Curlygirld
Well-known member
I’ve really bit my tongue when you’ve spoken
about this guy’s mental health in the same dismissive manner, but this post has really got my back up.
Firstly, calling someone who has depression a “misery arse” is an absolute disgrace. Using a term for someone who by choice complains about everything to describe someone with a mental illness beyond their control is something I can’t stand by and let slide.
For yourself and everyone commenting now and previously on this, there has been a lot of discussion about dumping someone you have said you love (as opposed to an early relationship, where I wouldn’t be about to say any of the following, but you have said you love him) because he’s depressed and isn’t magically snapping out of it. Do you know how hard it is to come out from the vicious hold of depression? To wonder why your brain has waged war on itself and feel your very essence of living slip away as you lie down because living, just simply surviving on the most basic levels such as showering and eating, is fucking EXHAUSTING. If you do know, then I can’t believe you’d make a comment about how long it’s lasting or call him a misery arse.
I saw my doctor, I was on medication, I called crisis helplines and I prayed to my grandparents in heaven to send me a sign (I’m not even religious!), any sign, that I should keep on living because the pain of depression was so, so heavy. I did everything they tell you to do and it took 6 months of therapy (CBT) before I began to feel myself again, so a total severe depression timeline of around a year. It can be a long process and sadly there are no shortcuts. Once you get out from the depression you often cannot even fathom how you felt lying at rock bottom because your brain, at that moment, was in the throes of severe mental illness and when you emerge from that darkness your brain is healing itself.
However, being on the other side (most of the time) of the depression now I do understand why those without depression cannot imagine what it’s like and therefore it’s ok to leave if you yourself are mentally struggling because of their mental health, and it’s ok to not want to carry someone else’s burden. If you can say “I have tried all the ways I am qualified to help you but there is no willingness to accept help at all” then you can leave without any guilt.
What is shitty, is you said in early September you wanted to “sloped off quietly and haven’t told them” in (although you didn’t go through with it) which is, in my opinion, an arsehole move and callous beyond degree so I’m glad you didn’t do that. But you later admit he was trying hard, so what has changed? He either is trying or he’s not?
If you do choose to stay with them you can even have a conversation with the person and say “I love you, I support you and I’m sorry you are feeling so low. I am here as your safe space to talk, however I am going to look after my own mental well-being and continue to live my life normally (seeing friends, doing normal activities etc) as I want to ensure I have the emotional capacity to help you overcome this”. You also don’t have to deal with this alone, tell your friends, your family, or do the good old advice of seeing a doctor and see if they can be your emotional support whilst you are theirs.
I simply could not let this conversation go on again without giving my opinion (and it is that, an opinion of someone who has been depressed and thankfully is out from the worst days).
I hope you’ll all also consider how many people suffer from anxiety and depression and will read the comments about this situation (as being discussed now and previously, and whether with the intention of minimalising depression or not) as they are undeserving of love from their spouse when struggling and no one will want to be with them in their darkest days.
We were at school together and I adored him for years. We briefly dated 20 years ago but both went separate ways. I gave up on hinge in November and said to myself, if it’s going to happen, it’ll happen. He’s funny, charismatic, good job, nice family, nice friends (I was at school with them!), good looking, thoughtful, confident… I’m seriously pinching myself. I feel like it’s my good karma for all the shitty dates and bfs I’ve had to go through! The boring men, the ‘I’m not feeling it but happy to shag you for a month’ men, the roid rage ones, the complete freak ones. I’ve had them all 
My worst date (last time I ever tried tinder) ended up in us arguing in the pub 
