Alcoholism

[Say What]

My paternal side has a long history with alcoholism. My grandad was an alcoholic and a nasty one too...violent, manipulative and extremely unpleasant. There was no choice but to keep a distance from him. My father at times was also drink dependent probably because of his shit childhood however he stopped drinking over 10 years ago when his dad died. Drink had a profound effect on my parents relationship when I was a child. It’s very hard as a child to witness this and I feel the pain people are talking about on here because you don’t forget those experiences. It’s not something my dad and I talk about but I do with my mum. If you can find someone to talk to process it then do it. I’m lucky my dad has stopped and I am grateful for that after reading some of your stories. Sending love to you all.

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

She still hasn’t got in contact with me but her messenger was online 4 hours ago so that’s a good thing. It’s confirming she’s not sick or isn’t dead. I have sent her a few more messages and called her a few more times, she hasn’t seen the Facebook ones but idk If she seen the normal text ones

Her dogs were very good for me last night, they played with my dog last night and were happy to see him but they didn’t want to sleep in the bed with me. So they slept on the dog bed on the floor.

I know my best option is the police but I’m just so worried she won’t speak to me again if her face and name is all over thejournal and the gardaí missing person report site tomorrow. But she’s too old to be acting like this, she’s nearly 60 and having me up the wall with worry.

She left me in charge of my younger siblings for years and is now back to her old shit again after ten years of being clean.

I can’t even tell you the stories of the shit she’s put me through since I’m a kid as it just makes me regress to a 13 year old me helpless against my mam being a useless drunken bitch, conked out in bed all day and leaving me in charge of my 4 younger brothers. I was 12 years old and changing a new baby’s nappy and feeding him as well having him sleep in the bed with me, as my ma was too piss drunk to get up to feed him in the nights and morning and my dad would be in work so I’d feel guilty waking him to feed the baby, I missed so much school because of her alcoholism, it’s a wonder how I even did well in school. Then my dad being an emotionally neglectful cunt who always looks at her with heart eyes, always looking at her with rose tint glasses and failing to realise she’s neglecting all of us.

I don’t even know what to do, I feel like a kid all over again. I love her and my dad but they have so much to answer for how I am. I am fucked in the head because of them.

At least you know she's still alive - as she has severe medical issues and has missed appointments, would the police possibly frame a missing advert in that way? Say that she's confused rather than an alcoholic?

 

[Definitelyme]

Morning everyone, hope you’re all ok.

I've been having a rough few days. Should preface it by saying I have no evidence my mum is drinking again, there is nothing to suggest that at all, but for s9e reason the other day my mind got caught up in it all again, remembering things she had done in the past, ways her drinking had directly impacted on me in a situation, and most importantly for me, how she has never acknowledged any of it or apologised. I know that’s part of it all (being a self centred person) but i think it’s one of the things I struggle with most, never having any acknowledgement from her that her drinking has impacted me. I had a dream last night she was drinking again and it brought back all the same feelings from when she has been.
Its supposed to be one of the AA steps to apologise to people isn’t it? Yet there is nothing there from her at all. No doubt she kids herself that the "unless it would do them harm" but applies so she doesn’t have to (another example of deluded, self centred alcoholism?)
I also struggle as she often makes little quips about drinking like "oh that would make me turn back to drink!" Or "even I don’t drink like that!" Or judges others for their drinking. Again, total delusion on her part. But also joking about it seems to me to try and make it so flippant, without any recognition that she almost drank herself to death more than once, and almost destroyed our family over drinking.

Sorry, I know nobody can actually do anything to help this, but just wanted to vent to people who know what it’s like.

 

[Annie101]

Things between my husband and I are improving. I am still careful not the raise my expectations but i am starting to feel the love the house.
However as i am going through my journey i chose someone like my father which i never thought i would as it caused us children so much pain.
I love this man, i will stand by him and support him. Reminds of our first date where we got home and i stood on my kitchen island and sang to him the Brandy Carlise song, "the story" - you were made for me.

 

[mochibean]

My friend had another bad patch. She downed a whole bottle of JD on her own on snapchat and then proceeded to drink more. She's so lucky she didn't get alcohol poisoning. She ended up passed out on the kitchen floor, spoke to her the next day and she's been doing better since. Nowhere near where I hope she'll get too, but relapse is part of recovery.

It's difficult. I love her to death we've been friends for so so long and I think the world of her. To see her wasting her life away like this is so sad. We're trying to push her in better directions, being out of work so long isn't helping either. We'll see, but addiction is tough.

 

[Annie101]

That someone in your life needs to be ready for change and to action it. The addict in recovery admits that they are the biggest liars and manipulators. In my experience i made excuses for the alcoholic and felt to ashamed to talk about it to anyone, the day I was finally ready to walk away after about 100's of times accepting his excuses and empty promises, I said everything i held back on for ages. There is nothing you can do that will change it, heartbreaking as this may sound. You have to take care of yourself and you welfare first, i used to think that is so selfish but it is true.

 

[Annie101]

Since I moved my husband out of our home he went to rehab for the first time. He lied his way though AA meeting whilst still drinking. Due to Covid no visits allowed and after the first 10 days, he was allowed one supervised 10 minute phone call per week. Rehab phoned me once a week with an update on his progress and advised that he is very open to recovery and sharing. His voice is totally different, there is a calmness i've never heard before. One thing that no one told me before (in my country), which I wish i knew about earlier, is that I could have him sectioned into rehab with the help of a social worker with my signature. I did not do this, he went into rehab willingly.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with the dr's at rehab and my husband discussing boundaries for his return home. I gave a statement on how his addiction affected my life and he worked through it in rehab. Monday he is "released". and I am picking him up at 10. I wanted to write on his forum about what is happening but I felt nervous about everything. Honestly i am scared for Monday, i worry that my expectation are to high or to low, or to have expectations at all. I am afraid of failure. And the biggest worry is relapse as I know we are in the last chance saloon, and that if this doesnt work, I would send him away permanently even though I have a lot of love for him. Lets hope for the best and thank you for listening. Reading your stories makes me feel less alone although I wish none of us have to live with this horrible addiction.

 

[Bee3]

I have experienced this with my dad and my late sister who passed away in may due to alcoholism. I also work within the drug and alcohol sector. They need to want to get better otherwise they won’t try (my experience) but I would recommend reaching out to a drug and alcohol service in your area. Most services provide help for non-users who are trying to support someone with addiction. Dependent on your area you may find We Are With You or CGL. They are two of the larger services in the country but there are also many more. (Just realising I’m assuming your in the uk). You may be able to find a supporting people service here too https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-services/Alcohol addiction/LocationSearch/1805

 

[theghosttown]

I didn’t want to read and not respond. I can relate to so many comments you’ve made especially nothing ever being your brothers fault. You do literally feel sick with worry at times. I don’t have any solutions to offer but just wanted you to know I understand x

Thank you. I think this is a great place for me to talk about it. We have a very very small family so the only support my mum has regarding it is from me. My husband is amazing but I think he thinks if my mum gave him a stern talking to it would all just be resolved. Whereas I recognise the fact he is 27 years old and it’s just not that easy. She has tried! On Christmas Day I ended up watering down the whiskey. I have tried to speak to him as well but I love a drink too so he tries to use that as a way to exonerate himself. Our grandfather apparently was an alcoholic and he went missing when my father was a child. I drink heavily once a week too but I seem to have the off switch that he doesn’t xx

 

[Jugglegirl]

I have a close family member who is an alcoholic in denial (and has been for as long as I can remember). I certainly won't be alone. I don't want sympathy, but I wanted to enquire about coping mechanisms.

My coping mechanisms have been to distance myself, not to deal with them when drunk - so perhaps matching their denial with my own!

Is anyone else willing to share?

Have you tried Al Anon ? It’s for partners and family members of alcoholics - you’ll find support and people suffering just like you xxx

 

[Mememe9]

It’s 2am here and it may sound random to everyone here but all of a sudden I just can’t understand something. November 2019 was the last time I saw my mum before she died in January 2020. It was my boyfriends birthday and she was “fine”, as in she was leaving the house to come see us and could talk to us. And then not even 2 months later she’s gone it’s just mindblowing how quick things can change. I hate going to sleep because it’s always night time when I start to think about horrible stuff and then can’t sleep so end up going on my phone to take my mind off it. I don’t even know what the point of this ramble was but here it is!

Good on you for posting. But you don’t mention what happened? Don’t be afraid we are here to support you

 

[Ponponpon]

My mum is a functioning alcoholic. The first memory I have of her being drunk was 11 years ago when I was 9 and she fell down the stairs backwards after drinking heavily all afternoon and I had to phone my aunty to come and put me and my then 2 year old brother to bed. She is the most vile person when she’s had a drink, she verbally abused me from around 11 until when I moved out at 17.

Shes so nasty to anyone and everyone, she’ll lie about things and I remember one time she was so drunk and we were arguing and she had a knife and turned around and pretended to stab herself. It was the most traumatic thing I’ve experienced. She lied about me to all my family members and they thought I was the worst person and nasty to my mum for years. She used to walk into my room and just start being nasty for no reason. She drinks around 2-3 bottles of wine on her days off from work. She’s rang me in the morning before around 7 and she’s been drunk already. She lives with my brother and she still makes up lies about me. It’s really hard to deal with because when she hasn’t had a drink she is the best mum and nan to my children.
She’s kind, caring funny but as soon as she’s even had a sip of a drink she’s awful. I grew up with her constantly saying she wanted to die and about 3 years ago she had a breakdown and shaved off all her hair. She really made my mental health suffer for years and I tried to kill myself numerous times when I was 14. I worry for her so much, she won’t admit she’s got a problem even though deep down I know she knows she has. She’s got mental health problems but again won’t receive help for it. She loves my children but I can’t trust her to babysit them.
My grandparents and her brothers and sister have done nothing to help over the years, neither has my dad. He worked away and I basically had to look after myself. I’d come home from school and she’d be drunk. I came home one day and she wasn’t in and I had to sit at my next door neighbours for an hour until we saw her come home, she’d been at the pub and the owners had to carry her into the house. I was so embarrassed that I cried for hours, she won’t even remember that though.
Every birthday I can remember she’s been drunk and ruined, and every Christmas. I’m so glad I don’t spend Christmas with her anymore and I can create new memories because it was always so stressful having her argue with everyone all day and being angry at me when I’d done nothing wrong. I feel like she won’t be here in the next 10 years. She’s 53, I don’t want her to die I just want the alcoholic part of her to die. Sorry for the long post, I don’t get to talk to anyone about this. My partner knows and has seen what she’s like but I’m too embarrassed to bring it up anymore!

SO much of that resonates with me. Please know you're not alone and my DM's are open.

 

[Definitelyme]

I’ve never written this down before. On paper I have a serious alcohol problem but I just can’t stop as I need that final kick up the arse.
My problem is that I don’t wake up with hangovers, don’t embarrass myself, manage to do my full time job fine and it doesn’t give me anxiety or other issues with my personality. Therefore, I confess that I still love it. I love the feeling of the first drink and how relaxed I feel as the night wears on. I completely accept I’m ruining my health and can’t carry on like this.
I follow several sober accounts on Instagram which are really interesting but they all talk about the dread of waking up the next day and using alcohol to mask insecurity whereas I just like it and wake up ok. Herein lies my problem.
I’m wondering if I should pay for a liver scan to scare me.
Any non-judgemental advice much appreciated.

I think it’s an incredible first step for you to know that your drinking isn’t quite right, despite the fact you aren’t suffering any real ill effects from it. That says a lot about where you are mentally, that you are ready to accept that drinking is a problem for you. It’s an amazing start, and you should be immensely proud that you are there. So many people on here wish their loved one were as clued in as you are.

My mum is a high functioning alcoholic, like yourself. I found it incredible when I went to open AA meetings hearing about the destruction caused by others drinking, as it wasn’t like that in our house at all. But the damage my mum did has actually been to her loved ones. It’s not major - except for with my dad - but for the rest of us it’s small things that change when she is drunk that make it just awful to be around and know about.

Does your behaviour change when drunk? Are there people around you who may be unhappy with the way you behave and treat them when you are drunk? Could your thoughts for them be the kick towards sobriety you need?

If you are happy to, you could contact AA. I believe meetings are exempt from lockdown rules (as long as social distancing etc is followed) and I am sure they have much better advice for you. But I think you are on the right track

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

My eldest sister would be the next of kin but she kind of wants nothing to do with it as she has a rocky relationship with my mam due to the shit she put us all through when we were kids and teenagers. My eldest brother feels the same. So I think me being the third oldest would me being her next of kin.

I think I might have to ring the hospital she visits as she missed a very important doctors appointment with the diabetes clinic today, as her bloods are getting too high the past few months and they’re unreadable on the glucose meter and then they’re crashing super fast. I don’t even know if she’s alive.

I think I might have to report her as a missing person as well at this point because she won’t answer me, I have rang her 20 times today and sent 30 messages with no reply.

I’m droning on sorry if I sound annoying

You don't sound annoying at all Post as much as you need to, it's a scary thing to be dealing with.

 

[Bae56]

I have a close family member who is an alcoholic in denial (and has been for as long as I can remember). I certainly won't be alone. I don't want sympathy, but I wanted to enquire about coping mechanisms.

My coping mechanisms have been to distance myself, not to deal with them when drunk - so perhaps matching their denial with my own!

Is anyone else willing to share?

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can imagine it would be a difficult situation if they're in denial.
It depends on how the addiction manifests itself & what your relationship is like. If the person is angry, difficult it would be much harder to be around to offer any sort of help.

My family member was lovely, gentle & caring no matter how drunk but the addiction was a complete dependency. It was really just a case of being there & making sure they were supported, try to give them some sort of happiness & normality under the circumstances. There was a constant lingering feeling of a clock ticking towards the end. We hoped one day there could be a chance of the life they deserved but the body can only cope with so much.

I don't have much advice other than to offer your help & support to them. Make sure you have support too, it's very stressful. I hope they can accept they have an addiction & get the help they need AA is a great support.

 

[AlanBanan]

At least you know she's still alive - as she has severe medical issues and has missed appointments, would the police possibly frame a missing advert in that way? Say that she's confused rather than an alcoholic?

Thank you for mentioning this seriously as I realise I will have to say she’s sound of mind, even though she is an alcoholic, she’s sharp minded

I am going to also have to mention to them how she will lie and can be very manipulative when drinking as she will do everything to justify her behaviour than to stop drinking.

My ma isn’t a narcissist but she has traits and doesn’t think she’s in the wrong, but because she hasn’t had the best life she seems to take it out on everyone. I have rang a few more time this morning and she has still yet to answer.

I’m just so tired of this. I’m sick of looking after my parents. I never have been allowed to be the child. It’s always been me looking after my parents.

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

Damn, just found out who people are talking about - I'll read the SSF thread at lunch to catch-up fully on what's going on but if they were faking everything then that's such a scummy thing to do - I almost didn't post here because I was worried I'd say something that upset the posters* who were struggling with alcoholism - I hope they didn't turn anyone off posting.



* no offence meant to anyone who is actually struggling

 

[CosmicCreepers]

Thank you everyone for posting your stories, they've really made me feel like I'm not alone for the first time in years.

I've been told my whole life that I'm not allowed to talk about my family to anyone and it would make me an evil person but I've been under so much stress that I'm going to write my thoughts down and if it's traced back to me and I lose them then that's how it is. Otherwise I feel like I could crumble.

My person(s) are my parents. I'm 99% sure my mum is an alcoholic and I'm not sure if I'd classify my dad as alcohol dependent or just a habitual drinker (he has drunk every single night for decades - probably since I was born - but usually in moderate amounts - more on a non-work night - and he has a home breathalyser so if it's a work-night he stops in-time to be under the limit for when he commutes in the morning.)

My mum had a bad upbringing and both of them suffered intense trauma before I was born that they've never recovered from. My dad has always drunk but I never noticed it as a problem when I was a kid. My mum swears that she never drunk a single alcoholic drink when my sister and I were kids but I remember that we used to have a bottle of cider always in a cupboard. I mentioned it to my mum recently and she said it was my dad's and that she never had a drop but I feel like she did and she's lying to me but I can't remember enough to know if she's telling the truth. I've also got a couple of photos of her with me when I'm young and she has the 'drunk' look on her face that I've seen so many times now.

When I was in my early teens (almost 20 years ago) she had a massive breakdown and attempted suicide and I pretty much became her mental health carer. She started on anti-depressants but she's admitted to me that they don't work but she doesn't want to try any others in case they work less. Both of my parents believe that therapy is morally wrong and so she's never got any more help. She had to leave work on medical grounds and hasn't worked since.

I remember being in my late-teens and I know she didn't drink then. My nana would encourage her to "just have one" whenever she went out with us and, when I was around 21, she did have "just one" and things spiralled from there.

I finally managed to move out when I was 22 and she wasn't an alcoholic at that point. I noticed that she was getting drunk more often though and when I was 24 I realised that it was becoming a real problem. I'm 34 now and it's only got worse since.

I haven't seen her since before lockdown one but the last time I saw her she was in an absolute state. She gets drunk every single day. A 'light day' consists of a bottle of wine and four cans of cider. A very bad day can be two bottles of wine and six cans and a couple of cocktails or even more. Her drinking has slowly gone from 'drunk by 9pm every day' up to now 'drunk by 4pm every day' and it's only climbing earlier. She says that it's fine because she "goes to bed early" but she only goes to bed because she's too drunk to stay awake. Both of them say that they can't sleep unless they drink or they have nightmares about their traumatic experience so they're both self-medicating with alcohol to an extent.

I've lost count of the amount of times she's burned her hands and arms trying to fill up a hot water bottle and then not noticed until the next morning. She can't feed herself when she's drunk, she just lies her head on the table and pours the food partly into her mouth. She can't stand up either, she crawls around the floor like a two-year-old and can barely talk, just mumbles unintelligibly. She'll eventually throw a tantrum and then my dad will 'put her to bed' where she crawls up the stairs and then lies in bed eating chocolate (one day I'm sure she'll choke on it and that will probably be the end of her. She's choked on food when drunk many times already).

She has severe memory loss when she drinks. I came out as a lesbian in Oct 2019 (I waited so long because I knew my parents wouldn't be happy and I didn't want to upset them) and when she's sober she's 'fine' with it but I've had so many phone calls from her telling me how awful I am for choosing to be gay and how much I've upset her and how she wants to have a proper daughter and how I'm doing this to spite her and that if I loved her I'd be straight and so many horrible things. Then she doesn't remember that she's said them and when I tell her she says "no, I wouldn't say that, I'm fine with it."

I'm not allowed to be upset with her. If she does something to upset me I have to forgive her straight away otherwise she'll start to panic and says her depression will get worse because of me. It doesn't matter what she's done, I just have to shrug my shoulders and move on and never mention it again because she's sorry and that should be enough and it isn't fair to blame her for something that she's sorry about.

She lies about how much she drinks. I've banned her multiple times from calling me when drunk and I can tell by her voice when she's been drinking but she'll swear that she hasn't and on the sixth time of asking she'll laugh and say she's only had a couple so it doesn't count. I can't not answer the phone though in case she is actually having a crisis. Then, the next morning, she'll say that she's sorry and I have to forgive her and we go round this merry-go-round again and again and again.

I've lost hope that she'll change. She's starting to be affected physically by the alcohol now. She's the same age as my dad but people assume that they're mother and son. They're in their sixties but she looks 85-90. She won't leave the house, even pre-covid she left maybe six times a year. She's forgotten how to drive. She's forgotten how to use money. She's almost completely sedentary at home. She struggles to stand up now, even when sober, and she says it is because of her age but my dad walks 5-8 miles every day in all weather so it isn't her age. She's started to get what she calls 'tired eyes' and I'm struggling to understand what she means but it's something about how they won't stay still? I wouldn't be surprised if there's some kind of neurological damage going on.

I've tried everything. I've tried begging, pleading, ignoring, crying, getting angry, distracting her, bargaining and nothing makes a dent. I told her that she drinks too much and she says "I didn't drink when you were a child so I deserve to drink now" but a) I think that she probably did and b) she obviously wasn't drinking for a reason when I was in my late teens so, considering she's smoked for over 40 years and isn't health-conscious, she must have known not to drink somehow.

I've told her she'll die and she says "that's fine, this is how I want to die." I've told her that her dying affects me and she shrugs her shoulders and says that she's "an adult and can do what she wants". I've shown her photos of people in late stage liver disease/failure and told her that's what is coming and she says "oh well, we've all got to die of something."

I honestly think that she thinks she isn't an alcoholic because she doesn't drink first thing in the morning and she isn't the stereotypical 'homeless drunk on a park bench' but that's exactly where she'd be if my dad wasn't working and able to keep a roof over their heads. She tells me that the amount she drinks isn't a big deal and if I was normal and 'understood how the world works' (I'm currently waiting for an autism evaluation) that I'd understand that she drinks a perfectly normal amount and would stop nagging her when she clearly doesn't have a problem. I've tried to get through to my dad multiple times but he says "that's just how she is" and isn't willing to help them both change.

I honestly feel like it is only a matter of time before she dies, either choking or falling or ending up with liver failure. I feel guilty for thinking it but I hope she dies before my dad does. He has the slightest chance of being able to cope without her but if he goes first she's no chance.

I'm absolutely tee-total after seeing what's happened to her but one of the things that hurts the most is how they both try and push me to drinking when I do see them. I'm always 'ruining the fun' and 'oh just have one' and 'live a little'.

Ever since her breakdown I've felt like I need to be the glue that holds her mental health together. I suffer from my own mental health challenges (I was diagnosed with depression at 14 but my parents forbid me to get treatment and told me I'd be a bad person if I did so I'm only now getting help at 34 after realising that their approach to mental health is not helpful.)

I have felt so much guilt for so long that I haven't been able to fix her but reading this thread has helped me realise that maybe it isn't my job to fix her. I love her, and I'll always be here for her if she wants help but I need to be able to talk about this, I can't let her keep pouring all her trauma into me without being allowed to have a way to let it out. I think when they are open in real life I'll try and go to an al anon meeting - at least one, to see if it helps.

Sorry for the very long post but this has been building up for the past 10 years and it's the first time I've felt able to put my thoughts down. Just for peace of mind - she is an alcoholic right? This isn't normal behaviour / a normal amount of drink that I just think is too much because I don't understand?

I'm so sorry to hear your story, it truly touched me as I am lesbian too and drank in the past to mask my fears of what my parents would think. When your mum says what she does about you, it's because she doesn't understand through refusal to understand not everyone is straight. We fear what we don't understand, and she is most certainly an alcoholic.

It's so hard as if someone doesn't want help no one can force them. Just remember none of this is your or your siblings fault even if she tries to make it seem that way. She has chosen this as harsh as it sounds, and it does sound like shes very poorly. Do you have any other family members that are neutral and could help you intervene?

Sending my love to you

 

[Miffy46]

Hi everyone, my dad has a drink problem but it’s very hard because he is a binge drinker, ie will be sober for months then will ’go on the drink’ for weeks at a time. This has gone on for years and Is very emotionally draining as I’m sure you all understand. I am always on edge, we have a very good relationship but I am finding it really hard at the moment. im wondering if anyone else is finding lockdown having a bigger impact on their alcoholic parent? I’ve tried to explain that everyone is struggling. At times I just feel helpless knowing that this will be my life forever.

 

[Rose28454]

Had to write this somewhere - posted something on the rant thread because honestly I find this entire thing embarrassing, draining and just so soul destroying. My Dad is going from bad to worse. Each year I don’t think it can get any worse and then it does. I don’t know a week where he isn’t drinking until he blackout drunk or verbally abusive. I feel like we enable him because we take him places when he does stop drinking (for two days maximum at a time) and we sort his food out for him, but tonight he’s just been so unnerving on the phone that I really think I need to formulate a plan to leave where I live. It’s too much. I feel like my body is in a constant state of stress. I feel like I’m not going to be able to switch off and I’ve had such a long day when it comes to my job (5.30am wake up to go a conference in London) that all I wanted tonight was to get home, relax and sleep soundly and it’s just not going to happen. I feel like the worst is always going to happen and I have absolutely zero control in any of this. I feel like I can’t let anyone in cause this whole thing is so fucking embarrassing who is going to want to deal with someone who has shit like this going on in her life. It’s stunting my growth with relationships. I thrive elsewhere (even if it’s exhausting sometimes trying to paint a perfect picture of my father being okay. I don’t know how my mom was married to him for so long and living this shit day in and day out) but letting someone in is a massive no. I don’t even think I can articulate myself properly because my head is so frazzled. It’s fucking shit. Either way I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I wanna stop caring but the guilt I know I’m going to feel when he eventually dies because what if I could’ve done more, it’s going to haunt me forever. I just know it is.

My hubby was a really bad alcoholic and reached a rock bottom when within a year he ruined our sons graduation by damaging our hire car so by the time we got to the celebration it was over then got drunk at dinner that night and our son was so upset that he stayed at uni 2 more days rather than come home as arranged.
a few days later after a row with son about it he locked himself in the bathroom and slit his wrists.
This type of thing continued for about another 2 years until it finally reached breaking point and I left with my teenage daughter and told him to find somewhere else to live. He did and sobered up and lived somewhere else for 10 years. He’s been sober for 18 years.
however he’s never said sorry to me for what I went through ( poverty extreme debt and constant worry ) but is on good terms with his children
Try to think of yourself please