Where have all the manners gone??

[chickhicks86]

My son (about to go into year 8) has just had his friend over for the day. I've fed him lunch - homemade pizza where they chose the topping, then homemade waffles where they chose the topping too. I reckon that's a pretty fun / nice day? But no "thanks for having me" when he left? Do parents not teach their children to say this any more?? Even if you don't mean it, you say it automatically don't you? My kid knows this! He was even trying to get his friend to say it, but he didn't get the hint.

 

[Glaschelle]

My mum brought me up to have manners. She was constantly correcting me and telling me to get out of people's way etc.

Now she's 85 and is so rude, illmannered and impatient it drives me nuts.

Part of it is cognitive decline but I'm sure part of it is just bloody mindedness. She's impatient with everyone but chooses to ignore that she's as a slow as a week in jail.

It's actually easier when I've got her in the wheelchair.

But generally people do seem to have lost manners - the pushing and shoving in supermarkets, drivers who pull out with no signals, cyclists who think they own the road.

Of course, I'm lovely

 

[Northern northener]

I hear you, OP, there are some incredibly rude people out there!
DD is going to a new school in sept which is keen on good manners and thoughtfulness - it sounds lovely

Wonderful. My children are grown now but every child invited to tea had impeccable manners. It warmed my heart. I was also complimented on my daughter's manners when visiting friends house. It's really important to me because they get invited back. Though in her first proper job she was taken to one side and told 'You don't have to say thank you every time I hand you something' . It completely confused her.

 

[MrsJones83]

I work in a supermarket, people are just horrible. The amount of people that come in, don’t make eye contact, keep their EarPods in while you’re trying to ask them something, then get rude and demanding because they want you to do whatever it was you just asked them 3-4 times, infuriates me.

 

[ChastityDingle]

I really wish we could refuse to serve customers on the phone

I can't remember where I saw it now but I saw a sign in a shop telling customers to put down their phones while at the checkout. It was politely phrased, I can't remember the exact words. It's a shame that people have to be told such a basic thing.

My other favourite is almost getting knocked over by a feral kid running loose, or tearing along on a bike or scooter.
And the parent says, oh are you okay darling to the feral child... as though I am the one at fault.

 

[Meg19]

I find older people to be the rudest of the lot

Definitely! I've found that many have a very entitled attitude. Don't even get me started on "respect your elders", respect is a two way street

 

[Mollywobbles]

Most people are cunts. The worst are the ones who walk two/three abreast on the pavement/path and expect you to walk in the road or on the grass verge.

Before I had my knee op and had to use a walking stick I found I was expected to get off the pavement. I soon learned to stand my ground and not move. And never said thank you!
Mums with pushchairs were the worst.

My friend is a childminder. She takes new children on a two week trial to make sure they fit in with her existing children and play nicely together.
One child demanded a drink and she told her to say please.
The child responded that my mum pays you, you are my servant so get my drink.
You can guess whether the trial was successful or not.

 

[Pipsy]

No, thankfully! Where is everyone approx? Where did you holiday @lurkingaround123 ?

I think the culture has become too permissive, we don't shame anti-social behaviour like we used to.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

People don't notice all the lovely people who are kind caring and have very nice manners. They only seem to see that odd one who is a arse.
Same as many men only notice the bad women drivers and never the good ones or the bad men drivers. We see what we want to see.

I cant believe I'm so lucky to see mainly lovely people.

 

[Eirawen]

I had Turkish and Greek friends who told me they did exactly this. So although you might not others most certainly would.

I have no problem with people speaking another language in my presence but chatting to each other while people are waiting to be served or being served is a no no.

I have no idea why jobs are in fact harder to get and keep due to all these assessments and training etc ( sorry not sure what they are actually called ) why service is so much worse.

its like driving tests get harder and harder but driving standards have lowered

Ignoring people who are waiting to be served and chatting instead is wrong in any language.

 

[Lovely_rita]

I was doing my food shop at the self service the other day. I had just grabbed my receipt and starting to gather my bags.

A middle aged woman starts scanning her shopping, drapin herself almost on top of me. I couldn't help but snap at her "excuse me, can I finish up here first?!"

She said "of course you can" like she was doing me a huge favour. I was so shocked. Is there no respect for personal space anymore? And the ability to wait two seconds?

It has a knock on effect too, as I can feel myself becoming more grumpy because of it. It is such a vicious cycle.

 

[Hope96]

Something that always baffle me is when I politely say "excuse me" and I get death stares like I've asked them to sacrifice their first born.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I don't really stress about it and let it fly over my head mostly. There's so many reasons for impoliteness, they could be really busy, running late, having a bad day, stressed, anxious, shy, grieving (esp older people, we tend to underestimate how much loss they've experienced by that age, no wonder the poor buggers are miserable) it doesn't always mean people are being deliberately rude to you or that they're like it all the time. Plus it makes life more interesting, it would feel a bit stepford housewives if we were all perfectly good mannered at all times

This is true, but there is such a thing as basic common courtesy. I have a saying,
"To say thank you costs nothing, but it means everything"

 

[ChastityDingle]

I was walking into my local M&S today, wide, double door, plenty of room for people to pass as they enter and exit. A woman was coming out with three/ four children. She made no attempt to get them to create space so that they weren't taking up the full doorway. So kids like that then have no idea of basic manners, they just barge on because that's what they see her doing. I just kept walking and they had to give me space.

I'm sick of it.

Likewise if you're walking and there's two people together, meeting one or more along a path, my automatic thing would be to drop into single file. I was walking one evening, and as I was about to meet a couple with a buggy, which she was pushing, they clearly expected me to stand aside to allow them to pass. When it became clear that I just was not doing that, he had to kinda skip in behind her at the last minute. I would say they are still gazing after me in amazement. How dare I want a bit of the footpath.

And lastly, if you're walking your dog, especially on an extendable lead, this does not give you some kind of magic right of way to have the dog at one side of the path, and you the other, with no thought of how someone you are meeting is going to get past.

Grrrrrrrr

 

[FlipFlop0706]

I think lack of manners at the moment is due to the fall out of Covid, I think we all got comfortable keeping a distance and also it taught us all to look out for no.1 and screw anyone else. I mean I look back at how hardcore some people were about toilet roll and petrol! We saw the best of some people but the majority were utter knobs.

Secondly, this cost of living crisis isn’t helping. People are under immense pressure at the moment and I think due to that people have a much shorter fuse.

I’m probably going to get flamed for this but I also think decent parenting has gone out of the window. As a child, I was raised by my mum with her values. I learnt to say please and thank you. I engaged with other children socially that involved interactive games. Waiting my turn when an adult was talking and not interrupting etc etc. I was reprimanded appropriately when I did something rude or behaved badly. My mum would hold out all day if I refused to do something in order to instill manners in me.

Now? We have a generation of children being raised by grandparents/child minders as both parents need to work. Most of whom are not taking the time to teach basic manners/ disciplining children. Why would you put in the effort to do that for someone else’s child when either you aren’t getting paid that much or you are looking after them solely as they are your grandchild? Then, say you do a full time job, by the time you collect your child from childcare/grandparents, feed them their dinner, bathe them and tuck them into bed. That parent is spending about 3 hours a day with their child. That child isn’t going to respond that well to someone who barely spends quality time with them. Why would they? Then at weekends, again you’re going to want an easy life as you barely spend time with your kid and want them to be zero hassle so you let things slide or alternatively you are that knackered from work that you again do anything for an easy life.

Schools are also restricted more now in terms of discipline. You’re expected to reason with children and de-escalate situations. Whereas back in the day, I would have been quite rightly told off!

*prepares to be flamed by parents who have children looked after by childminders and grandparents*

 

[Princesst]

What is with people constantly chatting at work now?

So glad someone else has noticed this! I was at the Aldi checkout recently and the young girl serving was having a full on, top of her lungs shouting conversation with a girl working on the checkout behind her across 2 rows of customers waiting. (Probably why she also had to talk so loud as they weren’t that close together!) Talking about some boy and college and how to do something with the online rota so that you don’t have to work Saturdays. Didn’t say a word to me the whole time. Felt like I was in their way, ruining their conversation This happens a fair bit too across various places. I just can’t believe they’re allowed to do it as when I worked in retail we were NEVER allowed to talk to each other. Also when I worked in an office setting we weren’t allowed to talk about things not related to work very much before the boss would step in or call us and be like “I can hear you from my side or the room, if you can talk you’re not working hard enough”

I also find trying to shop inside actual supermarkets now the workers that are picking the online orders block the aisles with their cart things, zoom past you and you have to constantly step out their way/around them Sorry that I exist… I’ll just grab my items and scuttle out…

 

[Rosie glow]

Wow, what a scummy thing to do.

I did supermarket delivery picking for a while, every so often the crates are randomly selected by the system for manager audit, not just of the individual pickers, but also of the drivers to make sure they're not sneaking extra stuff out of the store in customer crates. Sometimes a picker or driver that's already got a strike against them from a previous mistake might be getting every crate they touch audited without them knowing. So your antics of putting extra things into a crate could very easily get a picker or driver hauled up before a manager to explain. They might get a performance related pay hit, they might get sent for retraining, they might lose their job. Seriously the picking is incredibly regulated and monitored. Please stop messing with innocent people's jobs like that when you don't understand the extent of the auditing and scrutiny that goes on.

Also for another poster that said about the pickers hurtling round the store, it's because it's all timed, you're supposed to hit a particular pick rate, different stores take it more seriously than others. There's also timers on the chilled and frozen crates where they have to be completed within a certain precise time so that the contents of the crates aren't out of the cold chain too long. If you don't pick the whole chilled or frozen crate in time someone else has to get a new crate and finish it off and it flags up and is generally not good for picker <-> manager relations.

I guess if you have never worked in a retail setting you wouldn't understand how frustrating "hilarious" people like this are, we have just started a delivery service from our store and we have 15 mins to pick and bag up a delivery. I have worked in retail for 20 years retail staff dont always get much respect people often think its just sitting on a till or shelf stacking" it is hard work and the grief you sometimes have to put up with is unreal. As you say an extra item thrown in to a trolly for fun could cost someone their job.

 

[MrsEms]

I think thanking the driver is a fairly recent thing, as he does get paid for it he is not volunteering.

If you're from Cardiff like me you'll know the famous words "cheers drive" saved for bus and taxi drivers since...we had wheels

 

[Ensay]

Something that always baffle me is when I politely say "excuse me" and I get death stares like I've asked them to sacrifice their first born.

Agreed! If someone says "excuse me" to me, I always apologise, as I'm basically saying "sorry I was in another world and didn't realise I was in your way".

I mean it genuinely, too!

 

[ChampagneBox]

Definitely!

I was on holiday recently and the amount of loud so you can hear passive aggression from the Brits is so gross! I had some old man making a big song and dance because I got off the bus before him, whilst he was still sitting down and making no indication of movement?? Am I meant to go along asking everyone who's planning to get off and do they want to go before me?

Someone else made a snidey comment about me blocking their view when i was stood looking over a balcony and they were lying on a sunbed a few feet away? Absolutely baffling again.

Also noticed this new found rudeness in some shops/restaurants with the staff. Me and my bf have walked in to bars/cafes etc and been completely blanked by the staff there, so you're just stood in the doorway waiting to be acknowledged whilst they're chatting away. Once there was 2 of them doing a dance whilst we stood there like We've started just walking out (Obviously not if they're busy working)

Next time say ‘I am the view’