Alcoholism

[lozzapalozza]

Whoa, that’s incredible!!

Luckily my own mum is sober(I believe) at the minute, and her depression is under control, but when she has been at her worst I have definitely thought what life is this for her? And she’d be happier no longer here. Always on tenterhooks that tomorrow may be the day it all comes crashing down again, but after reading your story I’m also feeling very lucky for the “good times” she has among the bad.

Cherish the good days, those are the days you can think about and smile. That’s what I do now, I feel like now all the good memories of before she got ill and the good moments in between come flooding back and the bad times I’ve forgotten almost, the day she died I told her/myself that I forgive her and it helped so much. That’s so good to hear about her depression, it’s such a horrible disease. It’s very true, sometimes you feel them being alive is best for you but not for them? It’s so hard to do but try not to think too much into the future. Be present in the here and now, YOU cannot change a person and you cannot change the future and what happens, what ever is meant to happen will happen and you will deal with it and you will be so much stronger.

Thank you (and everyone who has replied).
It's my eldest child's dad. We haven't been in a relationship for many, many years but he has had a relationship with our child over the years.
He's been through rehab twice but unfortunately relapsed. He's currently in hospital with severe liver failure and Covid and his wife has been told that CPR is unlikely to be successful if he deteriorates. If he responds well to Covid treatment, his liver damage is severe and won't improve from this point.
My son asked me if I could give him a time frame. He's autistic which complicates things because I need to be accurate with anything I say. I have told him I don't have the answers but this adds an extra element of fear to things for him. He's been struggling lately as it is and hasn't taken the news well.

What an incredible mother and person you are. Please don’t forget about your own health and feelings, you come first too. I wish there was something helpful I could advise in regards to your son, I can’t imagine what that’s like. He’s so lucky to have you!

 

[Gembo]

Thank you (and everyone who has replied).
It's my eldest child's dad. We haven't been in a relationship for many, many years but he has had a relationship with our child over the years.
He's been through rehab twice but unfortunately relapsed. He's currently in hospital with severe liver failure and Covid and his wife has been told that CPR is unlikely to be successful if he deteriorates. If he responds well to Covid treatment, his liver damage is severe and won't improve from this point.
My son asked me if I could give him a time frame. He's autistic which complicates things because I need to be accurate with anything I say. I have told him I don't have the answers but this adds an extra element of fear to things for him. He's been struggling lately as it is and hasn't taken the news well.

That’s so difficult I’m really sorry. It’s a complicated situation and I came to see with both my parents at the end of their lives that it can be so hard to predict a time frame and people can seem to deteriorate then perk back up and also perk up them deteriorate. Are you able to ask his wife if the Drs have given her an indication? xx

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

That’s so difficult I’m really sorry. It’s a complicated situation and I came to see with both my parents at the end of their lives that it can be so hard to predict a time frame and people can seem to deteriorate then perk back up and also perk up them deteriorate. Are you able to ask his wife if the Drs have given her an indication? xx

They haven't given her a time frame. Just that it won't improve from this point on. He's had a lot of fluid drained from his abdomen in hospital and they have said the liver damage is severe but I think their main focus is treating the Covid at the moment. Perhaps they will be more specific as time goes on.

I've had another chat with my son and he seems to understand that I just don't have any answers for him at the moment. It's hard because I want to protect him as much as possible. The Covid situation has meant it's already been a year of uncertainty and unknowns for him (along with everyone else in the world). Fortunately he has a really good support team at Forward Thinking (a branch of CAMHS) and has an appointment this week, so I will ask if there is any counselling or other resources available for him.

 

[Gembo]

They haven't given her a time frame. Just that it won't improve from this point on. He's had a lot of fluid drained from his abdomen in hospital and they have said the liver damage is severe but I think their main focus is treating the Covid at the moment. Perhaps they will be more specific as time goes on.

I've had another chat with my son and he seems to understand that I just don't have any answers for him at the moment. It's hard because I want to protect him as much as possible. The Covid situation has meant it's already been a year of uncertainty and unknowns for him (along with everyone else in the world). Fortunately he has a really good support team at Forward Thinking (a branch of CAMHS) and has an appointment this week, so I will ask if there is any counselling or other resources available for him.

That’s a good idea. I can appreciate how hard it must be, I as an adult found it hard enough to wrap my head around so for a child it will be that much tougher. It may be that they themselves can’t say at the moment. Whether he continues to drink or not will be a contributing factor. I wish I could offer more advice but only have my experience to draw on. I’m glad your son has you and I am so sorry that you both have to through this, alcoholism is devastating xx

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Cherish the good days, those are the days you can think about and smile. That’s what I do now, I feel like now all the good memories of before she got ill and the good moments in between come flooding back and the bad times I’ve forgotten almost, the day she died I told her/myself that I forgive her and it helped so much. That’s so good to hear about her depression, it’s such a horrible disease. It’s very true, sometimes you feel them being alive is best for you but not for them? It’s so hard to do but try not to think too much into the future. Be present in the here and now, YOU cannot change a person and you cannot change the future and what happens, what ever is meant to happen will happen and you will deal with it and you will be so much stronger.


What an incredible mother and person you are. Please don’t forget about your own health and feelings, you come first too. I wish there was something helpful I could advise in regards to your son, I can’t imagine what that’s like. He’s so lucky to have you!

That's really kind of you but I'm not incredible. I'm just a person doing my best.
In terms of my own feelings, I think I'm ok. Last night I did find myself thinking about things that happened in the past, things that I haven't thought about for a very long time.
This situation isn't about me though. It's about my son, his other children and his wife and the rest of his family. It's all just very sad.

 

[Definitelyme]

That's really kind of you but I'm not incredible. I'm just a person doing my best.
In terms of my own feelings, I think I'm ok. Last night I did find myself thinking about things that happened in the past, things that I haven't thought about for a very long time.
This situation isn't about me though. It's about my son, his other children and his wife and the rest of his family. It's all just very sad.

It is incredibly sad that his drinking is going to rob so many children (I think you said he has 3 others who are young?) of their father. Just another example of how horrendous alcoholism is, not just for the alcoholic, but for everyone around them.

 

[GeorgeP123]

I have a close family member who is an alcoholic in denial (and has been for as long as I can remember). I certainly won't be alone. I don't want sympathy, but I wanted to enquire about coping mechanisms.

My coping mechanisms have been to distance myself, not to deal with them when drunk - so perhaps matching their denial with my own!

Is anyone else willing to share?

I was dating someone once who turned out to be an alcoholic. He would be so lovely and then in the same minute he would turn and just be really nasty and say nasty things. For a while I couldn't get my head around why he was being like a different person. He hit rock bottom and then got his life in order again but would have relapses and I just cut him out. It wasn't worth it. I have a good life and didn't want him to bring me down because no matter what, I couldn't be supportive anymore. I would get angry and so hurt and so upset. I couldn't get ky head round this nasty change in personality. I've done the right thing. However, his family don't see the toxic nasty side. He portrays me as villain and I don't know why

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Ever since last Sunday I have been putting all the empty bottles of wine on my kitchen worktop. And currently I have 10!

I will do the same tomorrow (Sunday 6th December) and see if I can reduce that down to 9 come the following Saturday

 

[petitspois]

Ever since last Sunday I have been putting all the empty bottles of wine on my kitchen worktop. And currently I have 10!

I will do the same tomorrow (Sunday 6th December) and see if I can reduce that down to 9 come the following Saturday

I judge a good fortnight as having only one bag of empties to recycle.

 

[Definitelyme]

Just checking in with everyone. This time of year can be hard for alcoholics, and therefore for those around them.

Hope everyone is keeping well

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Hope everyone is ok,

Just a little update from me. Very sadly my son's dad died last week. The combination of liver disease and Covid was too much. Fortunately my son got to say goodbye to him, thanks to the brilliant staff on the ward who wheeled his bed up to a full glass door so they could see each other.

 

[Gembo]

Hope everyone is ok,

Just a little update from me. Very sadly my son's dad died last week. The combination of liver disease and Covid was too much. Fortunately my son got to say goodbye to him, thanks to the brilliant staff on the ward who wheeled his bed up to a full glass door so they could see each other.

Oh no I am so sorry to hear that. How is your son coping? How are you doing? Xx

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Oh no I am so sorry to hear that. How is your son coping? How are you doing? Xx

My son isn't doing that well. He's very quiet a lot of the time which is unlike him. I'm looking into some counselling for him, from someone who specialises in helping people with autism cope with bereavement. The funeral isn't until January though which makes Christmas a bit of a weird time.

I'm ok, just focused on helping my son really. I'm in touch with my son's step mum and we've said that we'll get the siblings together once things are calmer (both personally and with the Covid situ). His sisters are only little, one too young to really understand what's happening. I just feel so very sad for them all.

 

[Gembo]

My son isn't doing that well. He's very quiet a lot of the time which is unlike him. I'm looking into some counselling for him, from someone who specialises in helping people with autism cope with bereavement. The funeral isn't until January though which makes Christmas a bit of a weird time.

I'm ok, just focused on helping my son really. I'm in touch with my son's step mum and we've said that we'll get the siblings together once things are calmer (both personally and with the Covid situ). His sisters are only little, one too young to really understand what's happening. I just feel so very sad for them all.

It’s an awful situation, I extend my love to you all. I hope that your ex has found some peace now. Grief is so different for everyone and we all cope in different ways, your son may be feeling very numb at the moment. The brain has to do a lot of processing and it must have been awful to only be able to see his dad through a window. I think it’s a good idea to look into the counselling but very difficult that his has happened before Christmas and the time in between a death and the funeral is always a very strange time. I am truly just so sorry for you and your son. I’m glad he has a caring mum. Making sure you take care of you too xx

 

[Definitelyme]

Hope everyone is ok,

Just a little update from me. Very sadly my son's dad died last week. The combination of liver disease and Covid was too much. Fortunately my son got to say goodbye to him, thanks to the brilliant staff on the ward who wheeled his bed up to a full glass door so they could see each other.

I am so very sorry to hear this, for your son, his siblings, and the rest of the family. Sending lots of love to you all xx

 

[Annie101]

Hope everyone is ok,

Just a little update from me. Very sadly my son's dad died last week. The combination of liver disease and Covid was too much. Fortunately my son got to say goodbye to him, thanks to the brilliant staff on the ward who wheeled his bed up to a full glass door so they could see each other.

I am so sorry to hear that. You sound like an amazing mother who loves her children dearly. It is so sad that this has happened, your story will help so many people struggling with addiction. Sending you lots of love xx

 

[37BBL]

Hope everyone is ok,

Just a little update from me. Very sadly my son's dad died last week. The combination of liver disease and Covid was too much. Fortunately my son got to say goodbye to him, thanks to the brilliant staff on the ward who wheeled his bed up to a full glass door so they could see each other.

So sorry to read this sad news.
I hope that your son and yourself are coping as best as you can. Take care and we are all here if you do need to talk.

Thinking of everyone else. It’s a tough time of year without all the extra pressure of the restrictions. Hope you are all well x

 

[Mulholland Drive]

I flew out to South Africa a couple of weeks ago, primarily because I have SAD, and being in England during winter was literally doing my head in

Am hoping that being back home, and enjoying summer weather, I might be able to get a handle on my dependency on white wine!

I was getting through at least 2 bottles a day back in England. I just hope I can move on from that and resort to orange juice or some other soft substitute during my time here in Johannesburg - I owe it to my kidneys!

 

[Annie101]

I flew out to South Africa a couple of weeks ago, primarily because I have SAD, and being in England during winter was literally doing my head in

Am hoping that being back home, and enjoying summer weather, I might be able to get a handle on my dependency on white wine!

I was getting through at least 2 bottles a day back in England. I just hope I can move on from that and resort to orange juice or some other soft substitute during my time here in Johannesburg - I owe it to my kidneys!

Welcome home! I think an important thing to remember is the damage caused in relationships due to alcohol. Eventually things happen that your partner would not be able to forgive and will resent. Most therapist says that people with addiction is running away from something in their past and drink to forget it. Are you handling our hot weather. My best friend that moved from South Africa to UK, can no longer handle the heat here when she visits, but struggle with depression every winter.

 

[theghosttown]

Quite glad to find this forum after quite an upsetting Christmas.

We have been quite worried about my brothers drinking sometime. He’s incredibly smart, has a really good job but he also is quite difficult to deal with. Nothing is ever his fault, he knows best, always has an excuse etc.
Summer this year his drinking got so bad that he fell over and knocked two teeth out and busted his face - the hospital gave him a blood test and his blood alcohol levels were at stroke inducing levels
We tried to get him to stop drinking but he doesn’t think he’s got an issue and can be super reflective when we bring it ups
This Christmas however we have witnessed just now bad it has got. He drank a whole bottle of gin day before Christmas Eve, wine and beer the following day, Christmas Day he drank half a bottle of whiskey before mid day, could barely eat Christmas dinner and fell asleep. Then he was back up to drinking red wine. Boxing Day he polished off nearly a bottle of gin which he was sharing with people but it turned out he was drinking it completely neat. The thing is if we remove alcohol from the house he will just go out and get his own, he’s staying with my mum at the moment so we don’t know what he is getting up to on his own. He is also only staying with my mum until end of jan so we don’t know what he is getting up to on his own.
Where do we start with this? Particularly trying to help someone who just will not be told. Everyone is worried sick over this.