Worst Jokes Ever....

[ClockworkDolly]

Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? - He’s fully recovered.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

What do you call a lesbian who doesn't eat meat?

A Vagitarian

 

[Cáca_Milis]

Where are the Andes?

At the end of the wristies

 

[265]

The wife was livid when I left her bra on the washing line in the pouring rain.

Anyway, she got over it. Just a storm in a D Cup.

 

[MrsEms]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead

 

[ClockworkDolly]

I was just in the queue at Tesco when Diana Ross tried to push in...

I said, “You can’t hurry love, you’ll just have to wait...”

 

[Pinkblush]

Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?

Because there was no Zoom at the inn.

 

[Cáca_Milis]

What did the Spanish fireman call his twin sons?

Hosé and Hose B

 

[LittleMy]

What did the sanitary towel say to the fart?


You are the wind beneath my wings.

 

[Pinkblush]

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little a little space

 

[Sozhun]

Worst joke ever...

This year

Actually, I have one.

Where does honey flavoured milk come from?

Boo-bees

 

[Mulholland Drive]

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An Investigator.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Did you know Jonathan Ross got arrested for robbing kitchen utensils?


It was a whisk worth taking

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Two Nuns were cycling along a cobbled street.

One said: “I’ve never come this way before.”

The other said: “It must be the cobbles.”

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

A man was walking through a hotel lobby when he accidently bumped into a woman, his elbow hitting her right breast.

”Ma’am.” he apologised, “if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”

”Sir,” she replied, “if your dick is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 219.”

This thread should come with a trigger warning! I choked on my tea when reading your post

 

[Moley1]

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

Because he was still stuck up the chicken.

What lies on the bottom of the ocean and mutilates prostitutes?

Jack the Kipper

 

[Mulholland Drive]

To lift some of the doom and gloom with Covid, lockdowns, Tiers, Boris and vaccines etc. can I propose a thread with your worst ever/best ever jokes (Nothing racist please).

One of my faves is.....

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept on dating men


Any more?

 

[Mulholland Drive]

What do you call a lesbian with long fingers and a sharp tongue?


Popular

 

[Kim Mild]

Did you hear the one about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field

 

[LM1]

My fave joke, makes me cry (im sad i know)
Why did captain kirks wife have a turd on her head?

Because William Shatner

 

[violet.moon]

My favourite bad joke has always been:

A man visits his GP
"What can I help you with?"
"Doctor, I just can't stop singing What's New Pussycat."
"Oh, yes. That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is that common?"
"Well, It's not unusual."

It's shit, but it always makes me chuckle.