Leave her to sort it out herself.My mother!!!
To set the scene:
Mother - retired, on the pension, spends money as if she's a millionaire, acts like the lady of the manor (is far from it).
Me - working (freelancing, value every penny I make because it's such an uncertain way of earning a living), constantly has to bail her out, despite buying her groceries, getting her car fixed up when it needs it (often!) ... I told her last time, "This is it! The LAST time!" (She never, ever helped me when I was growing up and we do not have a great relationship).
She called today to say she has a $4,000 bill that has to be paid by the end of the week or "the big scary man is going to come back". In probing further, someone - a stranger! - knocked at her door two months ago and offered to do her a great deal to wash her deck. She didn't even ask him how much it was going to be upfront; just left him to it. The deck is about 10m long x 2m wide. I asked her what he used as that sounds so incredibly pricey; she said she didn't know. I asked her how long he was there; she said she can't remember. I told her we don't have that sort of money lying around; she'll have to ask someone else ... to which she started crying and carrying on. Honestly, I'm so fed up with her recklessness and irresponsibility. We definitely do not have $4k just lying around. And if we did, I'd still worry about giving it to her.
I suspect she only got hers done in the first place as I cleaned ours - using a wire brush and dishwashing liquid, down on my hands and knees scrubbing very hard - during winter, when the rain was heavy and washed it all clean. She probably thought we had ours "done" so she could too (she copies a lot of what we do).
$4000 to do a deck looks like she has been scammed.My mother!!!
To set the scene:
Mother - retired, on the pension, spends money as if she's a millionaire, acts like the lady of the manor (is far from it).
Me - working (freelancing, value every penny I make because it's such an uncertain way of earning a living), constantly has to bail her out, despite buying her groceries, getting her car fixed up when it needs it (often!) ... I told her last time, "This is it! The LAST time!" (She never, ever helped me when I was growing up and we do not have a great relationship).
She called today to say she has a $4,000 bill that has to be paid by the end of the week or "the big scary man is going to come back". In probing further, someone - a stranger! - knocked at her door two months ago and offered to do her a great deal to wash her deck. She didn't even ask him how much it was going to be upfront; just left him to it. The deck is about 10m long x 2m wide. I asked her what he used as that sounds so incredibly pricey; she said she didn't know. I asked her how long he was there; she said she can't remember. I told her we don't have that sort of money lying around; she'll have to ask someone else ... to which she started crying and carrying on. Honestly, I'm so fed up with her recklessness and irresponsibility. We definitely do not have $4k just lying around. And if we did, I'd still worry about giving it to her.
I suspect she only got hers done in the first place as I cleaned ours - using a wire brush and dishwashing liquid, down on my hands and knees scrubbing very hard - during winter, when the rain was heavy and washed it all clean. She probably thought we had ours "done" so she could too (she copies a lot of what we do).
They finally stopped at 10.15! My bf reckons he's gonna go over and say something to them when he finishes work but he'll bottle it for sureOh no way!!!!! I’m actually raging for you!!!!!
When you say you help her out with grocery shopping and getting her car fixed - are you physically present when these things are being paid for? Or are you giving her money to pay for things?My mother!!!
To set the scene:
Mother - retired, on the pension, spends money as if she's a millionaire, acts like the lady of the manor (is far from it).
Me - working (freelancing, value every penny I make because it's such an uncertain way of earning a living), constantly has to bail her out, despite buying her groceries, getting her car fixed up when it needs it (often!) ... I told her last time, "This is it! The LAST time!" (She never, ever helped me when I was growing up and we do not have a great relationship).
She called today to say she has a $4,000 bill that has to be paid by the end of the week or "the big scary man is going to come back". In probing further, someone - a stranger! - knocked at her door two months ago and offered to do her a great deal to wash her deck. She didn't even ask him how much it was going to be upfront; just left him to it. The deck is about 10m long x 2m wide. I asked her what he used as that sounds so incredibly pricey; she said she didn't know. I asked her how long he was there; she said she can't remember. I told her we don't have that sort of money lying around; she'll have to ask someone else ... to which she started crying and carrying on. Honestly, I'm so fed up with her recklessness and irresponsibility. We definitely do not have $4k just lying around. And if we did, I'd still worry about giving it to her.
I suspect she only got hers done in the first place as I cleaned ours - using a wire brush and dishwashing liquid, down on my hands and knees scrubbing very hard - during winter, when the rain was heavy and washed it all clean. She probably thought we had ours "done" so she could too (she copies a lot of what we do).
I think best to leave it, as the mother isn't interested. It's going to be awkward if you approach them and they say no.My son wants his new best friend to come over to ours and play (they are 6). I don't know his friend's mum so my son pointed her out. Except she blanks me for no reason. Ive tried to catch her eye and she's not having any of it. I even saw her in tesco yesterday morning so I said hi and smiled but she spun around to stare at some bread so i just left it.
My son came home from school and said his friend said he can't come over to ours as his parents are busy. Dad is friendly enough so not sure whether to approach him or whether to just leave it . My son keeps nagging me so i just keep saying ill try and sort it. I do have social anxiety so really struggling with this one
Yeah I think you might be right!I think best to leave it, as the mother isn't interested. It's going to be awkward if you approach them and they say no.
Your husband sounds like me, although I'm yet to have a phone thrown at me.My husband has put some shit on TV and is sitting on the sofa with his eyes closed. When I say go to bed, you're asleep, he says no I'm not, opens his eyes for 2 minutes and does it again. I will give him one more chance before I lob my phone at him.
Piss off to bed so I can watch sex and the city
Definitely a case of being scammed! We have these problems in my country where people go around in groups, knocking on doors offering to do odd jobs for people (mainly elderly), who then get sucked in big time.$4000 to do a deck looks like she has been scammed.
Tell her you will try to help, but she has to let you take over all her finances, you pay her bills and debts off (by arrangements not with your money) and she has what's left over to spend.
that's if you want to help. if not then just don't
I've put through online shopping orders myself, and have paid the mechanic directly - I would never, ever trust her with cash.When you say you help her out with grocery shopping and getting her car fixed - are you physically present when these things are being paid for? Or are you giving her money to pay for things?
Have you actually seen that her deck has been professionally cleaned? Does she have contact details for the guy that did it? How is he wanting to be paid?
I wouldn’t be handing over a penny to her - I think she’s taking advantage of you massively.
I know this is not the advice forum and you just wanted to let off steam, but believe me when I say it's ok to cut toxic people out of your life.Definitely a case of being scammed! We have these problems in my country where people go around in groups, knocking on doors offering to do odd jobs for people (mainly elderly), who then get sucked in big time.
We have tried to help her with her finances - we sat down with her a couple of years ago in an effort to work out a budget - but she spat the dummy when we told her she'd have to give up her very expensive subscription TV service and cut down on all the store-bought coffees. She actually got really nasty about it.
I actually had a falling out with a friend over this ... my friend made it quite clear that she thinks that my husband and I should be paying my mother a "bonus" of sorts to supplement her pension! Um, what?? My mother NEVER helped me when I was young - I slept in my car for a week at one point because I was between flats and she wouldn't let me stay at her house for a few days. And she has always tried to ruin things for me - relationships, jobs (turning up out of the blue, wanting to speak to me ...). Ugh!!!
I've put through online shopping orders myself, and have paid the mechanic directly - I would never, ever trust her with cash.
Even then, I've heard how she's gifted things from the shopping to others - e.g., she gave a packet of chocolate biscuits to my cousin because she said she really liked them but couldn't afford them. (I have an aunt who tells me all these things).
I haven't seen the deck, and there is no way that I would even want to get in contact with these scam artists to find out what they did and how they expect to be paid.
My mother has a habit of trying to create drama at every opportunity, especially when other people are celebrating things or getting excited about things ... she just has to be the centre of attention all the time.
For my birthday she gave me cash, which I gave back to her and said I didn't want it - that I'd rather she used it for her own bills. I found out later that she spent it on lottery tickets and plants for her garden!
I had a call from my uncle last night who wanted to know what "we" could do to help her. He said that he understood we're very poor ("I can't help you - we don't have $4k lying around" = destitute in her eyes), but maybe we could get a mortgage top-up? The absolute cheek of it ... this is a man who owns a huge portfolio of investment properties and before Covid would spend NZ winters in Europe!
Nah fuck that. Tell them no the next time a meeting is booked in past your normal business hours - that’s not on. I hope you can book the additional hours worked as TOIL??Someone at work scheduled a call from 4.30pm to 5.30pm and the call went on for an additional 45 minutes! I couldn't even drop off as I was in charge of taking the minutes. I understand if a call runs over by 15 minutes, but 45 minutes, especially outside of business hours, is ridiculous.
This is a constant, so forget about planning anything after workI have a headache now.
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