isabellalovescats
VIP Member
My dad started saying he wants grandchildren so I got a lovely big boy of a cat. Now, my parents Skype with him and call him grandson.
My dad started saying he wants grandchildren so I got a lovely big boy of a cat. Now, my parents Skype with him and call him grandson.
peachesandcreamz
VIP Member
I can never get my head around this concept. Why would I "want" to spend time with a friend (or anyone's) kid? I don't know them?? You're my friend, I choose to hang out with YOU. Why do I owe your kid anything?! They're literally just another human you happened to create?She said, 'Yes I get that, but they don't see him very often, they should WANT to spend time with him!'
You married some guy and I don't WANT to hang out with him lol. Should I WANT to watch movies with your Dad because he's also related to you...?
I don't want to play "witches" or "doctor and patient" or twister or my little pony with your kid - in the same way I don't want to do those things with you or my other friends.
I want to gossip about so-and-so from school, giggle over an adult comedy at the movies, drink cocktails, talk about our feelings, stay up late and do face masks, tell you about my one night stand, moan about the cost of living. ADULT things! That's why I don't "want" to see your kid. We have absolute opposite interests, they're usually full of cold, and I don't know em. Sorry not sorry!!
DCICassieStuart
VIP Member
That is NOT a form of contraception.
wafflesnwings
VIP Member
I'm new to the thread - and have read everyone's posts with deep interest because I relate so much to what's been said. I'm sorry for the long post; it opened up a lot for me. I come from a culture where you're expected to be married and have children by a certain age (usually young) and if you don't, then it's presumed that there's 'something wrong' with you, which is very hurtful because I've had that line thrown at me a lot - when there's nothing wrong with me - as well as people asking whether or not I'm a lesbian. Someone posted a situation where they were asked this by work colleagues and sadly I experienced the same. I took them an employment tribunal and thankfully got a good compensation: even if I were a lesbian, my sexuality isn't anyone's business. I am in my 30s and pretty much considered to be 'on the shelf' in comparison to my cousins, friends etc. because I'm unmarried and have no children. I don't get as much stick from my family - an argument about it a while ago gave me such a bad panic attack that they seem to finally understand - but I know so many of my cousins who regret getting married and having children when they did. They just won't say it because they're afraid to be judged by others and are scared to stand up for themselves.
I've always loved children. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for my nieces and nephews, but when it comes to having children of my own, it's a big no. I have a lot of reasons for it, lots of you have mentioned them, as well as an illness I have which has a huge impact on my daily life and mental health, which will probably get worse as I age. I know I wouldn't be able to give a baby the attention, the love, the good life/education, the fun memories of a mother who is fully present and able to keep up, that it deserves. I've seen too many unwanted, neglected and unloved children: I don't want to add to that because it is soul-destroying to harm and cause damage to a child who didn't ask to be born. I grew up feeling ignored and invisible, so that also plays a role behind that thought. I feel like becoming a parent is a huge responsibility that not enough people think through and just do because it's expected of them. I've seen some very careless parents who should have never had children, and far too many stable couples who can't conceive or who lost their babies.
EDIT: to the person asking why this thread exists, I can't speak for everyone here but only myself. I don't come across many people who think or feel the way I do with regards to having children. I'm from a background where your sanity is questioned and you are often isolated if you are a woman who does not want to have children, as well as becoming the base of cruel remarks, because so much of the thinking around women being expected to have children comes from a combination of religious beliefs, superstition and traditional attitudes (which do get used and abused). You are seen as a 'failure' or a malignant person for choosing to be child-free (the attitudes around infertility are nowhere near as shocking or cruel).
It makes for a very lonely, limbo-like and unhappy space to be in - I personally am relieved the thread exists and where people can talk about their experiences without being silenced, shamed or guilt-tripped for the choices they make and the reasons they have for not having children
I've always loved children. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for my nieces and nephews, but when it comes to having children of my own, it's a big no. I have a lot of reasons for it, lots of you have mentioned them, as well as an illness I have which has a huge impact on my daily life and mental health, which will probably get worse as I age. I know I wouldn't be able to give a baby the attention, the love, the good life/education, the fun memories of a mother who is fully present and able to keep up, that it deserves. I've seen too many unwanted, neglected and unloved children: I don't want to add to that because it is soul-destroying to harm and cause damage to a child who didn't ask to be born. I grew up feeling ignored and invisible, so that also plays a role behind that thought. I feel like becoming a parent is a huge responsibility that not enough people think through and just do because it's expected of them. I've seen some very careless parents who should have never had children, and far too many stable couples who can't conceive or who lost their babies.
EDIT: to the person asking why this thread exists, I can't speak for everyone here but only myself. I don't come across many people who think or feel the way I do with regards to having children. I'm from a background where your sanity is questioned and you are often isolated if you are a woman who does not want to have children, as well as becoming the base of cruel remarks, because so much of the thinking around women being expected to have children comes from a combination of religious beliefs, superstition and traditional attitudes (which do get used and abused). You are seen as a 'failure' or a malignant person for choosing to be child-free (the attitudes around infertility are nowhere near as shocking or cruel).
It makes for a very lonely, limbo-like and unhappy space to be in - I personally am relieved the thread exists and where people can talk about their experiences without being silenced, shamed or guilt-tripped for the choices they make and the reasons they have for not having children
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FlipFlop0706
VIP Member
Jesus Christ some people should not have kids.
Just popped into town, in Aldi and there’s three kids literally racing round the aisles screaming their heads off, physically climbing IN to the product bins that they have in the aisles damaging stock. Mum is idly standing by staring at her phone completely ignoring the chaos. Get to the till and she’s in the one next to me, kids are still screaming so much so the cashier has to bellow at me the cost of my shopping. Vow never to go to Aldi after school ever again.
Then just popped to the chippy for my tea, dad sat on the seats with his kids, they are bargaining with him for a slush puppy- “if you get me a slushy, I’ll be good tonight”, “I hate you if you don’t get me a slushy” “Dad, you’re an idiot if you don’t get me a slushy. Disrespectful little shits. Again he’s ignoring them both so they amp the behaviour up. Decide to race around the chippy which is getting busy, again screaming their heads off, racing in and out of the only door which people are half queuing out of. In the process, nearly knocking over an elderly lady who I had to steady to stop her falling over completely. Dad completely oblivious.
To make a point, I squeeze my way past them with a loud “EXCUSE ME” in the hope the dad will fucking get off his phone and discipline his little brats. Nope. Then the kid mimicks me as I’m going past. So I shout out as I walk past : “MAYBE GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS?!”
Dad still doesn’t look up from his phone. Honestly some people should NOT be parents. It’s parenting like that which is why this country is going to utter shit.
I think back to my childhood and if I had behaved like that in Aldi, my mum would have dragged us back home with a right telling off.
As for the chippy, I wouldn’t have DREAMED of talking back to an adult like that!
Just popped into town, in Aldi and there’s three kids literally racing round the aisles screaming their heads off, physically climbing IN to the product bins that they have in the aisles damaging stock. Mum is idly standing by staring at her phone completely ignoring the chaos. Get to the till and she’s in the one next to me, kids are still screaming so much so the cashier has to bellow at me the cost of my shopping. Vow never to go to Aldi after school ever again.
Then just popped to the chippy for my tea, dad sat on the seats with his kids, they are bargaining with him for a slush puppy- “if you get me a slushy, I’ll be good tonight”, “I hate you if you don’t get me a slushy” “Dad, you’re an idiot if you don’t get me a slushy. Disrespectful little shits. Again he’s ignoring them both so they amp the behaviour up. Decide to race around the chippy which is getting busy, again screaming their heads off, racing in and out of the only door which people are half queuing out of. In the process, nearly knocking over an elderly lady who I had to steady to stop her falling over completely. Dad completely oblivious.
To make a point, I squeeze my way past them with a loud “EXCUSE ME” in the hope the dad will fucking get off his phone and discipline his little brats. Nope. Then the kid mimicks me as I’m going past. So I shout out as I walk past : “MAYBE GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS?!”
Dad still doesn’t look up from his phone. Honestly some people should NOT be parents. It’s parenting like that which is why this country is going to utter shit.
I think back to my childhood and if I had behaved like that in Aldi, my mum would have dragged us back home with a right telling off.
As for the chippy, I wouldn’t have DREAMED of talking back to an adult like that!
EyeLoveIcelands
Member
Just saw this on insta! The mothers in the comments are so insufferable:Haha yesss
“oh it’s not easy for us when we get home”
“we’d love to be able to stay late”
“we work two jobs being parents”
“single people are so judgemental”
OK, and? The point is parents get to leave work on time without judgment, but childfree/less people who do the same are seen as work shy. If a parent can leave work on time to tend for a kid, then we can leave home on time to sit in front of the telly.
Sorry this one really grates on me! I worked with a mother who had to leave at 4pm while the rest of us mugs worked until 8pm onwards during our busy period. It created such bad morale. In a new team now and at home time I’m in the lift with the mums going home too. I noticed on LinkedIn on international women’s day, so many posts about working mums, but no mention of the women who do extra to support working mothers.
paulpercy666
Chatty Member
Someone asked what I’m doing at the weekend and I said I’m going to watch a local rugby match with some friends, cue a chorus of “awww my little boy loves rugby, he has training every Wednesday
”
What am I even meant to say to that? I don’t care? Parents talk about something other than your kids challenge (hard!)
”What am I even meant to say to that? I don’t care? Parents talk about something other than your kids challenge (hard!)
rosemarina
VIP Member
I just think that overall it’s no life for a woman. Nothing has ever convinced me otherwise.
soph30
VIP Member
So selfish. If you had a heart this would be your dayWent to see the Weeknd perform at Wembley on Friday… obviously no kids at the concert and it was SO relievingTravelling home on the trains was a nightmare but after leaving, got a Maccies at 3am and walked home eating it. Bliss
Living my best CF life
Attachments
I'm absolutely pissed off this morning (no pun intended)
On one of my local FB groups a local has very politely requested parents stop allowing their school kids to piss up beside their house and in the side roads after school. It's a nice post, stating they keep seeing it happen and they aren't very happy. The thing is this is in a village, it's quite well to do , and honestly there are shops and cafes and pubs all along the main road, not to mention they've just left school .
Mothers are moaning and several have said 'I don't walk that way, I walk Blah Drive but I let my kid go if he's desperate.
I have politely suggested they remind their kids at school and as neighbours have asked that trying to avoid it would be a neighbourly thing to do, and that means a bit of planning. I've also pointed out they don;t encourage little girls to do it (obviously that caused a girl-mum to come on). I've pointed out the dignity issues and the hygiene issues and the parental responsibility. I bet those side streets stink. I've even said if it was my house I wouldn't be happy, but apparently I don't; understand desperation and 'won't someone think of the children'.
For me , thinking of the children is safeguarding their dignity and making sure their needs are met so they're not forced to urinate in someone's back alley.. ffs
On one of my local FB groups a local has very politely requested parents stop allowing their school kids to piss up beside their house and in the side roads after school. It's a nice post, stating they keep seeing it happen and they aren't very happy. The thing is this is in a village, it's quite well to do , and honestly there are shops and cafes and pubs all along the main road, not to mention they've just left school .
Mothers are moaning and several have said 'I don't walk that way, I walk Blah Drive but I let my kid go if he's desperate.
I have politely suggested they remind their kids at school and as neighbours have asked that trying to avoid it would be a neighbourly thing to do, and that means a bit of planning. I've also pointed out they don;t encourage little girls to do it (obviously that caused a girl-mum to come on). I've pointed out the dignity issues and the hygiene issues and the parental responsibility. I bet those side streets stink. I've even said if it was my house I wouldn't be happy, but apparently I don't; understand desperation and 'won't someone think of the children'.
For me , thinking of the children is safeguarding their dignity and making sure their needs are met so they're not forced to urinate in someone's back alley.. ffs
Blond3g1rl
VIP Member
Those Mother’s Day posts doing the rounds, thinking of those who have lost children, can’t have children, don’t want children. Eh?! You don’t need to think of me on Mother’s Day as I have chosen not to have children
Stixandstones
Well-known member
This is the thing about parents that I hate the most. They forget that they CHOSE this life for themselves. They all go around moaning and groaning about how hard parenting is, how they never have time for themselves anymore, how little Rupie still isn't sleeping properly and is still coming in to their bed every night at 5 years old, how they never talk to their partner about anything except their children, how they haven't slept properly in years etc etc and they expect the world to have sympathy for them?People like this would be in there all day arguing over which of them had it the worst and they’d never actually get coffee. Like oh you only have one child I have two, well I have 4, I have three but I’m a single mum, I am a single mum with three but I also have a dog… they’d all love to be the one with the worst life
You made your bed you braindead twats, now lie in it (with Rupie).
Caffeine Fiend
VIP Member
Also I feel like in a patriarchal society its perfectly fine for men to say 'I dont want to date a single mum'
But for a woman to say anything similar we're portrayed as the weirdos / bad attitude.
But for a woman to say anything similar we're portrayed as the weirdos / bad attitude.
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littlewonder
Chatty Member
i think my fav thing about this thread title is how unnecessarily angry it’d make 95% of the parents I know 
HaloGirl
VIP Member
Just had a gander on that thread. Some very good commenters who have explained their points to the author of the thread.
My big grip today is seeing the comment “as a parent I feel“ or “as a mom I feel ” in numerous responses to various sad news articles. Just because you are a parent or a mom doesn’t mean you feel more empathy to someone who doesn’t have children.
My big grip today is seeing the comment “as a parent I feel“ or “as a mom I feel ” in numerous responses to various sad news articles. Just because you are a parent or a mom doesn’t mean you feel more empathy to someone who doesn’t have children.
ack13
Well-known member
I work with older adults and can safely say that half of these “who is going to look after you when your older” people are in for a rude awakening cause half the time the beloved children aren’t interested in looking after them, they get shipped off to the nearest care home and get a visit once a week if they are lucky.
judgejohndeed
VIP Member
@zoominmoom yes absolutely, I saw a video on Instagram yesterday with a caption something like ‘you don’t know fun until you’ve been out with a mum who doesn’t have her kids for the night’ and it was a woman in a sparkly dress ‘dancing’ like an absolute idiot on the tube platform. Not my idea of fun but also are none of us ‘fun’ now either because we haven’t known the restriction a kid puts on your life and the subsequent ‘freedom’ on a rare night out? I prefer having my freedom all the time and not showing myself up every time I can go out, personally
judgejohndeed
VIP Member
God if you need to create a whole human to have a bit of ‘excitement’ in your life….Jesus wept! What’s wrong with a ‘dull’ life anyway? If ‘excitement’ is baby shit, sick, not sleeping for years, Peppa fucking Pig and Legoland then I’ll take dull any dayI've had the same when I've been quizzed about whether I want kids or not, and I've replied the lifestyle seems quite dull to me, it was pointed out 'Is your life that exciting at moment '? (Fair point).
.... Oh ok, you got me there, let me just go and casually bring a life into the world that I'm forever responsible for, that's clearly the only answer....
