Hello All, I've been going through some personal issues and emotionally i feel tired, hopeless and that i will never be able to cope again. I have to ask myself, do you want to die or do you just want to stop feeling like you do. I was brought up thinking my father was my biological father and i was lied to all the time. When i asked about my biological father i was told it is not important, to apologise to my adoptive father that i found the information. I dont know anything of my biological father. Soon after i was told that i am infertile and yet i became pregnant and i was so happy. I lost the baby due to etopic pregnancy, which caused more damaged. I was hoping for another miracle but nothing ever happened again. I married the love of my life, and to be honest he is an alcoholic. He only drinks at home, hiding it from me and i find these hidden bottles and a glass all over our house. We have a blessed life, good occupations and a beautiful 10 bedroom french villa in the country for just the two of us. I should feel grateful for what i have, but materialistic things means nothing if the only thing you want is to be first in someone's life. I know he loves me dearly but i know that he would choose alcohol before me each time. Expecting him to be there for me emotionally is like going to a hardware store to buy a bread. It breaks my heart every day and i struggle to accept my circumstances. I know other people are going though things much worse than mine, and that i should be grateful, but all of this that i am telling you i kept a secret for so many years and letting it out on here is my only release.