He has other, much younger children too (my son is 20 but emotionally is much younger). It's just very sad. He's not that old, early 40's.
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Cherish the good days, those are the days you can think about and smile. That’s what I do now, I feel like now all the good memories of before she got ill and the good moments in between come flooding back and the bad times I’ve forgotten almost, the day she died I told her/myself that I forgive her and it helped so much. That’s so good to hear about her depression, it’s such a horrible disease. It’s very true, sometimes you feel them being alive is best for you but not for them? It’s so hard to do but try not to think too much into the future. Be present in the here and now, YOU cannot change a person and you cannot change the future and what happens, what ever is meant to happen will happen and you will deal with it and you will be so much stronger.
What an incredible mother and person you are. Please don’t forget about your own health and feelings, you come first too. I wish there was something helpful I could advise in regards to your son, I can’t imagine what that’s like. He’s so lucky to have you!
That’s so difficult I’m really sorry. It’s a complicated situation and I came to see with both my parents at the end of their lives that it can be so hard to predict a time frame and people can seem to deteriorate then perk back up and also perk up them deteriorate. Are you able to ask his wife if the Drs have given her an indication? xx
They haven't given her a time frame. Just that it won't improve from this point on. He's had a lot of fluid drained from his abdomen in hospital and they have said the liver damage is severe but I think their main focus is treating the Covid at the moment. Perhaps they will be more specific as time goes on.
I've had another chat with my son and he seems to understand that I just don't have any answers for him at the moment. It's hard because I want to protect him as much as possible. The Covid situation has meant it's already been a year of uncertainty and unknowns for him (along with everyone else in the world). Fortunately he has a really good support team at Forward Thinking (a branch of CAMHS) and has an appointment this week, so I will ask if there is any counselling or other resources available for him.
That’s a good idea. I can appreciate how hard it must be, I as an adult found it hard enough to wrap my head around so for a child it will be that much tougher. It may be that they themselves can’t say at the moment. Whether he continues to drink or not will be a contributing factor. I wish I could offer more advice but only have my experience to draw on. I’m glad your son has you and I am so sorry that you both have to through this, alcoholism is devastating xx
That's really kind of you but I'm not incredible. I'm just a person doing my best.Cherish the good days, those are the days you can think about and smile. That’s what I do now, I feel like now all the good memories of before she got ill and the good moments in between come flooding back and the bad times I’ve forgotten almost, the day she died I told her/myself that I forgive her and it helped so much. That’s so good to hear about her depression, it’s such a horrible disease. It’s very true, sometimes you feel them being alive is best for you but not for them? It’s so hard to do but try not to think too much into the future. Be present in the here and now, YOU cannot change a person and you cannot change the future and what happens, what ever is meant to happen will happen and you will deal with it and you will be so much stronger.
What an incredible mother and person you are. Please don’t forget about your own health and feelings, you come first too. I wish there was something helpful I could advise in regards to your son, I can’t imagine what that’s like. He’s so lucky to have you!
In terms of my own feelings, I think I'm ok. Last night I did find myself thinking about things that happened in the past, things that I haven't thought about for a very long time.
This situation isn't about me though. It's about my son, his other children and his wife and the rest of his family. It's all just very sad.
It is incredibly sad that his drinking is going to rob so many children (I think you said he has 3 others who are young?) of their father. Just another example of how horrendous alcoholism is, not just for the alcoholic, but for everyone around them.
I was dating someone once who turned out to be an alcoholic. He would be so lovely and then in the same minute he would turn and just be really nasty and say nasty things. For a while I couldn't get my head around why he was being like a different person. He hit rock bottom and then got his life in order again but would have relapses and I just cut him out. It wasn't worth it. I have a good life and didn't want him to bring me down because no matter what, I couldn't be supportive anymore. I would get angry and so hurt and so upset. I couldn't get ky head round this nasty change in personality. I've done the right thing. However, his family don't see the toxic nasty side. He portrays me as villain and I don't know why
Ever since last Sunday I have been putting all the empty bottles of wine on my kitchen worktop. And currently I have 10!
I will do the same tomorrow (Sunday 6th December) and see if I can reduce that down to 9 come the following Saturday
I will do the same tomorrow (Sunday 6th December) and see if I can reduce that down to 9 come the following Saturday
I judge a good fortnight as having only one bag of empties to recycle.
Just checking in with everyone. This time of year can be hard for alcoholics, and therefore for those around them.
Hope everyone is keeping well
Hope everyone is keeping well
Hope everyone is ok,
Just a little update from me. Very sadly my son's dad died last week. The combination of liver disease and Covid was too much. Fortunately my son got to say goodbye to him, thanks to the brilliant staff on the ward who wheeled his bed up to a full glass door so they could see each other.
Just a little update from me. Very sadly my son's dad died last week. The combination of liver disease and Covid was too much. Fortunately my son got to say goodbye to him, thanks to the brilliant staff on the ward who wheeled his bed up to a full glass door so they could see each other.
Oh no I am so sorry to hear that. How is your son coping? How are you doing? Xx
My son isn't doing that well. He's very quiet a lot of the time which is unlike him. I'm looking into some counselling for him, from someone who specialises in helping people with autism cope with bereavement. The funeral isn't until January though which makes Christmas a bit of a weird time.
I'm ok, just focused on helping my son really. I'm in touch with my son's step mum and we've said that we'll get the siblings together once things are calmer (both personally and with the Covid situ). His sisters are only little, one too young to really understand what's happening. I just feel so very sad for them all.
It’s an awful situation, I extend my love to you all. I hope that your ex has found some peace now. Grief is so different for everyone and we all cope in different ways, your son may be feeling very numb at the moment. The brain has to do a lot of processing and it must have been awful to only be able to see his dad through a window. I think it’s a good idea to look into the counselling but very difficult that his has happened before Christmas and the time in between a death and the funeral is always a very strange time. I am truly just so sorry for you and your son. I’m glad he has a caring mum. Making sure you take care of you too xx
I am so very sorry to hear this, for your son, his siblings, and the rest of the family. Sending lots of love to you all xx
I am so sorry to hear that. You sound like an amazing mother who loves her children dearly. It is so sad that this has happened, your story will help so many people struggling with addiction. Sending you lots of love xx
So sorry to read this sad news.
I hope that your son and yourself are coping as best as you can. Take care and we are all here if you do need to talk.
Thinking of everyone else. It’s a tough time of year without all the extra pressure of the restrictions. Hope you are all well x
I flew out to South Africa a couple of weeks ago, primarily because I have SAD, and being in England during winter was literally doing my head in
Am hoping that being back home, and enjoying summer weather, I might be able to get a handle on my dependency on white wine!
I was getting through at least 2 bottles a day back in England. I just hope I can move on from that and resort to orange juice or some other soft substitute during my time here in Johannesburg - I owe it to my kidneys!
Am hoping that being back home, and enjoying summer weather, I might be able to get a handle on my dependency on white wine!
I was getting through at least 2 bottles a day back in England. I just hope I can move on from that and resort to orange juice or some other soft substitute during my time here in Johannesburg - I owe it to my kidneys!
Welcome home! I think an important thing to remember is the damage caused in relationships due to alcohol. Eventually things happen that your partner would not be able to forgive and will resent. Most therapist says that people with addiction is running away from something in their past and drink to forget it. Are you handling our hot weather. My best friend that moved from South Africa to UK, can no longer handle the heat here when she visits, but struggle with depression every winter.