DrNooo
Active member
This photo from someone who messaged me (unsolicited) should have come with a trigger warning. I’ve never seen anyone who looks more like a thumb, and photos of people showing what your view will be when on top of them in bed is a total ick anyway, regardless of how attractive they are.
I have a cat but guys with them are always weirdos. Even his cat looks like it fucking hates him
it’s not been changed?!
VIP Member
Thought I’d maybe better create a thread specifically for dating app Icks since I keep clogging up the Ick thread with mine 
A hard pass… btw I’m 38, not 40-48. He must not be able to count or read….
A hard pass… btw I’m 38, not 40-48. He must not be able to count or read….
whyhellothere83
VIP Member
I have a folder on my phone for these now as I have so many! These are a few of my personal faves.
Attachments
Holy moly, I don’t check here for a bit and it’s all blown up again 
There’s two posters here who need to tune in more to the red flags slapping them in the face. They choose not to listen to what the men are saying, let alone the advice here. It’s ok, but I don’t get why you ask for opinions if you’re really not going to take anything on board.
There’s a clear, simple issue at play. The men are showing massive red flags, the posters aren’t listening, and responding appropriately and proportionately.
@Losa53 You posted on Friday Update: I asked and he said we just fucking atm so I was like ah okay. Then we were joking and i said something about dating and he said his new year resolution is to stay single so I think ill stop and carry being mates
Today you’ve posted I'm not going to see anyone else (dating apps) atm as wanna give him time and no pressure without looking for someone else but I'll only wait for so long as I aint getting any younger haha
He’s so clearly told you he wants to be single and you’re just “fucking”. How lovely of him
Yet here you are, sleeping with him again because you now think with time it might change. It won’t. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: as long as you give him a girlfriend experience without commitment, he’ll take it. He gets to have emotional support and sex, having got away with telling you you’re “just fucking”. He’s loving it. I’m mad he’s using you like this, but you’re letting him! If you don’t enforce your boundaries, by not sleeping with him, you will get hurt. It reads a mile off that he’s emotionally unavailable and that’s a big red flag.
@al255 it’s been two dates. The red flag, besides talking about his ex so much, is he’s been single just a few months and was cheated on. That man is not emotionally available. If this isn’t a textbook example for “taking it slowly”, I don’t know what is. Reading your text, you 100% loaded onto him your fears of being “used”… but you chose to ignore his red flags and sleep with him on a second date. You have to take responsibility for your choice, irrespective of how he behaves. It’s a massive risk to sleep with a stranger - he’s still very much a stranger, even with two good dates - and hope it’ll work out. I am not judging anyone for choosing to have sex and when they do that. Absolutely not. What I am judging is how you wilfully ignore the signs and think it’ll be magically different this time, then it isn’t and you get emotional/upset. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: sex does not equal a relationship and don’t have it early on unless you feel fully in control and can deal with any possibility in the aftermath. You are too emotionally vulnerable in my opinion. We’ve all tried to say this because we want you to be ok.
None of this is said to be harsh. I’ve made plenty of my own mistakes, but these things are so glaringly obvious to us all that I really wish you’d take some of the advice on board. It’s always your choice, but try and take space to think about it.
I would point out a contrasting scenario that’s played out here. @whatktdid spotted a glaring red flag, tested it and got it confirmed. The man showed himself out. I think she handled it really well. She questioned it, of course, because none of us ever want to feel we’re overreacting, but the sign seemed clear and he proved it to her. He just wanted sex and changed his tune when it became clear he was wasting his time with her. Of course it’s disappointing when it happens, but I’d far rather do what she did over and over, than bang my head against a brick wall thinking I can “change his mind”.
Sorry for the long post
There’s two posters here who need to tune in more to the red flags slapping them in the face. They choose not to listen to what the men are saying, let alone the advice here. It’s ok, but I don’t get why you ask for opinions if you’re really not going to take anything on board.
There’s a clear, simple issue at play. The men are showing massive red flags, the posters aren’t listening, and responding appropriately and proportionately.
@Losa53 You posted on Friday Update: I asked and he said we just fucking atm so I was like ah okay. Then we were joking and i said something about dating and he said his new year resolution is to stay single so I think ill stop and carry being mates
Today you’ve posted I'm not going to see anyone else (dating apps) atm as wanna give him time and no pressure without looking for someone else but I'll only wait for so long as I aint getting any younger haha
He’s so clearly told you he wants to be single and you’re just “fucking”. How lovely of him
Yet here you are, sleeping with him again because you now think with time it might change. It won’t. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: as long as you give him a girlfriend experience without commitment, he’ll take it. He gets to have emotional support and sex, having got away with telling you you’re “just fucking”. He’s loving it. I’m mad he’s using you like this, but you’re letting him! If you don’t enforce your boundaries, by not sleeping with him, you will get hurt. It reads a mile off that he’s emotionally unavailable and that’s a big red flag.@al255 it’s been two dates. The red flag, besides talking about his ex so much, is he’s been single just a few months and was cheated on. That man is not emotionally available. If this isn’t a textbook example for “taking it slowly”, I don’t know what is. Reading your text, you 100% loaded onto him your fears of being “used”… but you chose to ignore his red flags and sleep with him on a second date. You have to take responsibility for your choice, irrespective of how he behaves. It’s a massive risk to sleep with a stranger - he’s still very much a stranger, even with two good dates - and hope it’ll work out. I am not judging anyone for choosing to have sex and when they do that. Absolutely not. What I am judging is how you wilfully ignore the signs and think it’ll be magically different this time, then it isn’t and you get emotional/upset. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: sex does not equal a relationship and don’t have it early on unless you feel fully in control and can deal with any possibility in the aftermath. You are too emotionally vulnerable in my opinion. We’ve all tried to say this because we want you to be ok.
None of this is said to be harsh. I’ve made plenty of my own mistakes, but these things are so glaringly obvious to us all that I really wish you’d take some of the advice on board. It’s always your choice, but try and take space to think about it.
I would point out a contrasting scenario that’s played out here. @whatktdid spotted a glaring red flag, tested it and got it confirmed. The man showed himself out. I think she handled it really well. She questioned it, of course, because none of us ever want to feel we’re overreacting, but the sign seemed clear and he proved it to her. He just wanted sex and changed his tune when it became clear he was wasting his time with her. Of course it’s disappointing when it happens, but I’d far rather do what she did over and over, than bang my head against a brick wall thinking I can “change his mind”.
Sorry for the long post
Usagisakura90
Chatty Member
Sorry to merail and be off topic.
But I got my degree result back....I got an upper 2nd class honours, a 2:1!!
I'm so happy and proud of myself!!!
But I got my degree result back....I got an upper 2nd class honours, a 2:1!!
I'm so happy and proud of myself!!!
good grief
br0wser
Chatty Member
I have a positive update and am wondering if maybe my time on this thread is coming to an end.
Some of you may remember but I went on a first date at the beginning of October with someone I spoke to on bumble (we first matched on a different app last summer but never met). I was out of a long term friends with benefits situation and finally gave dating another go.
At first although he was lovely I was unsure as there was no “instant spark”. Anyway I gave it another chance and the rest is history
We are “exclusive”, have spoken every single day, I have had 0 worries or anxieties, we speak openly about our feelings. We have a good balance between chill time, days out, intimacy etc. Next on the cards is meeting family and friends, then a weekend away in February. I feel we’ve taken it at a really nice pace, nothing has felt rushed or forced.
My advice would be, give the nice guy a chance and don’t write someone off after one date (unless they are horrendous). Instant attraction alone often ends in lust/casual sex. You can’t know someone fully after just a few hours.
Wishing you all the very best, don’t look for relationship drama when you can have peace
Some of you may remember but I went on a first date at the beginning of October with someone I spoke to on bumble (we first matched on a different app last summer but never met). I was out of a long term friends with benefits situation and finally gave dating another go.
At first although he was lovely I was unsure as there was no “instant spark”. Anyway I gave it another chance and the rest is history
We are “exclusive”, have spoken every single day, I have had 0 worries or anxieties, we speak openly about our feelings. We have a good balance between chill time, days out, intimacy etc. Next on the cards is meeting family and friends, then a weekend away in February. I feel we’ve taken it at a really nice pace, nothing has felt rushed or forced.
My advice would be, give the nice guy a chance and don’t write someone off after one date (unless they are horrendous). Instant attraction alone often ends in lust/casual sex. You can’t know someone fully after just a few hours.
Wishing you all the very best, don’t look for relationship drama when you can have peace
MsCurly
Chatty Member
I know this is strictly a dating thread, but because we often discuss being single and making your way through life as well, I thought that I would share one of the unexpected joys of being single.
Last year I managed to buy a plot of land and I am currently in the process of designing my own house. I'm going for something like an English country cottage, but modernized (energy friendly being the main goal). This morning I had a meeting with a kitchen designer. When we discussed colour preferences for the cabinets I told him I'm going for a pastel blue/pink/green vibe with marble counter tops. The designer looked at me and said: "A pastel kitchen? Your husband will never agree to that!" I then explained I was single, and he changed his reply to future husband.
And then it just dawned on me. I am designing this entire house by myself and I don't need to take anyone's wishes into account except for my own. I can do whatever I want! I am really fond of colours, so I've just picked out pink tiles for my bathroom. I've also decided to not go for a traditional living room, but I'm going to build a library instead. I might even get one of those impractical round beds, simply because I can.
Basically, what I am trying to say is that being single is often deemed to be a negative thing. Modern society has lots of opinions on women living alone, forming their own families, being independent etcetera. I don't think that the joy and freedom that come with being single are celebrated enough.
Just yesterday my coworker asked if I won't be lonely when I'm living alone. And I told him I wouldn't be, because I am really fond of my own company. I am literally my own favourite person.
So if there is anyone reading this thread and worrying about being single, please don't worry. You do not have to date and find a partner simply because you think it is the right thing to do. Only choose to accept a partner if they improve your life and add value to it.
Three years ago I was completely shattered by heartache and I thought I would never get over it. But I did and life is sweeter than ever, even without a man.
Last year I managed to buy a plot of land and I am currently in the process of designing my own house. I'm going for something like an English country cottage, but modernized (energy friendly being the main goal). This morning I had a meeting with a kitchen designer. When we discussed colour preferences for the cabinets I told him I'm going for a pastel blue/pink/green vibe with marble counter tops. The designer looked at me and said: "A pastel kitchen? Your husband will never agree to that!" I then explained I was single, and he changed his reply to future husband.
And then it just dawned on me. I am designing this entire house by myself and I don't need to take anyone's wishes into account except for my own. I can do whatever I want! I am really fond of colours, so I've just picked out pink tiles for my bathroom. I've also decided to not go for a traditional living room, but I'm going to build a library instead. I might even get one of those impractical round beds, simply because I can.
Basically, what I am trying to say is that being single is often deemed to be a negative thing. Modern society has lots of opinions on women living alone, forming their own families, being independent etcetera. I don't think that the joy and freedom that come with being single are celebrated enough.
Just yesterday my coworker asked if I won't be lonely when I'm living alone. And I told him I wouldn't be, because I am really fond of my own company. I am literally my own favourite person.
So if there is anyone reading this thread and worrying about being single, please don't worry. You do not have to date and find a partner simply because you think it is the right thing to do. Only choose to accept a partner if they improve your life and add value to it.
Three years ago I was completely shattered by heartache and I thought I would never get over it. But I did and life is sweeter than ever, even without a man.
TillyMiffin
Chatty Member
Hi everyone, but of a long, ‘me me me’ post but here goes: so older forum members may remember my history, broke up with long term ex in 2021 (summer) had complete emotional breakdown, dated a couple of guys but never going beyond two dates (around winter 2021) been happily completely single since. So there was a guy I got to know through facebook tvat I got to know in real life, we bumped into each other in May 2018 at a gig, had a chat etc. lovely guy, I’ll call him W, Fast forward to spring 2019 when I was with my ex, again bumped into W who asked who I was with and basically told me he fancied me. I was flattered but didn’t pursue it cos I was in a relationship with my ex. W and I used to chat occasionally on fb and he never mentioned fancying me again, it was only friendly stuff. So then he met someone and was with her until 2021. We met up for drinks a couple of times last year but nothing happened between us, just friends vibes. He messaged me a few weeks ago, and said ‘if I’d have moved in for a kiss last time we met would you have reciprocated’ I said yeah, and then we chatted about how hopeless we both were. We have been chatting every day since then and were going to meet up last weekend but I was poorly so we postponed till next weekend (when I was child free)
We were messaging Thursday saying we were both looking forward to meeting, then Friday I didn’t hear from him. Yesterday morning my friend messaged me saying that W had passed away on Friday night. He was 50.
I am in a bit of a state tbh. I still can’t believe it. We have a lot of mutual friends but no one knew we were chatting or had planned to meet etc, apart from my one close friend. Everyone that knew him is in shock and feeling heartbroken. He was such a lovely man. Proper gentleman, and so lovely to me. I was really excited about meeting and seeing where it went. I was going to post on here about my upcoming date. Now I just don’t know how to feel. Apologies for the long post but I feel this is a safe space. If anyone feels this isn’t appropriate I’ll remove it obviously.
We were messaging Thursday saying we were both looking forward to meeting, then Friday I didn’t hear from him. Yesterday morning my friend messaged me saying that W had passed away on Friday night. He was 50.
I am in a bit of a state tbh. I still can’t believe it. We have a lot of mutual friends but no one knew we were chatting or had planned to meet etc, apart from my one close friend. Everyone that knew him is in shock and feeling heartbroken. He was such a lovely man. Proper gentleman, and so lovely to me. I was really excited about meeting and seeing where it went. I was going to post on here about my upcoming date. Now I just don’t know how to feel. Apologies for the long post but I feel this is a safe space. If anyone feels this isn’t appropriate I’ll remove it obviously.
whatktdid
Active member
Hey guys!! Is it okay if I just let out some of my excitement via this post? 
So I met someone off a vegan dating app a few weeks ago and I'm super excited about how things are going! First date ended up being a long walk, first to a viewpoint then by the river, for probably around 3.5 hours all in all. He was so cute, smiley, well-dressed - we had plenty to chat about, even niche interests I usually just discuss online cause I don't know anyone into them
Second date was to an art gallery, I brought some cake I had leftover from baking for a friend the day before & when I was giving him this he said he actually had something small for me too. Then pulled out a tiny little succulent from his bag, with some cardboard he'd wrapped around it to protect it
Which goes perfectly with my plants I was telling him about on date #1! So thoughtful of him, I think I actually melted in that moment
Third date I got us tickets to a comedy club, we ended up spending the full evening together as we had dinner beforehand and another walk along the river afterwards. With a pretty amazing kiss at the end
I got home at 1am on a work night but was very worth it!
Fourth date, Sunday, he had me round to his flat to cook a fancy dinner together, was a lush evening. Then packed me off yesterday morning with not only some leftovers of the pie but also some of his batch cooked food from the day before because he knows how busy I'm gonna be this week
(And yes, staying the night was a lot of fun)
Pray for me that my luck continues? I'll do the same for you all xo
So I met someone off a vegan dating app a few weeks ago and I'm super excited about how things are going! First date ended up being a long walk, first to a viewpoint then by the river, for probably around 3.5 hours all in all. He was so cute, smiley, well-dressed - we had plenty to chat about, even niche interests I usually just discuss online cause I don't know anyone into them
Second date was to an art gallery, I brought some cake I had leftover from baking for a friend the day before & when I was giving him this he said he actually had something small for me too. Then pulled out a tiny little succulent from his bag, with some cardboard he'd wrapped around it to protect it
Which goes perfectly with my plants I was telling him about on date #1! So thoughtful of him, I think I actually melted in that momentThird date I got us tickets to a comedy club, we ended up spending the full evening together as we had dinner beforehand and another walk along the river afterwards. With a pretty amazing kiss at the end
I got home at 1am on a work night but was very worth it!Fourth date, Sunday, he had me round to his flat to cook a fancy dinner together, was a lush evening. Then packed me off yesterday morning with not only some leftovers of the pie but also some of his batch cooked food from the day before because he knows how busy I'm gonna be this week
(And yes, staying the night was a lot of fun)Pray for me that my luck continues? I'll do the same for you all xo
sleepflowers
VIP Member
'Oh I haven't had a superlike in ages, let's see who it is'
This ugly ass Chewbacca lookalike. I am DISGUSTED
Also there's no chance of getting ME to be some p*do daddy little girl roleplay, I'm inclined the other way if you know what I mean
This ugly ass Chewbacca lookalike. I am DISGUSTED
Also there's no chance of getting ME to be some p*do daddy little girl roleplay, I'm inclined the other way if you know what I mean
Agent Cooper
Chatty Member
Hope everyone on here had a lovely Christmas! I appreciate this thread and the community we have on here more than you all know, I truly wish you all the best
I was having a lovely holiday season until my perfect boyfriend decided to break up with me. He said he couldn’t fall in love with me and had feelings for another woman. On Christmas Eve, of all days. I knew our relationship was too good to be true but preferred to ignore my gut feeling, blaming my anxiety instead - always trust your gut ladies, if you know deep inside something is not right, it probably isn’t. I’ve done my necessary crying in the bathtub, eating my weight in sweets, feeling sorry for myself things, I know I will be okay eventually but right now everything hurts and I just cannot believe the cruelty of some people.
Here is to a better 2024 for all of us. We deserve it.
I was having a lovely holiday season until my perfect boyfriend decided to break up with me. He said he couldn’t fall in love with me and had feelings for another woman. On Christmas Eve, of all days. I knew our relationship was too good to be true but preferred to ignore my gut feeling, blaming my anxiety instead - always trust your gut ladies, if you know deep inside something is not right, it probably isn’t. I’ve done my necessary crying in the bathtub, eating my weight in sweets, feeling sorry for myself things, I know I will be okay eventually but right now everything hurts and I just cannot believe the cruelty of some people.
Here is to a better 2024 for all of us. We deserve it.
peachplumpear
Active member
HOWLING at RIP Liam Unwin, imagine dying and being memorialised in someone’s Tinder bio
MsCurly
Chatty Member
A recap of the last thread:
1. @Lalla gave some excellent advice: Please never, ever, settle, and don't let anyone tell you that you should. It's hard enough to make the good things last in a relationship where you adore the other person, let alone where you've settled for a person who doesn't really float your boat, because someone is better than no one.
2. @SpindleWhorl lived life like they do in the movies: she went out for a meal on her own and scored a guy's number. What a meet-cute We all would like to be invited to the wedding, please.
3. @Agent Cooper who gave a shout out to men with cringy or questionable profile pictures. She also reminded us that male birth control is free and that it comes in the form of men holding a fish in their profile pictures
4. @Punchface tried to go on a date with a guy but he had some scheduling conflicts. He said he was going to a wedding, but he failed to mention he had to go TO HIS OWN WEDDING
5. @timtams matched with a guy who needed 4 days to come up with the opener "babe". @EddyDarling ran into a similar talent who most likely used a speed dating night questionnaire sheet to come up with opening questions.
6. @BWGossip reminded us that we should never feel obliged to have sex with anyone. No matter how much effort the other person makes to see you, you do not owe them anything.
7. @LaBlonde reminded us that we should only date if you are in the right headspace for it. You better listen to her, because she is screaming this from a cliff face and is yelling this into a gale.
8. I went out with an Alex Jones supporter who got really angry at me. Afterwards he tried to flatter me because he wanted to see me again, but I channeled my inner Ariana Grande and said
9. @Rayne opened up about her dating history:
10. @LaBlonde shared how we really feel when our friends start talking about their successful dating lives:
Just a general reminder because we had some issues with this on the last thread: If you are going to post here, you can expect others to comment on the situation you've described in your post. This is genuinely one of the most supportive corners on the internet, but some of the advice you're given might not be the advice you want to hear.
1. @Lalla gave some excellent advice: Please never, ever, settle, and don't let anyone tell you that you should. It's hard enough to make the good things last in a relationship where you adore the other person, let alone where you've settled for a person who doesn't really float your boat, because someone is better than no one.
2. @SpindleWhorl lived life like they do in the movies: she went out for a meal on her own and scored a guy's number. What a meet-cute
We all would like to be invited to the wedding, please.3. @Agent Cooper who gave a shout out to men with cringy or questionable profile pictures. She also reminded us that male birth control is free and that it comes in the form of men holding a fish in their profile pictures
4. @Punchface tried to go on a date with a guy but he had some scheduling conflicts. He said he was going to a wedding, but he failed to mention he had to go TO HIS OWN WEDDING
5. @timtams matched with a guy who needed 4 days to come up with the opener "babe". @EddyDarling ran into a similar talent who most likely used a speed dating night questionnaire sheet to come up with opening questions.
6. @BWGossip reminded us that we should never feel obliged to have sex with anyone. No matter how much effort the other person makes to see you, you do not owe them anything.
7. @LaBlonde reminded us that we should only date if you are in the right headspace for it. You better listen to her, because she is screaming this from a cliff face and is yelling this into a gale.
8. I went out with an Alex Jones supporter who got really angry at me. Afterwards he tried to flatter me because he wanted to see me again, but I channeled my inner Ariana Grande and said
9. @Rayne opened up about her dating history:
10. @LaBlonde shared how we really feel when our friends start talking about their successful dating lives:
Just a general reminder because we had some issues with this on the last thread: If you are going to post here, you can expect others to comment on the situation you've described in your post. This is genuinely one of the most supportive corners on the internet, but some of the advice you're given might not be the advice you want to hear.
Curlygirld
Well-known member
I’ve really bit my tongue when you’ve spoken
about this guy’s mental health in the same dismissive manner, but this post has really got my back up.
Firstly, calling someone who has depression a “misery arse” is an absolute disgrace. Using a term for someone who by choice complains about everything to describe someone with a mental illness beyond their control is something I can’t stand by and let slide.
For yourself and everyone commenting now and previously on this, there has been a lot of discussion about dumping someone you have said you love (as opposed to an early relationship, where I wouldn’t be about to say any of the following, but you have said you love him) because he’s depressed and isn’t magically snapping out of it. Do you know how hard it is to come out from the vicious hold of depression? To wonder why your brain has waged war on itself and feel your very essence of living slip away as you lie down because living, just simply surviving on the most basic levels such as showering and eating, is fucking EXHAUSTING. If you do know, then I can’t believe you’d make a comment about how long it’s lasting or call him a misery arse.
I saw my doctor, I was on medication, I called crisis helplines and I prayed to my grandparents in heaven to send me a sign (I’m not even religious!), any sign, that I should keep on living because the pain of depression was so, so heavy. I did everything they tell you to do and it took 6 months of therapy (CBT) before I began to feel myself again, so a total severe depression timeline of around a year. It can be a long process and sadly there are no shortcuts. Once you get out from the depression you often cannot even fathom how you felt lying at rock bottom because your brain, at that moment, was in the throes of severe mental illness and when you emerge from that darkness your brain is healing itself.
However, being on the other side (most of the time) of the depression now I do understand why those without depression cannot imagine what it’s like and therefore it’s ok to leave if you yourself are mentally struggling because of their mental health, and it’s ok to not want to carry someone else’s burden. If you can say “I have tried all the ways I am qualified to help you but there is no willingness to accept help at all” then you can leave without any guilt.
What is shitty, is you said in early September you wanted to “sloped off quietly and haven’t told them” in (although you didn’t go through with it) which is, in my opinion, an arsehole move and callous beyond degree so I’m glad you didn’t do that. But you later admit he was trying hard, so what has changed? He either is trying or he’s not?
If you do choose to stay with them you can even have a conversation with the person and say “I love you, I support you and I’m sorry you are feeling so low. I am here as your safe space to talk, however I am going to look after my own mental well-being and continue to live my life normally (seeing friends, doing normal activities etc) as I want to ensure I have the emotional capacity to help you overcome this”. You also don’t have to deal with this alone, tell your friends, your family, or do the good old advice of seeing a doctor and see if they can be your emotional support whilst you are theirs.
I simply could not let this conversation go on again without giving my opinion (and it is that, an opinion of someone who has been depressed and thankfully is out from the worst days).
I hope you’ll all also consider how many people suffer from anxiety and depression and will read the comments about this situation (as being discussed now and previously, and whether with the intention of minimalising depression or not) as they are undeserving of love from their spouse when struggling and no one will want to be with them in their darkest days.