sophie cachia : Most liked Posts

It’s a funny thing that Sophie had always maintained that open relationships work, that monogamy’s not for her, that she’s so super sexual, but the very first time it happened without her controlling the situation, it’s all over. Remember how she used to proudly talk about her and Jaryd discussing their conquests, how she’d vet his tinder matches and invite his dates to the family dinner table: it was all about control. The threesome with Maddie was under her watchful eye and controlled by her. If she’d been able to hook up with someone first and control the narrative of their open long distance relationship, everything would’ve been fine. But Maddie got in first and old mate could not have that. What a blow to the ego.

Fuck it’s SO FUNNY.

As Sophie boldly predicted, gosh I am so jealous of her 2022. Over capitalising on an airport adjacent house with a renovation that’s left her now ex partner adorning the walls of her son’s bedroom. A new business venture that’s gone nowhere, was marred by OHS issues, and that has had a partner step away from. A PR disaster of an appearance on Survivor. A book that has lost her most of her friends and family. And the breakdown of her angel perfect sexy baby soul mate twin flame relationship. I am positively green with envy.

Drama Filled Llama said:

@Sure…Media! It’s your time to shine! Go get that job and show her the wroks. 🫶

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Dear Sophie,

I am writing to express my interest in applying for the position in your global empire. You are the first and best at everything so I’m here to learn.

Experience:

• A bunch of media release stuff in the music industry
• Design, facilitation, promotion, market analysis, using staplers, buying stationary products I don’t need
• Production coordination on music videos and photoshoots
• Setting OKRs and performance shit for an ASX listed company and other useless acronyms after comprehensive data analysis
• Sales / hospitality / event installation in the Motorsport industry

Education:

• Actual 4 year degree at uni - sorry, I stayed back when you were living the high life
• Certificates in professional development - on top of all the street cred
• First aid - but I don’t need this to tell me your career can’t be resuscitated
• WWCC - I anticipate I’ll have the kids 4-5 nights a week

Strengths:

• Kean eye for attention too detail.’s
• Holding a full bottle of beer in my cleavage
• My pelvic floor (2 caesareans)
• Writing off lunches out as a work expense
• Monogamy

Preferred payment methods:

• Cash / shares / bonuses / all expenses paid holidays (please note I do not accept free board, use of a car or cunnilingus)

References:

• @Drama Filled Llama

I look forward to discussing you further when we next catch up. I know it’s your favourite subject.

Insincerely,

Sure…Media!

lovethatformeh said:

View attachment 1697748What is her obsession with herself and her children being (what she considers) the best at EVERYTHING?? “Helping the teacher direct the class”? More like being an obnoxious brat

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As a prep teacher, can guarantee you Flossy was being distracted with an “important job” because she couldn’t sit still on the mat and listen but sure Scummy, that makes her the best

How poetic is this thread title? Good job

After cuddling the boss in bed this morning while we trawled Pinterest for pictures to rip off, I became inspired to write our latest thread recrap. The boss should be up in about 6 hours.

When we last left off, the EA was hosing out the old Ansett hanger after a beautiful Engagerhant party. I think it means ‘engagement’ in Italian. That, or when putting in the phone order with the printers, they couldn’t understand what the heck was going on with those veneers.

Cory Worthington did a fantastic job of ensuring an unsuccessful ban on social media and providing She-pees for the shower. Guests were asked not to wear high heals for fear of decapitation on the outside fans. We welcomed along a few extra randoms from gate lounge 6 who were unable to find a seat whilst waiting for QF631 to depart.

We can’t recall seeing too many old friends at the house party. It might have been because I spent the whole night sitting up the boys end of the table. Could also be because none of Maddie’s friends would let me in the dance circle.

The love bombing, gift giving and nights away continued. Coz the casino compares to the Italian countryside. One last family surprise. A beautiful farewell dinner at Karen’s diner. It was lovely to see the kids eating a wholesome meal, surrounded by tasteful artwork and having an adult attentively focus on them.

Maddie finally left the cunt country. We helped sniff her undies to save the welfare of boarder protection dogs. It won’t be long. This tiny blimp in our lives highlighted the issue with Sophie’s spelling baggage allowance. We walked down to the check-in counter and asked for some FRAGILE stickers to take home.

After posting a tribute about the coincidence over #secondchoice moving to the city she named her daughter after, Soph drove down to Births, Deaths & Marriages to change her second born’s name to “Montevarchi”. Montevarchi is as close to Florence as “mum at 22” is to the truth. Miraculously “Mountain Gates” (as her friends call her) hasn’t made away with the engagement ring this time.

Aisuru has continued to flounder. It may have something to do with the lack of products in the last 6 months or general lack of direction. Short of posting a selfie with Iva Davies I can’t think of any way to make electric blue take off. Please direct any queries to Mia. She’s probably the best placed person to understand what is going on as the rest of the office are spooning in bed.

Father’s Day was celebrated with the same gusto and enthusiasm as anything else where the CEO isn’t front and centre.

In the lead up to Soph’s birthday, we reminisced with some 30th birthday photos when Mariah Cachia cut off the circulation to her camel toe and needed 12 stitches after attempting a star jump in that onesie. There was enough chafing that her pubes would ember and catch fire. That’s also how she lit the fire on Survivor and won immunity for a week.

All those birthday celebrations, huh? WGAF? When the best present comes from your faithful Tattlers in the form of a new thread, I think we can all agree… we’re jealous.

If I was a lesbian I’d be so worried those teeth would chomp my clitty off

Thread suggestion #35

Back on the market, can’t find a fanny, hired an au pair, won’t pay a nanny

The original Instagram post asking for a good Au pair who can start immediately is so disrespectful to the entire profession of nannying and being an Au pair. Caring for someone else’s kids in that capacity is a huge role that someone fills, becoming a part of your family and often acting as a bridge between parents and kids. I was a nanny for my entire uni time and the family I looked after I am still close with to this day. The mother is my second mum, the girls are my little sisters who’ve attended my wedding, baby sat my own children etc. Due to a very full work schedule and kids with a variety of after school commitments, I have a nanny currently who is the most wonderful person and I am so incredibly grateful she came into the lives of myself and my children.

But you know what? She wasn’t available to start the very day I started my search for a nanny. And I did not expect her to drop everything to start immediately, nor that palming my kids off to a stranger immediately would be appropriate. Supervised hang outs first, to see that the nanny and your kids are a good fit, a few baby sitting nights before launching into full days of care or school drop offs and pick ups. You have to let teachers know to expect to see a different face, let people running after school activities know they’ll be dropped off and picked up by someone else, ideally introduce the nanny to a few of the other mums they’ll see.

Sophie’s unprofessionalism extends to every aspect of her life and it really gives me the shits that the ongoing care of her children is treated so nonchalantly.

I'm not sure if this is Tattle-legal but there's no way this girl is serious.

Looong time lurker who has just finally found out where the hell all the GOMI action went! Weeping with joy - been reading along for over 2 years, when all of a sudden GOMI had no goss for me anymore lol
I could stand it no longer, so I Googled 'What happened to GOMI' and, well here I am

This photo is everything forever.
The ex best friend
The ex’s husband’s new partner
And the sister that hates you


Scummy’s burnt more bridges than trucks have hit the Montague St bridge

“I’ve dropped a bit of weight recently…….”

Sophie’s sad personality is the result of everything in her life being a competition. She was having sex before everyone else, so ‘won’ the sexual race in high school. Settled down first of her friends and used to shove into everyone’s faces how perfect her relationship with Jaryd was - she had won amongst her friends in finding a good guy. She used to joke with Abby about finding her a Jaryd coz he was sooo perfect. But then the world caught up, her friends found solid partners, her super perfect, super sexual relationship wasn’t outstanding anymore. So they started experimenting - suddenly Sophie was winning again! Her relationship was SO perfect it could withstand her super sexual urges that simply couldn’t be contained by monogamy. And once again, she was feeling like the cool 15 year old, having alllll the sex and the envy of her friends… only this time nobody gave a fuck. Coz mate, everyone’s having sex. In whatever way suits them. It’s not a flex. We’re all adults. Their lack of interest was apparently homophobia - realistically it was “why is our mate talking about sex like a 15 year old boy who just got his dick wet for this first time?!”

As usual, unbelievably discontent Soph, has no contentment in her life, no inner peace, and no self confidence that’s not borne of besting those around her. It’s such a sad existence and if she wasn’t such a cunt I’d feel sorry for her, but she is an absolute piece of shit so her lame life of never being able to just sit back and enjoy life is ENORMOUSLY amusing to me.

Idea for thread #16
Maddie needs to run to Italy for a Peroni, so she doesn’t get stuck riding My Little Phony.

Sorry it’s taken so long to do the recrap. Lots of brutal editing with my publisher.

Proving how ahead of her time she is, Goldilocks revealed she had been the first stay-at-home housewife… before she was married or owned a home. Maternity leave is too misogynistic. Would also imply you’re taking leave from somewhere.

While Soph shared that her psych said she’s self aware, she failed to tell us if it was her psychiatrist or her psychic. Or if they were being sarcastic.

Showing how incredibly generous old mate is she recapped in a video how she gave back to her pj community in the most heartwarming way. She charged them $40 to hang out and watch a movie. Inspired, the benevolent Bec Judd made her own monthly donation to the Brighton Salvos. Will she bring the magic touch and foil another business? Who knows?

For someone who admits she probably ran from her motherhood journey Sophia is now the tallest first mum who loves cooking for her family. We’re so inspired to give it a crack. How did we not think of this ourselves?! We now all parent in our natural state. Let’s part with $100 to hear more.

“$100?” we hear you ask in judgment. B#*%h please! Between the traffic control, live media coverage, helicopter transfers and tactical security, do you have any clue how much it takes to put these events on!!! I mean, these things never make a profit but this Boss Babe’s time and commitment needs to be monetised. And don’t forget the cost of the goodie bags which are all donated in exchange for exposure. Do you know nothing about economics? Well neither does she! Tickets to see Tickets just got discounted. Fire sale, 40% off! No one puts the “I” in Circular Lecture Theatre (CLIT) like Sophia.

The Bookphobia reviews disappeared. If friendships and relationships aren’t for old mate then neither are 1 star reviews. The wrong person told her story. Thankfully we all agree on something. Let’s just erase history if it doesn’t go her way. F the business relationship & the foray in to reality tv. No one seems to know why it all keeps going wrong. If only there was a common denominator… You can evolve as well as change. You can also remove as well as erase. She’s loving the thesaurus she’s bought for the new house.

Finally, she’s home at last! We laid a wreath on the mat and signed a cross at the door. The interior is all about black & blue. Add a little yellow and it’ll match the bruises everyone is gonna cop from walking past that bench.

We’re loving her new bar at the mausoleum though. When we get invited over we’ll be certain to bring the tequila and lemon coz Soph’s sure got enough salt for anyone who does it better. Can’t wait for our invite Abby The ashes of every friendship adorn the shelves in canopic jars.

Channeling her best Judy Moran whilst walking her dogs ensured the new neighbours would be too afraid to complain about her parking across the footpath for fear she’d leave a horse head in their beds. Who knows, maybe the book will be made in to the next Underbelly series. Mia will be played by Dakotah Williams.

New hair, don’t care… to maintain it. Guys, she hardly uses filters. Except this once. And every other time. As McDonalds new brand ambassador she’s gonna finally collaborate with EmmyLou, coz let’s face it, we all see Grimace when we see the fashun.

There was another book signing and a couple of other influencer events with a wide cast net of the whose-that of the influencer world. The PJ brand turned 5 and we shed a little tear that finally, FINALLY she remembers to order a cake for one of her babies.

We learnt the true meaning of ‘my local’. It’s kinda like ‘give me a minute’, ‘the other day’ or ‘mum at 22’. Inspired to add some art of our fanny on the fridge, pussy by the pantry or minge in the meals area we’re also hoping by next thread to learn what it means to ‘eat off the good china’.

Whether she’s dressed as Keanu Reeves or Beryl from Carrum Downs we can all agree on one thing… we’re so totally jealous of 2022

Bintang Bali Bogan Bounces Back to Balls.

Hello my darling angel chompettes and welcome to thread #22 for our Bajama Queen Sophie Cachia (nee Shaw, never Garrick).

Thank you to @Sure…Media! for the new thread title. Unfortunately as an employee, you are ineligible for a prize. Soz babes.

An extra special thank you to our favourite @humanfemale for the ultimate Instagram vs reality pap shot.

As you were everyone. I can’t wait to see Sophie doesn’t say this week. As always, I will not be commenting further.

That book she wrote really seems to be the biggest mistake of her life. I don’t feel bad for her though, not one iota.

Also I just remembered i came up with this thread title so from now on I am to be called Nostradamus.

Considering doing a walk past of Chaddy later so I can report back…..

If I get 50 likes on this post I’ll do it

I have it on solid authority that Jaryd is in fact absolutely done with Sophie’s shit and is finally standing up for himself, and that they are not in a good place at all. This paired with the breakup has me on cloud 9