ve asked my brother & he denies it. But he looks awful. Bloated & gained weight.
I am at my wits end with both of them. Dad & brother.

 

[Definitelyme]

I’ve just seen my brother. He has allegedly been dry 4 years. I’m almost certain he is drinking again.
We lost our much loved mum summer 2019 & I have limited contact as cannot bear our dad. Narcissist bastard.
I cannot believe my dad hasn’t noticed how bad my brother looks and how obvious it is he is drinking?? I’ve asked my brother & he denies it. But he looks awful. Bloated & gained weight.
I am at my wits end with both of them. Dad & brother.

Im sorry you’ve had to go through this. It’s a horrible feeling when you know (or are pretty sure) a loved one is drinking again. Do you see him regularly?

 

[Drea1984]

Thank you. I would say once a fortnight.
He looked “well” when he was dry. Slim and healthy. But his face looks to me like he is drinking.

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you. I would say once a fortnight.
He looked “well” when he was dry. Slim and healthy. But his face looks to me like he is drinking.

I think you get a sixth sense for it, there are those subtle changes that you pick up on which tell you it’s happening again.
If he denies it there isn’t much that you can do, which sucks. I guess maybe reach out and say that if things are tough for him right now, if he feels himself heading that way again, you are there for him.