Worst Jokes Ever....

[Cáca_Milis]

Did ye hear about the dyslexic hipster?

He wore a cat flap.

I actually LOVE this joke

 

[Mulholland Drive]

What do you call a lesbian with large fingers?

Well hung

 

[FoksiOska]

Jokes about sugar are rare.
Jokes about brown sugar?
Demerara

 

[BelleAmie]

I’m done being a people pleaser. If everyone’s okay with that?

 

[watermelon sugar]

The inventor of velcro has died.
RIP.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I’ve started birdwatching with Sinead O’Connor.

So far we’ve seen seven owls and fifteen jays.

 

[LittleMy]

 

[watermelon sugar]

My wife told me to stop singing "I'm a believer" or she'd kill me. I thought she was kidding...
Then I saw her face

 

[ClockworkDolly]

What did one toilet say to the other?

”You look flushed”.

That is probably one of the worst jokes I’ve heard.

I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day.

All it was doing was collecting dust.

 

[watermelon sugar]

There were 3 women and they all died.
They all went to heaven and when they met St Peter at the pearly gates he said just one thing to them
'No matter what you do ladies, DON'T stand on the ducks'
They got into heaven and there were ducks everywhere. Quack quack
Weeks passed and none of the women stood on a duck. Until one day woman 1 stood on a duck...
'Ohhhhh shit! What happens now!' Woman 1 panicked.
St Peter appeared, 'you've stood on a duck you dozy cow. Your punishment is you have to be handcuffed to the ugliest bloke you've ever seen
He handcuffed them and women 1 was disgusted at how ugly this fella was
Weeks passed and the others didn't stand on a duck. When suddenly... woman 2 stood on a duck
St Peter appeared. 'What do you think you're doing! Standing on a duck!' And he handcuffed her to the ugliest man she had seen
Years passed and woman 3 never stood on a duck. Buzzin she was.
When suddenly... St Peter appeared and said nothing to her... but handcuffed her to the most gorgeous man she had ever seen, then left
'I wonder what i done to be handcuffed to you!' Woman 1 said
'I dunno.' The bloke replied. 'But I stood on a duck'

 

[ClockworkDolly]

Two Nuns were cycling along a cobbled street.

One said: “I’ve never come this way before.”

The other said: “It must be the cobbles.”

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A man was walking through a hotel lobby when he accidently bumped into a woman, his elbow hitting her right breast.

”Ma’am.” he apologised, “if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”

”Sir,” she replied, “if your dick is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 219.”

 

[under the ivy]

What do you get with Oasis soup?

You get a roll with it...

 

[Platypusfattypus]

What's ET short for?


Because he only has little legs

 

[DCICassieStuart]

What did St Patrick say when he drove the snakes out of Ireland?

"Yous alright in the back there lads?"

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Two dyslexics walk into a bra

 

[Ginger drink]

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud

(Told to me by my nephew when he was 6 years old. He's 19 now and still tells it )

 

[Cáca_Milis]

What ye call a French man wearing sandals?
Philippe philopp

What's black and yellow and if it fell out of a tree it would kill ye?

A JCB

 

[Sideboard Bob]

What did the inflatable teacher say, to the inflatable boy, who went to the inflatable school, with a pin?


“Not only have you let me down, you’ve let the school down, but most of all, you’ve let yourself down!”

 

[Ceelea]

What does the drummer yell when he calls his twin daughters for dinner ?

" Anna One ! Anna Two ! "

 

[DCICassieStuart]

What do ya call a donkey with 3 legs?

A wonky donkey.

What do ye call a 3 legged donkey with one eye?

A winky winky donkey.

What do ye call a one-eyed,3 legged donkey who loves country and western music?

A honky tonky winky wonky donkey