Women with ADHD - diagnosis in adulthood

[Sideboard Bob]

Hey fellow Tattlers ! I found this thread but haven't read the previous pages yet but plan to do so. Just reaching out to find people like me and I know how fantastic this forum can be .

Diagnosed early this year. On meds and the dosage has been increased a couple of times. I'm currently very blessed to be getting one-to-one support with an O/T and they are going to invite me to a peer group in 2024.

I know we are all wired in beautifully different ways but I'm going through serious burnout right now and it just won't lift 🫠. Did anyone else find that they had a sort of regression while mourning what life could have been after their diagnosis?

At my O/T appointment today, we were building a sort of profile about me so I can use it in the workplace or even with personal relationships to give others a better understanding of my ADHD. The bit I struggled with the most were listing the positives about myself... It comes from years of shame related responses and that's something I'm working through. Always seeing the good in others but highlighting my worst attributes first so no one else needs to.

I'm hoping to ask if you guys for a bit of online body doubling here, if anyone cares to list what positives you feel you have in life that are part of your ADHD, I'd love to hear from your perspective?

Thanks in advance

This is a shorter answer than your lovely post deserves (it’s been a long week), but I love the idea to share positive things, because I find it so hard to see anything positive about having adhd personally, I find it really debilitating.

However! I really like that having an adhd brain makes me interested in SO many different things, and falling down Wikipedia rabbit holes. That’s a fun side.

 

[soupmodel]

This is a shorter answer than your lovely post deserves (it’s been a long week), but I love the idea to share positive things, because I find it so hard to see anything positive about having adhd personally, I find it really debilitating.

However! I really like that having an adhd brain makes me interested in SO many different things, and falling down Wikipedia rabbit holes. That’s a fun side.

Look, listen... The absolute cheek of me to say I'm burntout and then ask for you guys to give to me

I find it debilitating too but find it hard to articulate why since I've never known life to be any other way . I'm always so quick to jump to the negative for myself, I need to try to reframe my mindset.

Thank you for your response, that's is truly a positive

Hope the rest of your week is smooth and easy xx

 

[Fifah1907]

Hey fellow Tattlers ! I found this thread but haven't read the previous pages yet but plan to do so. Just reaching out to find people like me and I know how fantastic this forum can be .

Diagnosed early this year. On meds and the dosage has been increased a couple of times. I'm currently very blessed to be getting one-to-one support with an O/T and they are going to invite me to a peer group in 2024.

I know we are all wired in beautifully different ways but I'm going through serious burnout right now and it just won't lift 🫠. Did anyone else find that they had a sort of regression while mourning what life could have been after their diagnosis?

At my O/T appointment today, we were building a sort of profile about me so I can use it in the workplace or even with personal relationships to give others a better understanding of my ADHD. The bit I struggled with the most were listing the positives about myself... It comes from years of shame related responses and that's something I'm working through. Always seeing the good in others but highlighting my worst attributes first so no one else needs to.

I'm hoping to ask if you guys for a bit of online body doubling here, if anyone cares to list what positives you feel you have in life that are part of your ADHD, I'd love to hear from your perspective?

Thanks in advance

A positive that was also a negative in the past is that I got into exercise through my adhd and needing to do *something* when I was signed off sick for 4 months. (I’m choosing to ignore the fact I took it too far and ended up with exercise addiction and disordered eating ) but I came out the other side of that and now I genuinely have a really good balance with it. People at work can always tell if I haven’t trained/been for a run in the morning and my boss has sent me out for a run before cos I was hyper

other positives are that people know I’ll always get back to them as I can’t handle having unread emails or tasks left to do on my list. And I can get through tasks like I’m on HS2 when I’m under pressure, and working in academia atm means we’re basically always under pressure I don’t panic about it and I just get on with it cos it needs done

the GP also told me a couple of years ago that as well as taking like a whole week off work I should take a long weekend every month/couple of months to avoid burn out. Not sure that’s possible but tbh I think it’s good advice for anyone!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Look, listen... The absolute cheek of me to say I'm burnto

No I get it, when you’ve got a lot to say, you‘ve got a lot to say!

 

[Hollaaa]

A big positive for me is everyone wants me on their quiz team. Related to that, I'm great at small talk even though I hate it because I know about lots of things in superficial detail but love finding out more. I'm also good at customer service/complaints because I can read micro expressions and defuse situations before anyone else even thinks they are situations in need of careful handling.

 

[soupmodel]

No I get it, when you’ve got a lot to say, you‘ve got a lot to say!

So much to say that I manage to post without finishing typing

 

[EndofInfluencers]

Licensed by who, I have an appointment in December with a Clinical Psychologist, she says she'll do an initial assessment for £200 to establish if I have ADHD and if so a further £500 for a full report etc

Apologies, just seeing this now- any psychologist who says that they will conduct an initial assessment to establish if you have ADHD sounds highly suspect to me. It takes several hours to be properly assessed by a psychiatrist (not psychologist) and this is after hours of lengthy questionnaires have also been completed before your assessment day. One of your parents or childhood caregivers (even as an adult) should then be interviewed before any credible psychiatrist can make a diagnosis. A psychologist (note not psychiatrist) should not be making any diagnosis and the NHS has ever right to dismiss the diagnosis on these grounds, as they are not suitably qualified to make such an assessment.

Would you allow yourself to be diagnosed with a heart condition by a paramedic, rather than by a cardiologist?

Check the GMC and do your due diligence. Not advisable, but one way to see if you might have ADHD is ask yourself do stimulants (think speed, strong espresso coffee) get you pepped up, but not particularly focused? Or do they have little to no effect or even make you sleepy? Also, have you been done for speeding or had any car accidents due to speeding/lack of concentration? (As an aside, the DVLA has to be informed if you have a diagnosis of ADHD). Look at your parents, does one of them have ADHD? (diagnosed ADHD and autism are rife on my paternal side and my father has mismanaged ADHD).

It really concerns me that ADHD is now being over-diagnosed by non-psychiatrists, when it could be BPD, bipolar, autism or none of the above. Also the medication is potentially fatal, so think carefully before you get diagnosed by a psychologist, pharmacist or GP - only a psychiatrist who specialises in ADHD should be making a diagnosis.

 

[Underthetabletop]

Hey fellow Tattlers ! I found this thread but haven't read the previous pages yet but plan to do so. Just reaching out to find people like me and I know how fantastic this forum can be .

Diagnosed early this year. On meds and the dosage has been increased a couple of times. I'm currently very blessed to be getting one-to-one support with an O/T and they are going to invite me to a peer group in 2024.

I know we are all wired in beautifully different ways but I'm going through serious burnout right now and it just won't lift 🫠. Did anyone else find that they had a sort of regression while mourning what life could have been after their diagnosis?

At my O/T appointment today, we were building a sort of profile about me so I can use it in the workplace or even with personal relationships to give others a better understanding of my ADHD. The bit I struggled with the most were listing the positives about myself... It comes from years of shame related responses and that's something I'm working through. Always seeing the good in others but highlighting my worst attributes first so no one else needs to.

I'm hoping to ask if you guys for a bit of online body doubling here, if anyone cares to list what positives you feel you have in life that are part of your ADHD, I'd love to hear from your perspective?

Thanks in advance

Ooooh, I love that idea. I’ve done similar and shared my report with my boss (taking out the personal bits) but that would be really good. When I figure me out that is
The main positives for me is when I’m on a good day, I’m great at being a sounding board for colleague because I can summarise a tit load of info and have a great memory for something they said in passing about a year ago
I really need to think about a better post xmas plan though. I’m allowing myself til then to fix the tit burnout caused, sort my work stuff and then get going in the new year. Yeah…… coz it will happen

 

[soupmodel]

Can I ask if you’re in the Uk and how you managed to get any support if so?

Yes, of course. It has all been through NHS Scotland, this was my experience:

- Self referral through GP (who seemed reluctant in general).
- Adult Mental Health Team sent out paper work for myself, a parent or someone who has known you from childhood and another for someone who has known you in adulthood/lives with you now.
- Returned these papers and got a letter saying they were received and to reach out to GP in mean time.
- Got my appointment for the assesment over 2 years later, it was over 3 very extensive appointments.
- They contacted my Dad and my partner as part of the assesment
- Took 4 weeks for them to take their findings to external panel and psychiatrist. Follow-up appointment they said they knew in themselves within the first 10 minutes.
- Diagnosis of severe combined ADHD, which they said is rarer for them to diagnose in women.
- Agreed to appointment with psychiatrist to organise meds as it was advised that occupational therapy would be more successful if medication was at optimal level (in no way did they try to force me to agree to meds, I was very eager)
- Meds have been reviewed twice and I see the O/T for one to one support/discussions/understanding once a month.

Psychiatrist was really lovely and supportive, she actually asked how have I managed to survive/cope for all these years.

I know that I am extremely lucky to have this support from my local NHS team but I don't feel like I'm doing very well, but have been reassured there is no "quick fix" and still processing things.

Realising that almost everything I thought was a personality trait is in fact a symptom is wild 🫠

 

[griftalo]

Yes, of course. It has all been through NHS Scotland, this was my experience:

- Self referral through GP (who seemed reluctant in general).
- Adult Mental Health Team sent out paper work for myself, a parent or someone who has known you from childhood and another for someone who has known you in adulthood/lives with you now.
- Returned these papers and got a letter saying they were received and to reach out to GP in mean time.
- Got my appointment for the assesment over 2 years later, it was over 3 very extensive appointments.
- They contacted my Dad and my partner as part of the assesment
- Took 4 weeks for them to take their findings to external panel and psychiatrist. Follow-up appointment they said they knew in themselves within the first 10 minutes.
- Diagnosis of severe combined ADHD, which they said is rarer for them to diagnose in women.
- Agreed to appointment with psychiatrist to organise meds as it was advised that occupational therapy would be more successful if medication was at optimal level (in no way did they try to force me to agree to meds, I was very eager)
- Meds have been reviewed twice and I see the O/T for one to one support/discussions/understanding once a month.

Psychiatrist was really lovely and supportive, she actually asked how have I managed to survive/cope for all these years.

I know that I am extremely lucky to have this support from my local NHS team but I don't feel like I'm doing very well, but have been reassured there is no "quick fix" and still processing things.

Realising that almost everything I thought was a personality trait is in fact a symptom is wild 🫠

I think it’s different where I am in England! You get titration of meds then goodbye. I saw the psychiatrist once for diagnosis then a nurse for meds for 6 months.
The initial sorrow and grieving goes on for a while, but you will come out of it.

 

[PunkyMonkey]

Hello all! I just saw this thread pop up which is excellent timing because I am raging over this flippancy and needed to vent. Thank you for a beneficial synchronicity, I'll endeavour to be more constructive from here!

 

[Underthetabletop]

I think it’s different where I am in England! You get titration of meds then goodbye. I saw the psychiatrist once for diagnosis then a nurse for meds for 6 months.
The initial sorrow and grieving goes on for a while, but you will come out of it.

It seems like mine, forms and approval from psych uk for an assessment- all faceless people who didn’t know me. And then an hours teams call, and more questions before and during. And he knew based on my stuff even before he said. And that’s it…. Wait now for meds, thanks and bye! Now figure it out yourself. The mini adhd coach book is quite good
---

Hello all! I just saw this thread pop up which is excellent timing because I am raging over this flippancy and needed to vent. Thank you for a beneficial synchronicity, I'll endeavour to be more constructive from here!

Worryingly, for women how true this is! It became more obvious as someone showed me insta stuff about them, and it was clearly me. But being good, quiet and high achieving means it went hidden and still have been for so many of us, I guess social media has done one good thing

 

[PunkyMonkey]

I'm pleased it was helpful for you but I think the notion of being diagnosed via TikTok after seeing multiple types of medical professionals is seriously damaging. People already trivialise it on social media and the attribution of almost everything to ADHD is ridiculous.

 

[Underthetabletop]

I'm pleased it was helpful for you but I think the notion of being diagnosed via TikTok after seeing multiple types of medical professionals is seriously damaging. People already trivialise it on social media and the attribution of almost everything to ADHD is ridiculous.

Your right, that it shouldn’t be a diagnosis, but if it brings it to people’s attention and understanding then I’m down for that. To me it’s not about it being trivialiased (however daft some posts can be) but making it easier to understand for people day to day. I know a few of my colleagues have used it to looks at how to support me because professional material we can access at work just doesn’t fit me.
to be honest, my anger isn’t at that, if I am angry it’s about the 80s/90s narratives that tailored how things are assessed like this and autism and how it had hindered the medical system and peoples understanding. I mean, I only heard a few days ago that adhd is a naughty boys disease….. it’s about the medical and education professions stepping up to meet the knowledge of the general public, not the public hiding things because the main diagnosis routes are buggered
But that’s only my view of course, and tbh, had it not been for a video sent to me, then there was a chance I would be single right now and failing in a job I’d worked damn hard for over many years, so I will always be greatful for a clip that made me go ‘that’s me!’

 

[Shawads]

I’m embarrassed writing this really. I think it’s an rsd thing but it’s bothering me so need to get it out!

Firstly this is very stupid but I noticed for ages now my partner doesn’t like or respond to any of my fb posts anymore. He used to and for years before we got together, now nothing and I know he’s active online as he often tags me in other posts and we have so many mutual friends so I can see when he’s liking and commenting and it’s pretty frequent and sometimes around the time I’ve posted so it feels weird that he’s not liking mine,

I know it’s childish and I don’t want to ask him about it cos I’m embarrassed and don’t want to make myself vulnerable

Secondly I know he’s quite private but is usually pretty open with me, or seems to be.
a family member of his has told me some quite serious stuff that’s been happening and he hasn’t told me at all.

I don’t know if it’s an oversight as he’s busy and maybe stressed or he just wants to be private but I think with the stupid fb rsd and then this , it’s really triggered me today.

I need to put it out here so I don’t do or say something stupid or ruin the whole weekend with pointless ruminating … I should be able to but it’s really triggered me for some reason and I feel if I raise it I will end up getting much more emotional than the situation warrants and previous times I’ve expressed things like this I’ve been misunderstood or ridiculed (misunderstood by him but ridiculed by people I felt safe with on other occasions)

I think I can raise the more serious family issue just as a ‘x told me about the situation, I’m surprised you didn’t mention it’ or similar.

It’s also awkward because he’s away this weekend
when we next meet it will be with other people so it’s a long time for me to ‘fester’ .
I don’t want to raise it while he’s away having fun so when I do get to bring it up will also feel awkward as it’s kind of in the past!

I’m defo thinking too much about this situation which is why I needed to offload here as it’s drained me today which is not a good sign, normally I don’t have it this bad with medication!
I realise I should start a new thread but last time I did it was a bit of a clusterfuck

 

[griftalo]

I’m embarrassed writing this really. I think it’s an rsd thing but it’s bothering me so need to get it out!

Firstly this is very stupid but I noticed for ages now my partner doesn’t like or respond to any of my fb posts anymore. He used to and for years before we got together, now nothing and I know he’s active online as he often tags me in other posts and we have so many mutual friends so I can see when he’s liking and commenting and it’s pretty frequent and sometimes around the time I’ve posted so it feels weird that he’s not liking mine,

I know it’s childish and I don’t want to ask him about it cos I’m embarrassed and don’t want to make myself vulnerable

Secondly I know he’s quite private but is usually pretty open with me, or seems to be.
a family member of his has told me some quite serious stuff that’s been happening and he hasn’t told me at all.

I don’t know if it’s an oversight as he’s busy and maybe stressed or he just wants to be private but I think with the stupid fb rsd and then this , it’s really triggered me today.

I need to put it out here so I don’t do or say something stupid or ruin the whole weekend with pointless ruminating … I should be able to but it’s really triggered me for some reason and I feel if I raise it I will end up getting much more emotional than the situation warrants and previous times I’ve expressed things like this I’ve been misunderstood or ridiculed (misunderstood by him but ridiculed by people I felt safe with on other occasions)

I think I can raise the more serious family issue just as a ‘x told me about the situation, I’m surprised you didn’t mention it’ or similar.

It’s also awkward because he’s away this weekend
when we next meet it will be with other people so it’s a long time for me to ‘fester’ .
I don’t want to raise it while he’s away having fun so when I do get to bring it up will also feel awkward as it’s kind of in the past!

I’m defo thinking too much about this situation which is why I needed to offload here as it’s drained me today which is not a good sign, normally I don’t have it this bad with medication!
I realise I should start a new thread but last time I did it was a bit of a clusterfuck

Are you sure he sees them? Fb now shows me a very slim selection of people and not at all everyone I am
Friends with. Some friends I would only see if I looked on their page.
The other stuff I’m not really sure what to suggest.

 

[adviseplz]

I’m embarrassed writing this really. I think it’s an rsd thing but it’s bothering me so need to get it out!

Firstly this is very stupid but I noticed for ages now my partner doesn’t like or respond to any of my fb posts anymore. He used to and for years before we got together, now nothing and I know he’s active online as he often tags me in other posts and we have so many mutual friends so I can see when he’s liking and commenting and it’s pretty frequent and sometimes around the time I’ve posted so it feels weird that he’s not liking mine,

I know it’s childish and I don’t want to ask him about it cos I’m embarrassed and don’t want to make myself vulnerable

Secondly I know he’s quite private but is usually pretty open with me, or seems to be.
a family member of his has told me some quite serious stuff that’s been happening and he hasn’t told me at all.

I don’t know if it’s an oversight as he’s busy and maybe stressed or he just wants to be private but I think with the stupid fb rsd and then this , it’s really triggered me today.

I need to put it out here so I don’t do or say something stupid or ruin the whole weekend with pointless ruminating … I should be able to but it’s really triggered me for some reason and I feel if I raise it I will end up getting much more emotional than the situation warrants and previous times I’ve expressed things like this I’ve been misunderstood or ridiculed (misunderstood by him but ridiculed by people I felt safe with on other occasions)

I think I can raise the more serious family issue just as a ‘x told me about the situation, I’m surprised you didn’t mention it’ or similar.

It’s also awkward because he’s away this weekend
when we next meet it will be with other people so it’s a long time for me to ‘fester’ .
I don’t want to raise it while he’s away having fun so when I do get to bring it up will also feel awkward as it’s kind of in the past!

I’m defo thinking too much about this situation which is why I needed to offload here as it’s drained me today which is not a good sign, normally I don’t have it this bad with medication!
I realise I should start a new thread but last time I did it was a bit of a clusterfuck

I would say you’re thinking too much about it, but we can’t help what we overthink about and the only way you’ll stop overthinking is to deal with it head on, so here is my advice…

RE Facebook thing, if you want a reaction from him for the stuff you’re tagging in him - I’d say just send them directly on WhatsApp. That’s what I do with my boyfriend and we have a little laugh or discussion, depending what it is. Maybe you’re tagging him in too many so he’s getting a bit overwhelmed with it which is why he’s not really reacting. I’d cool it for a bit and then send the odd thing on WhatsApp.

I would also say, stop keeping an eye on what he’s doing on SM as it’ll drive you crazy. Don’t go cold turkey but just ease off it gradually and you’ll realise it’s boring haha.

On the family stuff, I’d just have a conversation with him during the week about it. Let him enjoy his weekend away. I would just say ‘heard about what happened, how are you’. Don’t make it into a thing about why he didn’t tell you, as it’s too confrontational and you’re making something about him, about you instead. Especially if he’s having a bad time. But by opening the conversation up you’ll probably find out why he hadn’t said anything, and if you don’t you can drop in more easily, and calmly something like ‘ahh thats so tit, how come you didn’t say anything?’
so it’s coming across more that you’re concerned about his feelings, than your own, whilst also seeking what you need to feel better about the situation.

Hope this helps, it’s tricky without knowing your relationship. And sorry if it feels a little bit of tough love! I reckon you’ll feel better in the morning though

ETA - sorry I think I misread the interacting with posts as you were tagging him in stuff. I agree with the above poster - he’s probably not seeing them! My FB is just ads or reels influencer pages.

 

[Shawads]

Are you sure he sees them? Fb now shows me a very slim selection of people and not at all everyone I am
Friends with. Some friends I would only see if I looked on their page.
The other stuff I’m not really sure what to suggest.

Idk, he used to see them for sure, up until the last month or so he’s liked and commented on various things, his friends/ our mutuals like and comment and I know when he’s online , a lot as he often sends me stuff or I see his comments elsewhere.
He stoppe for a while before and then bulk liked loads l of my posts at once, I was on holiday and it almost felt like he ‘couldn’t ‘ ignore my holiday posts!
---

I would say you’re thinking too much about it, but we can’t help what we overthink about and the only way you’ll stop overthinking is to deal with it head on, so here is my advice…

RE Facebook thing, if you want a reaction from him for the stuff you’re tagging in him - I’d say just send them directly on WhatsApp. That’s what I do with my boyfriend and we have a little laugh or discussion, depending what it is. Maybe you’re tagging him in too many so he’s getting a bit overwhelmed with it which is why he’s not really reacting. I’d cool it for a bit and then send the odd thing on WhatsApp.

I would also say, stop keeping an eye on what he’s doing on SM as it’ll drive you crazy. Don’t go cold turkey but just ease off it gradually and you’ll realise it’s boring haha.

On the family stuff, I’d just have a conversation with him during the week about it. Let him enjoy his weekend away. I would just say ‘heard about what happened, how are you’. Don’t make it into a thing about why he didn’t tell you, as it’s too confrontational and you’re making something about him, about you instead. Especially if he’s having a bad time. But by opening the conversation up you’ll probably find out why he hadn’t said anything, and if you don’t you can drop in more easily, and calmly something like ‘ahh thats so tit, how come you didn’t say anything?’
so it’s coming across more that you’re concerned about his feelings, than your own, whilst also seeking what you need to feel better about the situation.

Hope this helps, it’s tricky without knowing your relationship. And sorry if it feels a little bit of tough love! I reckon you’ll feel better in the morning though

ETA - sorry I think I misread the interacting with posts as you were tagging him in stuff. I agree with the above poster - he’s probably not seeing them! My FB is just ads or reels influencer pages.

Thanks for your reply.

Yeah I don’t really tag him in anymore than he tags me because I suddenly became conscious that he wasn’t interacting with any of my posts.
I’m not helping myself by overthinking it but I see him like and comment on so many mutual things and on his ex wife’s posts etc and before we were together he was very active on her posts, I’m also fb friends with her so I see it all which probably doesn’t help but there’s plenty of time we’re not in touch and he’s prolific on there, I’ve gone passive aggressive and just stopped liking and commenting on his stuff as it felt so one sided I felt like a stalker!
He is lovely to me irl but I feel it’s often out of sight out of mind.
I do wonder if he’s neurodivergent too although he manages life much better than me!
I appreciate your advice ref the family stuff and will defo use your approach as opposed to my self centred victim mode
---
I should add, this is my first Relationship since diagnosis and medication so on the whole I’m managing much better than I would have in the past but this is brining out some emotions and behaviour that is uncomfortable for me.
He’s very kind affectionate and loving but also shown some signs of being quite irresponsible and selfish which came up in conjunction with his weekend plans and made me feel insecure about his long term management of stress and how it affects him and others in his life.
He’s a lovely kind man, can be very thoughtful and generous but he’s quiet … erm… he forgets to ask me about important stuff or even how my day was etc whereas I’m a big listener and I guess I just feel a bit unimportant at the moment

 

[soupmodel]

Thank you for your ADHD positive posts .

I got the courage to ask my partner if he could point out anything about me and my ADHD that he sees as positive (ultimate cringe, I know).

He said he admires that if I know something is truly wrong, I will call it out. I only recently found out that was the "strong sense of justice" side of it all. I didn't realise that was a thing he liked about me at all (been together for 14 years). He phrased it as I will definitely listen to someone else's viewpoint but if it's wrong or excluding someone for prejudice reason, he knows I can't not say anything (which can get me into trouble sometimes)...

He also said that I write the best lists when we have to prepare for things because I over think of every possible scenario and I'm so stressed about forgetting things

Take the positives where you can, I guess !

My meds have been upped and the nausea is horrendous and there's a general sense of feeling panicked but hey-ho. it evens out

How are we all coping with the upcoming festive season? I am truly so easily overstimulated and overwhelmed these days. Hope yous are all doing well

 

[Underthetabletop]

Thank you for your ADHD positive posts .



How are we all coping with the upcoming festive season? I am truly so easily overstimulated and overwhelmed these days. Hope yous are all doing well

I’m working on work at the moment. I have a few days off soon and that will be an organise my house and presents time. And then I can work for a couple of days after and hopefully be ready for a proper festive clean and tidy on xmas eve as we have guests. (And panic cleans are the best)
I'm being forgiving this year on myself, there’s been a lot of changes this year including this and I’ve been really open so people get me now. so things will be what they will be, whther the happy pills are chilling me out, I don’t know I don’t feel massively festive but I will take it compared to how I could be, Christmas hasn’t quite felt the same the past few years due to covid tbh.