Blond3g1rl
VIP Member
I judge parents who let their kids run feral. I judge them even more if they are pricks to animals.
Jane Porcupine
VIP Member
And it's why we don't have them! 
slugella
VIP Member
I think employers who allow people to work really flexibly because of children should make that the case for everyone. I don't really care if my colleagues go to do stuff with their kids in work time in theory, but I recently requested to change my hours so I work them over 9 days instead of 10, and jeeez they're making me jump through so many hoops, fill in loads of forms about how it will affect the business and how I will mitigate that, and then comments from my manager (who leaves early to pick her kids up a lot) about how I need to make sure to show I'm actually doing the extra time to make up for the day off etc. Sooo annoying that because it's nothing to do with kids they are more weird about it.
It's when it's one rule for parents and another for childfree people that really annoys me.
I haven't posted here much but been loving reading your posts!
It's when it's one rule for parents and another for childfree people that really annoys me.
I haven't posted here much but been loving reading your posts!
prozacprincess
VIP Member
When I was working on cruise ships I met a few older ladies who lived on the ships. It was actually cheaper than a retirement home in the USA and they got to see the world and be looked after constantly. One lady I spoke said she loved it because each week or so new people got onboard and she’d make a whole new set of friends to hang out with. The crew loved them like they were family.
That is my plan for old age sorted … I’ll be selling up and sailing away
That is my plan for old age sorted … I’ll be selling up and sailing away
I'm right there with you, and my cat!I think even tho we are child free and parents feel like they are better than us hahaha they do also compete amongst themselves too about what type of birth they had, breastfeeding, what their kids eat etc.. it’s like they can’t just focus on themselvessome mums really seem to turn it into a competition!!! Can’t compete with me when I’m on the sofa with my dogs bitches
I'm generally irritated with parents online at the moment. As you might've seen in the news (although I don't even know if this qualifies as news anymore), we've had another school shooting and three 9 year old students were killed. Soooooo, so so so many people on basically every social media platform saying stuff like "my mama heart is broken!" (
that phrase), "parents hold your babies tight" (k I'll grant that), and "you'll never understand this devastation until you're a parent" (um fuck off?).I was a paramedic in a city with a high rate of gun violence for five years. Honestly, I do not know the number of pediatric gun shot victims I attended to in five years but I feel confident saying it was three figures. Including adult GSW patients, easily over a thousand. I was also one of the first medical responders on scene when we had a mass shooting in a temple and assisted with clearing the injured and triaging the dead. Do not fucking tell me that I do not understand the pain of yet another act of senseless violence just because I don't have (living) kids. Honestly, fuck off with that.
Also, petition to make people stop using "mama" when talking about other grown ass women. It's annoying. And "mama heart" should be banned from life.
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Absolutely hate this too. I think parents become so numb and desensitized to the consant noise that they forget other people can hear it too. It is a new phenomenon though because like you all said, my mother used stared me down until I shut up, on the rare occasion that I was loud.
Not setting boundaries for children is emotional neglect. Kids need to learn rules and where to stop and how to behave. This isn't about the comfort of strangers, it's about the safety of the children. They act out because they don't know where the line is and they are trying to find out. If the parents don't let them know when they cross that line, they will be taught later on either by people who don't love or care for them, or by law enforcement. No consequences at home or school give them a false sense of security. I'd hate to be there when the "free" kids of today get some sense knocked into them in the future, by people who are way less compassionate than their parents.
It is worrying how much arrogance children get away with because the doormat parents fear the kids won't love them or the schools fear the entitled parents will sue them. I despair.
Not setting boundaries for children is emotional neglect. Kids need to learn rules and where to stop and how to behave. This isn't about the comfort of strangers, it's about the safety of the children. They act out because they don't know where the line is and they are trying to find out. If the parents don't let them know when they cross that line, they will be taught later on either by people who don't love or care for them, or by law enforcement. No consequences at home or school give them a false sense of security. I'd hate to be there when the "free" kids of today get some sense knocked into them in the future, by people who are way less compassionate than their parents.
It is worrying how much arrogance children get away with because the doormat parents fear the kids won't love them or the schools fear the entitled parents will sue them. I despair.
Popcornshovel
VIP Member
I feel the same on the friends thing - I just can't be bothered to travel all that way to have their kids interrupt chitchat. I've tried to see more of my child free friends, but that can be hard if all your friends have kids. I'd say it might get easier to see them (without the kids) when the kids are a bit older and they regain the impetus to meet up with friends for some adult time. With some friends I kinda accepted I had lost them when they had kids, but when the kids were 5-7 they got back in touch for some 1-2-1 meet ups.
For the milestones, I guess the only thing is trying not to pin happiness on other people congratulating you on things. Which is hard as society is really focused on the traditional milestones. When my friends do things like get a new job, move house, buy a new car etc I'm really happy for them. Things like learning a new skill, success in a hobby (growing my first pepper this year felt like a huge win for me in gardening!) should also be celebrated.
FlipFlop0706
VIP Member
Fuck that, I would have gone, I’m not angry at your kid at all but I’m angry at your shit parenting! Shown her up by saying that THE POLITE THING to do is to show your kid how to apologise for an accident and not ascribe feelings to people you don’t bloody know! Fucking gentle parenting gets on my tits. People are raising little shits who aren’t learning accountability or how to apologise. As you say, accidents happen. It’s ok to make a mistake as a child but they also need to learn how to apologise. That’s part of childhood and a vital social skill.
Lola Ruby
Well-known member
This is going to sound horrible as I’m not sure how to word this properly but the one thing I feel when I see a couple I know announce their pregnancy or a friend tells me they’re pregnant is… how boring. It tells me that you’re not content just being in your relationship for a while and enioying that, it’s another thing you wanted to tick off the list like marriage after being with your partner for X number of years and it’s just so predictable and dull. Often I’ll think.. you?? Wanting to be a parent? Really?
I can’t think of a single couple I know who are my age and have made the decision to be childfree - they either want kids / are trying or have just had a baby. I wonder how many of them actually want children or just see it as the next step in their relationship / are pressured into following societal norms? It’s bizarre that not wanting children is seen as ‘abnormal’ over making the conscious decision to bringing another life into the world, with the massive responsibility that brings.
I can’t think of a single couple I know who are my age and have made the decision to be childfree - they either want kids / are trying or have just had a baby. I wonder how many of them actually want children or just see it as the next step in their relationship / are pressured into following societal norms? It’s bizarre that not wanting children is seen as ‘abnormal’ over making the conscious decision to bringing another life into the world, with the massive responsibility that brings.
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Pebbleybeach
Chatty Member
Reading a very interesting thread where OP is saying basically she doesn’t want to move to care for her elderly mother. Neither do her other 2 children. Everyone is saying don’t do it/they wouldn’t do it/leave her to it/put her in a home.
So having three children isn’t enough to guarantee my care when I’m old and a thread running for hundreds of posts has basically no one who cares for their parents, knows anyone who cares for their parents or thinks anyone should care for their parents. But my not having children is a bewilderment to many because of not having care when I’m elderly…
So having three children isn’t enough to guarantee my care when I’m old and a thread running for hundreds of posts has basically no one who cares for their parents, knows anyone who cares for their parents or thinks anyone should care for their parents. But my not having children is a bewilderment to many because of not having care when I’m elderly…
ElectricDreams
VIP Member
The other night, me and my OH got last minute tickets to see Shrek the Musical. Now we knew it was half term and there would be millions of kids there but we had seats right up in the gods and it didn't look too busy on the seating plan so we picked seats that were miles away from anyone.
I don't know if anyone knows the Bradford Alhambra but the upper circle is seriously steep and not for the faint hearted (but for £20 a ticket I wasn't complaining
) I was shocked to see a couple of rows in front of us 2 families with small children no older than 3 years old (the rows in front were the next tier up so looking at £25 a ticket plus fees so around £100 per family).
The kids fidgeted the whole time, kept climbing along the route of seats, on and off dad's knee on to mums, and at one point one of them actually fell from one row to the one in front (very lucky someone broke her fall as its so steep she could have gone a lot further) Then less than 10 mins into the second half the kids were being passed around again as they were so tired they couldn't keep their eyes open. At least one of them fell asleep.
Why would you take such young children to a show like this on an evening? Way past their bedtime (there had been matinee performances all week). It's a waste of money as they didn't watch it and the parents can't have seen much either.
I don't know if it's just that I have worked with kids so understand child development, but some parents really don't grasp what is and isn't appropriate for kids of a certain age. There are lots of theatre shows aimed at such small kids that aren't on as long, run during the day, etc so why not take them to that instead?
I don't know if anyone knows the Bradford Alhambra but the upper circle is seriously steep and not for the faint hearted (but for £20 a ticket I wasn't complaining
) I was shocked to see a couple of rows in front of us 2 families with small children no older than 3 years old (the rows in front were the next tier up so looking at £25 a ticket plus fees so around £100 per family).The kids fidgeted the whole time, kept climbing along the route of seats, on and off dad's knee on to mums, and at one point one of them actually fell from one row to the one in front (very lucky someone broke her fall as its so steep she could have gone a lot further) Then less than 10 mins into the second half the kids were being passed around again as they were so tired they couldn't keep their eyes open. At least one of them fell asleep.
Why would you take such young children to a show like this on an evening? Way past their bedtime (there had been matinee performances all week). It's a waste of money as they didn't watch it and the parents can't have seen much either.
I don't know if it's just that I have worked with kids so understand child development, but some parents really don't grasp what is and isn't appropriate for kids of a certain age. There are lots of theatre shows aimed at such small kids that aren't on as long, run during the day, etc so why not take them to that instead?
_Braveheart_
Member
Don’t usually comment and lurk instead, but just had to vent. A local business is doing a Mother’s Day event which consists of a Michael Buble tribute act, Prosecco and afternoon tea. Due to the nature of the event, the business have said no kids are allowed. It’s obviously catered for adults and their Mum. Of course all the Mum’s are on the local community page SLATING them for not allowing young kids. I feel like now a days, parents expect pubs etc to cater for kids. It’s a pub! I have bought tickets for the sheer fact I know I can go and have a drink without other peoples kids running wild 
LaBlonde
VIP Member
thank you for this. i thought i’d stumbled into the wrong thread for a secondYeah...this is a "childFREE by choice" post. Not a get pregnant and you'll feel differently. I won't. It will trigger BDD off me in if I did for one, two I can think of nothing worse than some alien spinning round inside me and then having to birth it...then keep it alive after. I'll keep to my actual child free for life life
“get pregnant and you’ll feel differently” is such a dangerous rhetoric in general.
Traveler001
VIP Member
There was a thread on mumsnet a little while ago where someone was asking something about contraception methods, she said something like she didn't like the side effects of the pill and would tracking her ovulation and her partner pulling out be OK and someone replied saying that's the method of contraception her and her husband use and they've got 6 kids
Awkward_Somber
Active member
Being a lesbian!I am curious what bc you all use to prevent pregnancies? I've been on Depo for over a decade... Controversial I know! But it also is the only medication that minimizes my endo symptoms. My gynecologist and Dr are not worried about me being on it long term as they've said the "worrying" studies about bone density are very outdated. I've never had any issues on it. I'm actually so glad to never have a period
It always makes me laugh when I get asked if I could be pregnant at a medical appointment and say no, and then they always ask, but are you sure? Yep, 100% certainty here.orangehead
VIP Member
From listening to the people around me and reading stuff online I think people manage to ‘fit in’ children because they see it as a chore/expense/responsibility that you have to do. So I find time to wash my hair, do laundry and take the bins out because I have to and that’s how they see children.Same! I don't even have a full life with a lot of hobbies or a busy social life that require "attendance" outside of home, and by the time I've caught up with the day after work, the day is usually ending
It's always the old adage of "who will care for you when you're old" and never the fulfilling, uplifting side of being a parent. I never hear about how wonderful it is to have a child, watch them grow, help raise a member of society etc. It's always the purpose of creating a free carer who may or may not be around to care for you.
I can't spend my entire life hoping the baby will grow up to be thoughtful or compassionate or even physically/mentally able to care for me? I don't have a big family or nephews-nieces that I can bond with, as my brother is childfree as well. I probably will die alone but none of us know how we'll go. It might be tragic or unfair or peacefully with loved ones near by. I wonder if those parents have a signed and delivered life guide handed to them and that's why they are so sure that having children is the only guarantee to making sure you're not rotting away on your own. The best I can do at the moment is save for the future and hope I'll be able to afford a posh retirement home when the need arises.
Recently I’ve seen quite a lot of people who have children very, very close together and when asked why they say ‘to get it over with’. There was a thread I saw recently about why you had children and there was a lot of accidental pregnancy/it’s just what you do/to have someone to love me unconditionally/so I’m not lonely when I’m old/I wanted to be a mum. Like you say, no focus on the child(ren) at all.
What I’ve also hear a few times recently is that ‘children are the biggest commitment you can make’ which explains why everyone I know has multiple children with multiple partners despite them complaining about maintenance/custody arrangement . Eg husbands colleague is 25 and having his 9th child with his 7th ‘partner’ and is always complaining he has no money because of maintenance/taking the children out/petrol to drive to them and has no time as he always has at least one of the children/drama with a mum/working two jobs to afford them. But he’s been with his girlfriend for 6ish months, she is 4ish months pregnant with his 9th baby so everyone has lost sympathy with him to be honest because he keeps repeating the same cycle. And god knows why his girlfriends tangled herself in that particular web!
Jane Porcupine
VIP Member
Babysitting update. My friend messaged this morning to see how he is. I said he's been ok, bit hard to settle etc and when can we expect you back?
In her reply she said 'he'll probably just be happy watching TV this morning so it's a nice easy morning for you'. No hun, a nice easy morning for me would involve me still being in bed right now and no children in my house.
In her reply she said 'he'll probably just be happy watching TV this morning so it's a nice easy morning for you'. No hun, a nice easy morning for me would involve me still being in bed right now and no children in my house.
Blond3g1rl
VIP Member
Your roof terrace pool isn’t going to look after you when you’re old
orangehead
VIP Member
I don’t care if kids scream, I care when they scream unchecked. At least try and teach your child how to behave in public which is a very important life skill, needed for events, school and work. Teach them the park is for running wild and screaming and Tesco is for walking nicely and using inside voices to chat. That’s what my mum did and I’m not traumatised by having to behave nicely in certain places.