This may be a long ish one. I was 16 (he was too) and he was my first ever boyfriend (I was his first too). I realised pretty quickly that he had anger issues, but it was never towards me. His mum even told me quite early on that he has always had anger issues. About 6 months in I began questioning if I wanted to be with him and that's when he ended up "proposing" to me while we were drunk, but added a disclaimer that I couldn't tell anyone. Not like I could, he didn't even have a ring. 3 years went by and while there were warning signs which I recognised, I brushed them off. I stayed an extra year at college when I didn't need to, because I was unsure if I wanted to live with him. But, I did move to be with him, away from my family. That's when it all got worse. He put me down daily, he hated when I spent my money (student loans and from work) and would always get angry if I went shopping despite the fact that we were quite OK financially at this point. Hated that I wanted to get tattoos, change my hair colour etc because it would "draw more attention to you." He was very lazy, yet whenever his family brought up how messy our house was, he blamed me. He didn't want to get a job after finishing his degree and was living off my money. Baring in mind, I've had physical health problems since before I met him. I started struggling with my mental health and self harm. He would laugh and call me ridiculous. I ended up resenting him and being repulsed by him. But I was stuck. I became a shell of my former self, I was no longer me. That's when the sexual abuse started to ramp up, I think because he could tell that I was pulling away. He didn't understand the meaning of consent, but I'll leave that at that. The last time he did that to me, I realised I needed to leave. But I was 100% alone, he made sure of that. Any friend I made after I moved away, he ruined. I eventually made a break for it despite being incredibly poorly both mentally and physically at the time. But I moved out, right under his nose as well. I used the fact that pokemon go came out, to go and visit new apartments. I was taking calls etc then too because he was always in the house. I met someone who happened to have a van while visiting one house, so paid him to move me. Everything was set in stone, I told him I was done. But to make my life easier, I just told him that I was leaving to "find myself", "it's not you, it's me" etc.
That's the gist of it as he was basically an hole, but there were smaller things as well. Such as him talking down to MY family, because he had a degree and was "smart" whereas my family have always been very working class. He was very boring? You couldn't have a laugh or a joke, because I gave up trying as he would always lash out if I tried. I can't even remember any in jokes we had! He never wanted to do anything together, he just sat on his computer all night and slept all day. Watching porn and playing games (I don't have an issue with that as I play them too, but that's all he did.) He was very unhygienic, went weeks and sometimes months without showering. He was arrogant and thought he could get anyone he wanted (when I ended it, he messaged me trying to make out that he got it on with a girl I was friends with that he ruined, it turned out to be not true lmao) He had no respect for even his family, never letting them know anything and always leaving me to deal with his upset mother. He very much had incel vibes despite being with me.
I've learned through therapy since, that I got into the relationship due to the want of being loved not because I was in love. I've never had the best relationship role models growing up, my father was an alcoholic and my mother was married to a man who was very violent in front of everyone. So I accepted my relationship as "normal", the feelings of doubt I had about whether or not I even loved my ex I brushed off as normal. I always knew there was never love from my side, but my want to be loved was greater than anything else which meant I just took it.
It will be 5 years in July 2021 since I left him, and coincidentally I'll be getting married that month too. To the man who has helped me pick up the pieces of myself and helped me become my true self again.
also if I leave I'm not allowed my daughter .so I'm stuck . I have a serious health condition and have treatment that keeps me Alice .if I don't have it is slowly die. All that gets thrown back at me. I feel stuck xx
it's like a routine now .no kissing or affection. Will jus go up stairs get job done , then he's bk to normal.even the day after sex he will say" oh got house to ourselves ,y not do it now ,u have hospital now (I feel like crap after treatment ) so triess it days before it's my day .. feel like a robot. I'm so embarrassed . I pay for everythin so don't rely on him for everythin . I pay his debts,top up his phone . Etc were struggling at Mon and I tried to say he needs a job asap . He's like find me one ,or can't do that or not enough money in delivering. Ok jus can't see a way out
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. Then asked me to stay with him as she could only see him at n the weekends. Funnily enough that was a no from me !
