What is your biggest regret?

[Savewaterdrinkgin]

Lots of things unfortunately, main ones:
Not getting a chance to tell someone important to me that I was in love with him before he died
Moving away from my home town to a place I’m now miserable in but we’re trapped until my children finish school
Not having another baby
Staying in a job longer than I should have which effected my mental health

 

[MissMissMissy]

I wish I hadn't had my son. He was planned and I was excited while pregnant (mostly). He was born prematurely and I wasn't prepared.
I didn't bond with him when he was newborn and now he's 13 months I love him and take care of him but don't experience that intense love that other mums talk about. Most days I find myself wishing I hadn't had him so I could do what I wanted. So selfish I know. I don't think I'm a mumsy person, I don't have any patience and I find it all so boring.

Sorry for oversharing but I haven't actually told another human any of this.

it is a long journey... 13 months might seem like a long time right now but you have so many years ahead. Give yourself time and take no shame in admitting that you don’t like this part... I know many people say they would have more kids if they could birth them as a 6 year old...

You’ll find your role one day, don’t loose faith

 

[MrsGahan]

Not travelling more when I didn’t have responsibilities!! Will have to wait until the kids are through college

 

[Bb33]

Not saving for a house when we were younger. We had a kid at 18, I went back to college got my career, had another child together, got married. But stayed renting. Moved back to my parents at 33 with kids and husband to keep saving, but wish we done it years ago!

 

[MissTeddy]

Lots of things unfortunately, main ones:
Not getting a chance to tell someone important to me that I was in love with him before he died
Moving away from my home town to a place I’m now miserable in but we’re trapped until my children finish school
Not having another baby
Staying in a job longer than I should have which effected my mental health

I have no idea what your personal situation is but if you’re miserable you don’t have to stay just because your kids are settled in school. Kids are super adaptable and people relocate all the time, it won‘t ruin their lives.

 

[Boredofthegram]

I also went back to work fulltime when my son was nearly 5 months out... I feel like I missed out on so much and have no real memories of his first year of life. ( I think my mind blocked out so much because I was in an unhappy relationship)
I'll always regret that and always think if I'm not lucky enough to have another child I'll never have positive memories.

I had to do the same and regret that however this time in lockdown with just my 4 year old and me I feel like I’ve now made up for that time I missed when he went to nursery so Young and we’ve had an extra change of a few months at home together. Probably the only positive out of lockdown!

 

[tskiry56]

I had to do the same and regret that however this time in lockdown with just my 4 year old and me I feel like I’ve now made up for that time I missed when he went to nursery so Young and we’ve had an extra change of a few months at home together. Probably the only positive out of lockdown!

I would say exactly the same. My son is now six and it's been lovely to spend that extra time with him. Even though his back at school a couple of days it's just nice to be able to pick him up.

 

[Boredofthegram]

I would say exactly the same. My son is now six and it's been lovely to spend that extra time with him. Even though his back at school a couple of days it's just nice to be able to pick him up.

Yes mines back to school now but we had three months together which was lovely and after the break I don’t dread the school run anymore either, bonus!

 

[MakkaPakka]

I wish I hadn't had my son. He was planned and I was excited while pregnant (mostly). He was born prematurely and I wasn't prepared.
I didn't bond with him when he was newborn and now he's 13 months I love him and take care of him but don't experience that intense love that other mums talk about. Most days I find myself wishing I hadn't had him so I could do what I wanted. So selfish I know. I don't think I'm a mumsy person, I don't have any patience and I find it all so boring.

Sorry for oversharing but I haven't actually told another human any of this.

I understand how you feel - I felt the same and still do to a certain degree now (my son is 8). He wasn't even born prematurely, I had a super easy pregnancy, straightforward birth...and I know the first weeks, even years are hard for all parents, but I often thought "I really shouldn't have had a baby". And he was a lovely baby and is mostly a great kid. It's just..I don't enjoy being a mother. I don't think I was made to be a mother. I never really liked playing with him, I hate playgrounds and I often found activities with him excruciatingly boring. I love him, I really do - but I feel I would've had a great life without him, too. Sorry if this sounds mean, it's not supposed to be. I try my best to be a good mother and he's a happy child (I think!). I'm just glad I never had a second one. And yes, it does get better as they grow older. But I think it's also OK to admit having a child might not have been the best decision.

Edit: I did enjoy the lockdown with my son

 

[Reverend]

1) Behaving like a twit when I was dumped by my ex for someone else (who has subsequently admitted that she has dreamt about us still being together - as she has 5 kids by 3 different father, two of whom never contact the kids, 2 broken engagements, a divorce, a suicide attempt, family sibling breakup - I'm not exactly having the same dream. )
2) Waiting for someone whom I found out wasn't waiting for me (I knew it but was in denial).
3) Allowing myself to be a push over, and not fighting back when I was young. That changed!!!!

 

[Milehammer]

I understand how you feel - I felt the same and still do to a certain degree now (my son is 8). He wasn't even born prematurely, I had a super easy pregnancy, straightforward birth...and I know the first weeks, even years are hard for all parents, but I often thought "I really shouldn't have had a baby". And he was a lovely baby and is mostly a great kid. It's just..I don't enjoy being a mother. I don't think I was made to be a mother. I never really liked playing with him, I hate playgrounds and I often found activities with him excruciatingly boring. I love him, I really do - but I feel I would've had a great life without him, too. Sorry if this sounds mean, it's not supposed to be. I try my best to be a good mother and he's a happy child (I think!). I'm just glad I never had a second one. And yes, it does get better as they grow older. But I think it's also OK to admit having a child might not have been the best decision.

Edit: I did enjoy the lockdown with my son

Thank you for this.

I'm sure I do have a bit of postnatal depression - I went to the doctors when he was a few weeks old and told them I didn't want him and didn't love him - the GP told me it was normal so after that I didn't mention it to anyone again.

But I think overall it was just the wrong decision for me to have a baby. He's a wonderful toddler, happy, silly and bloody beautiful and I do my absolute best for him as none of it is his fault but if I could turn back time I don't think I'd do it again.

 

[MakkaPakka]

@Milehammer

This is an interesting read:

Love and regret: mothers who wish they’d never had children

Around the world, women are seeking an honest, open debate about what happens when you admit that motherhood isn’t everything you were told to expect

www.theguardian.com

I think it really helps to talk about it (I have with friends) to get away from feeling guilty. I did feel very guilty, especially as my sister was struggling to conceive (she has two lovely adopted kids now) and all she ever wanted to be was a mother and I was so ungrateful.

 

[Brunette3232]

I regret everything about my life which is horrible.
I hate my life...I am not happy with any of it!
I hate my house. My mum and dad dragged me up they are completely selfish.
My two sisters are stupid and I cant have a decent conversation with them about anything.
My children just drain me...emotionally...financially. I constantly feel guilty because I feel like a bad mother.
My husband panders to me and enables me to wallow in my self pity. He is useless and would happily live in this tit house and watch TV all day every day if he could.
If I didnt have my kids I would probably just kill myself tbh.
I dont have any close friends either.

 

[JOHN1967]

I regret everything about my life which is horrible.
I hate my life...I am not happy with any of it!
I hate my house. My mum and dad dragged me up they are completely selfish.
My two sisters are stupid and I cant have a decent conversation with them about anything.
My children just drain me...emotionally...financially. I constantly feel guilty because I feel like a bad mother.
My husband panders to me and enables me to wallow in my self pity. He is useless and would happily live in this tit house and watch TV all day every day if he could.
If I didnt have my kids I would probably just kill myself tbh.
I dont have any close friends either.

I liked your post, but it wasn't really a like. What I meant was I feel for you. I sincerely hope things get better for you.

I don't know what to say, I wish I could do something to help.

 

[Lauren1994]

I wish I had worked harder in school, went to a good college then to uni... if I done it all now I’d have to start at the very beginning and it’d cost a lot of money!

I also wish I had tried harder at breastfeeding. I ended up expressing for a slow and painful 5 and a half weeks but if I had tried harder at helping my baby latch I maybe wouldn’t have had to express instead

 

[Hello Kitty]

The usual credit cards and spending what I didn't have at the time. I have paid half of it off now and still use the odd store card but I make sure I pay it before the interest is applied. Some days I regret the credit cards, some days I don't.

 

[MissTeddy]

I wish I had worked harder in school, went to a good college then to uni... if I done it all now I’d have to start at the very beginning and it’d cost a lot of money!

I also wish I had tried harder at breastfeeding. I ended up expressing for a slow and painful 5 and a half weeks but if I had tried harder at helping my baby latch I maybe wouldn’t have had to express instead

I don’t know how old your baby is but please don’t beat yourself up about breastfeeding, honestly it makes absolutely no difference the,. They all grow up and into kids in the same way.

 

[Trixabellee9393]

Too many... going to uni.... not going to America when I was younger and now I have a fear of going abroad.... staying friends with toxic people too long .... letting anxiety hold me back ... millions more haha x

 

[MissTeddy]

Too many... going to uni.... not going to America when I was younger and now I have a fear of going abroad.... staying friends with toxic people too long .... letting anxiety hold me back ... millions more haha x

have you got a fear of flying or of being away from home ? X

 

[Trixabellee9393]

have you got a fear of flying or of being away from home ? X

Being away get really home sick and have panic attacks can’t sleep or anything when there xxxxx